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We bathed together in a spa while on a trip. Does she like me? I feel closer to her now

Tagged as: Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2018) 9 Answers - (Newest, 7 March 2018)
A male Singapore age 22-25, *ackpacker writes:

I have a friend (J). She and I are very close to each other. We are housemates and study in the same college though different courses.

Recently we went backpacking in Europe to several countries. While staying in Austria we rented an AirBnb place which was near a Roman bath. The owner of the apartment recommended that we try visiting this bath as it a popular tourist attraction.

There were 5 of us traveling together, all friends from college. J and S are very good friends too. They both wanted to visit the bath since they are girls. The other guys weren't interested and decided to go to a military museum instead. So in the afternoon the 2 girls went to the bath while we guys visit the museum.

After dinner the other guys went to a pub. I wasn't interested so i went back to the apartment. I was surprised went I found J and S did not go to the bath. They went and almost paid for the entrance fee but then turned back when they found that it is mandatory to bathe without clothes in the bath. We did not know before but this is the culture in Austria. Similar to Japanese baths which we have been to, except both men and women bath together naked.

Anyway she said she badly wanted to visit the bath and that S was too shy to go and she was afraid to go alone and wanted me to accompany her. I pretended to not want to go but let her persuade me. I ask her to go with the other boys but she said she is only comfortable with me.

So in the end we went together. It felt very awkward in the beginning. She giggled a lot. She also kept saying don't tell anyone we came here. At one point I was visibly aroused and she noticed it. I felt like I was going to faint. But she giggled and said we better hurry to the pool so that people can't see it.

Anyway we spent 3 hours there. It was a very beautiful place with Roman architecture. The water was warm and from a hot water spring from the mountains. The were several hot water pools and mostly saunas. I was also surprised that there were many people there, men and women. Some were elderly and some were young. There were even families with young children there. This was all very shocking to me. J also said this was a new experience for me. She said she is very impressed by European culture, that they are very progressive and men respected women here. While we were there, nobody stared at her even though she was not wearing anything. The men were very polite. Even though we were the only Asian tourists there on that day, the mostly locals were very friendly and showed us the procedure for using the saunas and told us the history of the place.

So after that we just returned to our friends. We did not tell them about this.

So the question is, does she have feelings for me? I know we a close friends but I do not even hang out naked with my sister or other family members. J does not have a boyfriend at the moment. She broke up about 1 year ago. I am also single but never been in a relationship. It has been 3 weeks since the bath experience. I think she is closer to me. More intimate and shares her feelings more and confides her problems with me.

View related questions: broke up, military, shy

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A female reader, louiselistens United Kingdom +, writes (7 March 2018):

louiselistens agony auntHi backpacker,

Living together in a house-share adds a whole new layer of dynamics to the situation.

If you date, you will already be ten steps ahead of other new couples because you have lived together and seen each other in a variety of scenarios many people just beginning to date each other wouldn't want the new person in their lives to see them in.

You also wouldn't be able to get some personal space away from each other after spending time together, as you both live in the same space. There is a danger boundaries may not be clearly defined or respected because of your living situation.

There is also the possibility that if the relationship did not work out and it came to an end that the living arrangements would become awkward, hostile and uncomfortable. One of you may need to move out.

I think you need to think carefully about what you want and weigh up the possibilities before making a move. If. after considering everything, you still want to be with her, have an honest conversation with her and see how she feels. After all, she will share some of the same concerns if you were to date and she should have a chance to consider it too.

best wishes


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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntThings don't have to be expensive - especially if you can't keep up the expensive outings.

Also, don't *tell* her "let's go out on a romantic date" - ASK her if she'd like to go on a date.

That said, I think you should wait until you're no longer living together, as dating someone you live with could easily cause problems, if you break up.

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A male reader, backpacker Singapore +, writes (2 March 2018):

backpacker is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi all,

Thanks for all your advice. Many of you have suggested that I ask her out on a date. Problem is, we already kind of go on a date regularly. Every Thursday evening we go to the sports center and play a game of tennis. Just the 2 of us. After that we have dinner.

