Like what
he writes?
... Add *lderthandirt to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *lderthandirt a private message | | | *lderthandirt's profile:I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot. |
|
Does he want me or my body?
Q. Hi I’m having trouble figuring out if this guy likes me or just wants me for my body. So I’ve known this guy for about 3 years, but we have never really started hanging out till the beginning of this school semester. We go to the same college and ...
A. 24 October 2011: OK, all men want your body but that's not 'love' so don't confuse the two(or let him be confused).Just take it very slow, the "real motivations will reveal themselves in time, then you can decide what to do.... (read in full...)
Do all girls use emotional blackmail to get things done for them?
Q. My girlfriend emotionally blackmails me that If I don’t do this or that , she will dump me. It has been happening for the last 8 months and we have been together since April 2006. She also loves me and three days back, when I came back from office, ...
A. 24 October 2011: At the extreem risk of sounding misogynistic,I'd have to say yes, women do use "blackmail" both emotional and physical to get their way...that's why they have absolute control over men. The options are: learn to live with it or stay away from them. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cant stop looking at porn and explicit pictures, and lies to me about it! How should I handle this?
Q. Okay, so in the recent past I've had some troubles with my bf of nearly 2 1/2 yrs looking at porn and having explicit pictures of girls on his phone. For ages I knew and didn't say anything. Until one day I asked does he watch porn and he said no. I ...
A. 20 October 2011: He's typical of all of us guys. We MUST lie or else we face ridiculous charges of being unfaithfull,etc. IF, our own sex lives were one tenth as good as those depicted in porn, we'd have no need for it but sadly, the real world is a wasteland of ... (read in full...)
Marriage in trouble..
Q. I am unhappy because I haven't been getting along with my husband for a while as he has done and said a number of things over the last few months which have really hurt me. These things revolve around him talking to his exes and not caring for my ...
A. 20 October 2011: Daniel has hit the nail on the head. He usually has great advice.... (read in full...)
How do I help her gain confidence again? She was amazing before! She is now scared and nervous about sex
Q. Really need some advice. I'm gay and ive been dating this amazing girl for about 3 months and its been perfect. Recently however she has been lacking considerable confidence when we have sex, and now its got to the point where she just won't do...
A. 20 October 2011: There it is the first sign of a long relationship; the first thing to go is the libido. Sorry my friend there's no good answer to this age-old problem. It's just the way we're all wired or something. After many long years of experiencing the same ... (read in full...)
Please help me stop obessing about the guy I'm dating!
Q. I just would like a little help to stop me obsessing so much about a guy I'm dating, I'm driving myself mad! I met him through an online dating site, this isnt the first time I've used online dating so I know what to expect. We had an amazing f...
A. 20 October 2011: Luckily, "Obsession" is a "curable" issue. The simple way is to go spend a ton of money at some shrink's office OR, the hard way is to find alternative interests like scubba diving or bridge or even bowling. There's always the danger though of ... (read in full...)
I suspect something is going on with my girlfriend and another guy, should I let her go?
Q. Hey...my 17 yrs girlfriend is giving much time to her male frinds than me, and i suspect something is going on with this other guy and when ever i put the issue on the table she tels me that if i ask the guy anything it wil be over betwen us. please ...
A. 19 October 2011: FCall her bluff! Ask the guy and let the chips fall where they may.... (read in full...)
Couldn't get it up.....
Q. So there's this guy i've been hanging out with at uni. We're both 18, and he seems like a genuine lovely guy. Anyway the other night we were both out at a party with separate groups, but ended up hanging together, kissing etc. I should point out we ...
A. 14 October 2011: Happens to the best of us. The frustration factor is intense when it does.... (read in full...)
I fall for men too quickly, how do I stop this?
Q. How do you stop getting too emotionally involved too quickly? I have been dating a very nice man for a couple of weeks, and I am conscious that I am probably falling for him too quickly. I think he is great, his personality, his sense of humour...
A. 14 October 2011: As an older man who has seen a lot of strange relationships. it just sounds to me that you've not yet met "Mr. right". There are way more "mr. wrongs' than there are 'Mr.OK" or 'mr. right' My only advice and I'd give this to my granddaughter too ... (read in full...)
Wife's sexual past is tormenting me
Q. I was a virgin when I met my wife. More than that, I didn't even have another serious girlfriend before then. Meanwhile, she had a bit of an adventurous past. At the time we first dated I didn't really care. However, once we fell in love it reall...
A. 14 October 2011: Join the club my friend, it's never going to leave your head either. 47 years later, I still have regrets but I wasn't 'perfect' either so think about your faults too.... (read in full...)
Are the steroids the reason for him behaving like this?
