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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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Is he loyal or lying? Help!!!
Q. hi well my boyfriend knows this girl n she has his mobile number and they go to the same school and in the same class he says he hates her but she says that they talk all the time and get on and she says that he stirs up stuff about me i need help?...
A. 9 July 2006: He probably says he "hates" her, only because he's worried that you'll worry otherwise. And the other girl may be overstating the case by saying they "talk all the time". The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. I'd suggest that he gets along ... (read in full...)
I married her out of laziness, now she's pregnant and I worship someone else!
Q. In 1998 a girl invaded my life. Through neglect or simple laziness, I went out with her without complaining, even though she grated with me. She idolised me. Five years on and the relationship was still there, again through my laziness to tell her ...
A. 8 July 2006: You never loved her; you don't love her now. The fact that she's expecting your child doesn't seem to have softened those facts.
I'd say cut to the chase. Seriously. Let her know that you're sorry, but it wasn't working for you and you want to ... (read in full...)
Should I try for 2nd time lucky with my ex?
Q. Hi, my name is Jeff and my girlfriend recently broke up with me, about a month ago. I have a broken leg so I am stuck in the house...which brings me to asking for help from anyone I can. My relationship with my ex girlfriend was great fo...
A. 8 July 2006: Whatever happens, it's unlikely to happen soon, so be patient.
Looking at your breakup from the outside, I'd say that you were feeling insecure about her feelings for you, and your verbal abuse was your way of trying to dent her self-con... (read in full...)
Ready to ask the girl out... but what should we do?
Q. Hi All I really like this girl. I have been getting some great advice from here on how to ask her out as I think she likes me and I know I like her. But I don’t know what to do. I mean, I don’t think I should wine and dine her straight away - ...
A. 8 July 2006: Hi Mr Z,
You could try inviting her to a public place where you'll happen to be, so that you can see her without the pressure of being the only entertainment for your whole date. Something like meeting at a local swimming pool strikes me as a fun... (read in full...)
I've been easy.. Up to now. How do I play hard-to-get?
Q. Dear Cupid, For pretty much my entire life, I've been what most people would consider "easy". I've never had a boyfriend, but in order to get me to go out with him, a guy wouldn't have to do much more than say, "Will you go out with me?" Well, ...
A. 8 July 2006: The very phrase "playing hard to get" lets you know that it's a game, doesn't it? It suggests that you're not really "hard to get"; you're just acting the part because you thought you were expected to.
But rather that playing games with men's mi... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on our baby?
Q. Hello, I need some thought and expert opinions. I have a baby girl and she will be turning 2 in October, and she says some words here and there and recognises the different words and sounds and actions, so the norm for a two year old. My curre...
A. 7 July 2006: My neice's carer for a time was Mexican-American, and at the age of two my niece was speaking fluent Spanish, as well as excellent English.
She learned quickly to ask visitors whether they 'habla Espanol', and to converse in whichever language... (read in full...)
He ridicules me until I cry!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. and we live together Our current issue involves miscommunication. He gets really defensive and ridicules the things that I say, as if I am not getting my point across (as many times as I may ...
A. 6 July 2006: Surely, after 18 months together, your boyfriend knows you better than almost anyone. Sorry, but a misunderstanding (and I still doubt that's what it is) is no reason to argue with you to the point of tears.... (read in full...)
He ridicules me until I cry!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. and we live together Our current issue involves miscommunication. He gets really defensive and ridicules the things that I say, as if I am not getting my point across (as many times as I may ...
A. 6 July 2006: Where you see 'miscommunication', I see control issues.
What stands out for me is that he becomes 'defensive' and 'ridicules' you until you're 'in tears', for goodness' sake! Only then does he become 'the nicest guy'.
That's not a matter of ... (read in full...)
My GF says she isn't happy being with me but doesn't want to let me go! How do we work things out?
Q. I am a 20 year old male and in a relationship with my high school sweetheart after taking a year and a half off when we went to college. The problem we are having right now is that she says she loves me and cares about me, but isn't happy anym...
