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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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My mum is charging us more than we can afford on rent, and is now threatening to evict us!
Q. Hello, I'm in a bit of an emotiosal time right now, you see, my mother bought a condo, (mortgaged it, actually) and moved me in after I was on the streets for 5 years. I lived here with my first BF, and we didn't have a car or anything like tha...
A. 29 July 2006: Start by checking out your legal recourse, if any. In every city in Western nations, there'll be a phone number for low-cost (or free) legal advice. That's your starting point.
Ring up and ask whether you can be evicted, and how much notice s... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work out if you each have different religions?
Q. Hi, if you and your partner have different religions but are madly in love with each other.. would the relationship work out?...
A. 29 July 2006: Of course it ~can~ work out, but whether it does in practice is dependant on a number of factors:
1. How devout is each person in his/her faith? Does each person make room for other's beliefs?
2. Are there plans for allowing each person the ... (read in full...)
I could stand lots of kissing in the beginning but now my gf wants to kiss and kiss and I dont want to as much, is this normal ?
Q. When I first started going out with my girlfriend we kissed and kissed and kissed all day and whenever we saw each other i could stand lots os kissing. We have been going out now for just over 8 months and I find kissing slightly annoying at time...
A. 28 July 2006: I think it is normal.
After eight months together, your relationship is emerging from the early honeymoon period. Most people do what you have done, which is to spend the first few months adoring each other, and kissing like mad, but then that was... (read in full...)
Is alot of Body hair normal ? And does it stop growing ?
Q. i am a 15 yr old boy and i would like to know is it normal to have a lot of body hair, meaning chest, stomach, back legs and bottacks, and i would also like to know when does the body hair stop growing????? plzz help me as im worried...
A. 27 July 2006: Now, now, you two! ;-)
Question-asker: if you ~are~ the same young man who keeps posting this question, then please RELAX! Yes, you're normal! No, it doesn't grow forever! Yes, girls will like you anyway!
Think about it: have you ever seen a ... (read in full...)
His cannabis use is dividing us! Should I move on or just accept it?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now. We are an awesome couple when things are great! But I don't know if I should leave him or not because he smokes weed. I don't like it. He says he'll stop when we are more serious about ...
A. 27 July 2006: Saying that he'll quit when you two become "more serious" is a distraction. Don't let him kid you. Right now, his smoking is more important than you are. I'd say that even if you became "serious", his response would be that you're not serio... (read in full...)
We took all the right precautions but im still worried I could be pregnant!!
Q. This Saturday, I had sex for the first time (It's Thursday now over here). My boyfriend and I are both virgins, and we used the Durex Extra Safe condoms which, as far as I know have spermicide included. We took extra care to make sure the condom ...
A. 27 July 2006: If the condom didn't split or slip off, then it's really unlikely. Try not to worry.
To relieve yourself of this sort of stress in future, consider getting yourself a backup method, or go get yourself on the pill, if possible.... (read in full...)
I met a nice guy a month ago, he now tells me he cant father children, I want children so should I end it ?
Q. Met a nice guy but a month into the relationship he tells me he can't father children due to medical reasons. I'm not sure whether to continue the relationship, am i being selfish? I would love my own children....
A. 27 July 2006: You can still have children with donor sperm, you know. They're 'your own', just as children with this man would be.
The real issue is whether he'd like to have children too. Maybe he can't be a biological father, but he can still be a great Da... (read in full...)
I want to find my father, but don't want to hurt Mum or my stepdad!
Q. Me and my mum had always lived together, just us two, until a few years ago when she remarried. I care about my stepdad but I don't get on with him that well. My mum always said she never wanted me to find my father and I never did too until re...
A. 27 July 2006: Don't sneak around your mum; that's going to be the surest way possible to cause a rift and bad feelings.
Instead, talk to her about this, gently, in small steps. Find a time when you're together and alone and introduce the topic with her, say... (read in full...)
Am I Bi or is it just a phase?
Q. Well here it goes, i am having a problem. i don't know if i am bi or not. i like boys, infact i like boys alot but for a few years now i have been finding myself attracted to girls. i start having thoughts of being in a female-female relation...
A. 27 July 2006: It sounds like pretty much a normal phase. You don't say how old you are, but I'd guess 15-17?
Lots of girls around high school age experiment with their sexuality, but only a tiny proportion actually decide that they prefer the same sex. It's re... (read in full...)
