A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been best friends with this guy Jimmy for 5 years,ever since we attended Marquette together. We just recently started sleeping together about 6 months ago because we were both lonely, and we agreed that we would never turn it into a relationship. He was dating his ex for a year and a half, but they broke up when she moved to Cancun to help with her father's company. She came back around a month ago, and it has been hell ever since. She has been calling him, texting him, and they have been hanging out. I found out by reading his messages. He was getting them around 4 in the morning, and I know I shouldn't have been snooping, but I did. I scrolled through the messages and she was basically saying that she still loved him, and whenever he wants to drop me, she would more than willingly make things work between the two of them. I confronted him about it and he didn't deny it, but he said nothing happened and that nothing would happen if I just say the word, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him that this not a "official" relationship so he could still talk to her. It completely backfired! She is trying so hard to get under my skin. She sent me an email stating that she and him had been having sex ever since she got home. She said she was with him that night I was calling him and he wasn't picking up his phone. I asked for proof and she sent me a picture of him asleep on her couch, but he was fully clothed so idk. He's out of town now, so I have just been asking his male friends, (some mutual) about the situation. 1 friend told me that he had seen Jimmy driving around in her Mercedes a couple times but he didn't know if they were sleeping together. Another friend told me that Jimmy only really reason he liked her and dated her was because she bought him stuff. The last friend, who is his closest friend told me that Jimmy didn't care about her family's money and that he really truly loves her. He also said that she is crazy overprotective of Jimmy and that I should watch my back. Hearing that made me think back to this guy I have been running into all the time lately, like around my neighborhood and my job, and it is really creeping me out. I'm not scared of her, I've met her, she's as skinny as a twig, and I'm slightly overweight, but I am scared of the people she knows. Am I overreacting? Should I just let her have him?? I need help Reddit
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2016): What do you mean you let her have him? You and Jimmy aren't even in a relationship he can see whoever he wants if you don't like that then you need to tell him that you want to be more than friends. If not you should stop checking his phone and you should not care is he sleeping with his girlfriend or not because neither of you are with him exclusively.
A
male
reader, N91  + ♥, writes (5 August 2016):
 I think you want more than FWB with Jimmy don't you ?
I think you need to start being honest with yourself and decide what you actually want to come out of this. If it's a relationship which to see sounds like the direction you want it to head in, you need to be upfront and ask him what the deal is.
If this was strictly FWB, you wouldn't care what Jimmy is up to with other people. You'd be like 'meh' and wouldn't be overly bothered that the prospect of you guys sexual relations being over and going back to friends. But this isn't the case is it?
You've even been asking his friends to find out what's going on between them and that 100% is not the behaviour of someone who's only in a FWB relationship. You like this dude more than you were anticipating, I've been there and gotten myself into th exact same situation twice in the past and know exactly how it feels.
You need to either ask Jimmy out (which doesn't usually go well after a FWB, but I could be wrong) or just cut your losses leave them guys to their own devices and move on with your life.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 August 2016):
 Jimmy is just your FWB and to be honest, you're going way overboard about this whole thing. You agreed you didn't want a relationship. Why then does it bother you so much what he does? FWB means no strings attached sex and no questions asked. He's free to sleep with whoever else he wants.
If she's being the crazy, then you're behaving like the current, cheated-upon, wronged, paranoid girlfriend. Why are you asking his friends about his life? And why are you even do sure that whatever they're telling you is correct? And why would you even think that they owe anything to you too tell you the truth? They're his friends, not yours.
Coming to the next point, this girl said you should "watch your back"? Sweetie an FWB like Jimmy is just not worth all this pain.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (4 August 2016):
 If you two are FWB or whatever such that it's only sex, then I don't see why is it any of your business whom he is romantically getting entangled with. FWB means no romance, just sex, so he is free to look for that with his Ex or not. His Ex sees it this way as well and probably appeals to him on that, that his ties to you are so insignificant that it should be easy to leave you, and looks don't have much to do with it.
As for your security and the creep you keep running into... you may want to snap a pic of him, confide the pic and your situation to somebody just in case. Keep a little log of your daily activities on one of these cloud apps that back themselves up... even tho I'm of an opinion that she is using this as intimidation tactic to get you away from him.
So your options are: (1) keep FWB going and sit and watch what he decides without frowning on his decision or (2) ask him to be exclusive if that's what you want and see how he reacts. Option 2 assumes that if he chooses you then insist that he goes no contact with the skinny girl.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 August 2016):
 Friends with benefits surely can get complicated, can't it? I say this from personal experience. I started off seeing a girl who I was close friends with. We agreed it was purely sexual in nature and nothing more. And all seemed to be fine and dandy until we both started chatting with other people. Then jealousy reared its ugly head. We sorted everything out and worked through it. However, it can be very complicated.
In your situation, you say that you two aren't together and merely started seeing each other just because you were lonely. But I think if you're honest with yourself, at this point, you have some fairly strong feelings for him. This seems apparent due to how much you seem to care about him reconnecting with another woman. You went through his phone and spoke to all of his friends. If he were truly just a fwb, you'd not care enough to do any of that.
At this point, I think it's safe to say that your fwb situation has run its course and is either going to (a) turn into an actual relationship, or (b) be the end of you two. You need to sit down and have a legitimate talk with him. Tell him you are jealous and have realized you don't want to share him with other women. If he feels the same way, he will cut her off and be with just you. If he doesn't, he will tell you. Either way, you'll at least have an answer.
As it stands, he's not technically done anything wrong, seeing as how you two aren't in a relationship together. That's the bitch about friends with benefits. They can be great; but when they're bad, boy can they be BAD!
Just be honest, and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 August 2016):
 I think you should decide WHAT you want from Jimmy and then talk to him.
DO you WANT a relationship or to be his FWB?
If you say I want a relationship, then talk that through, but I would make it clear that IF you two become a couple the contact with her needs to drop, because SHE is not "just" a friend. She is an ex that wants him back. Either he will agree or he won't. I think if he won't agree to dropping/blocking her... he isn't over her and it would be best to end it and for you to move on.
If you want to continue to be FWB... then you don't REALLY have a say in whom else he sees and/or sleeps with.
So make that choice first.
As for her sending e-mails to you? Make any e-mail FROM her account go straight in the bin/spam folder. DO NO react to them.
A for the dude who might/might not be a friend of her following you? Sounds a little too... "overactive imagination" to me, but.... I don't think ignoring the fact that you get the creeps from him either. Snap a picture of him and as Jimmy if he know who he is?
And DO keep details on when/where you see this dude, JUST in case he is a stalker OR a problem.
Last but not least, decide if Jimmy is really worth all this drama.
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