A. 6 July 2006: Unfortunately, there's no way to make a person feel attracted to you. It's painful, but there's no way around that. If she says it's over, then I'm sorry. It's over.
Relationships that start in high school have a way of sputtering out, because ... (read in full...)
Do as I say, not as I do! It's ok for me, but not for you!
Q. Hi, I am 50 and my b/f is 63 years old. We have dated on and off for 10 years. We have never dated others during our breakups. I am learning how to swing dance. My boyfriend is an excellent dancer but very impatient when it comes to helping ...
A. 6 July 2006: Sounds like a self-esteem problem to me. You know you wouldn't stray from your boyfriend, because you know your own heart.
But if you secretly think that you're 'not good enough' for him, then a part of you is worried that he'll find another ... (read in full...)
Our long-distance relationship came apart... Would it help if I went there?
Q. Hi I need help, My ex is in london and I'm in another country and I was planning on giving up everything to be with him, and for us to be together, but then we broke up out of the blue and I'm in serious pain, but I still would like to go but the ...
A. 6 July 2006: You don't say on what you're basing your hope that he'd be interested in getting together again, but if it's a possibility, can you plan a short visit to London to talk with him in person about it?
Don't make it a 'reunion celebration' in your min... (read in full...)
My girl lies about her texting habits!
Q. my girlfreind is 18 and i am 20 we have been togeather a year and we live togeather, i love her to pieces and i know she loves me but she lies to me allot mainly about her phone, she gets paranoid that i am going to run off with an ex so i said wel...
A. 6 July 2006: Dr Pete is spot on, I'm afraid.
You say that you love her, and "know" that she loves you, but your relationship is full of lies and secrets and arguments, and it's obvious even to me that she's seeing other guys.
I'm sorry to throw that in yo... (read in full...)
I like a girl from school
Q. Hi All I am new to this site and feel I need some advice. I really like this girl at my school we are good friends and get on really well. I have liked her for a while now and want to ask her out but lets say i aint the best around girls, I ...
A. 6 July 2006: I think you have a good chance of her going out with you, based on the fact that she was willing to have her photo taken with you at the prom. When you think about it, that picture is going to be her one lasting reminder of the night, and you're the ... (read in full...)
My BF has just joined the army and feel that is more important to him than me!
Q. My man has gone in the army n i hate it! i feel that he has chosen the army over me and i dont feel special anymore. I understand that this is what he wants to do with his life but i see it as the army is more important to him than me. I know i ...
A. 6 July 2006: Well, good for you that you at least recognise that it's a bit of a self-centred way to think.
The fact is, succeeding in the Army requires a period of total commitment from recruits, and your boyfriend is going to have to really throw himself ... (read in full...)
I think the flame is dying, but I don't want it to
Q. Dear Cupid, I am currently having a long-distance relationship with a man 7 years older than me. He is 30 years old. I am a student in college. We were physically together in a relationship for about a year, but have been taking it long-distance...
A. 6 July 2006: Sounds like his message is pretty loud and pretty clear. It's "don't call me; I'll call you".
Let's recap:
* He warns that a move in with him might not help the relationship.
* He's already telling you to visit family, and you're not even ther... (read in full...)
First I said yes I would, now I don't want to
Q. Hia, Me and my boyfriend have been going out for just over 2 weeks. He's much more experianced than me (He's 15, and I'm 13). The other day he asked me if I would give him a hand job (wank him off), and I said yes. He's coming over my house on Tuesd...
A. 6 July 2006: Yay, Yos!
Anon 13-yo female, please listen to Yos. Those would have been my exact words to you.
... (read in full...)
Too self-conscious to get a pro to give me a wax, and not ready to shave it again!
Q. Hey I'm 16 and I'm really really worried and scared. I'm a wax virgin in all areas and my boyfriend and I have decided that our next step is "oral" but I'm so scared because "down there" is really bad. I don't want to put him off but I'm really ...
