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Suddenly he wants Fridays to himself, leaving us with only Saturday! I don't like this!

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 February 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 29 February 2012)
A female United States age 36-40, *ovemeright11 writes:

Okay so me and my bf have been together for about 1 and a 1/2 years, and for the longest time we have always spent time together on Friday and Saturday, but the following week my bf likes to host a poker game where a bunch of guys come over to play poker on Friday which is fine cause I always get the alternate Friday and I enjoy that time we do have always.

Now all the sudden my bf feel that he wants to take every Friday and have it be a day just for him to spend time with himself or "me time". So my problem with this is that I really enjoy the Friday we have with no Poker in the way so why should I have to give that up, it's been like this forever and now all the sudden he wants this change??

I don't like it at all cause I like things the way they are. I don't even see him at all during the week, our time is the weekend cause we have no cares or worries of daily life, but he wants Friday to have no cares or worries by himself and I just don't know how to give that to him when I like the way things are especially since it's not like we spend 24/7 together I could understand this if we did and totally give it too him, but I just don't see why he needs this and it makes me feel less for him.

It's very unattractive to me that he is requesting this and makes me not sure if I want to be with someone likes this who needs time from me. The whole thing seems dumb cause if it's not broke then don't fix it. Maybe I am being to selfish, but I really don't see how when we don't even live together and don't even see each other everyday why this needs to happen, but this worries me if we do live together someday how will he function.

He wants to compromise on this, but I feel this is silly and is just going to cause fights. he tells me he feels he can't be himself fully around me like he has to cater to me and I have never told him he had to do that when we spend time and I have no clue why he thinks that, so he says because he caters to me thats why he needs this day that he has to himself where he does not have to cater.

I just don't see why he can't do things he wants while I am around and the only thing he is really wanting to do is play video games and I have never told him to stop playing a video game once while we have spent time together I find things to do and when I am done I may ask if we can do something together, but I think that is reasonable.

He also has all week when he is not with me to play his video games or do whatever he wants. I just don't see why he can't get it out of his system then. yesterday after we had this discussion he got drunk, so drunk that he could not remember what happened and lost his clothes. Thank goodness he was at home, but he woke up the next day with a hangover and naked no sure what happened.

So this worries me if I do give him Fridays and something like that happens some place else he swears he has control, but sure does not seem like it at all. Anyways I think this is the whole issue that I can think of, so please help me I just have no clue what to do. Thanks in advanced. :(

View related questions: drunk, video games

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (29 February 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntOh dear, honey you are so young to be saddled with someone that gets so drunk so often that you worry he will end up naked drinking someone’s puke….

Think long and hard about what a prize you have in this man and think about if you want to be worried about his failing liver 20 years from now with kids and a mortgage and all the fun stuff you get with an alcoholic.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (29 February 2012):

eyeswideopen agony auntSorry I can't get past the "so drunk that he could not remember what happened and lost his clothes" part.

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A female reader, Lovemeright11 United States +, writes (29 February 2012):

Lovemeright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Lovemeright11 agony auntI am not High maintenance and if you read anything I wrote you would see that I give him plenty of time during the week to do what ever the heck he wants and I just don't understand why I need to give him Friday cause even on Saturday when we are together he will play video games and go on the computer and play games and I am left sitting there with my thumb up my ass waiting for him to finish so we can do something together and I never complain about him doing those things even if it does bother me I just feel that this is him. even when he is not playing video games I will ask him if we can do something and the answer is "I don't know" always it's never a yes I would love to do that or no i don't think so . I don't feel like I am that un reasonable to begin with, but him asking for me time again makes me feel like we are stepping back wards in the relationship cause he asked this in the beginning when we started to date and I was uneasy about it , but I gave it to him and that time use to be during the week and I don't understand why he needs another day. I think I will take your advice worldywise and try to just do other things and see if it bothers him. He has never told me what his needs are from me cause mine are seeing him and feeling I need too at least once or twice a week. I don't know if I took that away he would find that he has some needs to see me also. All I know is that I do worry a little about his drinking and I told him that this is why I worry at all. It's not about Friday, its about him not having control when he drinks cause he blacks out when he drinks and usually after 8 beers he will do things and not remember what happened. I am not worried about him cheating cause if i was I would have said so. I am worried about him hurting himself or ending up pasting out on the street or something or losing his clothes and not sure what happened. He could go all the way and try to drink someones puke like he did last time I was not around and none of his friends which he was I could trust stopped him from trying to ingest someone elses puke. So I worry about him he has no control. he will swear up and down he does, but does it sound like it to you.

Also I don't really feel my bf caters to me cause if he did I think I would notice. The only thing he does is maybe cuddle with me, but I don't see that being a problem. He also will pick me up for the weekend, but that's cause he chooses too. I could drive myself if he needed me too. anyways I don't know what else to say.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012):

I can see where your coming from if you don't see him at all in the week. Plus he already has every 2nd Friday free.

The playing video games on a Saturday would drive me nuts on its own. He sounds a bit of a lad and pretty immature too.

I would arrange to have Friday nights with your girlfriends and some Saturdays too, he may sit up and take notice of you if it's you who becomes unavailable.Don't make a drama out of it just make your own plans.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (29 February 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI think you are being very high maintenance here. Are you worried he’s cheating??? He’s not asking to NOT see you, he’s asking for some regularly scheduled down time. Friday nights for him and the bros and the rest of the weekend for you? Seems fair.

Everyone needs time alone. I look forward to going to work to be away from my guy. There are nights I have dinner out with the girls and he’s on his own. He says he caters to you and I’m betting he does. I’m betting he makes lots of compromises for you without you even realizing it.

I agree if he’s going to take Friday nights for himself then Saturday night is DATE night and you get his full attention… Sundays is for video games then…

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 February 2012):

Honeypie agony auntSo why don't you have girl's nights out on Fridays? Catch up with YOUR friends?

Try it out for a few weeks see how it goes. Dating doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip.

I would also suggest that if he wants every Friday to himself that there are no video games on the Saturdays you two hang out.. quid pro quo.

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