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I like this guy at work. But he is dating someone else at work. How should I handle this situation?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Crushes, Dating, Friends, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 May 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I like somebody at work, however it is a bit complicated as he is seeing someone else at work. A few months ago they had broken up (although I didn't know at the time) and at the pub he and I were getting on really well, enough for some of my work friends to comment on it in a teasing way.

Since then, he has got back together with the other girl but it's a bit weird because they aren;t friends on facebook (he justified this by saying, "WHEN we break up I won;t want her to know about my life"), have not met each other's friends or family and have zero chemistry or affection to each other. On the other hand, more than one person at work has commented saying they think he likes me.

I am not very good at telling when somebody is flirting and when they are just being friendly, but we definitely get along well together with stuff in common and I feel the "vibes"- it;s like we both find it enjoyable and he has even told people that out of everybody at work he would like to get to know me more. He has complimented me saying he likes what I'm wearing and he likes my hair etc,and said he thinks I will find a boyfriend really easily because I would be very "loyal and loving".

I suppose I have more than one question:

Does it sound as though he likes me? Even if he does, how should I go forwards, knowing that he is seeing somebody? And even if I don;t do anything about it, how can I make my feelings go away when I have to spend every day working around him!

Thank you :)

View related questions: at work, facebook, flirt, got back together, teasing

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (31 May 2016):

Ivyblue agony auntI agree with Honeypie. You don't contemplate or try figure ways to go forward with this dude. He has a gf, all that does is make you the type of woman that we should all look out for. You may like him and he you but thats not enough reason to grass up some other poor girl. All you can do is show some grace and accept that he is off limits. You are gushy over this guy,sure but how to get over it when you work around him is by keeping the relationship professional,above board and to a bare minimum. Seeing him at work is one thing but how you choose to interact will determine the outcome. Get out and mingle with a single. Good luck

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (31 May 2016):

Around the time you were at the pub, he had alternatives: 1) date you, or 2) go back to the old girlfriend. From what you've said, choosing you or at least someone else would seem the logical choice. However, there is a reason he chose to go back to his ex. There must be some affection or chemistry they have for each other...something that he hasn't mentioned.

A lot of guys are serial flirts...they enjoy flirting with a girl even though they may not be interested in dating her. This could very likely be going on here...after all, he had a chance with you and didn't take it.

Working with both of them sets up some horrible traps you can easily step into should you chose to pursue him and even voice your attraction to him. In doing so you could be hurt badly and made to look like a fool among your co-workers. If he really has a sucky relationship with this other girl and has already split up once, he'll probably do it again and become available. Wait for that time and see what happens. In the meantime, be nice to him (and his girl) but not overly flirtatious.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 May 2016):

Honeypie agony auntShould you go forward? No. HE has a patner. You are just an eho-stoke. (sorry) He is VERY well aware that he makes your heart "flutter" a bit and he is enjoying the attention and ego boost he gets from this.

And Really.... If you are a loving and loyal person. *cough* why on Earth would you go chase after a guy who (if he cheats or dumps his GF for you) OBVIOUSLY isn't loyal at all? And Do you think someone chasing after another woman's BF is really a "loving or loyal person?

Would YOU appreciate some other woman putting HER moves on YOUR partner?

Don't be that "woman".

And maybe consider that you GO to work, because you have a job to do. It's not a dating club or a club. Be professional.

Yes, flirting/banter can be fun and harmless.. until it's not. That is usually when it's misunderstood.

Be classy, not trashy.

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