My officemate is 4 years older than me and I want to ask her out
Q. I've started to become attracted to my colleague at work since I've got to know her better. I talk to her quite often and we get on very well. However, I have not dared once consider asking her out as I do not want to jeopardise our friendship if ...
A. 27 July 2006: I'd suggest asking her out to join you for lunch, or a coffee after work. Keep it light and superficial, and she'll at least register your interest, without feeling too pressured, and therefore anxious about your working relationship.
If she's in... (read in full...)
Do i love him? Should i wait for him?
Q. okay well in the begining of this year, theres this guy sean that i went out with a few times on and off. i broke up with him and said it was because i was going to camp but i ended up going out with another guy that i broke up with for the same ...
A. 25 July 2006: If you're in junior high school, all of this dating stuff is really new and seems very LARGE in your life right now. The reason that you can't 'stop thinking about him' is simple: it's a new experience for you and your brain is still processing what ... (read in full...)
A teacher is letting me get away with a lot of offenses. He winks and stares at me and I'm getting freaked!
Q. I am very confused by the behaviour of one of my teachers towards me. He is a very strict teacher who never smiles and always seems annoyed and a lot of people find him scary. The problem is he behaves completely differently towards me. His face lig...
A. 24 July 2006: I think there's enough here to be concerned about.
For all that it's illegal, immoral and completely forbidden, some teachers *are* attracted to some students and there's real danger there.
If you're starting to get freaked, I really encourage... (read in full...)
I was concerned over her male attention whilst she was away, this annoyed her and nows shes not talking to me!
Q. recently my partner went abroad wth friends for 5 weeks, subconsciously i was asking lots of questions about male company ect, and my girlfriend became annoyed at this. i appologised for my actions and told her that it was because i felt jealous ...
A. 24 July 2006: Is there more to this situation than you've put down in your letter? Most women would be greatly annoyed to have their boyfriends hint that they were cheating, and she'd be right to freeze you out if you did.
Then again, most women would forgive ... (read in full...)
So traumatized by my failure that I am throwing up!
Q. Dear Cupid, Recently my girlfrien and I decied to take some space after I failed to meet a dealine as to when we were going to be engaged. It was recomended that we take some space by a couples therapist. Yet, after I moved out she told me she w...
A. 24 July 2006: First, you have to take some deep breaths. I've got hard news for you. You can't "get her back". She has to want to come back, and that's a different kettle of fish. You can't "fix" the relationship if she likes it as it is. The second bit ... (read in full...)
I just had sex for the first time and I can't be sure we put things in the right places!
Q. This is going to sound incredibly stupid, but here it goes. I had sex for the first time, and am not sure if we did it right. I think he put it in the right hole, but I'm confused. I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone, so can someone explain where he ...
A. 24 July 2006: Well, have you ever done any exploration of your genital region? You might need to be a little flexible, and you can even use a mirror to see, but you only have three openings: your urethra (urine), your vagina (sex/babies) and your anus (excreta). ... (read in full...)
Worried about body hair
Q. i seem to be worried about puberty im 16 yrs old and i seem to ave alot of hair on my legs from my thighs to nearly my feet, is this normal or is it not plzzzz hellppp me...
A. 24 July 2006: Hairy legs (and stomach and chest and back and buttocks etc) is 100% normal for guys your age. Some men are hairier than others, but a lot of women go for the "woolly look" so don't worry.
You're fine!
... (read in full...)
I'm depressed - can anyone recommend websites where I can discuss my condition?
Q. I keep sending some questions to this site but I don't feel it is working because a) the questions are not submitted by the person as they are irrelevant (i.e. depression) and b) the answers people give me are not really good (no disrespect I've ...
A. 22 July 2006: Here's a few possibilities:
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/index.php
(scroll down to the Depression discussion boards)
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewforum.php?f=6
http://depression.about.c... (read in full...)
He's 31, she's 17, and I want to be the meddling matchmaker
Q. Any opinions on a relationship between a mature 17 yr old girl and a man who is 31 (who acts/looks 23)? I'm a friend trying to help. They are both very attracted to one another, but skeptical of the age difference. I think they would make a great ...
A. 22 July 2006: Yes... what does a 23-year-old act like?... (read in full...)
She changed her phone number - is it because of me?
