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Not sure what the next step is

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Question - (15 September 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 20 September 2019)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi Cupids!

I've used this site for years and absolutely love everyone that shares some wisdom- this time I really stumped!

I'm 25 and I'm at a point in my life where there's so many cross roads I'm starting to feel like I have no sense of belonging and no security for the future either. I know this is a really common feeling, but a few life choices are leaving me almost numb to everything and making me check out a little and I'm wanting to know more about how to go with the right decision.

The one major thing is work and living. I live in a relatively small city in the North of the UK. I'm wanting to move down to London because there's limited jobs for what I do here. I've found a few and they're much better money, more responsibility and overall sounds like a good new challenge. The jobs I'm interviewing for are not at my absolute dream companies but they're a really good start. I'm having serious doubts about it though - my grandparents are in their late 80's and 90's and it feels really selfish for me to go now at this point. I'm also concerned about my naivety and will it actually work out and will I enjoy it. I don't want to feel like I'm choosing to go there because I feel forced but i feel like I've tied up everything where I'm at now.

I get completely sidelined at my current job being the youngest there, I learn a lot at random points but don't get proper guidance or mentorship - my friends are all super busy and we're all doing our own thing..

The thing is, I'm not getting fulfilment in my life now. But I don't know how I will get that. I don't know what it is that's going to make me happy and believe me, I've been racking my brain trying to think of what I want in the next 5 years and work towards it but I honestly don't know.

I've currently moved from my lovely house with friends to a temp house share until I figure out what to do. I'm so torn between staying up north and trying to find some kind of thing that makes me happy or take the plunge, be brave and move to London.

Anyone who can give me advice about decision making/ moving for jobs, etc...I'd really appreciate!

View related questions: money

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2019):

You only live once. What have you got to lose? Give it a try and if it doesn't work out then you can always move back again. London is expensive. Don't expect to be able to buy a house or get rich. But go for the experience of it.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (19 September 2019):

N91 agony auntThe cost of living in London is ridiculous compared to the north of England. I’m from the north also so you already know how cheap houses are up this way as opposed to London. Have you thought about all of this? I remember discussing this topic with a friend of mine on a course at work, he lives down Essex way and I showed him a house that was valued £250k near me whilst the same was roughly £750k near him, just because you earn more money doesn’t necessarily mean you will be leading a better life or have more disposable income. Everything is much more expensive there.

Also, I don’t think your grandparents are expecting you to stay at home because they’re of old age. I really think that they would want you to spread your wings and flourish. They would want you progressing in life and building a future for yourself, they wouldn’t expect you sat at their bedside hat their disposal. So don’t feel like that is a reason to hold you back, I be fairly certain they would tell you the same thing if you asked them!

How far afield have you looked for new jobs? Why does it NEED to be London? I’m sure there would be other places closer to home that offer a job like yours?

You sound like you have your head screwed on to be even here asking this question and for advice on the topic. I’m sure your friends and family could help you out also and may make you feel more at ease hearing the opinions of people who are close to your heart.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 September 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI think you are making the assumption that happiness is a destination. I would suggest it is, rather, a journey. You do not reach a place in your life and suddenly become happy for ever. It is something which is constantly evolving. You will not move to a bigger city and become happy. You will not get your dream job and become happy. There will always be something you are wanting/needing in your next quest for happiness. That is life. It does not stand still.

One thing I would say is you cannot put your life on hold because your grandparents are getting older. In this day and age, communication is easier than it has ever been before. You can face time them, you can call them, you can message them in various ways. You can always move back if things change and you need/want to be nearer. Moving away is not a permanent state. It can be changed.

I suspect, if you do NOT do this soon, you will give up on it and never do it and then wonder "what if" for years to come. I would advise you find a job in London, if that is where you think your future lies, and go for it. What's the worst that can happen? You find it was NOT your dream job and you find London is NOT your dream city in which to live? Big deal. You move somewhere else. It sounds like you are completely free to do what you want at the moment, so do it while you can. It becomes far more complicated the older you get.

Take chances. Try to fulfill your dreams. But also make sure you have a life outside of work, that work is not your be-all-and-end-all. If things don't work out as you planned, re-calculate your route (like a sat nav!) and change direction.

Good luck. I hope you take your chances and find what you are looking for.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2019):

Move! I'm sure your grandparents (unless they are unreasonable tyrannts) don't expect you to put your life on hold for them. You can still visit! You're 25, now is the time to shake things up. Just also think about other cities. London is not the only one, yes salaries are higher but cost of living is too. it's not home or london. There are many wonderful places you could move.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2019):


Up North Lass, so am I and it's lovely, the countryside, the seaside the wildlife and nature but Jobs hmmmm that's a tricky one, job/career.

Could you choose a career that you could study for a few years that opens lots of doors and give you choice.

Yes us northerners often think LONDON that's where its at! depends what you really want, my best friend thought the same as you years ago and grabbed London by the xalls. It brought her good jobs one after the other, career opportunity, excitement, but it never brought her happiness which was her ultimate goal however it broke her free from her own feelings of going nowhere.

I visit London and what a great city to explore, I visit lots of places, the places don't bring me happiness.

Your young and want to spread your wings, this is natural and healthy but in the pursuit of happiness futile.

You are already brave because you see that life is calling you, I don't mean the place I mean living.

I also had that feeling a years ago in my very early 20s, I felt like i had to shake off everything I knew and throw myself into the unknown and I had never travelled before least travelled alone. I saved and saved and booked a ticket to Africa Ghana to teach orphaned children. This place was where it was at for me, it was a dream, a dream of independence, of self reliance, of not been selfish and helping others I was nearly there. My pursuit of happiness was changed by life and choosing to stay and nurse someone very close who became ill, until the day they died. Life changed for me, all my plans, my self changed, it was then a dark night of the soul my only travel.

Today my life has experienced many many travels and dreams and I am still dreaming, travel to self don't run away ...find out WHO you are then build and FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. Places are church is church..inside is what counts.

Regards your grandparents, they would want you to be happy and live your life, they have lived theirs.

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