A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about Facebook, and that is why do so many people let it run their relationships? I'm not just talking about significant others, either. They let it affect their relationships with family as well. I know my family has, at least. A month or so ago, my cousin and sister got into a fight over Facebook because of something political my sister posted. It ended in my cousin blocking her, and then I discovered she blocked me too. I didn't even say anything! Why block me? I can't control what my sister says and does. To make matters worse, she has since re added my sister, but still has me blocked. The only reason I know this is because my sister told me. I had let that go, but then today I discovered my aunt has deleted me. It's made me think social networking is a terrible way to keep in contact. It's apparently too easy to offend someone, and if you do they just remove you from their life, and won't pick up their phone when you call to try to work things out. Why judge someone based on things said on Facebook? It's supposed to be fun! It's also supposed to help you stay in touch with people, not drive them away. I truly don't understand. Can someone tell me why people behave this way? And what can I do to get my family to talk to me again? I had a good relationship with both my cousin and my aunt before the days of Facebook. (No, my aunt is not this particular cousin's mom, so I know that isn't why she suddenly decided to delete me). I have no clue what her problem is. I can only figure it must have been something I posted. I appreciate any advise you have for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): I stopped using FB because I found it a waste of time. Most of the posts are so inane. I really do not care what you ate for breakfast. I really don't care to hear about your toddler's progress in potty training. I really don't care to see yet more pictures of your kids or pictures of you and your new bf /gf . I do like to engage in discussion on current events but hate how on FB other people cannot seem to not cause drama if you express an opinion hey don't like. I also hate seeing other people's drama unfolding. All of this is such a waste of time that I stopped logging in to my account simply because I had no desire to see any of the above.I do enjoy FB pages that are for non profit organizations or causes I care about and am interested in. I read those a lot but not from my account. I just treat those as websites I am interested in which is different from logging into my account and having to see all the boring personal posts from my contacts. I started to just block the people who were the most prolific posters of annoying posts. But then I found I was blocking 90% of my contacts so I figured why even maintain a FB account if I am just going to block everyone. That is how I came to the conclusion that FB is not for me. I just don't have the desire to engage in the type of interaction it seems to encourage.What I am disappointed in is when you contact a friend one on one to catch up and all they say is "see my FB for an update on what's going on with me, bye!" I have not bothered to stay in touch with those friends. As for whether FB causes divorces and break ups. People have been cheating on their partners since the dawn of civilization. I even feel it was more prevalent in past times when divorce was less sociallt acceptable and women had fewer civil rights and thus needed to stay married. So i dont think FB has weakened the institution of marriage or anything. FB just makes it more convenient to cheat and easier to hide it. if the only thing stopping a person from cheating on their spouse is inconvenience and barriers to secrecy then that isn't a strong relationship to begin with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): Facebook for some has lead to affairs and divorce...like looking up a lost love or high school sweetheart. Facebook makes it easier to track down people, like ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends. Or trolling for women or men to hook up with. It opens up a new door or Pandora's Box as I like to call it.
People are able to covertly set up a private profile and correspond and have affairs.
Facebook has become it's own monster but there will always be people taking advantage of opportunities to use social media for their own personal gain without any regard for others around them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): I am only on Facebook because that is the only way I am able to connect to certain family members that I could not otherwise reach by phone.What I have found is that Facebook becomes a political and religious forum for people to express their viewpoints. It becomes a hot topic amongst family members and friends. I refuse to be drawn into the political and religious arena and will never post anything of that nature or respond to it. I've seen the differences in politics and religion tear apart family and friends. I just won't go there. In the end my politics are between me and the voting booth. My religious views are my own private matter. I won't go broadcasting my views to everyone on Facebook.My only posts are to abusive towards women, animals and workplace bullying. I like to try to enlighten people in those areas but even then I don't go overboard.I've even deleted a lot of my photo albums and limit them because I really don't need all of my family knowing what I am doing or where I have been all the time like other peopl post.Most of my posts are now recipes, landscape photography and cute dogs and cats. Anything that is light in nature that won't start off a spark in people. I keep it simple.I do get appalled at my own nieces and nephews and the offensive language that is used in their posts. It is quite embarrassing. They don't seem to know the boundaries and Facebook lifts those boundaries.Same for my cousins in bad relationships and badmouthing about their spouses on Facebook. It's just unbelievable what I am reading and the things they post.If it's so bad go get yourself some counseling instead of self medicating and trying to conjure up sympathy from your friends on Facebook.It really does get out of hand with these social media sites. Know that you are not alone. I've been defriended to and I don't know why but I really don't care. Facebook is not my life though, although I need it for my business because that is where everyone gravitates to.I'll remain on Facebook, but I don't get too many people liking my posts (my Facebook must be getting too boring for them) and I am generally forgotten which really is a good thing when you think about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): See this is why I no longer do facebook.In some cases Facebook does not create relationship problems it exaggerrates relationship problems that were already there to begin with by providing a new outlet for the problems to find expression. In other cases it does create problems by removing the boundaries we all naturally put up in real life as a way to manage conflicts with certain people. For example in real life people gossip behind each others backs. The key word is BEHIND others backs. This goes on in families all the time. Some relatives gossip about another one behind his or her back. They wouldn't do it in front of that person or it would cause problems. FB is like making that personal gossip