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Friend always requesting money

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Question - (10 November 2022) 8 Answers - (Newest, 27 November 2022)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello,

My so called male friend is in between jobs he works here and there. Always asking to borrow ( never has returned nothing) it's almost like he waits on my payday. He says hes broke I need food, I need to pay this or that.

I made a simple request, let's see your bank account balance. I didn't ask for any info on his account just the balance he couldn't do it. Then he says forget it, God will see him through.

Don't I have a right to ask something simple since he's always requesting money?

View related questions: money

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2022):

You said if you see someone is using you for money you back off and there is no problem. Why did you not just do that this time then instead of writing to us? It's clear you should have backed off from lending this guy money before. You did not need to ask for advice on it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2022):

I'm the op I'd like to thank you for your comments.

To the person that wrote I want more than friendship with him, your wrong. I lend females money as well, they pay back. I'm kind, however, if I see I'm being used I back off.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2022):

A gullible person would see this in black and white and say you are naive and kind to lend him money but it's clear to me that you fancy him and want him to be more than just an ordinary friend (most don't lend money to ordinary friends by the way) and think that if you lend him money he will like you more and more - daft. He will like you less and less because he sees how stupid you are. You also forget that a relationship with someone who is honest and works hard never works out if the other one is dishonest and lazy.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (15 November 2022):

If it's one time then you're just trying to help. But from the sound of things he's interested in working, he'd rather have other people support him.

It was a reasonable request but you shouldn't be loaning him any more money so you should have just said no.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2022):

I never understand why people like you bother with people like that. They don't care about you, respect you or like you. They lie to you and use you and yet you still carry on being nice to them. Life is too short to waste time and money on someone so selfish and immature. You need to wise up. You cannot buy friendship or love no matter how much you give a person. The more you give the less they think of you, they laugh at you behind your back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2022):

Well, technically no, you do not have the right to know his bank account balance, that's a very private info that he is perfectly free to not share with anybody if he does not wish to do it. Then again, you are also perfectly free to not give him any money anymore , right ? This would be actually the simplest , easiest solution, - you do not need to get inquisive about his finances, you just need to get protective about yours !

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (12 November 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWell, you nailed it in the first sentence when you called him your "so called male friend". This is no friend. This is a sponge. A parasite. A leech. A user. I am sure you can think of some other suitable nouns to describe this low-life.

The reason it seems "almost like" he waits for your pay day is because that is exactly what he does. There is no "almost like" about it. He knows you have money then and that is when he feels entitled to help himself to your hard earned cash, with no intention of repaying it. YOU have taught him this is OK by putting up with it, over and over again. Time to reverse the lesson and teach him you are not his mother, or his bank.

Whether you have a "right" to ask to see his bank statement is irrelevant, although the fact that he refused should tell you everything you need to know. What you have a right to do it say NO and mean it. What he is doing is effectively stealing from you. That is NOT OK.

I suspect, once you start saying NO to him, he will disappear and stop being your "so called friend". You cannot buy real friendship. Stop letting this man use you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2022):

He is not your friend. He is a user and a loser. I am talking from experience.

I used to have a "friend" like that. He always was asking to borrow money that he would never pay back. When we would go out to eat, he would always have an excuse why he couldn't pay. When I stopped answering his calls and stop responding to his text, was the best choice I made. I only wish I would have ended our "friendship" a whole lot sooner.

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