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... Send *evMick a private message | | | *evMick's profile:I think most of us have days where we feel a little down, but that doesn't mean there is necessarily anything wrong with you.
I try to speak from the heart and give advice that makes sense, comes from personal experience and that you can hopefully relate to your situation.
I'm not perfect, I don't think anyone but Jesus was or is. If I make a mistake in my comment to you, let me know through feedback or a message and I can learn from it.
I counsel a few clients and friends with life issues, faith based issues and anything they need just a welcome shoulder to cry on or talk to.
If I could give one piece of advice to anyone who comes here it would be:
*Be yourself
*Don't let anyone else put you down
*No one can live your life for you
*Make mistakes, but learn from them |
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What to say to this inquisitive but kind work colleague?
Q. a woman at my workplace similar age to me (35-40) may at times asks me what I think of my colleagues, she has only been working at my workplace a few months and I dont know her well and dont work everyday with her, but I do li...
A. 14 May 2014: Hi OP,
I would refrain from talking about colleagues in a work environment (heck even outside of work) for the simple reason, there is a lot of office politics that goes on in any work place.
Everyone wants to get the juicy gossip and store... (read in full...)
Boundaries with a patient- husband is a physical therapist- please would like some advice
Q. Will try to be brief :-) SOme history: Im 43, BF is 48- we are both divorced and in a solid trusting relationship for past 6 months. Knew each other 3 years as friends so good foundation. BOth very happy. We live separate for now and everythi...
A. 14 May 2014: Hi RunnerGal, I have to say that what he is doing is not professional or ethical. There are stringent rules about anything relating to health professionals, carers etc. I personally know, you can't accept gifts, you cant even accept artwork (if... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend, he won't forgive and forget...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about four years. Two years ago, I cheated on him. My boyfriend is much older than me, and as far as I can remember our age difference had nothing to do with me cheating on him. I also have borderline personality ...
A. 14 May 2014: Hi, I'm going to sound really harsh in saying anything because what you did was a pure betrayal of someones trust and love. You wanted to know if sex with someone younger was better, but instead of ending the relationship to find out. You kept th... (read in full...)
He found a smudge on the wall .........
Q. I have been living with my partner for 10 years. We have 2 kids. My name is not on anything because I am trying to up my credit score (bad credit). He is an ocd neat freak. I am messy. The house isn't a nightmare, but it's not pristine either. He ...
A. 13 May 2014: Hi,
That sounds a tad unrealistic (he would never get custody just because of that). I would remind him that kids can be messy, it's how they learn and how they interact with the world.
If you know you are messy, you could make a bit more of an... (read in full...)
What should I make of his regretting breaking up with me?
Q. My ex broke up with me 2 days. He's been under a lot of stress with everything from work to friends to our relationship. The last thing he wants to do is to think. So he indulges in computer games and neglecting me. This is not the first time that ...
A. 13 May 2014: Hi,
I think things are getting to him and he uses the computer to relieve the stresses of day to day life.
Some men don't have the tools to speak what is in their head's. I know personally I am a very step back kind of person and it's hard to... (read in full...)
The passion has left the marriage. What more can I do?
Q. So my wife and I have been married for 18 months. We have lived together for 4 years. Best way to put this is I am basically the woman of the relationship. I do about 90% of the house work, cooking cleaning ect. I was just raised that way to be very...
A. 13 May 2014: Hi,
I would take the issues she raises about being unhappy with herself at face value, and tend to believe it is true. Unless you know otherwise.
3-4 months without sex is not natural for a married couple, and if she will not commit to seeing... (read in full...)
It seems like my sex-drive is out of control
Q. I have an embarrassing question and cold really use some help For as long as I can remember I have been natural wet down there. To the point in high school I had to wear panty liners because my panties would get so wet. I have always had an extre...
A. 13 May 2014: Hi sexuallyembarrassed,
Sources have proven that masturbating is actually good for your body, it relieves stress, it eases menstrual cramps and it can help with insomnia.
If it is interfering with your work life then I would see a GP or your... (read in full...)
Does her Skype fling mean it's over for us?
