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How do I get him to be like when we first met

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 July 2022) 6 Answers - (Newest, 27 July 2022)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have just entered into a exclusive relationship with a guy I've been talking to on and off for about 2 years. Everything was going well until he got into a car accident and totaled his car.We have officially been together a week.

He's asked to borrow my car only go to work overnight[works graveyard]. I reluctantly agreed because I didn't want him to lose his job. He got new tires and is paying the car note, gas and registration.

We have been fighting ever since! First we fought about me picking him up from work late night. I don't drive highways from PTSD of a prior accident.He insisted knowing i was uncomfortable and had his son with me overnight.

He wants to know how much money I make an hour and I won't tell him because we do not live together!

I'm successful but I don't want him using me so I keep that to myself. He says he wants to make sure hes marrying his equal.He has a good job I fear he might be in debt though because he desperately wants to know my financial and open joint account to save for "vacations".

I don't want this it's too soon. He wants us to buy car together but also contracts scare me it's only been a week.

Then he got angry when I mentioned my car hadn't had a tune up since i bought it. He says I expected him to pay every thing and his money is tight. It was just a comment not a request.

Then he wanted to pick up his son from his ex previous relationship. I said no because we agreed it would only be used for work. When he asked I was in traffic and he expected me to drop everything and come to pick him up! He said I could ride with him if I didn't trust him but I told him I was in the middle of something.

Now he's accusing me of having trust issues and not caring about his child.He says i think hes cheating! He said it was an emergency but he didn't mention that on the phone!

Now he's saying I'm not there for him despite me caring for his child while he's at work, letting him use my car, cooking for him everyday generally being caring.

It seems he only calls me when he needs something from me now or wants/returning the car keys.

I doesn't feel like a relationship more like a business arrangement.We barely spend time or go on dates anymore!He doesn't kiss me goodbye.

Because of this I told him he can only use it for two weeks and he has to have his own car or plan by then.

Now he's insisting I turn my car into a rental and he pay to rent it from me threw an online app.

I don't know why this man is not interested in finding a car of his own!

I will not do it I don't want all those miles on my car. He jokingly insinuated he will break up with me if I don't.

What's hurts the most is him saying what I'm doing isn't enough! I'm really falling for him ,helping him while he does the bare minimum!

I want to end it but I don't want another failed relationship. I've been looking for a long time an my family is pressuring me to make it work so I can get married and settle down.

I still have a little hope we can work through this because I have developed feelings for him.

How do I get him to change and respect me?

Like how he was when we first met?

View related questions: at work, debt, his ex, money

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2022):

I agree with the adults. Dump the dude. You can do better.

Your friend, Calvin (alias)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2022):

It's foolhardy to enter into a so called exclusive relationship based on so little and so quick, but the rest you tell us has us wondering why you would bother. If you were on a desert island and he were the only person there with you I could sort of understand that you might grab onto him and make do because he kills the animals and cooks them for you and provides you with a tent, but you can do so much better than a guy like this and are better off single in the meantime.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 July 2022):

Honeypie agony auntEnd it and walk away now.

The guy you first met was his "best foot forward act" not who he is.

Take your keys back to the car. End it with him (I would do it over the phone because he is acting really sketchy) and then DELETE and BLOCK the fire out of him.

"I want to end it but I don't want another failed relationship."

You already HAVE a failed relationship with him. And you know it. You want out, so GET out.

It's better to try 10 times and fail 9 than STAY with someone who is borderline abusive and takes advantage of you.

Come on, OP

You know better.

The reason this relationship is failing is that he was FAKING being a good guy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2022):

You are a grown up woman.

How on Earth could you possiblly think that you know someone just by talking to him off and on?! Have you any idea how easy it is nowadays to put up a front when talking/texting? You were probably one of many women this guy has tabeen talking too trying to hook them up.

"We have officially been together a week." That doesn't even count!

"I'm really falling for him ,helping him while he does the bare minimum!"

He got you where he wants you. The guy you believe you "met" doesn't exist.

Google and take a look. You'll read a ton of stories like yours. Desperate women "fall" for guys just by talking to them and texting.

You are not that woman by birth, but you can make yourself that woman by choice.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2022):

He will not be like when you first met him, because things have drastically changed.

Get your car back, or report it stolen if he refuses to give it back voluntarily.

Stop being desperate! No man is worth lowering your dignity and groveling for. End this relationship before it gets worse.

He was obviously putting up a facade as being a nice-guy; because he pegged you for being needy and pliable. You're now seeing his true-colors. You've been scammed!

Let him go; or don't complain, and just let him have his way. Evidently what he was at first was purely fake. He's using you for your car, now he thinks he owns it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2022):

You are wasting your time with him - end it. You know this.

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