And do not forget that we are housemates since she moved in about half a year ago. Most of the time we hang out with our other housemates. Like whenever we go to the movies we go as a group with the other housemates. Except occasionally there are some movies the others do not like and she makes me go with her. She also likes to visit the national art museum and she usually makes me tag along with her just the 2 of us.

So should I just tell her let us go on a romantic date? Should I take her to an expensive restaurant?

We usually eat at cheap hawker centers.

One thing I realized, after our naked experience, she seems more comfortable sharing food with me. Like when we are dining out and I order a meal that she has never tasted before, she would try my food without hesitating. Sometimes she does not even asks me before stealing from my plate. She also likes to drink from my cup now. She sometimes drinks from my straw as well.

I also realized she tends to be more candid about her feelings now. Like when she says I am so scared, I am stressed, I don't like that person, I think that person doesn't like me, do you think mummy would be angry if I did this, I think that girl is very pretty, I think that guy is gorgeous, and so on.

Yes, I am attracted to her. Sorry I forgot to mention that. She is very attractive. A lot of guys in our college try to hit on her. Even in shopping malls, strangers approach her and flirt with her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2018):

I think she feels very close to you and you are going to have to be brave & find out what she really thinks so that you no longer feel anxious not understanding how she really feels. I wish you luck and if it does not develop into a romantic relationship you have a good friend, so make sure she understands you value her friendship, and if it’s not meant to be a romantic relationship you are able to move on, but still have a close friend.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (28 February 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntThe question is do you have feelings for her? I cannot read her mind but if you like her then you should ask her out on a date.

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A female reader, louiselistens United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2018):

louiselistens agony auntHi backpacker,

You must be feeling very confused by your friends behavior, but don't be quick to jump to conclusions about why she was naked in front of you.

The two of you were after all on a trip to a foreign country where bathing in front of each other is normal and another friend of hers was also present. She might have just been immersing herself into the culture or perhaps was feeling a little wild because she was travelling in a foreign country, with her friends, with hardly any rules or supervision.

Being naked in front of you by itself is not enough to know if she is attracted to you. However, this is not a reason to lose hope of having a relationship with her. If you are genuinely attracted to this girl and you are both single, talk to her. Ask her if she feels the same. Even if she says she does not, it is better than spending the rest of your time knowing her wondering 'what if?'

Best wishes,


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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2018):

How to you jump all the way to the conclusion that she has feelings for you? Because she shared a public-bath where there are other men, women, and children? She wanted to go, but not alone. She trusts you, and had she gone alone; there would have been other men there she didn't know.

Don't jump to conclusions. She definitely likes you, and simply shared an experience with you. Remember, she was also there with a host of many other men; who were also naked. Seeing you aroused was incidental; but it was inappropriate around children and other women. You were fortunate not to have been expelled from the bath for indecency. Those are usually the rules.

Women can be very unpredictable. They can befriend you; but not have romantic-feelings or attraction.

You need to talk to her in order to determine if she'd like to date you. Don't form things in your mind without confirming them; because women confide and often over-share personal information, because they're trusting. Not because they are necessarily interested in romance.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2018):

My feelings too as karmaguy . She likes you and if you like her too, you better make your move soon.

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A male reader, karmaguy United States +, writes (28 February 2018):

I have a feeling that she already likes you quite a bit and has some feelings for you because she was comfortable being naked in front of you.

You have to just play it cool and let her do the work. If you are genuinely attracted to her ( personality and looks included), you could give her a surprise by hugging her or kissing her suddenly -- Women get attracted to a guy who has an element of surprise to him and CAN LEAD IN LOVE.

I think you are in a very good spot. If you play it cool, she would like to be physically close to you or cuddle upto you , then you know she is really into you. In the meantime, try to get to know her well , that this girl is the one you want ( possibly avoiding sex ) -- Just my 2 cents.

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