Q. My wife and I regularly share digital gadgets so when I used her iPad I was surprised to discover it open on a Skype chat with a young guy half her age (we're both early 40s, busy professionals, married 15 years with 2 kids). He'd sent a photo of ...
A. 13 May 2014: Hi,
I have to believe you caught it before it led to a physical meeting. She invested time and money into finding this person.
I'm afraid to say that I believe she has cheated emotionally if not physically and that said I wouldn't let it ... (read in full...)
Is this friendship appropriate?
Q. Hey. I have a little-big issue here. I've fallen for a girl way younger than me, she's 16 years old. She's extremely intelligent and mature, but at the same time she's a teenager, so she knows how things work but doesn't have a life plan and I know ...
A. 13 May 2014: Hi,
There are those who will say 'Age is only a number' but I myself wouldn't get involved with her. She is still young and even though you aren't much older I feel it's inappropriate.
By the sound of it, so do you.... (read in full...)
How to deal with a friend who is alway trying to out smart people?
Q. How to deal with a friend who feels like they are too smart for their own good? So I have this friend who is always trying to out smart someone and it is starting to annoy me. Is father was a business man in South Africa and the father is always...
A. 13 May 2014: Hi SBX,
Count your blessing you know this now, move on very quickly as he will turn into his father.... (read in full...)
I love him but I can't stand his father
Q. Hi! Not really sure were this is going but i need some 'outsiders' advice. I have been with my partner since i was 17, he proposed to me on my 21st birthday and have been engaged for little under a year. He totally swept me off my feet, words ca...
A. 13 May 2014: Hi,
When you come from a family like that, you do gloss over it. I can understand a son who has seen his father with nice things, nice cars, watches and jewelry and be awe struck.
Unfortunately I think your boyfriend is under the illusion tha... (read in full...)
How can I get my husband to step up in the personal hygiene department?
Q. Hello. I have a problem that I really need advice for. Thing is, it's kind of gross, and I don't mean to offend anyone. My question is, how can I get my husband to step up in the personal hygiene department? I'll give you some back story. He i...
A. 13 May 2014: Hi,
Tell him straight, no clean no sex/bj. In an adult relationship things like this shouldn't be an issue and if he doesn't have the self respect to clean himself, refuse sex.
It's not just cleanliness but can lead to infections in yo... (read in full...)
Depressed and deliberately avoiding my friends. Any advice?
Q. This is hard to explain, but I am going through a difficult time at the moment. Sometimes, I have ignored my friends when they have tried to contact me. I don't know how to explain to them that I am going through a difficult time at the moment. I ...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi,
Depression is a terrible illness and can impact on every part of your life, you health and your friendships. I would just be open and tell them you are not feeling yourself and can they please understand and be there when you need them.
... (read in full...)
I need help in moving on from a nasty breakup.
Q. Hi. I really really need help. I was in a relationship with this guy for 5 years. I loved him way too much and endured a lot for him. I forgave all his blunders but when I made a mistake of fighting, he dumped me. I made so many efforts to ...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi sammy,
I'm sorry you are in a bad situation and it's not right that anyone should dump on someone as much as he seems to dump on you.
The first thing to do is realize how much better off you are now, there is no one to dump on you. You are ... (read in full...)
How do I distance myself from this woman who has a fiance?
Q. There's a woman I've known since we were 16 (we're 24 now) and I've always found her attractive, though we've never been close friends. Always just acquaintances. She was always in a relationship while I've always been highly focused on my care...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi, Why would you have fallen for someone you yourself describe as never friends only acquaintances? Lot's of people are good to talk to, but you wouldn't dream of falling for them. I think you need to stop texting, sexting or whatever it'... (read in full...)
After all this time I'm suddenly thinking about my ex again?
Q. i keep thinking about my ex and feel awful as i have a boyfriend that i am head over heals in love with. i have been with him for two years now and literally never even looked back, until recently when an up coming event will meen that we will meet ...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi helpmoi,
I think everyone thinks of their ex from time to time. If only in passing. You were in a relationship with them so must have had feelings.
I would say sleepless nights and messaging him just to talk is a tad extreme.