Q. My boyfriend told me he was taking anabolic steroids after we had dated for about 4 months. Recently, he never talks to me, treats me like crap. Took back all of his promises he kept to me. I am moving 3 hours away in a few days and he used to ...
A. 14 October 2011: The term "roid-rage " comes to mind it refers to steroid takers that suddenly seem to lose control of themselves and inflict pain...might want to walk softly and be safe.... (read in full...)
Is my post-orgasm refractory period unusually long?
Q. When I have sex, I typically have no physical interest in sex again for at least half a day. And if I do try to have sex at that time, arousal is difficult unless my wife is wearing something particularly arousing. Also, the orgasm takes more time ...
A. 13 October 2011: With age comes lower testosterone levels which (sadly) equals dimished "recharge times",drive and response. Life's a beach and then we die. Wait untill 60+ you won't even bother asking the question.... (read in full...)
Our relationship was amazing and now.... I need help knowing what to do next!
Q. Dear Cupid I’ve been in a relationship for just over seven months and it’s been amazing up until recently. Before I ask my question, here’s a bit of background that I hope will help… My ‘girlfriend’? and I met and it was very much love at fir...
A. 13 October 2011: OK, That was long and complicated; my response is short and simple. RUN!... (read in full...)
I keep having dreams about a girl.....
Q. I think I'm in love with this girl because I saw her at a store the other day and my heart started pounding really fast, I got light headed, I was weak in the knees, and I got dizzy. Here's the catch: she's my best friend's sister. Let's call my ...
A. 12 October 2011: Your sub conscious is talking to you try listen up... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my best friend and it's complicated
Q. A couple months ago, I finally told my female best friend that I've had feelings for her for 3 years. She is also lesbian, but she admitted that likes someone she'll never get (another married woman who's 10 years older than we are) and she can't ...
A. 12 October 2011: Your partner for life had better be your best friend of you'll never be settled.... (read in full...)
Should I just stop talking to the guy I met online? I think he is talking to other women as well as me.
Q. Hello everyone, I used an online dating site for the first time. I met a man that I was interested in meeting. We have been emailing each other once a day for 1 week. He keeps pointing out how much we have in common and how great I seem. H...
A. 12 October 2011: I tend to believe that the eyes are truely the widow to one's soul and the internet provides closed eyes. You should only have relationships with people you can see face-to-face so to "read their eyes not their words.... (read in full...)
Is masturbating nasty? Some girls say it is. Girls don't like me
Q. I am 29 year old i have been single for 5 years now . Girls dont like me because i am stocky and they say that i am ugly . Is masturbateing nasty? because i do it every night . I started doing it when i was younger. Don't girl...
A. 8 October 2011: It's your body use it as you see fit..As far as women go who knows/ I've known omen that have never even had an orgasm and could care less.... (read in full...)
Should I write to my ex wife?
Q. I am divorced from my ex wife for half a year and I miss her very much. We were separated for a while before that, and the marriage was very problematic before that for years although I felt we were still strong enough to fix things. Im wonder...
A. 8 October 2011: No! no more than you'd write to an ex-girlfriend back in hugh school. Close the book it's over.... (read in full...)
What is do the numbers signify? What's normal for you? Is more sex with more people success? Or is more relationship with one person more?
Q. Out of curiosity, how many a) romantic relationships (i.e. dated for a while, no sex) b) full-on-committed relationships (i.e. with sex) and c) sexual relationships did you have by the time you were 22/23? This question is both for men and wom...
A. 6 October 2011: At ages 17&18(in high school) just "heavy petting" no real sex,then college@18...all the way. Post marraige,2 times with other than wife. It's NEVER enough!... (read in full...)
Age gaps while dating in school?
Q. My mates younger brother asked me a question the other day that i couldn't answer properly so I thought I would ask the dearcupid community. In a rough round about way he is 15 and he fancies a kid a 2 years younger but he was getting stick fr...
A. 4 October 2011: Yeah I know it was a few generations ago BUT it still seems to be true, If you calculate the difference in years and multiply it by the calader year age of the boy that will equal the "real" age differential because as you may suspect the female ... (read in full...)
When married guys flirt are they looking for the "emotional attachment" that I miss too? Or are they just looking for no frills sex?
Q. Does anyone else have a difficult time getting over a crush? I am married with kids and in my late 30's yet still wonder whether my married crush thinks about me etc. My husband is very attractive and athletic - more so than my crush but is some...
A. 4 October 2011: Men tend to "flirt" to boost their own ego. they know there's no chance in the world anything will come of it. We are an insecure lot but can't help ourselves.... (read in full...)
Is this guy just a time waster?
