A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. There has been this guy I was seeing for two months, and I invited him to a birthday get to together, he was very excited to come and spoke about it regularly. The night before, he said he doesn't think it's going to work because I'm very insecure (I guess I am sometimes) but he still wants to give it a try because he doesn't know me very well and he really likes me and I asked him if he wanted to come to my birthday party still and he said yes I was so upset by him saying he thinks I'm insecure - I told him not to come, and he seemed very angry by it (the statuses he made, he was online Facebook unusually longer, much longer, never has been on Facebook that long at night) and in the morning, I said sorry and that he can still come and he went ballistic and said he said 'no, you said don't come so I won't, you always say sorry and never learn! You never mean sorry! You always say sorry and say you 'regret' it but you don't because you keep doing it still! I wanted to sort things out with you when I saw you but no! Why should I come to your birthday when you told me not to come? You told me not to come! I don't have time for your games! I'm a grown man! I definitely know now we are NOT compatible for each other! We can be friends, that's all.' I was very heart broken by this, I just accepted it and said sorry, I was very sad by this and at around the time I reserved the meal for, he messaged me saying 'have a great meal' and I replied 'thanks I had lots of fun' and he responded with 'glad u did' and I asked how are you? And he never responded. I don't know what to do to make things better? Please help!
View related questions:
facebook, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2015): You are so right! Thank god you have told me this! I've never seen it in that sort of light, I'm definitely moving on! Thank you so much you two!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2015): Janniepeg is right about him being chronically angry. He's got anger issues. Men who accuse you of playing games after telling you are insecure, but also saying they don't know you very well, are just a complete 'head****'. Telling someone they are insecure is a sure way to try to get what you want, making them feel they don't know what's best for themselves and aren't a good judge of their own behaviour. It's a trick - if you say to pretty much ANYONE that they are insecure, in a way that's hurtful, then almost everyone will wind up reacting as you did because you get sucked into thinking 'yes, I suppose I am'. It's the same with people who accuse others of being 'selfish' or 'angry' or 'hard work' - unless there really is a lot of evidence to support this, then it's often because the person doing the accusing simply wants more control over the other.In this man's case I think there IS enough evidence to suggest he's angry about past issues. To react so badly just because someone said they were upset he said they were insecure and, so, didn't want him to come to their birthday party, is VERY immature. If you stay with a person like this you end up almost crazy, getting caught up in THEIR games.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2015): OP here, Janniepeg, I really like your detailed answer. I have never looked at it like that, he usually is lovely to me , I was only insecure about it because I was so confused by the way he feels about me and just wanted answers and I just had a gut feeling he was stringing me along of some sort, maybe he just used this excuse not to talk to me any more? I agree, there was no need for him to act like that all because of my insecurities - if he liked me that much, he would try and help me and reassure me! But he just lashed out at me and hasn't even apologized! I was childish to invite him and reinvite him but I definitely did not deserve to be spoken to like that! I'm definitely going to just move on and try to forget about him! And whenever I think about him, I will just look and what you've written to remind myself what an angry guy he is! Thanks!
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 April 2015):
 You simply don't like each other. He is far too angry in general for dating. Your insecurity might have turned him off but his response to you showed that he had issues with the past and now he found an outlet to be nasty to you. If you are unsure for 2 months it's time to let it go. On the surface it may seem you are the one creating all the problems but his anger problem is the bigger one here. I really think you should enjoy your birthday, and life without him. A good guy would work with you to ease your anxiety, not punish you for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (12 April 2015):
 Let him be.
He thinks you are playing games (and honestly the whole inviting/ un-inviting is childish) and he has decided that IF you are like this 2 MONTHS into a budding relationship he RATHER not go any further.
SO ACCEPT that he doesn't WANT to date you.
...............................
|
