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Can he change or should I just leave now?

Tagged as: Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 March 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 14 March 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Pretty much, me and my bf have been going out for about 18 months now, were in a LDR (200 miles apart) and everythings pretty good overall, however...

After a while i get upset because we havent talked in a while, like 4,5 days, no communication whatsoever. I send him texts in this time, but he will only text me back if i ask him a non relationship based question. When he does, he's always very sweet,telling me he loves me etc. But i don't feel it's enough. I've stopped phoning him now because i want to know if he wants to talk to me by phoning me in a sense. But he's not giving me anything, but when we're together, there's so much love between us - I just can't let that go.

It's just, this has been a problem ever since we started going out - and i would say something and he'd promise he'd try harder, but after a short while, its back to the same old thing, and now its got to the point where i cant even be bothered to bring it up now, as i feel theres no point.

He's such a sweet guy, he doesnt mean to ignore me or make me feel this way.

What can i say to make him change or should i just leave now?

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A female reader, Good Girl United States +, writes (14 March 2009):

Good Girl agony auntThat is up to you. I can tell you that most people aren't likely to change. Playing tug of war really only exacerbates the situation. Experimenting by not calling him is probably only going to frustrate you and it may send him signals that you don't really like him anymore. If you're worried about infidelity while he's gone, you have to decide if you can trust him. If more affection and attention is what you need, you have to find a way to make that happen for you. Expecting change is a fairly hopeless situation from my experience. Maybe you can try to change some things about your expectations or lifestyle, but you cannot change him. If you are thinking about breaking up with him, try to see the gorilla standing in the room. Maybe you want to break up with him because you are lonely and he isn't meeting your needs. Don't threaten him with leaving if you really don't want to because that is just as bad as making him feel like he isn't making you happy. Love is about happiness and appreciation. If you're not sharing that, a change must be made. Good luck, I hope it's a happy ending!

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