Q. About 1 year ago I met this guy at work and we briefly worked together for a few months. During that time, it was clear (or so I thought) that we were interested in each other, but nothing ever developed further. We would speak at work and ...
A. 4 October 2011: Could be just wants to be a friend OR could be a time bandit just depends on your expectations.... (read in full...)
My wife is not interested in sex
Q. HI, I am 36 years old, married and have three kids, 9, 4 and 3. My wife is also 36 and we have been married for 10 years. We have a nice life - good kids, good jobs, good family support. Due to the kids, we have spent the better part of the last...
A. 4 October 2011: Welcom to marraige in the real world. Most husbands live with this problem. There's no answer to it because the female world sees this as a no problem problem and that we men are just too creepy to fully understand their "feelings"...just keeping ... (read in full...)
How to be in solitude and heal from heartbreak
Q. So I've learned now that I am not worth that much to my husband and in a great deal of pain. I'm very depressed and lonely. I am not ready to leave this relationship at this time. I don't want another man in my life and I don't want to make friends. ...
A. 4 October 2011: You should read up on Zen Budism(No, that's not a joke, I'm serious) Budist monks are very keen on solitude and they have a disipline to it . it is VERY enlightening. This is good stuff,you will become a new person.... (read in full...)
Sex starved, thinking about the porn business?
Q. Let me tell you my story. First of all, I'm a nice guy, fairly good looking, clean-cut, just turned 32, and I stand a shade under 5'6. My friends and co-workers tell me all the time that I'm handsome with a nice body. Secondly, I'm thinking abo...
A. 4 October 2011: You sre so right ;you Do only live once, however, you just might be expediting that once by chosing a "vocation" that is a high exposure to AIDS and other life ending germs. You'll never know what you're getting from who even though the other ... (read in full...)
What's a good idea for his birthday?
Q. My boyfriend's birthday is next month and I'm at a loss when it comes to his gift. We've been together for a year and a half, and on his last birthday, I got him a bottle of cologne, a dress shirt, a nice sweater, a pilsner glass w/his favorite MLB ...
A. 3 October 2011: From the list of "stuff" you have BOUGHT for him I must assume you two are not all that intamate. Things are nice to give and recieve but that's not "closeness" a nice qiet dinner for two with "rewards" afterwards would be a great and memerable ... (read in full...)
Did I cause offense? Should I apologise?
Q. I attended a get together with some friends the other day. These were a new group of friends so i got to chatting with some of them. There was this one girl who i started to chat to and we got a good conversation going. The conversation eventually ...
A. 29 September 2011: One can only offend those that need to be offended. Looks like you might be OK... (read in full...)
He never wants to get married because he is afraid a woman will take away his money.
Q. I've been married for 20 years. It was a loveless marriage and Im glad that I had the courage to end it. I've got my own house now and a part time job which I can manage to support myself. I've met this man 16 years older than me. I've been with ...
A. 29 September 2011: A well-worded "Pre-Nup" would take away ALL "fears" Money is great to have but it shouldn't rule over love... (read in full...)
Was I just a 'work girlfriend'?
Q. Was I just the 'work girlfriend?' A new guy starting working at my office 5 months ago and I was assigned to work closely with him. We hit it off straight away but while I was professional but friendly because it was work and I didn't know him ...
A. 28 September 2011: Work relationships are usually a brief flirtatious event,sounds like he bailed.... (read in full...)
B/f wants me to move to where he is and I can't do it!
Q. Dear Aunts, We just had a fight. My boyfriend got so furious seeing me talking to another guy on facebook. I wasn't doing anything wrong, and plus this guy is way younger than I am. So I defended myself and said that he should have put his tru...
A. 27 September 2011: Nothing more dangerous than a "contoller' you need to move on to the next guy. This one sounds "toxic" Life is too short to live under someone's thumb.... (read in full...)
Insane jealousy driving me crazy, please help!
Q. Hi. Does anyone have any help for me in how to deal with jealousy/insecurity? I have been with my bf for almost 2 years and we are about to move in togther. I know he is my one, I have never felt like this about anyone, I love him deeply. The thing ...
A. 26 September 2011: Insecurity is common at a younger age. You just neeedt to grow years. At my age, you'll look back and wonder why you wasted so much ennergy when you could have been laughing and having a good time. Life is too short to worry about things that may ... (read in full...)
What does this mean in male language?
Q. I am/was seeeing this guy for about 3 weeks and then he sends me a text last friday saying "youre really full on, i think we should cool it for a bit. im not ready for this sort of thing. sorry x" What does this mean in male language? Does it mean ...
A. 25 September 2011: my "read" is he's scared too death that you want to have a lon-lasting relationship and he's way not ready.... (read in full...)
Why would he suddenly make his facebook photos public?
