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On again... off again... on again. Should I stay with my guy or let him go?

Tagged as: Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2005) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 November 2005)
A female , *Purex writes:

I met this guy in November of last year. We told each other that we loved each other in February. For 6 months we had the perfect relationship. But then I went away for 2 weeks and when I came back he wasn't the same. He started treating me differently because he was 'depressed'. He broke up with me and for a month we didn't speak. Then one day out of the blue he calls and a week later we were back together. Everything was perfect again and I had to go away on business again for 6 weeks this time and I tried calling him and getting my friends to call but he never answered my calls.

When I got back we were just friends. 2 months later I'm here and he loves me but he now lives in Birmingham and it's hard for us too see each other. He keeps coming up with excuses about why he can't see me. He always ignores me. Does he love me? Should I stay with him?

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A female reader, sigga dögg +, writes (1 November 2005):

Why would you want to stay with someone that only wants to spend time with you whenever he feels like it?

My answer to you is to let him go.

It doesnt really seem like you guys are even happy together. It is not worth staying in a yo-yo relationship that actually makes you feel worse about yourself than being alone. There are plenty of great guys out there. Dont waste the pretty on that fluke of a man!

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A female reader, kym +, writes (31 October 2005):

hiya chick, from my point of view i dont think he loved you... you sound like a lovely women move on and find a real man that really does love you and will be there when you need him and will wait for you when you have to go away on business. i know people say it all the time but i really believe you deserve better....your worth more.

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A reader, communicatrix +, writes (31 October 2005):

communicatrix agony auntHe may love you, in his way, but it's clearly not your way. You want someone who wants to see you and makes the effort, regardless of the distance between you, and who makes you feel loved and cherished even when circumstances prevent you from being together.

It sounds like he's not as emotionally mature as you need him to be, so, no, unless you want more of the same, you shouldn't stay with him.

But before you go jumping into something else, it might be worth it to ask yourself why you cut this guy so much slack. Why is on-again, off-again good enough for you? What is it in you that resists holding out for a real love who's there for you even when he can't be physically there for you?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you; this is pretty typical stuff on the path to self-knowledge. But it is a great opportunity to stop, take a step back and examine things, so that you will have a better understanding of the type of relationship you need to satisfy you.



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A female reader, sexseahot United States +, writes (31 October 2005):

sexseahot agony auntNo, you should definitely not stay with him. There's not reason for all of this behavior from him. He don't have the right to treat you this way either. You should move on and get over him. He's not worth your time. If you want to stay friends, that's fine, but find someone new that won't treat you this way. Fine someone that respects your feelings and takes those into consideration when dealing with problems or being depressed.

If he keeps coming up with excuses why he can't see you, why would want to stay with someone like that? There's other men out there that will give you all the time in the world, that won't ignore, that WANT to see you and that does really love you. He obviously don't know what he wants, or he does and he's not letting you know. You don't need to deal with that. Just move on and find someone better!

Good Luck! I hope you make the choices that are right for you and make you happy!:)

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