A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so, I'm tired of analyzing this situation myself so I am reaching out for advice.I started a new position about 6 months ago and there is this girl at work who I knew was a lesbian but seemed disinterested in getting to know me, so I never bothered introducing myself, even in a friendly manner. We have a couple of mutual friends outside of work but she didn't seem to care to even speak. So I dismissed her immediately. Then....after about 4 months I randomly get a text from her one day. She had someone else get my number from me and then sent me a text. We immediately developed a rapport and continued to text for 6 hours. She never mentioned a gf but I knew she had one because of our mutual friend. Finally I fished it out of her that she was engaged. That original conversation lasted 10 hours. And many nights the texts last until 2 or 3 am, when her gf isn't around that is. But truthfully, no lines have been crossed. Nothing has been said out of the way by either side. We share alot of the same interests and seem to have the same sense of humor. I've enjoyed making a new friend.Meanwhile, at work, every time we try to have a face to face conversation it is RIDICULOUSLY awkward. And all of this has just been casual until the other day. I made eye contact with her for the first time. And when I did my heart skipped a beat. Haven't had that happen in years. I mean....years. I could give you many examples of the mixed signals I've been getting but I'll spare you. Trust me when I say the signals are mixed. But again, nothing has ever crossed a line. She says all the time what a great gf she has and how she has really been good for her. The kicker is....she's not my type and I know I'm not hers. I want to bury the heart flutter so we can get back to our newly found friendship. I also want to relieve the awkwardness at work. Your first suggestion will probably be to stop talking to her completely but that's not an option because of work and besides....I hate that answer because I truly enjoy her friendship. So what can I do to end and get over this crush?
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at work, crush, engaged, girl at work, lesbian, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): Thank you both for your words. I have done what I can to diffuse it as it has progressed. Limited our communication to only work related topics. She seemed to hate that. Honestly. I think what is bothering me the most is that I feel the crush is mutual and I though I know it can't happen. I have been out of the game so long that I wonder if I am just way off base in what I'm picking up on. It's a puzzle and I like solving puzzles.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 July 2012):
 ya know what always helped me... when I knew it was a crush that could not be dealt with was to make a joke about it and tell the person i was crushing on...
then we could talk about it... the elephant in the room gets smaller and smaller as that happens.
so ask her to go to coffee or something... and tell her...
"oy it's insane but I have a mad crazy crush on you..." and laugh.... and make sure she knows you are telling her not to get with her but to diffuse the situation.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2012):
 Really there is not much that you can do about this. You want to keep her friendship and that is your choice, but it will be difficult when you have a crush on her. You just need to keep remembering why she is not your type and not forgetting that she is happy with her girlfriend, there is no reason why you both cannot be friends but you do need to get over this crush before it does end up ruining things. I think the best way to do this is to focus your attention on someone else. Look around and see is there any other potential partners for you, go out on dates and get to know people this should take your mind off her if you have someone else to focus on.
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