A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, so I've went on a few dates with this guy, and we have really been hitting it off. Like, I can see marriage and kids so far, and we are so so similar in person. I have a huuuuge crush on him and he seems to feel the same about me. However, I googled his social media usernames and found a webcam girl account. It is obviously him, he mentions his pets by their names and suggests his favorite drink to the webcam girls. He is obviously addicted and on the webcam service just about every night. Should I just end things here, or bring it up with him. We have really connected so well but...paying for sex workers is really not something I want to have to deal with later on.... I don't care about regular porn but the paying and interactive aspect squicks me out.Is it possible he could stop if we get serious? He is very introverted and seems to have been seeking an emotional connection with the webcam girls. I don't know, I feel like if I bring it up he might just hide it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2017): Time to move on sweetie.
He's never going to change.
Hanging on will result in your heart being torn to shreds.
He's only interested in a fantasy life.
Better to bail now when you haven't fallen in love with him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2017): Personally I would think twice about getting involved with a man who thinks its ok to buy another human being for sexual services but that's me . Sure they will justify it with all types of excuses about how the woman chooses that line of work and they are paying her but men like this are seldom educated or care about the societal or gender issues that lead to this being one of the few fields of work where women are paid better than men . Sadly prostitition and porn are two fields where women can make more money than men ( for the short time their bodies are considered porn worthy ) this tells you a whole lot about society , inequality and also the men who think it's ok to exploit
I'd really think twice about what type of values this person holds and how he truly sees women and relationships EVEN if he promised to stop
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 June 2017):
 This one's going to be a bit more involved of an answer for you than even I thought when I first read it, but you need to know the full measure of who this guy is, and make a decision NOT based on hormones and crushing and wishful thinking, but the sharp intellect of truth, coupled with your intelligence that has left middle and high school far away.
FIRST of all, KUDOS to you for doing a check on this guy. I applaud your choice! More people should do this for possible partners. They would avoid some life-shattering land mines.
Let's see here. He's into webcam chatting EVERY NIGHT?? That is some serious addiction, and to be honest, that means that he is shelling out some serious money on sex workers. This has not just one, but TWO potential dealbreakers here.
The first one, you've identified. Do you want to be with a guy who frequently pays for the service of sex workers, even those who don't actually touch him physically? I also agree that it's different from porn, because the imagery isn't random, but he is establishing relationships and connections with these women night after night.
The second one, you may not have thought about but is every bit as serious, and that is that he may have financial issues. Webcam sex costs money, either in minutes or tokens, which can add up to some astronomical costs. Webcam addiction has cost thousands upon thousands of dollars for people who have it, and in researching to answer this question, ran across the story of a guy who spent his father's life insurance policy on his webcam addiction. Many of these girls will private message the addict and ask for more money for a girlfriend experience.
I would move on if I were you, because if this guy had a heroin or meth addiction or gambling, would he stop it just because he has you now?? Addiction is addiction, and it sounds like this guy has it bad.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 June 2017):
 You know that someone who does this EVERY night is not likely to give it up for you, right?
It becomes an addiction or obsession - it's a fantasy that ALWAYS goes his way because ... he pays for it.
While he isn't engaging in physical sex, I wouldn't date a guy who was busy with other women (albeit over a cam) it's just not something I'd be OK with.
The fact that you are posting this means that you aren't really happy about what you dug up. The thing is, HE didn't disclose this to you because he KNOWS (if he is just a little smart) that most women would NOT want to date a guy who does this.
Aren't you glad you found out now instead of down the line?
Is the fact that he is doing this nightly cam-girl thing a DEAL breaker or not for you? If it is. Wish him well and MOVE on.
Thinking he will STOP for you is... well, unrealistic IMHO. Just like if he was smoking or drinking.
If he was looking for people to connect with he could have joined forums talking about his hobbies or what not... NOT paying to watch women diddle themselves.
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