Your... (read in full...)
I accidentally sent my step-mom a sex message intended for my girlfriend!
Q. Okay. . .I know some of you will be tempted to think this a prank message and OH BOY I REALLY wish it was at the moment. My girlfriend and I got into "the mood" and decided to send sex messages and pics to each other. We were really getting i...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi,
I think she will have guessed it wasn't for her. Maybe had a laugh or just deleted it.
I think you are giving it far too much thought. Accidents happen and that's all there is to it.... (read in full...)
How do I comfort my grieving boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend just lost his father to cancer (with whom he had a strained relationship) and his way of dealing with it is ignoring his feelings and brushing off the topic. I see that he is shutting himself down emotionally - he's short tempered w...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi,
Mourning is a very intimate thing, I think you have been there for him as much as you can be. Now it's time to step back and let him cope.
When I was 8 I lost my great grandfather, was in the same room when he passed on. The problem is, ... (read in full...)
Do I need help for watching porn?
Q. I am a young female and i have been in a faithful relationahip with my bf for almost 4 years. Sex was great for the first 2 years. Hes gained weight and sex was painful for me. We havent had sex for months. I look at lesbian porn i!dont like all the ...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi,
Not a female agony aunt, but hope the advice is still welcomed.
I don't believe you're weird for a second. Lesbian porn is more about the touching, foreplay and intimacy of two people in the sexual environment than straight porn.
I thin... (read in full...)
What does proposing mean for a man?
Q. Hi agony uncles What does a proposal mean to you? What is it like to propose to your longtime girlfriend, if she was waiting for it for a long time and sent A LOT of hints? Do you want to surprise her with the question even she is really expe...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi,
I think proposal mean's you are ready to make the commitment to having a life together. It means you have thought about your individual life, and found there is a place for that special someone in it (in a big way).
With my first wife, I we... (read in full...)
I can't connect emotionally.
Q. Hey everyone, I have started dating again after a small break and here I am stumbling again on my biggest problem: creating an emotional connection. Emotional connection is necessary in order to escalate things. Yet, I am unable to push things f...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi,
I would say, everyone is different. I know people who develop bonds/connections easily and I know people who have a hard time like yourself.
It all depends on a number of things, I would look back at the people and relationships ar... (read in full...)
I am seriously questioning myself as a man
Q. I am a 46 year old married male who has been married for 24 years to the same way too beautiful wife, I have a type 1 diabetic since age 3 and I have been physically disabled after getting hurt on the job and needing dual knee replacements and a ...
A. 12 May 2014: Hi,
When we are injured or going through a disability or disease, it's really hard to be positive all the time. I myself have cancer and you do find your mind wandering.
I don't believe your wife is having an affair or slept her way to the t... (read in full...)
My ex's mum messaged me and I'm not sure if or how I should respond!
Q. Today my ex's mother has facebook messaged me. It is the first time I have heard from her, and I was relatively close to his family, so am not sure whether to respond or how. The message was nice, she was sorry to hear about us breaking up, she ...
A. 7 May 2014: Hi,
If the messages are of a nice polite nature, there is no problem returning them.
If however you don't want to, then you don't have to. There is no hard and fast rules. You did dump her son, but you didn't dump his entire family I assume.... (read in full...)
In an LDR for 3 years, we rarely see each other, and have had sex 3 times! She says she loves me but I'm not sure she wants to be with me. What should I do?
Q. Hello.I am a 31 year old guy and I have been in a relationship with a younger woman for the past 3 years.We live around 100 miles from one another but have kept things going but I rarely ever see her and in those 3 years she has come up to see me ...
A. 7 May 2014: Hi,
I think you have invested more attention than your partner (I can't use the term girlfriend because you have seen her 3 times in 3 years).
In essence you haven't actually been together these past 3 years (you can't count time apart as th... (read in full...)
Am I gay? Am I straight? How do I find out?
Q. I am a 30 year-old man confused about his sexual orientation. This is a looong question, but I request you, PLEASE do read it is entirity. MY GAY PHASE: As a kid I was a sissy. I used to always be scared of things, used to cry easily e...
