A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now. Our way of handling stress is much different. I'm suprised we've lasted this long. He is hot headed to the point where he says and does the first thing on his mind. I am pretty quick tempted as well but I've learned to hold my tongue and just wait til I cool off. Things have been progressively worse and I haven't been able to tell him what's been bothering me. Everytime I've tried to talk to him he does and says things that keep me quiet. Today we got into an arguement and he says I remind him of his ex. That one really hurt. He had been with this girl on and off since high school. He said things that she was always fighting and physically would hurt him. Now he said I remind him of her. I never lied, cheated or kept him from things like gaming. I've done so much for him and for him to say that ..just hurts. I don't know what to do...I wish and asked for him to end things if its so bad. He said he was just going to sleep.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (24 November 2013):
 Sounds good OP, Thanks for the follow up!
FA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much :) ...all of your advice is sound and helpful. I'm going to bring this up with him. Hopefully we can work things out and if not well I gave it my best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 November 2013):
 You may or may nor really remind him of the ex, BUT it made YOU shut up and that was his goal. It's a passive-aggressive manipulation maneuver.
He fights dirty. Comparing you to an ex means he is telling you WHAT NOT to do and what NOT to say, because he knows most women are people pleasers. So by saying oh you act JUST like the ex, he is shutting you up, but also making you think that whatever you did was wrong and you MUST not do that again.
And THAT works too because you now feel like you are no longer able to tell him what bothers you.
Stop apologizing. And stop leaving it up to him to end it. If this is how he treats you by games and manipulations after 7 months, do you really think it will get better down the line?
I had an ex who pulled the "ex did this" "ex did that" card on me quite often to get me to do things I didn't want to do. I didn't recognize it in the beginning, but he basically wanted me to COMPETE with an ex. Once it dawned on me, I felt utterly stupid for falling for it.
My husband told me once (in the beginning of our relationship) that my cooking was awesome and that his ex couldn't cook. And I put my foot down pretty fast, telling him that I had no intentions of competing with her in ANYTHING. That she was her, I am me, and SHE ought to be in the past. After that there was no more talk of the ex. (except when she started drama with us lol but that is a whole other kettle of fish).
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (22 November 2013):
He found your button that time. He is in the habit of attacking at any offense this time he just picked the wrong words. I'm sure that in some ways you did remind him of his ex, but not in all ways. He turned off the argument with you by going to sleep, which I think is his way of saying it isn't that important to him. The thing about this whole situation you are in that worries me is where you say that lately you have not been able to communicate to him. You start and he pushes one of your buttons and shuts you down. He is getting into a bad habit (probably not consciously) of shutting down communication. This is possibly why he is feeling a similarity with his ex. If he did the same thing with her, he may have reached the same stage with you. Now breaking up is the easiest solution for you, but he needs to learn what he is doing that is disabling his relationships. And he needs to take good steps to fix it. A counselor would be appropriate at this point. Unless I'm way off in my understanding.
FA
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