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Pros and cons of marriage

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 July 2022) 2 Answers - (Newest, 25 July 2022)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, *inal writes:

As anyone ever done the pros and cons of a marriage. I did with my husband many years ago, he done the same with me. He done his he said because I told him I had done mine on him.

I came up with more cons then pros on my list. I was surprised he had done his, I always thought he was happy with me and never thought otherwise .

I was a little shocked he had done his list but as he as never renewed our vows when he said he would like to or mentioned it since. That was 15 years ago so I should of known. How sad is that.

I never saw what he had put and didn’t show or mine or tell him. I had trust and lying and other stuff.

Do people stay together if there’s more cons then pros or stay together and just put up with things about the other person instead of being alone.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (25 July 2022):

Honeypie agony auntI have always thought the notion of "renewing" vows is bogus.

UNLESS the vows were "broken" and you had to reaffirm the vows. As in, someone cheated or something like that.

It's like Valentine's day - another way for people to spend money.

I might be a little jaded.

If you two are making lists, why didn't you share them? What was the point of the lists?

If there are things you want to improve on and want HIM to improve on, you GOT to communicate with him.

Some people stay in a marriage because they have built a life with their partner, and this life is good. There is mutual care, love, respect, and trust.

Some people stay together because they can't financially be on their own, or they don't want to be alone.

I don't think there is a "one marriage" that fits every mold situation going on here.

If you are not happy, figure out what YOU can do to improve it. Figure out what you NEED and WANT from your partner. And what HE NEEDS and wants from you. If need be involve a marriage counselor to help you two reach your goals.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2022):

Sure.It happens all the time.Not all marriages last because husband and wife are still crazily in life with each other, and after many years together perhaps expecting that is a bit naive.Many marriages last because of practical, technical stuff - shared properties, shared money, shared accomodation,common friends, the children, the inlaws...breaking a marriage comes with a lot of complications that may feel daunting so, in a way, if there is not anything major like physical abuse or drug addiction , is just simpler and easier to stay together. Or, as you note yourself, there are people who just cannot see themselves living alone and prefer to keep a meh spouse that no spouse at all.

Btw , I am not saying that this is the state of your marriage , of which I have no idea, - and I think that it is unfair ,and also quite funny, that you can draw your pros and cons list, but you act all shocked when your husband does the same

. I also think that maybe you are overrating the importance of having your vows renewed, of all the tons of people I have known in my life, I only know ONE couple who bothered with that - and obviously that does not mean that all the hundreds who did NOT bother hated their spouses or had a bad marriage. But, you ask ,do people stay together if there are more cons than pros, and the answer is yes, very often.

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