A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I are happy together. We are each other's best friends, we share the same interests and spend the majority of our spare time doing fun things together. We spend more time together than the average couple, definitely.But we've recently decided that we function so much better sleeping in seperate beds! While I miss the cuddling through the night and knowing he's close by, what I missed more was being able to spread out. I find that when we sleep together, I never get a good night's sleep! He's a very light sleeper and I go to bed at night trying to stay as still as possible.. worried any slight movement will wake him.. and so I never really relax and I'm never really able to fall into a deep sleep! He misses spreading his legs out.. and frequently goes to do it, before waking up with a fright, realising I'm next to him. I'm the same. We both miss the cold patches on the other side of the double bed that we once had. You know, when you're feeling hot, so you roll onto the cold patch and drift back off to sleep again?I missed not being able to sneeze, sniff, stir, clear my throat.. and he's the same.When we sleep apart, while I miss the cuddling, we both get a full night's sleep and we're better people in the morning. We have more energy and we feel happier, as apposed to having that horrible 'furry' feeling you get when you've been in and out of sleep all night.. and our moods are generally just much brighter.Does anyone else find this? I'm 28 and he's 33. I'm worried we're the only couple that do this!! It's not something I feel comfortable asking anyone I know. It's more of a secret that only we share.I hope to hear your HONEST opinions soon. Thanks so much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): Wow. Thanks for the HONEST feedback everyone. When I posted on here, I was really questioning how serious it was. Now I know not to worry so much.
I also struggle with the temperature difference. My partner could melt polar icecaps during the night, whereas I can't stay warm.. I have to be wrapped in double layered woolen sheets so I don't wake up freezing. We share all the same interests during the day and have the same ideas about what we want for our future.. same hygeine habits etc.. but as far as sleep goes, we are polar opposites!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012):
My wife and I have not slept in the same bed (except on vacation a few nights here and there) in about 6 years.
I won't lie and say it is wonderful. I really miss sleeping with her sometimes and she with me.
However, overall this is much better for us. She is a light sleeper, I snore, and we keep slightly different hours.
We used to fight a lot about waking each other up, being hot in bed, etc. Now it is a non-issue. I get up when I want. She gets up when she wants. We never keep each other up and or blame each other for our lack of sleep (if it happens).
It used to be very common for couples to sleep apart. We get much better sleep apart than together. It's weird, because there was a time when we couldn't go to sleep apart from each other.
We are both 40 by the way and together for 20 years. 14 years in the same bed and 6 apart. Sometimes we talk about sleeping together again, but I am not sure either of us really wants that. When we do sleep together it kind of sucks compared to each having our own queen beds.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): I didn't sleep in the same bed with my boyfriend because even after we had sex, he could continue to touch me sexually all through the night, even if he was half-asleep. Apparently, he couldn't help it. I couldn't sleep in a state of semi-arousal all the time and it made me irritable and grumpy. So we decided to sleep in the same room but on different beds. This is more common than you think, but perhaps not for the same reasons.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 It seems this arrangement works in your case.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 My parents are the same. I've always wondered about it but never questioned it. Occasionally, they'll sleep together but most of the time he's downstairs and she's upstairs. They find nothing wrong with it and it doesn't affect their relationship at all. If this is what's best for you and him, then continue and do your own thing. There's not a standard of normalcy for every couple.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 April 2012):
 I often OFFER to sleep in another room... he balks.
what about a bigger bed... if you have a double or a queen you will be amazed at the real estate a king gives you.
in fact we found it too big and stayed with a queen size....
it's very common but I have never known couples with king sized beds to feel the need as you both have the same width as a twin.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Wow I would definitely go for a place with 2 master suites if it was an option! I didn't even know they thought to do that. I don't know which would be better, my own bedroom or my own bathroom.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): I've read it somewhere that out of all the houses which are going to be built in the next 10 years, 50% will have two master bedrooms, for him and for her. It is becoming a trend, people are finally "waking up" and realizing that you don't have to sleep in the same bed in order to have a happy relationship.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (6 April 2012):
 I can't sleep the night with my boyfriend. He does that wierd jerking thing and fidgets a lot. Also he radiates so much heat it is unbearable.
Once he is out of my bed, I sleep a whole lot better.
A good night's sleep is pure gold.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 April 2012):
I've been wanting to do the same. My bf is a very heavy sleeper and he moves around a LOT, while I'm a very light sleeper. In college we did manage to share a twin bed for a few months though. I've suggested sleeping separately (we live together) but he gets unbelievably hurt. We found that sleeping in the same bed but with different blankets actually solved most of the problem.
But I think this is a lot more common than you think, it's just weirdly unacceptable to talk about. If you're both happy with the situation, who gives a rat's behind what anyone thinks. There have been studies that found that couples who sleep in separate beds (even separate rooms) sleep better and are happier than those who don't.
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