A
male
age
41-50,
*isconnected
writes:My wife and I have been married for six years. We have one child (a toddler) together. About a year ago, my wife stated that she was questioning whether or not she wanted to continue our marriage. I was in absolute shock. She stated she had been unhappy on an off for the duration of our marriage and I should have been aware of this. I wasn't. We went to counseling and she was able to communicate the multitude of issues she had with me. She feels that I am controlling, impatient, unhappy and my energy is to much for her. Through therapy I have worked on all these items and have made changes. At this point my wife says that she still isn't sure she wants to be married even though she recognizes the changes I have made. She states, even though objectively I am very attractive, she does not have any desire for me. She looks at me like a roommate. Her most recent comment has been, that ever since she told me of the issues she had with me, she has felt as though her feelings for me have been broken. She does not know if she can love me again. Question: Does anyone have any ideas on how to fix this broken feeling that she has? Is there anything beyond talk therapy that might work?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): It's common for women to have depression after giving birth to a child. If you haven't changed then changes are inside her. Take her so her hormonal balance can be checked because those can get out of whack after giving birth. As for control issue, I'd say that right now she is controlling because she is issuing all these demands on you and using love/hate as leverage to manipulate how you act. Do take her for hormonal checkup.
A
male
reader, Jimblob  +, writes (27 June 2014):
Controlling, impatient and angry. I wouldn't want to be married to that either. Praise her strength for admitting the marriage is going no where. I'd bet my bollocks she has found someone else though.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 June 2014):
Is it possible that she suffers from depression? Maybe she needs to be seen for that specifically. My wife began having doubts about our marriage a couple of years ago. Long story short she went on a mild antidepressant and things have been great since. It didn't kill her personality, it just allowed her to see things the way they really were, not as her depression made her think they were.
Also, I'd suggest you start going on dates. Do new things and learn new things. Grow as a person independently of her as well so she can be interested in you.
Ask her for time. Tell her that you need to give a serious go at it and if things haven't changed after awhile then a separation may be the answer, but it's the last resort.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 June 2014):
 You are the same person she married six years ago are you not? When two people become one unit it is easy to blame things on the other when there is unhappiness. I think you have done enough. Men are not as expressive and as a stereotype, they have a stern face. The ways she describes you could be very attractive to other women. I am not sure if all women want a smily face all day. I know I don't. Having a baby also changes a lot of things. I had experienced loss of attraction to my ex husband after having my baby but I would only walk out of a marriage when there's abuse, and an impossibility to live together. What I would do is remind her of the marriage vows and even when she feels like this now, you will continue doing husband and father duties. It's up to her. What some people would suggest is trial separation. I don't recommend it when you have a toddler. She needs to know that falling out of love can be a temporary thing and feelings can be brought back. She is not the only one being stressed out. If she wants to separate then it is important to lay down the rules that the separation is for her to decide if it is worth it to fix the marriage, and that it's not a time for her to look for a new man to bring her excitement in her life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): It calls falling out of love. Many people continue living together despite this for the sake of children, and comfort, but many like your wife choose to just end it.
It's a hard step to take, but sheis going for it. I don't think there is anything you can do, really, if she doesn't love you anymore.
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