Q. i need help about a month a go me and my girlfriend broke up we had been together for about a year. we knew each other since we were kids and then she moved away. A friend of mine was seeing her and through that became friends again. I fell in love ...
A. 20 July 2006: Her changing her phone number could have been because she was tired of getting telemarketers, or because her number was too close to the one of the local pub, or because she wanted one that was easier to remember, or any of a dozen reasons. It may ... (read in full...)
He's not my type - will it work out?
Q. Hey everyone, I have a question. I've met this really nice guy and our main interests are the same but there are big differences too. after having a difficult time with my last ex I thought I'd never move on but this new guy makes me laugh and is ...
A. 20 July 2006: Yes, it surely can. Appreciation of a person's looks are totally a matter of taste, and your taste may alter over time. If he turns out to be a wonderful man and makes you laugh and treats you like a queen... well, you might find that your opinion ... (read in full...)
Im really worried about my boyfriend going in the army, I keep having nightmares about it!
Q. hey guys im 16 and my boyfriends 16 and hes joing the army in september and im really worried about him getting hurt i havent slept for almost 2 weeks and when i do finaly doze off i have horrific nightmares about his death and i have to watch it ...
A. 20 July 2006: Your boyfriend wouldn't have to be in the Army to get hurt or killed, you know. Not to put more stress on your weary brain or anything, but almost any accident could deprive you of his company, so you really need to stop worrying that this is going ... (read in full...)
Im a bit curious to play the field as im not sure if me and the bf fell in love properly!!
Q. What should I do? I'm 20, have been with my boyfriend nearly 4 years, it is the only serious relationship I've ever been in. He is a great guy but lately I have felt really wistful about friends who are in new relationships and all of the 'firs...
A. 20 July 2006: You're showing a lot of wisdom and maturity in the way that you realise that other relationships will also plateau, as this one has, so you deserve congratulations for that.
This is the situation that I mention often to young women at 15 or 16 wh... (read in full...)
Is brother love ok?
Q. I have this one friend and we are The best of best friends. And I love him, But I love him like a brother. Is this ok?...
A. 20 July 2006: Of course it's OK. Fraternal love connects men in a way that's completely different to romantic love. Everyone needs to have friends, and one of the greatest achievements in a person's life is to have a close friend that you love and can depend ... (read in full...)
Will guys care that I have braces? Are they worth it?
Q. I have a pretty bad overbite, and at the end of next month i will be getting braces. But i am really worried that once i get them i am never going to have a boyfriend. And that may sound weird, but it's the decideing factor in weither i am going to ...
A. 20 July 2006: Some very good, thoughtful advice here! If I just add my own two cents, braces for a few years beats a lifetime of overbite hands down!
Think long-term.
Braces until you're 19 or 20? Or weird, crooked teeth until you're 90? You decide!
... (read in full...)
Am I too rough? Will she still bleed?
Q. Me and my girlfriend recently started having sex, I am of average size (6 inches) and she does get very wet. We had sex for the first time and she bled, but a few days after, I was fooling around and I fingered her with more than I usually do, and ...
A. 20 July 2006: Check your fingernails, is my suggestion. If you've already had proper sex then the chances of her bleeding from breakage of her hymen are almost nil. However, it's very easy to have a rough fingernail that can scratch the wall of her vagina, ... (read in full...)
How do I let a guy know that I don’t want to pursue a relationship with him without hurting him?
Q. How do I let a guy know that I don’t want to pursue a relationship with him without getting caught up in cliches or hurting his feelings too much? We’ve been on one date and are going out again this week. He thinks it is a date but it is actually ...
A. 19 July 2006: It's unlikely, given all that he's doing in trying to woo you, that you can be friends with him, so you might have to just give that up as an unattainable dream.
Be truthful with him, and tell him soon. Something like this:
"Jim, I told ... (read in full...)
I am tired of my bf taking me for granted! What should I do?
Q. I just broke off with my boyfriend about 9 days ago.I broke off because I felt he was taking me for granted and he was treating me badly like constantly putting his golf and everything else before me knowing he would get away with it.He is 6 years ...
A. 19 July 2006: I can tell that you're resentful of the time he spends on other pursuits and I understand that, but honestly... you're jealous of his ~thesis~?
OK. First, let me defend his actions from a point of view that you don't seem to have consider... (read in full...)
Lost my viginity and it didn't hurt?! Is this unusual?
