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My ex has my stuff. How long do I wait to contact him?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 September 2019) 6 Answers - (Newest, 7 October 2019)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Dear cupid.. my ex and were together for 2 years. He broke up with me and then slowly crept back into my life then I cought him perusing a relationship with another woman whiles telling me sweet nothings. Well when I found out I cut him loose I changed my number and blocked him from my social media. We use to live together and he currently has my TV and other iteams at his aunt's home, with whom he's living back with. I'm still madly in love him and this entire thing just happened a week again, I told him of contact him via email how long should I wait to contact him for my stuff? I'm just so vulnerable now, this all hurt so much.

View related questions: broke up, my ex

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (7 October 2019):

Dionee' agony auntIt probably isn't a good idea to go back there so soon after everything especially since you're still feeling some type of way about him. That's something that you need to get over sooner rather than later For your own good mainly because seeing him will rope you right back in. You had to cut all contact for a reason. Remember that.

I don't think that you should go. Get someone that you know and trust to go and get the stuff for you. It's a really bad idea for you to go around him right now. Or ever for that matter.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2019):

Typo correction:

"You're not in-love, you're infatuated with a player."

I don't mean to come across as harsh. It's tough-love to motivate you to pull yourself together. Even if you have to fake-it!

He's a player, and he will enjoy seeing you all broken-up. I understand you are broken-hearted; but you're tying-up the loose-ends, and you have to give him your best poker-face.

It's an ego-booster to see you all in tears, with a snotty-nose, and dribbling like a big-baby. Don't go crawling to him! Save that for when you're alone, sweetheart! Don't give him the satisfaction! Get it done and over-with!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2019):

Call ahead and schedule a time to come-over and get your things. Don't engage in any other conversation. You're just looking for an excuse to mess with him. You admitted you're still all gaga for him; so this is just breakup-drama.

If he agrees to a pick-up meeting; ask your dad, uncle, or a brother to go with you to pick-up your belongings. You could also contact the local police department, if you feel there might be an altercation.

If you're still in an emotional-state and all this is just drama, just write it off. Let him keep the TV and anything of no significant value. You can always file a claim with small-claims court for upto $5000.00 in most states.

Your love is wasted and you're behaving far below your dignity by acting like a love-struck teenage-girl. You're a grown-woman, and you're dealing with a total dick! You not in-love, you're infatuated with a player. He doesn't care about your love.

Assuming he's also in his 30's; it's a bit old to be living off his auntie! Seriously, girlfriend?!!! What a loser!!!

Don't go alone when go to get your things. Take one of your toughest-looking male family-members!

Please don't go there all whiny and emotional! Straighten your back, have a serious face, and be dignified. Once you've claimed your stuff, have absolutely nothing else to do with him. Block, delete, and move on!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2019):

Either do it right away or not at all. I was in a very similar situation, took what I could, and abandoned the rest. The emotional roller coaster just wasn't worth communicating with him again. Sure, I lost my tv and shoes, but I was able to repurchase them and move on faster. But if you're going to do it, do it ASAP and don't wait, otherwise you're going to reopen old wounds when you do go back and get your stuff. Be sure to go with a friend, or better yet, have a friend go on your behalf. Is your stuff really worth the heartache? No contact is the way to go.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (1 October 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntThe sooner, the better, so that you can move on with your life. In your shoes, I would not go round myself for it; I would get a trusted friend or family member to contact your ex and make arrangements to collect the stuff so that you don't even need to speak to him.

You know you deserve better, right? I'm pretty sure this man is a charmer and knows the right things to say to get back with you. Next time you are allowing him to whisper "sweet nothings" in your ear, remember he is probably saying exactly the same things to another woman (or women). That should help you stay strong.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 October 2019):

Honeypie agony auntHave a friend come with you to pick it up. That way he can't sweet-talk you so easily.

JUST e-mail him and tell him to give you a few dates and times that will suit him for you to come pick them up.

Yes, it still hurt, that is live. You will get over him, when yo are good and ready, but in the meantime the best way to REALLY cut him loose is to have NO need for him to contact you or vice verse. So the sooner you pick up your stuff, THE sooner you can totally and absolutely cut contact.

What exactly is there to love about this man who has no respect for you or other woman? Take off those rose-colored glasses and see him for the ASSHAT that he is!

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