A. 5 July 2006: If "down there" is "really bad", then what you need is a shower, hon, not a wax!
If what you mean is that you grow hair on your mons, then rather than being "really bad", you're really very normal. Try to see it that way, instead of regardin... (read in full...)
Does anyone know anything to get rid my condition as my GP hasn't given me good advice about it?
Q. a couple of months ago i asked a question on here which asked if my problem (pectus excavatum) could affect me (question was 'could my defect put a woman off sex?'). I thought it was things would be fine but things are now worse. I've now quit pla...
A. 5 July 2006: A quick Google brought this up from eMedicine:
* Indications for treatment: No doubt exists that operative correction should be considered in patients presenting with pectus as well as with cardiopulmonary impairment.
o The most c... (read in full...)
Got dumped by my BF because I was a "terrible kisser". Now I'm worried about my kissing skills!
Q. hey um.. This is kinda awkward for me. I've never done this before, liked asked a question like this. I'm really inexperienced and this guy I'm with knows every trick in the book (if you get my meaning). I'm worried that I'll put him off becuase ...
A. 5 July 2006: When they start out, *no one* knows what they're doing, so don't be put off by his experience. After all, your boyfriend had to learn from someone, right?
And don't assume that not knowing how to kiss is a dumpable offense, either. Most likely, ... (read in full...)
I have communication issues with my man!
Q. My b/f and i have been having more fights lately. Been together for a year. Sometimes i feel like his attitude is so indifferent and non-chalant. The way he invites me over to his family's bbq is by saying--what are you doing for the 4th and then my ...
A. 5 July 2006: I think there are two problems here. The first is miscommunication, the second is a personality clash.
You're on the right track in discussing the miscommunication with him, but I think you're making it his 'fault' somehow that he says one thin... (read in full...)
I don't want his height to be an issue!
Q. I am going out with a lad that is smaller than me and when I go to kiss and hug him its awkward. Can you give me any tips? thnx xx...
A. 4 July 2006: The best two things I can tell you are:
1. Don't act like it's an issue and it won't be.
2. Unless you two are already adults, there's a very good chance that he'll get taller in a year or two, so you won't have to worry about it any longer.
H... (read in full...)
I feel so worthless!!
Q. A while ago someone at my school said I was worthless. To begin with I didn't listen to him but I'm now starting to think this is true. My friends leave me in the dark sometimes and everytime they go out I look on there pictures (on things like ...
A. 4 July 2006: To me it sounds less like you're "worthless" than that you're in with the wrong crowd of people.
Firstly, it's horrendous that someone would say to your face that you're a worthless person. In fact, it's so far beyond the pale that it's obvious ... (read in full...)
First he got into a mood because he ex was texting him, now she's not he's in a mood *again* !!
Q. ive been with my boyfiend for just over 3 months and care for him very much, baybe even the "l" word. he was with a girl previous to me for 18 months and made his life a living hell, she was so cruel i would wish it on my worst enemy. she was ...
A. 4 July 2006: It's too soon. He hasn't gotten over her, no matter what he's telling you (or himself).
Broken relationships, and especially difficult ones where one person has made a lot of sacrifices for the other, aren't something you just snap out of. He's... (read in full...)
Unsure of my feelings for my sex-crazy boyfriend, and attracted to another guy!
Q. I've been in a relatonship with this guy for almost two years. At the beginning, I felt I love him, but right now, I don't know whether what I feel for him is gratitiude or love because of the many things he has done for me in our relationship. T...
A. 4 July 2006: I think you need to separate from your current boyfriend to give yourself the time and space to think. DON'T jump straight from a bad relationship to another, unknown relationship, because I don't think you even know why you're unhappy right now. ... (read in full...)
Am I obsessed, or just in love?
Q. Hi, I'm 15 and been dating a chick for 5 months now. We went to the movies about 4 nights ago and the shirt I was wearing smells like her and I won't wash it. I keep smelling it cause it reminds me of her. Is this bad? Please help. I asked her abou...
A. 4 July 2006: The shirt thing is fine. A person's scent is a direct highway to the brain, and you're attracted to her, so the scent of her on your shirt makes you happy.
