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I want a baby. I am 13

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 June 2022) 6 Answers - (Newest, 15 June 2022)
A female United States age 13-15, *arhai writes:

Hi um I'm 13 about to be 14 . I want a baby so bad .because I don't have to worry about other pp not loving me cause my child will always be there for me and love me cause I will be there mommy. And I want to make sure my child does not go thru any trauma that I been through like rape etc . I wil always make sure my baby is always safe .I just want somome that could teach them how to be them and grow up them and teach them what's wrong and what's right. You see I did not have that chance when I was young . I did not have a mom or dad to be there for me so I want My child to know they will have there mommy always there. I think that other mothers that have kids and don't want them or hurt them is crazy cause the child did not ask to be brought in to this world . But I want my kid to know I wanted theme to be in this world and I'm think about getting pregnant before I turn 15 should I ? DON'T JUDGE CAUSE YOU DID NOT GO THROUGH EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN THRU THAN YOU .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2022):

Twelve year olds have had babies, it is physically possible but you are not mature enough mentally and emotionally to cope with it and all that goes with it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2022):

BTW, doesn't a baby deserve a safe and happy place to live? If you can't work, how will you afford a nice place to live? How will you afford diapers, formula, doctor's appointments, clothing, the right kind of bedding for an infant, stroller, and other things baby's need. Have you seen how rough it is for girls at 15, without any help. Usually, they struggle and the baby suffers because she can't provide for all their needs. Baby's choke, or get really sick; and you may not understand all the complicated things you have to do. If the baby is born with special needs; you'll never have time to do much but take care of it. No fun, running around carelessly, or dating. Boys your age, and even much older; just want to have fun, not take care of a girl and her baby.

You can barely keep yourself safe, how can a totally dependent and helpless little child depend on a kid for a mom?

When you speak to adults and ask for advice; you should also learn how to be respectful in your tone. You don't want to be judged; but don't come here with a disrespectful tone and attitude. We help people here, and sometimes good advice isn't easy to give or take.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2022):

Your body isn't developed enough at 13 to safely carry a child. There could be serious medical-complications, a difficult birth; and the baby may also have some developmental problems during gestation (when in the womb), and postpartum (after the baby has been born). You can't work to support one, and if a boy your age got you pregnant, he couldn't support the two of you. If he was an older-boy, and got you pregnant; he could face going to jail, because you're too young to decide you consent to have sex. Just in-case you're planning to get some boy in serious trouble!!!

It's a phase some girls go through. They see mothers with their infants and toddlers; and it looks so easy for some of them. It's different at night, when baby doesn't want to sleep. When baby gets colicky, feverish, or gassy, and keeps you up all through the night. What they eat and drink comes-out smelly and gross in their diapers. Sometimes they cry for hours nonstop for no apparent reason. You have to be old enough to be patient with them; and you have to be mature enough to know what to do when certain scary things happen.

You're a kid yourself, only 13 years ago you were a baby!

Give it a little time. You may want to do a lot of other things first in the next few years. Sometimes you think you want a baby, and when you're old enough to have them; you'll completely change your mind!

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A female reader, QueenCupcake United Kingdom +, writes (6 June 2022):

QueenCupcake agony auntI get why you want a child, but it’s not going to fix your issues. Plus, unless you have a stable source of income and a roof over your head, you won’t be able to provide all its necessities, and that won’t be fair for the child.

I’d advise you to seek some counselling for your emotional well being, and focus on building your life, for yourself, and maybe some day, a child.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 June 2022):

Honeypie agony auntI have to agree with FA,

There IS no hurry for you to become a mother. You are not financially independent, you are not fully grown or matured as a human being. You still have a LOT to learn.

I don't judge that you want a baby to feel loved. Everyone deserves love. Having a baby is just not going to fix that hole in your heart.

At 13, 14, or 15 how would you take care of a child? Pay for a roof over the baby and your head? diapers? Food? Clothes? You can't drive yet, you can't vote yet. You don't have an income.

If you are living with people who are not taking good care of you, why would you add a baby to that mix?

I hope you are getting counseling for your past trauma. The HEALTHIER you are, the better you can pass on healthy behaviors and keep a child safe.

Rasing a child is HARD work, 24/7. I have 3. The youngest is now 18, and my job is still not done. Loving them is the easy part.

Waiting until you can have a place on your own, and income of your own, hopefully with a healthy partner will give you more stability, and safety for your little family.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (5 June 2022):

Fatherly Advice agony auntSarhai,

Your heart is in the right place. Your goals are admirable. You can best be the parent you want to be by waiting a few years to get started.

You are probably tired of being told that. I want to remind you, that I have been through things, that you have not yet gone through. I beg you to trust me, 5 to 10 years is a very short time to wait.

FA

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