A. 7 May 2014: Hi, I don't think there is any hard and fast rule about what makes you either straight/bi/gay sometimes it suddenly clicks when you meet your "type". I have a friend, who like you was effeminate growing up, yet he tried when he was in his late... (read in full...)
It's obvious there is something 'off' about my new neighbor, how do I deal with it?
Q. I think there is something wrong with my new neighbor . He is in his late 50s, has a very sweet wife, grown children and an 8 years old granddaughter. We live in our house for 3 years, and mostly young families with small kids. They just moved in a ...
A. 7 May 2014: Hi,
I would be careful about jumping to conclusions as I counsel a number of men and women with mental health issues, and some of them do have problems with what they think and what they speak.
It could be a form of dementia or senility. The fa... (read in full...)
Lack of emotional closeness in otherwise good relationship?
Q. I have learned to accept that my girlfriend of three years is a little bit emotionally distant by nature. In three years I have never seen her cry, she's just not one who gets sad or has her feelings hurt or needs an abundance of affection, etc. ...
A. 6 May 2014: Hi,
Some people are naturally affectionate where others are less so. I would go with WiseOwl and try showing her you need some attention by giving her a little more attention (not too cringeworthy) but just enough to show that you expect the same... (read in full...)
I can't turn my back so what do I do?
Q. One of my closest friends had cancer, recovered well, got the all clear 2 years ago. We all supported her through it. She also has an obsession with pain in her mouth and has been seeing specialists for almost 3 yrs and they can't find a reason. S...
A. 6 May 2014: Hi,
It's difficult I have bowel cancer and on the one hand you don't want to burden those around you, but sometimes you just want someone to be there so you aren't alone.
In this case however I have to say it sounds like your friend is suffer... (read in full...)
From friends to something more? or no? advice pleaseeee xx
Q. Hi guys, I have a guy friend, and he is a great friend. 4 years ago I liked him and we were together just 2 days, which is nothing. After a while we became really good friends. I was friend with benefits with his friend. All of this was fine. Al...
A. 6 May 2014: Hi there,
It's really tricky going from friends to something more, you always worry if it would ruin the friendship.
Sometimes we are in love with the idea of love, or in love with the friend image of someone. However people change in relati... (read in full...)
Why is she taking birth control?
Q. I'm in a LDR, my girlfriend and I are in different countries due to school and we can see each other every three months or so. she is on the pill. why would a girl be on birth control if she is not supposed to be sexually active?...
A. 6 May 2014: Hi,
I think being on the pill is a wise thing today, it doesn't mean she is actively having sex.
To be effective the pill needs to be constantly taken to work effectively, as someone already mentioned. It helps with period pain and other things... (read in full...)
I don't want to be a gay man.
Q. How do people accept being gay so easily? I'm starting to think I'm gay but I don't want to be. Sure I could pretend to be straight for the rest of my life but I'm not sure if that's what I want but I don't want to lead a gay lifestyle either. I ...
A. 6 May 2014: Hi,
There are other options besides gay and bi. You may be asexual and just not want sex with any gender.
Do you feel attracted to men or women?
Whatever you are or decide I wish you the best of luck. Life is hard enough without the added... (read in full...)
I feel like it's tarnished the beginning of our relationship and don't know if I can get past that.
Q. I started seeing a guy 5 months ago. At the beginning we weren't serious and he took some time out when he had a few problems with his daughter. Things are now good between us but the trouble is I have suspicions he slept with 1, maybe 2 people when ...
A. 6 May 2014: Hi,
So I think what you're asking is, 'if something did in fact happen can I still be in a relationship with him?'
I suspect, you have already decided where to draw the line in your mind. Whether he cheated or not (or technically slep... (read in full...)
'I was hurting for so long that after a while I became numb to the pain'... what does that mean?
Q. What does it mean when an ex says to you 'I was hurting for so long that after a while I became numb to the pain? - This was in reference to a conversation about our break up just before christmas, it was awful since I was in a bad place and didn't ...
A. 6 May 2014: Hi,
There comes a point when someone or something hurts you so badly that you begin not to see the pain anymore. It becomes normal.