It's also kind of cute. So nothing to worry yourself over.
However, the sneaking out of ... (read in full...)
I think I need to lose my virginity!
Q. Hi I am 14 years old and I feel Im getting to that age where I think I should lose my virginty. I don't have a boyfriend or anything, but I really wanna not be a virgin anymore. Any advice? StIlLaViRgInNY...
A. 4 July 2006: Losing your virginity isn't like getting your ears pierced, or deciding to get a weekend job. People rarely decide that "it's time" and go out to lose it.
There's a reason for that. Sex is fraught with complications, and not just the ones you... (read in full...)
How do I outlaw my in-laws?
Q. I'd like to get peoples advice on this...what do you do about your annoying, nosey inlaws? Im talking about your spouses parents. My inlaws always look for a way to see whats going on in our marriage so that they could butt in, rule it some how (my ...
A. 4 July 2006: Be very careful how you work this problem. Because you're married to your husband, you're always going to have to deal with the in-laws. That's a given. If you offend them, or get them off side, that's going to double the stress on your ... (read in full...)
What shall I do about my ex-girlfriend?
Q. Hi. Ive posted on here a few times since i split with my ex. Im 26 and shes 20. We went out for 18 months and had a strong and affectionate relationship. I used to drink alot which she wasnt happy with and she made that clear. I tried to stop the ...
A. 3 July 2006: Your ex needs to know that you've really changed -- for real -- and not just as a temporary ploy to get back in her good books. That's a longterm commitment from you and it may take months before she sees that you're really not drinking any more.
... (read in full...)
Should I carry on going through this or get rid and move on... ?
Q. I need as many people's advice on this as possible, I'm driving myself mad!!! I started seeing my boyfriend, "Andy" before I split with my last boyfriend, "Danny". We didn't have sex, we just kissed and once, did some more stuff. I was so crazy a...
A. 3 July 2006: I see the situations differently from you. As I read it, you were with Danny and secretly seeing Andy (kissing and doing "other stuff", whatever that means) behind Danny's back, even though you weren't a couple with Andy.
Then you dumped Danny to... (read in full...)
Is there really... And I mean *really*... no way I can win her back?
Q. hi i have a problem my girlfreind who i started going out with in 1998 now sinvce the it was stable relationship till 3 years later when she dumped me and saids i never want to see u again wel 8 years later 2006 she came back into my life march this ...
A. 3 July 2006: Think about the facts in your letter:
* You dated for three years
* She left in 2001
* You didn't see her for 5 years afterwards
* You saw her for six weeks
* She's now married
I don't see a pattern of a girlfriend who wants you, can yo... (read in full...)
Is it not my right to change her?
Q. Hello. I have a problem and it's kiling me. I first started going out with this girl when we were only 11. We were soon snogging like we were much older. C,mon when you're 11 a full on snog in school is pretty wild. We lasted about a year and broke ...
A. 3 July 2006: No, you most assuredly do NOT have any "right" to change her into anything. You take the whole package, as is, or you walk away. You fell in love with the girl you *thought* she was. Now you know she's not that girl, so you don't really love _her_ ... (read in full...)
What's the latest abortion you can have?
Q. How long do you hv untill you can't have an abortion? i have gt untill wednesday if i am pregnant to find out weather or nt i am pregnant and hv an abortion cuz it's bin 3 mnths then and im getttin paranoid about it is it 3 mnths wot if u leave it...
A. 3 July 2006: Get a pregnancy test today. It's simple: go to the chemist and buy one. Then take it home and use it. Then you'll know if you're pregnant. If you've been hanging around, stressing over a possible pregnancy for three months, then you can actually ... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable wanting to be treated with respect?
Q. My partner has a very busy work life. I never know when I am going to see him from one day to the next and I find myself just dropping tools when he shouts. I don't want this, it really gets me down. I wish to be treated with respect but I am not ...
A. 3 July 2006: You're on the right track by making an independant life. You're also smart to realise that you're not his top priority right now.
