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I’m terrified that I’ll encounter my Facebook stalker in my new neighborhood!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 February 2018) 7 Answers - (Newest, 27 February 2018)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I’m a single quiet gay woman

Im moving rental apartments soon and found out my Facebook stalker from 3 years ago is on same suburb!

What if I see him?

He hasn’t bothered me in nearly 3 years but I heard from work rumours when there was talk at work of where we all live.. that he lives in the area

He works in the same place

Different Area so i don’t see him everyday thank god!

He was obsessed with me, I friended him foolishly at his request as we said hi around the workplace and he seemed ok,I’m fbooj friends with a few colleagues, male and female.

He told me (on Facebook) he really liked me ( for ages he liked me) and wrote a few times I was “amazing and different etc”

and he didnt take “no thanks” for an answer til I told him twice (on facebook) that he was making me uncomfortable and leave me alone Then he said “ok” (on fbook)

He also commented on all my fbook photos saying they were amazing

I’ve seen him at work since then on me off and he’s not bothered me

No one at work knows I’m gay and it’s stAying this way..

what if he seee me or god help me lives near me??

I had no idea he lives inthe Area til I heard people talking

“ your moving there, John from area 4 works there”

Help what if I see him around my street when I move.

Help I’m a gay woman all alone

What if he tries talking to me?

What if he stalks me??

He’s a creep and I want nothing to do with him!

View related questions: at work, facebook, workplace

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2018):

Just totally get off Facebook.Personaly I do not have it and you will not die if you go off it.Time to move again.Why would you move to his neighborhood when you knew that is where he lives?Get yourself to a psychiatrist to find out why.You really need to do that because you really need help.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (25 February 2018):

mystiquek agony auntIf he has left you alone for 3 years then I don't know why he would start to bother you now. I think you are a little bit over the top with your emotions which is understandable but seriously..he has left you alone. TBH if you are that upset about possibly running into him, there is no way I would move into the neighborhood he lived in. The odds are you will run into him. Try to just live your life though and don't look for trouble when atm there is no trouble. If anything starts up, then yes, contact the authorities. I agree with the other mods though..I don't see where he stalked you. What he did was not stalking. It was showing interest, you asked him to stop, he did.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2018):

This is poster

I blocked him on facebook!! As soon as the messageing convo stopped..

And I did not tell anyone at work what he did wiseowle..

don’t accuse me of that!!

It was nearly 3 yrs ago and not a soul at work knows

I’m not defaming anyone and I did not go to HR!

He’s a creep and he was obsessed..you don’t know how creepy he is..

But he’s left me alone since.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2018):

You're telling people on your job the guy is stalking you. That can be construed as defamation of character; and could cost you a big-fat law-suit, if you don't get a grip!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2018):

I think you may be getting a little paranoid. You didn't say he shows-up unexpectedly, or followed you home. He sees you at work and never once approached you.

I worry that you're taking this too far; and could jeopardize the job of a weird, but otherwise harmless guy. He likes you and follows you on Facebook; and that makes you uncomfortable. How's he supposed to know you're gay? You don't tell anyone!!!

You cannot make any police-complaints or go to Human Resources; unless this guy actually breaks the law or approaches you in a threatening manner. Nothing you've described indicates that.

My gosh, you are likely to cross paths if you live in the same city, let alone the same town or neighborhood. That doesn't mean he's stalking you just because he shows-up in the same place.

I just don't see a real problem here. I do see paranoia.

If you fear men, then perhaps you might need to get a little therapy. You find his very existence threatening, and that seems more your problem than his approaching you or really stalking you.

I'm concerned; because this may be a big misunderstanding that just might get out of hand. All you had to do was block him on Facebook.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI think you need to chill.

While you found him creepy, his "tactics" in contacting you through FB and liking your pictures is not stalking. You could have AT anytime blocked him.

And now YOU have moved into HIS neighborhood you worry what to do?

Well, if you meet him you can TOTALLY blank him if you feel like it. IGNORE him if that is what you prefer, you don't owe him squat.

He he follows you or in any way makes you feel threatened CALL the police. So far nothing what you have described shows a stalker.

And your sexual orientation is irrelevant. You don't OWE him to know that you prefer women.

I think you need to chill.

And maybe set your privacy setting to as HIGH as possible on FB, even HIDE things such as photos from people who ARE NOT your "mutual friend".

You can't live in this "what if" world, it's just not healthy. And you can't go around and accuse him of being a stalker when he hasn't really stalked you.

BUT if he DOES ACTUALLY stalk you - then you involve police. For now, CHILL.

You have seen him at work afterwards and he HAS NOT BOTHERED you. So why would he do that now?

Just go live your life and let him live his.

Like I said if you DO bump into him you CAN blank him. Ignore or whatever you feel like.

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A male reader, Allumeuse United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2018):

He has made advances on fb, and after you told them they were unwanted he stopped.

He commented on your photos but that is not harassing. Perhaps he thought it was a way of saying no hard feelings. He may not have known you found it threatening.

He has not bothered you since. Even when you bumped in to each other in person.

None of what you detail is criminal and falls far short of harassment, or even the definition of stalking. As far as he knows, he asked a woman out twice (he didn't know you are gay) , she said stop, he did, he tried to be friendly(in an odd way) but she didn't respond so he left her alone. He's perhaps insensitive but it's not stalking. You can just block people on fb, if you don't they can like your stuff.

If you moved into his neighbourhood, you have a strong chance of seeing him in the street. It's not him stalking you- you moved there! If you definitely don't want that- move out of there. It's tough but he was there first and if his mere presence is threatening then there's not much he can do about it. Sorry.

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