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He lives with his parents and he won't give me a firm date for his moving out of their place and in with me!

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Question - (31 October 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 25 January 2006)
A female United States, *eratuki writes:

Believe him, or is he just trying to shut me up?

I am engaged to a man who is currently living with his parents. I have my own place, and we want to live together like we had in the past.

He says he really really wants to come back here, but then he's so concerned about making his parents angry that he won't set an actual date to move.

I've asked him more than once and he'll give me a round-about date, like the beginning of January or Just before Christmas.

I hate being apart from him and I do understand that we need money and a good vehicle to make this work.

But do I have the right to ask for an actual date? Or am I pushing too much?

Thanks,

IN LOVE...yet confused.

View related questions: christmas, engaged, money

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A female reader, Seratuki United States +, writes (25 January 2006):

Seratuki is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Seratuki agony auntwell...just to update you, he did move back in just before Christmas, he said he didn't want to spend Christmas without me, we have a tough road, but we'll make it, together.

Thanks for all your advice!

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A reader, schlottjl United States +, writes (1 November 2005):

schlottjl agony auntHe is not old enough to be married. You must be able to leave the nest first, it is required. Your not engaged you are begging but he ain't hearing you. He is fine being apart from you and he is so spineless he blames his parents.

Stop pushing long enough to feel what it feels like to love him. Probably feels lonely. Don't move in yet whatever you do. You will never be married and he will disrespect you even if you stay together forever. Don't become a consolation price. If you are doing all the work, how will either of you know if this is for real? You will always wonder if you dragged him in like cat foder or if he really loved you. So will he.

If you pretend (at first that will be good enough) that you don't need him or the problems he brings, act as if you will be fine without him, you eventually will live it and it will be true. You don't even have to break up. If he calls then you decide if you want to go out with him that night. If he doesn't call you must wait a month and then be lightherated and act as if he is just an old friend you are catching up with. Time the talk and you must hang up with in three minutes.

The hope should be to see if he wants you too or if you are in a relationship with a dream. It will wake him up too (if he really loves you).

Either way, treat this like an experiment and put all the life changing decisions off at least a month. This gives you some breathing room and you can decided your own fate and not leave it up to others who don't seem to care as much as you do what happens next in your life.

Good luck!

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A female reader, lillaum United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2005):

lillaum agony auntHi There

It sounds like he is making excuses. Maybe he is worried about it not working out. Why did he move out before? Maybe he has grown accustomed to living back with his parents and doesn't want to lose out on the cooked meals and ironed shirts. Try not to nag him, it will only push him away. Ask him that once you are married does he expect things to be the same? If he want's to get married he really needs to grow up and get committed. If he has a problem moving in with you, for what ever reason it needs to be sorted out before you get married.

Good Luck

Lillaum

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