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My crushes never last long. Is this a sign of commitment issues?

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 June 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 June 2018)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I keep having this issue where I'll crush on guys I barely know pretty hard, then all of a sudden, the feelings fade. Is this normal? Is it just because I don't know them that well? The only time my feelings for someone haven't faded was in my first relationship, and that relationship really fucked with my trust and confidence and willingness to open up to romantic partners.

Is this all just a sign of commitment issues?

View related questions: confidence, crush

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A male reader, TylerSage United States +, writes (28 June 2018):

TylerSage agony auntYou're displaying a combination of anxiety and indifference. Most likely it's some form of a defensive mechanism or mental block which is usually the result of fear. Your emotions start off pretty normal but then your brain hold a conference meeting revisiting last month's profits only to find out sales didn't go so well, so you close shop, shooing away all the interested but potentially backstabbing customers.

When you judge or find fault in others it is usually a reflection of a problem you have with yourself. You're belief system has been corrupted by this terrible relationship with your ex-boyfriend and now you think that every single man on the block is out to get you. Don't spend the rest of your days WAITING for some one to swoop in and "save you", no one can do that, you must learn to save yourself.

Firstly you must be honest with yourself, acknowledge your emotions. Secondly identify the problem you're having, perfectly understand how your actions are interfering with your relationships and why. Lastly, Forgive and let go. There's no point holding onto things you cannot control.

Either you learn from you heartache and grow or let it take hold of you for the rest of your life until you fade away.

All the best.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 June 2018):

Honeypie agony auntA crush is not about relationships. It's a passing infatuation. Some crushes lasts forever because it becomes more of an obsession or fantasy and some don't last long at all.

I don't why you compare crushes to relationships.

As for someone in your PAST having messed with your trust, confidence and willingness to open. Well THAT happens. you are only 22-25, so I presume the ex who did this was about the same ex? Probably immature with little knowledge of and/or interest in, how to BE a good BF.

You can't LET one crappy relationship dictate how you think ALL men will treat you or how all relationships will be.

I don't think having short burst crushes is a sign of commitments issues, but the rest of your post is a sign of someone who got "burned" and is scared of a repeat performance.

And yes, it sucks to get hurt but it happens to most people one time or another in life. All you can do is LEARN from it and NOT repeat that in the next relationship.

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