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*adaergd

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My ex-boyfriend and I just broke up Saturday, after he found a text message saying that I was going to break up with him after my birthday (Friday) because I found numerous texts from him to a coworker that he deleted (he uses a text system that acts like e-mail, so even if he deletes it only once its still in the trash folder)

To put things straight, he is a very closed off guy, has a bit of a personality that he is above everything and not too many people try to be his friend. He can be really rude and not understand that he is being rude. People we both knew were shocked that he and I got together because of our personalities. I am.. I guess you could say "playful" and "free spirited" and am a bit of a social butterfly. He lives for ten years from now, I live for the time being, not recklessly.

We had been together for about two years, lived together and all -- but he's always from the get go.. been a bit "my way" as well as being OCD on things. Such being, it really upset him when I only turned the toothpaste halfway and not all the way. I would try to always make sure I sealed it tight, but there would be an occasional time I'd forget, and he'd be very upset about it. He never yelled or called me names, but he always had a condescending tone to him. For the most part, he is an intelligent man and can be incredibly frugal. But that's good, though. :P

In the relationship, I feel like I wasn't as important as others to him because I was a woman. When it came to actually having a connection, he didn't really care about my life and what I was doing. When I walked in the door, he wouldn't even say hi, but his roommate would say "HEY HOW ARE YOU!" I never felt like I was what he wanted, and that he honestly just grabbed me because there was an attraction, but that he was tired of being alone. I found myself in a million situations with him where he could do something, but I couldn't. Or it was okay for him to treat me this way, but not me to him.

I remember finally painting after three years, and he criticized it rather than "it looks good". I bought him a book once, and he laughed at me because he "doesn't read books and that was a bad gift" although the book had significant meaning to a conversation we had had, and he had an entire bookcase of books he read. I also owed him $50 from last Christmas, because we made the agreement to spend $300 on each other, but his gift he got me went over $30, and he had to drive two hours to get it, so that means $20 in gas that I have to pay back for the gift. He has always had an issue with my weight, too. He never called me fat, but he always made comments about what I ate or how much I ate and that I needed to stop eating unhealthily. He said he was concerned because he was afraid I would let myself go if we had kids together. He is typically attracted to little tiny blonde petite girls and has always dated those, whereas I am tall, brunette, and have meat to me.

A month and a half ago, we broke up for the first time, because I couldn't bare anymore how lowly I would feel around him, so I left. A week later, he begged for me to come back and try again. While a little hesitant to fully open myself back up to him, I agreed and we tried to work things out. A month later, that's when I found the text messages. We fought a lot, this past month, but I mainly felt like I wasn't having a fair share of respect in the relationship and once again, he could do this and this but I couldn't. I always was told "It's different." When in actuality, it was not. Just the names and the scenery were different.

I am struggling with getting over this. I keep getting told I'll find someone new eventually, but I feel quite bummed and hopeless, regardless.

I just need go ideas to help get past the pain. I know the key factor is time, but I feel low about myself too. I lost my self worth in the relationship, and this guy reminds me of a guy I dated for five years that was much more mentally abusive than this guy. I want to know how everyone else has gotten over people they really were deeply in love with.

I feel I'm ruining our relationship because of jealousy

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. We both work together. Lately, this new girl started working there too. She slept with his best friend (whom also work there), and two other employees. My boyfriend and I have been fine until this ...

A.   26 May 2010: Thank you :)... (read in full...)

Will relationship doubts go away?

Q.   Okay so, heres my story. Ive been with my girlfriend for 10 months. And about a month ago i litterlly woke up and felt like i lost my feelings for her. One day i was soo in love with her and loved her with all my heart. now i question if i do. i ...

A.   5 September 2009: Absolutely not! Not having butterflys when you're about to go see her doesn't mean you don't love her. It's when you think it's such a hassle over and over to go see her when you stop loving her. I can relate to you on your level. I think I am afr... (read in full...)

Will relationship doubts go away?

Q.   Okay so, heres my story. Ive been with my girlfriend for 10 months. And about a month ago i litterlly woke up and felt like i lost my feelings for her. One day i was soo in love with her and loved her with all my heart. now i question if i do. i ...

A.   1 September 2009: Well I don't know about you, but I would trust the therapists say so that "it will go away" over an unlicensed just random internet gal like myself. It will go away. :) The part about it is, you have to learn to let go. Try to remember why you... (read in full...)

Why do guys who are walking past on the street stare at me?

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A.   27 August 2009: Maybe you're paranoid. I often walk by people that look at me and when I look back, they look away. It's normal. It's not that they are thinking about killing you. Maybe you are pretty or attractive and they just liked to stare for a couple of ... (read in full...)

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