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Hot and cold relationships

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 March 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 March 2009)
A female Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

hi just an update!

i wrote ages ago: ....

why would a guy say one minute he wants to be "a friend" but say he used to have feelings for you more than any other girl?

next minute he avoids you, next week speaks to you .. then tries to hold your hand/be touchy feely..and always hugging you for a long time..at one point he got close to me and put his forehead on mine (but looked really confused)

I need advice here coz this has been going on for months ..does this guy like me "as a friend"-then whats with the mixed signals? most of my friends thinks he likes me but his hot/cold behaviour is really upset and confused me for months.

so months on..our friendship was basically ruined and weird. he ignored me and i ignored him. i didnt think he cared anymore.

Now-- last night he came up to me (coz we made friends last weekend) ..he said how much it tore him up inside when we didnt speak anymore! :S

nw this seemed odd as he never talks like this! then he followed me all night and showed me off to people in the bar saying "this is my girl! shes the most beautiful girl in the world to me, look at her"- i felt so shocked. i love this guy so much :(

he followed me about ALL night, literally wouldnt leave me alone, grabbing me at the waist etc.. and i told him "you just wanted to be friends. we can't"..and he kept hugging and kissing me, so i totally fell for him...again =(

we got back to his and ended up making out again (agh..) because im a virgin before he said he didnt want to tempt the friendship" but last night he totally changed- he said to me ".. il wait on you..take as long as you want" ..does this mean hes changed his mind about us?

so from ignoring me to treating me awfully, to saying all this stuff. what is going on here? lol!! sooo sorry this is soo long :(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

yeah thats true.

I mean if he didn't feel anything for me he wouldn't be giving me all these mixed up signals.. i love him =) but I don't want to get hurt, so next time i see him Il see how he is.. if he flirts around other guys i will know all he said about "waiting on me" . was just down to alcohol. afterall two can play at his game if he flirts wif girls i can do the same with guys. he doesnt own me. x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009):

Maybe he is confused also and you could be sending him mixed signals. I only assume that the long period of silence may have been his way to try and calm his feelings towards you before getting in too deep emotionally. However, it sounds as if he loves you and if you feel the same then it may be worth a second chance

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009):

luvy duvy's right, I went through the same thing with a guy and we stopped talkin for a long time and yop, he was following someone else, but when that ended, he came back to me, so you shouldn't trust this much in hot/cold guys cause they spend their time not knowing what they want and can really hurt you. As I already said, I went through the same, and you can't expect he'll stay forever with you, maybe he's jumping from girl to girl, who knows, my advice for you is to take take things slowly, analize everything and don't believe in his bla bla bla he maybe trying to win you emotionally and then, move on to the next one. Just don't let him know how much you like him. Mystery is the key hunn... GOOD LUCK

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A female reader, luvy duvy United States +, writes (14 March 2009):

luvy duvy agony auntWHo cares about it being long. what-ev! I feel you girl my bestfriend that is a guy is doing the samething.

Anyways, he does like you, but he is confused himself about how he feels. So, you should ask him how he feels and you tell him about how you feel.

Yeah the above sounds all good, but I also think that he must not be the only girl he is doing this to because you mentioned that you guys stopped talking for a long time. I think during that time he was with someone else, and when that someone else was no longer there he was all over you again.

But, that was just my assumption.

Just talk to him about it.

Sheesh! Why do, we girls, make everyting so complicated?!

Good luck!

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