Q. A guy removed me as a friend from his facebook list because he wanted no regrets and didn't want me to know about his actions. I got a really amazing makeover in the upcoming year. I know I shouldn't be searching him but ... I did. Anyway, he has e...
A. 23 September 2011: Facebook is becoming the root of all anx. I wish it had never been developed. A: it's imposible to figure out and B; It's just plain dumb to have a bazillion "friends" that want to chime in on every posting..it's just dumb!... (read in full...)
G/f complained about my penis. Is she cheating?
Q. my girlfriend recently started complaining of my penis size. Could this be the sign she is cheating on me? ...
A. 23 September 2011: It could be but more likely than not it's your perception of whatever she said about it because there is NO bigger issue we guys have than our size or lack thereof. I'd bet if you replayed the event and the words, you could come up with an ... (read in full...)
18 year old with crush on 14 year old?
Q. hi guys i am 18 and i have a developing crush on a 14 year old girl and i just wanted to get peoples views on this is it weird to you or doesn't it matter to you? ...
A. 23 September 2011: It's not wierd BUT it will never work out at your age 4 years may as well be 40.... (read in full...)
Ever since we had sex, I am an emotional wreck!
Q. So i am 16 and i am a junior, and I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months now. We are very much in love, and he is extremely special to me, so a few weeks ago we had sex for the first time. I ended up having to take a morning after pill ...
A. 22 September 2011: You were too young emotionally for the trauma of sex. Yes I said trauma. Sex brings a lot of baggage with it(guilt, shame, resentment, buyers remorse etc.) It's normal to get all nervous and jerky about it at a young age. Now you need to wait a ... (read in full...)
Who do I pick? Ducky, Arby or Dorky??
Q. Help me pleased I don't know what to do! Okay so I have a few diferent guys asking me out and I got no Idea who to pick. 1 guy is my ex BF (call him Ducky) Him and I were dating for like a week then I had to break up with him cuz of drama in my l...
A. 22 September 2011: NEVER pick the dangerous" one always go with the sense of humor dude. Wouldn't you rather laugh a lot than be all tense and stuff?... (read in full...)
How can I help my wife to see that her partying with her gay and straight male friends is ruining our marriage?
Q. Hi, i'm 28, my wife 27, been married for 18 months now. Our marriage has been good up until now; she's a lovely wife and a kind, caring person. However, she's been going out partying far too much with her gay friends, and refuses to invite M...
A. 22 September 2011: I don't know but it sounds like there's not going to be a
'and they lived happily ever after" ending here. My reaction would be to file for divorce but that's just me. I don't know her and you do so maybe there are some redeeming qualities you'... (read in full...)
Help me to figure him out
Q. I know women are supposed to be the confusing ones, the ones that dont know what they want, and are hard to read. But this man, i just cant figure out. what exactly does he want from me? ok lets call him Chuck* I started talking to chuck, ab...
A. 21 September 2011: My take on this is that his maturity level is in developmental stages and his ability to express emotions is trying to put thoughts together but for now it comes out in clumsy rehtoric. We men have a hard enough time expressing feelings but it's ... (read in full...)
Why couldn't I get an erection?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 weeks now andwe have been sexually active for 2 weeks strait and she is almost addicted to having sex with me which is fine cuz I usually want it just as much as she does but the other night we were hanging out ...
A. 21 September 2011: Stuff happens my friend, happens to the best of us. no need to fret over it though, life goes on. Next time may be better. There is no problem here so don't make one out of it. There will be times that she can't "perform" too, mother nature ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him exactly what I think? Or just completely ignore him! Hes hurt me so much! Please help!
Q. Im after some good honest opinions as im going out of my mind with frustration. I was seeing this guy for 9 months but he treats me like crap. No matter what he does though i still wanna be with him. Im in love with him. He always blows hot and cold ...
A. 21 September 2011: I know THE thing to use these days is texting BUT I can't think of a worse way to try to communicate a complex issue like this is. My suggestion is to try the old fashion write a long letter approach that trys to cover all the possible "come-backs ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him exactly what I think? Or just completely ignore him! Hes hurt me so much! Please help!
Q. Im after some good honest opinions as im going out of my mind with frustration. I was seeing this guy for 9 months but he treats me like crap. No matter what he does though i still wanna be with him. Im in love with him. He always blows hot and cold ...
A. 21 September 2011: I know THE thing to use these days is texting BUT I can't think of a worse way to try to communicate a complex issue like this is. My suggestion is to try the old fashion write a long letter approach that trys to cover all the possible "come-backs ... (read in full...)
| *lderthandirt's friends
These are mutual friends, so *lderthandirt has
added them and they have added *lderthandirt!
|
