A
male
age
41-50,
*rey69
writes:I'm a 32 year old man turning 33 this year. My wife is 28. We will be married 7 years on March 29th. We have our Ups and downs like in many other marraiges I hear about. We are now attending counseling because it has been a rough journey. On this subject of no affection and being loved the way you love your insignificant other. There has always been a Gap n bridge so hard to cone across and meet together for union in affection. I know I have had my faults due to the Lack of sex and affection but I treat her like a queen without her asking while just laying in bed I would give her neck, legs, back shoulders a Massage n not expecting nothing in return.During daytime when off from work or out shopping I would grab her kiss her lips n she would be playful joining me. But to get to the point, while behind closed doors she flicks a switch then says I always grope her n up under her. But when she's in bodily pain I'm the one pampering her Ankles n shoulders. And I'm left alone n lonely when I need affection or a hug/Massage/Sex/n passionate kisses. Just the other night we had an argument because she decides to stay up late giving her energy to watching T.V late while I'm in bed. Then she comes to bed n that tired Coma comes over her n I can't touch or go near her. She knows I'm a sexual person and love affection but I'm not getting that in return for yes now. we even were sepearated for 6 months over a year ago but decided to work thru difficulties.Since the argument I haven't initiated nothing nor touched her because I'm so hurt n I give her compliments all the time. The strength has left. During our busy week I try certain things for attention but it's ignored. She actually thinks I do things around the house for sex! LoL! I told her that's Elementry because cleanliness is my character but she wasn't raised like me. I love her but it's taking a toll and stressing me out. Should I show tough love or what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 If nothing improved after the 6 month separation you need to let her go. Your wife got what she wanted: a marriage. I imagine at the beginning you two enjoyed sex but after marriage she thought there is no more need. There is a joke about a bride with her wedding veil and saying to herself, "thank god, no more anal sex!" Lonelytwo, why replace with a younger woman? You make it sound like an older women are closed off sexually. I think you should go with a woman older than you just so that your wife will learn that sex does not stop once a person gets old. It doesn't matter anyway. You are not responsible for her emotional growth. Maybe leaving her is the only way to wake her up.
Let us know if she learns a thing or two in the marriage couselling.
One thing I would try is to tell her to do yoga, the dead bug post. It will open up her root chakra. I found that yoga really transforms the mind and body.
Every time she asks you if this or that have to do with wanting sex? Ask her is that a bad thing really? Talk to her about tantra and the sacredness of sex. Sex is not dirty, but rather a celebration of life and an interchange between yin and yang energies.
A
male
reader, Trey69 +, writes (3 March 2010):
Trey69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHank u all for the Feedback, but Laura as I said in what I written Cleanliness/cleaning n helping out around the house n bills met are Elementry to me.I take part in it all.To the rest of responders. Thank u again.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 It is not easy for a woman to verbalize her wants to her husband. Most women expect the men to know what they want .If she have to tell him , it would be a bummer.
Compliments are just not good enough . You need to help her with her household chores and lighten her burdens and be attentive to her needs.
Take an interest in the home and in her activities. This is her language of love which she can understand.
Do you show affections or doing some work around the house only when you expect sex from her ?
She seems to have that perceptions of you .You should prove to her that she is wrong.
She is not feeling your love because she does not understand your way of love.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 March 2010):
I think there is something you can do. It's great that you initiated everything, and great you show her affection. But actually ask her what she wants of you. And listen to her. Lots of men try, but because of the difference in communication, don't always get it right. So, she needs to tell you what you need to do. If she doesn't, and this continues, then you'll know it's not you. And then you will know where you stand with her.
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