public so it removes boundaries that you would have put up in real life to prevent conflict. My in laws would stalk me on facebook and get upset at me in person if they had seen that I had posted certain comments on other people's facebook or even just "liked" things my friends posted. I happen to lean liberal politically and the in laws are very conservative. I always knew this because obviously being around them certain topics of conversation would lead to disagreement. But that in itself is not the problem. The problem is that they do not respect the rights of other family members to hold opinions different to theirs. They want to be the thought police of the entire family. They get hostile to you if you express a different opinion. They have always been like this since before FB. E.g. I and my husband could never express our views on certain issues in their presence. It was always their way or the highway. So we played along to keep the peace and they got their way by having their views be the dominant views in the family. So when they see my "real " opinions come out on facebook even though i am not targeting them rather they are spying on me, they get upset because that's what they would do if this were real life and they had spied on me and found this out just that in real life I would take measures to prevent them knowing my true private opinions. FB removes these fragile boundaries that maintain relationships. But relationships that need certain boundaries are not healthy to begin with.Your family sounds similar in the sense that the core problem is not FB but their inability to tolerate other people in the family having different views of their own. Normally there would be boundaries in real life that prevent these high-conflict people from knowing too much about you but on FB that boundary got removed. Other times healthy relationships are healthy BECAUSE they have boundaries. Everyone has a right to privacy. If what you intended to be private accidentally was made public that can change the nature of some of your relationships! In real life you naturally control who you share what personal information with and not always for dysfunctional reasons but because often it is inappropriate for certain types of relationships. This is why I no longer have a FB account. I prefer not to have the headache of managing yet one more set of interactions where I have a hard time keeping track where the boundaries lie, because FB often changes their privacy settings and adds other features that can affect pirivacy. I tried the approach of simply never saying or doing anything on FB that I wouldn't want the whole world to see. But the truth is there are always things that I am fine with some of my contacts seeing but not others and then vice versa and it isn't because I am ashamed of it but simply because different people find different things offensive. If everything I ever said or did had to be non offensives to everyone I know then I would have to be completely silent and invisible.
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (16 October 2013):
 Facebook is just a way of people expressing themselves. Facebook itself is not responsible for what is posted, you have to control that yourself. Statuses about what you've had for lunch may be dull but emotional statuses can have consequences or offend people... Best to just post videos of cats, everyone loves those...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): Believe or not many people have broken up with their boyfriends, lost friends, or got divorced because of Facebook. Many people are worried that Facebook causes breakups and unnecessary drama even though it's meant to connect people. I personally deactivated my account and don't regret it at all. can't stand all the lame status updates... plus people fight over nothing when they are online because they can't see what other people's facial expression is like so it often leads to miscommunication.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 October 2013):
Sounds like some drama queens. Facebook is similar to driving in that it can make you more of a jerk or more aggressive, not to mention more easily offended because you are judging someone strictly by their words. You're not seeing their facial expressions, their tone of voice, and other things that really make them human.
It's easy to get upset at a car or a computer.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (16 October 2013):
 Politics can ruin relationships just as well in person as online!! Let's not forget that!
Facebook can be great if used wisely. That means, in moderation - taking everything with a grain of salt, and not using it as your main socializing avenue. It should be fun, and it's much like going to a dinner party: it isn't wise to discuss politics, religion, be throwing down controversial opinions in mixed company, etc. You should maintain respect for everybody. That way, there will be no hurt feelings, drama, offended parties, etc.
I'm sorry that your family is dealing with this. Best of luck!
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 October 2013):
 I you, I deleted my FB, not because of MY family's drama (cause there wasn't any) but my "in-laws" and maybe because I'm old I just don't "get" the NEED to FB. I call people, I send cards and/or e-mail. I don't need to tell the world that I had a Pumpkin spiced latte from Starbucks and that it made my day. I find most of how some people use FB ridiculous.
Call you aunt, ASK her. And if she has a good reason, then accept it and let it go. SHE can choose who she wants on and whom she doesn't. Before I deleted my FB, I deleted/blocked all my nieces too because it was just too much lameness and then the "drama" over being deleted was insane, instead of just asking me they concocted all kind of shit. Fact are, we are related, but that doesn't mean I WANT to see their random updates or pictures.
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A
female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (15 October 2013):
Hello,
I'm sorry to hear that your aunt and cousin stopped talking to you, that's really disappointing. But there's really nothing you can do if people decide to be petty. I personally believe that even if you did something wrong, you deserve to know what it is, at least!
If you are considering deleting your account, I know how hesitant you can be, you may think of all the things you must be losing. I had some fears when I was deleting my account too, but now I don't miss it at all!
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (15 October 2013):
 If it matters to you why dont you phone the people who have blocked you and ask them why they blocked you off their facebook? as you didnt think you had problems with them?
People are fickle sometimes and unfortunately facebook is a good example of such behavior.
Facebook has many problems and if you have issues there delete your account. Dont use it.
This is one of the reasons i dont use facebook myself.
Its not productive except to socialise and sometimes have fun... or spread a message....although many, many relationships have gone down because of it... at the same time its a good way to connect, YET it also has many downsides.
Try not to take what others do on facebook to heart. It's their issue if they got problems with you, not yours.
Wishing you well.
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