Your guy has given you a very clear message that his worklife comes before his relationship with you. The only que... (read in full...)
Virgin or one-night stand... *You* decide!
Q. Hi, bit of a mental dilemma i'm in..... I have two dreams....very opposite to each other... The first one is to get married and to save myself (I am a virgin) for 'the one' The second is that I have this fantasy where I want to have a one n...
A. 3 July 2006: You'll still be young for a fair while yet. To my mind, you have another 6 or 7 years of Youth, to enjoy getting out and sowing wild oats. So maybe you're worrying about your future prematurely?
My thought on the matter is that getting a one-nigh... (read in full...)
I can't find a job and all my friends have one...
Q. I'm 18, I've never had a part time job before and I'm taking a gap year so I'm gonna need one. The problem I have is that nearly everyone I've been to asks whether I have had past employment experience and that is always my downfall. Yet all my ...
A. 3 July 2006: Don't underextimate the experience you might have in non-paid jobs. Have you helped out someone in their shop on a volunteer basis, or worked for a relative, or been engaged in a hobby that you can relate to the job you want?
You don't have to ... (read in full...)
Am scared with my new guy because of my past sexual abuse. Help!
Q. hiya, theres this lad that i know and we the other day we got really close, u know we was just going with each other and stuff but he wanted 2 take it futher and i wouldnt let him, coz i am nervous bout it coz i am a virgin but its also because when ...
A. 3 July 2006: First of all, I'm sorry that this happened to you. You have to tell someone! Before I talk about your problem, I want you to think about what happened to you when you were a little kid.
This guy sexually abused you, and you were too young an... (read in full...)
Is it me or is my penis too small?
Q. I am 15 and my penis is about 5 and a half to 6 inches long when erect. I did not see a problem with this until a boy in my class was laughing at somebody else for only having a 6 inch when erect and the other lads al joined in during the day. the ...
A. 3 July 2006: There's a twisted logic to the teasing kid at school and his jibes. If he puts down another guy for "only" having six inches, then the implication is that the teasing kid has much more. So he gets to claim credit for a big donger, without actually ... (read in full...)
It's not just all about sex! Really!
Q. I think my girlfriend thinks all I want is sex and what not, but it's not. I really love her. How can I convince her that's not all I want?...
A. 3 July 2006: Some men (and I'm not saying you're necessarily one of them) only show their wives and girlfriends affection when they want sex - and it can make women super-sensitive in the way your girlfriend seems to be. She might only notice that you only seem ... (read in full...)
I'm 13... And tired all the freaking time!
Q. I am 13, and quite far on in my teenage development. I get 8 or more hours of sleep a night. However, I feel completely shattered all of the time. I often need to lie down after school for an hour or so, and even then I'm tired. I have to get up ...
A. 2 July 2006: Another consideration is diet. Are you eating enough? Are you eating well?
There's a tendency for girls in their teens to live on a constant diet, worrying that an extra kilo or two of is unacceptable. Be that as it may, be sure that you have thr... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and............. hate my family!
Q. Im 13 and I hate my family so much.Everyone else my age really likes their family but I hate mine.I can't stand to be in the same room as them!When Im watching telly and a family member comes in I just get up and watch telly in the kitchen.I hate ...
A. 2 July 2006: You're wrong when you say "everybody else your age" likes their family. In truth, almost nobody at age 13 likes their family. So the short answer to your question is, Yes. Normal. The reason you suddenly feels that they're so stupid and oafis... (read in full...)
Is it stomach flu or pregnancy?
Q. how can I tell if my girlfriend is pregant?Shes nauseated or how ever you spell it,and her stomach has been hurting her for about 2 weeks and I shes been tired lately... Is this like stomach flu or pregancy?...
A. 30 June 2006: Not much to go on here... You don't say whether you've had unprotected sex lately, or when. When was her last period? Has she taken a pregnancy test?
If she's had an upset stomach for a fortnight then she needs to get to a doctor and get treatmen... (read in full...)
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