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Do I end our friendship because I don't like his female friend?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2020) 4 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2020)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have a male friend who I trust completely, he has a friendship with another girl and the two of them are friends, but I don't trust her. I prefer to keep my distance from her and try not to follow her on social media. She appears to rub off on him and not in a good way. He is a nice guy so I'm sure he doesn't pay much attention to majority of her comments. Do I end the friendship with him? If not what are appropriate ways to not become frustrated with him at the thought of her?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2020):

Thank you guys for your support you are absolutely right!!!! He is doing a great job with setting boundaries between the two of us and I need to appreciate that. I don't trust him and I am going too. Yes, we have a strictly platonic relationship and it has been that way since high school for me. No feeling trust me guys. But I think he likes me and I don't trust his motives of friends around me. But he has been respecting boundaries and I will congratulate him and learn to trust him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2020):

If this is only a platonic-friendship, what do you care about his other lady-friends? Who are you to decide who's good for him, or who's not?

I think this is about jealousy and competition. I think you may have (or you are developing) romantic-feelings towards your male-friend. Even if you're not interested romantically; you are creating potential drama that may turn against you.

If he isn't dating you, and you're not officially a couple; what she says or does to him is up to him to judge. If she tends to double-cross him, let him deal with it. Your view of the other female apparently doesn't coincide with his feelings towards her. They have an understanding. If their friendship thrives in spite of what you presume not to be in his best interest; I think it is up to him to come to that conclusion without your interference. He apparently forgives her, and doesn't take it as seriously as you do. Your bias could be more of the problem here!

You are not obligated to like her. You can avoid any and all contact with her, if you wish. You don't get to decide for him whether he continues his friendship with her. She apparently hasn't done anything bad enough that he feels he should let her go. I guess you'll have to deal with that; or you can reject them both, and go find yourself new friends.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 April 2020):

Honeypie agony auntWell, either you trust this friend or you don't.

You claim you trust him, but you also claim that he seems to be changing because of her.

Which in turn might mean that you CAN'T trust him as much as you thought.

If you never hand out with her around him, I'm not really sure what the problem is. You don't HAVE to like ALL this friends or be friends with his friends.

And you may think SHE is the bad influence on him, but who knows. Maybe... he is the bad influence on her too.

Instead of ending the friendships, take a good look at what these "things" are that he is now doing you don't like. Do they affect YOUR life? YOUR friendship? If they do in a negative way, then maybe talk to him. Without dragging HER into it.

If nothing changes, then lessen the time you spend around him.

You post comes off most as you being jealous of her, than worried about your friend.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2020):

N91 agony auntWhy would you end the friendship? If you don’t need to interact then what’s the problem? Some of my friends hang around with people that I don’t particularly like but I couldn’t give a crap because I don’t have to interact with them in any way.

To end a friendship with someone that you genuinely like because of someone who impacts your life in no way is pretty childish. If he likes her then so be it, is your friendship worth more than your level of distrust in this other woman?

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