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I have a new date but my ex has contacted me.

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 February 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Im not sure what to do , last year i started seeing someone who had mental health problems i was very flexi with him and would fit in with him to make life easier for him. id only been seeing him once a week for 2 month he would go silent on me to which i found out he was sectioned but i only found this out around end of dec last year, i knew he had problems and would be there and help in any way i could , i asked him when he was free and to let me know but instead of talking he blocked me and hasnt spoke to me for just over 2 month . Instead of dwelling over him ( sounds harsh but it was only 2 month relationship ) i joined a dating site 10 days ago and now have a date lined up . Just now i thought id check my emails and out of the blue hes messaged me hes also tried to call me on an email chat . I know im going to go on my date no matter what but im not sure what to do about my ex , i did say to him at christmas time if he doesnt bother wanting to see me then dont bother with me and he even said it that he was ending it . he cant expect me to sit about in limbo for over 2 month of nothing. i know i have a date lined up and if i really wanted to i could go back to my ex if the date didnt work out but then its back to being ignored half the time and me always having to go to him . Do i acknowledge my exes message or not and if i do should i just keep things simple and not romance talk . my date is on thurs so if i didnt reply to my ex it would only be a few days to wait . what should i do ?

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2018):

02DuszJ agony auntI've gone out with two people with mental health issues and honestly? You got a lucky escape. They don't process things like normal people do and you will always be left up the creek without a paddle- you can't understand them unless you're a mental health professional. And then you start to blame yourself "oh he's acting hot and cold because of me, it must be something about me, that I've done, etc." when in actual fact you can do everything you can and it will never fix the problem- you can't fix THEM.

If you're very fond of him then hopefully in the distant future he may become a part of your life, as a friend. In the meantime you need to be cruel to be kind and tell him that you care about him but that you've moved on and block him. That way he won't be strung along waiting for you.. hopefully he will be able to live a normal life eventually but you can't wait around you need to live your life, not waste it pining for something that's not going to work. Good luck

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A female reader, malvern United Kingdom +, writes (26 February 2018):

malvern agony auntDon't encourage your ex. You hardly know him and he's messed you around and you really don't want that in your life do you ? Don't reply to the email and if he keeps contacting you then put him into your junk folder or block him. Move on and don't be tempted to contact him.or you may come to regret it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntBlock the ex. OP you can't FIX this guys or his mental issues and you shouldn't feel you HAVE to stay in contact because it NOW suits him.

FOCUS on the here and now and the future, NOT the past.

There really IS not good reason to keep him in your life.

If you have to wish him well and tell him you have moved on and you hope he will too.

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