I was counseling a teenager a few years ago, her boyfriend used to beat her, her father had abused her and s... (read in full...)
How do I give her support? My friend has been her Bf for month. Now he wants to spend his Birthday with his guy friends, not her
Q. hi, please please tell me what i should do? A friend of mine have been dating with her bf for 1 month. On this friday it will be her bf's birthday, and her bf said that he doesn't want to go any where with her, but instead wants to go with the...
A. 6 May 2014: Hi,
Space in a relationship is really not a bad thing. Everyone needs some space, I would look into the context. As you say it's only been a month and he is still clinging to being a single bloke and having a night out with the mates.
It coul... (read in full...)
Am I in love with her? I miss her so much. Is this love?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 8 months and she spends the night at my house and she left today to go home and I have been breaking down because I miss her so much. Does this mean I am in love with her?...
A. 6 May 2014: Hi,
You are young and hormones will be flying all over the place. It sounds just like you miss her, I would say if you are breaking down and it's not been too long, or it's over an extended period it could mean you are becoming dependent on that ... (read in full...)
What is friendship? Is friendship worth having? All my friends move away or pass away.
Q. Hello, I am just wondering if having friends is worth it? I have had friends before, but after a while, they always end up dying or moving 3000 miles away, to the point where I am questioning if friendship is real....
A. 6 May 2014: Hi,
Friends will come and go throughout your life, some will stay with you for 10 minutes others 10 years.
I think friends and friendship are two different things. To some people, a friend can be a person you are seeing on a regular basis, l... (read in full...)
I've been lying for years telling people I was 10 years younger than I am! Now I can't talk to people about things because they don't understand why I would worry!
Q. I am 34 and I have been lying about my age for nearly 10yrs. I don't know why I first started doing it, I just did and have carried on since. I live in a different country to where I grew up so it technically wasn't easy to do. Then I started dating ...
A. 3 May 2014: Hi,
Women lie about their age all the time. I would say it wasn't an issue if you'd done it as a joke. I know my grandmother has always said she stopped aging at 25. All she say's now is "I'm 25 and been 25 a long time."
Why did you start ly... (read in full...)
Don't want to seem like a nagging girlfriend. Is my reaction to his behaviour justified?
Q. My question is brief.......... I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for some months now. I love him and he tells me that too but my problem is i always get jealous when he 'likes' girls pictures or speak with girls on facebook or when i c...
A. 3 May 2014: Hi,
I would ignore it. Liking a picture or talking with a girl on facebook doesn't mean he is thinking about sleeping with them.
I think you need to find a group or friends who like the same things you do (whether on facebook or real life) an... (read in full...)
Has "nice guy" become a derogatory term?
Q. It seems like when you call someone a "nice guy" it seems as if it has some sort of negative connotation to it as if it is synonymous with loser, wimp, geek/nerd, pushover etc. basically anything that would be viewed as unattractive to the opposite ...
A. 3 May 2014: Hi,
It has become negative, and ask yourself this: when most women break off a relationship the words that get used most commonly are "you're a nice guy... but" (It's not you, it's me) basically.
It's easy to understand why something seemin... (read in full...)
How to socialize while keeping family stuff private?
Q. I have a big problem separating my private life from my social life. And it is seriously effecting me now. I dint have social phobia in a classic way, but my family life is so full of pain and shame and grief, that basically I'm unable to meet with ...
A. 3 May 2014: Morning,
If the boyfriend's parents are tactful and as 'good stock' as you are saying, then they will not want to bring it up. You said your son did something scandalous to them. They presumably know he was your son, so wouldn't want to bring it... (read in full...)
What's up with this old friend?
Q. What is up with my childhood friend? He has a girlfriend but has always been very protective of me with other guys i went out with saying they arent good enough and giving them dirty looks. Hes in his 30s im nearly 30 he seems to have put his ...
A. 3 May 2014: Hi,
"I don't wan't to tell him I love him", do you love him?
Some of his actions sound like an older brother figure (protecting you) , but then others make him appear jealous and playing love songs (unless a joke or to make you smile) is out of... (read in full...)
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