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I've fallen in love with someone I cant have, and its my cousin! What should I do?

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 December 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 30 December 2009)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *onely Larry writes:

Hi everyone, this is really hard for me to say, and I know some of you will mock me but I have nowhere else to turn, I have to ask these questions, and I need the anonymity of the Internet. I don't believe you can ask somebody to control who they fall in love with, and I'm falling in love with someone I simply can't have, I've known her all my life, we're good mates, and she's 19, I'm 23. She is the most beautiful incredible person ever and I'd do anything to be with her, but she's my cousin. I know this is wrong but I can't help it. I love her. What should I do?

View related questions: cousin, the internet

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009):

It's not wrong to fall in love with your cousin! In the UK it is legal to marry a first cousin, and I am sure in most of the USA too.

I had a four year relaionship with my cousin, we are not together anymore but he was the love of my life.

If you have such strong feelings for her and you think she feels the same way too, then go for it!

Good luck! x

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A male reader, always_diving United States +, writes (18 December 2009):

The heart wants what the heart wants. Honestly, if it isn't illegal where you live (it isn't apparently) and if you love her (you do) and so long as she loves you (you should probably find out if you don't know already), than I say go for it. So long as you can deal with the social issues that will most likely arise from it, nothing else should stop the two of you.

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A female reader, Broken123 Ireland +, writes (16 December 2009):

Broken123 agony auntWell if you love her theres nothing you can do .. Exactly what the person up a few above said . You cant help who you fall in love with .. Its not illegal and its not wrong . Its only wrong if you think it is . Who cares what other people think ? Mayb its time to step out of the crowd and be different and let people know what your feelings . If your family know your in love and happy they shouldnt mind who your in love with . Its about you being happy . And if she makes you happy , to hell with everyone else !

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A male reader, ????RB???? United Kingdom +, writes (15 December 2009):

it will be to complicated, take your mind off her and find someone else to get your attention like a girl at work!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009):

Are you thinking you can't possibly have her because you think there's something wrong or illegal about it, or is it because she doesn't feel the same way that you do?

It's not illegal and it's certainly not wrong. There's too much misinformation about cousins flying around. Take a look at http://www.cousincouples.com which will give you the facts. There are many links from the site which you can follow and I think you'll have your eyes opened somewhat once you've read them.

Take my advice, take that leap of faith and tell her how you feel about her. If she feels the same, then bingo, you may well have hit the jackpot. You'll no doubt have had similar upbringings, so if you do get together as a couple you'll have a head start.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009):

96% chance of being born normal? That sounds like the usual odds for any unrelated pairing.

No problem genetically, then.

No problem legally either.

Morally? Nobody's business but your own.

Too many people interfere with the lives of others these days, so ignore them and just follow your hearts......

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A male reader, greg290352 United Kingdom +, writes (15 December 2009):

greg290352 agony auntA lot depends on how she feels obviously. In the UK there is no law against cousins marrying - if that was the case the Royal Family would have problems! Any children born from cousins have a 96% chance of being born totally normal. Of course how your family will react is a different matter. If the two of you both feel the same way you need to talk and decide what to do between you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009):

first of all does she loves u the same as u do.

ok i will assume u both are lovers so lets see where would u go hmmm.............. NOWHERE! will society accept u hmmm.............OFCOURSE NOT!.The only way is to change identities or live somewhere in middle east!!

srry but the answer is the same u cant be together with her.thats why its called forbidden love!.this kind of love will only bring misery and sadness in the longrun.shes ur cousin for godsake.Face reality dude!

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (15 December 2009):

You can't help who you've fallen for but you CAN help what you do about it.

So if you know being with her is an imposibility then distance yourself and TRY hard to look elsewhere.

You can choose to WANT to get over her.

Spend less time with her, try not to contact her, and spend time with friends instead. Get your mind off her as much as possible.

Good Luck!! xx

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