Q. hello. Im a little bit confused because everything i have heard implies the contrary. Im 19 years old lost my virginity tonight and it didnt hurt .. at all. is this unusual?...
A. 19 July 2006: Agree with the three Aunts below. I think you read and hear about the painful experiences, because those whose first sex doesn't hurt tend not to talk very much about it. So one hears a bias towards the oh-my-god-I'm-tearing-apart stories, even if ... (read in full...)
I'm male and I can't forget the time I touched a guy's penis when I was 10! It's really bothering me.
Q. About 4 years ago When I was 10 I had a sexual encounter with my friend (He was a guy) All I did was touch his penis. But now I regret It but can't help eating myself up inside about it and wondering why I did it. I Had girlfriends in the past and ...
A. 19 July 2006: Can I just say one thing first? Don't worry yourself!
Kids often explore each other's bodies, and that sometimes includes sexually. It's not a glimpse into your future and being curious about another kid's penis doesn't cement you into a gay life... (read in full...)
Can't date guys my own age as they are too immature. Should I date this older guy?
Q. I am 15 and the guy i am crushing on is 19, i know the age differece is not huge but... I know most people are going to say "your too young to be dating an older guy" but i've tryed dating guys my own age and they are just WAY too immature. Events...
A. 19 July 2006: I think, at your age, dating a legal adult is going to put you in the position of forever being the 'junior partner'. At least for the next three years, and that's a long time. (If you check back on some of my responses to other age-difference ... (read in full...)
He's 26 and I'm 17...Is he too old for me?
Q. im 17 and recently ive been getting close to a 26 year old who ive known for all my life, he has a girlfriend but they're breaking up, do you think hes too old for me? and hes cheated on her in the past so does that mean he'll cheat on me? help!!...
A. 18 July 2006: He's a bad match for you. Not necessarily because he's almost half-again your age, but because he's fooling around with a family friend's child, while still with his girlfriend!
Sheesh, what a cad. What a loser.
The age difference can b... (read in full...)
My gf of 10 months has not given me a blow job in 3 weeks! Is this normal?
Q. my girlfriend of 10 month's as not given me a blow job in 3 week's is this normal? i've been down on her so many time's and she just given me hand job's....
A. 18 July 2006: First off, don't worry about what's 'normal'. That implies that there's some industrial standard, and that you're trying to live up to someone else's qualification. Ask yourself what's average for YOU. That's all that's ever important.
So, w... (read in full...)
My bf called my parents vulgar names in front of me! Is this disrespect for me?
Q. Am I overreacting? My bf came to visit me recently and met my parents. However, due to our interracial relationship and culture difference, they did not get along. Instead of being concerned about the well being of me and the relationship between ...
A. 18 July 2006: Why would you condemn yourself to a loveless relationship with a man who shows a terrible lack of respect for your culture and who plays head games with you?
I wouldn't waste another minute with him. The showdown with your parents would have bee... (read in full...)
My fiancee was brutally honest in telling me she thinks my penis is too short!
Q. Dear Cupid, My penis is 4.5" short. I've spent the past several years convincing myself that that's OK. I read up on it and discovered that most women either don't care or prefer medium length. I told myself "size doesn't matter" over and...
A. 18 July 2006: First, you are 100% correct about most women and the size of their mens' penis. Those of us who've had a phallus (or two, lol) around know that it doesn't matter what size it is, if the man in question is a thoughtful lover.
Then think about th... (read in full...)
Can I fix his controlling ways?
Q. I my boyfriend and I have been practically living together for the 4 months since we met. He and I spend nearly every non-work minute together. I love him. He says he loves me. He however is extremely jealous and paranoid and accuses me ...
A. 17 July 2006: Ooh, this scares me, because it reads like a case-study of an abusive boyfriend.
This is classic behaviour of a person who's trying to isolate you from other people (moved in together soon after meeting), shows unwarranted jealousy about other gu... (read in full...)
My GF and I never have anything to talk about on the phone! Any ideas?
Q. I have the hardest time talking on the phone with my girlfriend, we never know what to say. And it doesn't help when I never talk anyway as I'm a quiet guy. But it's like we don't have anything to say. Our conversations are usually all quiet ones ...
A. 17 July 2006: My first thought is that you should cut back the phone conversations until you actually feel that you have something to say to each other. There's no written rule that specifies that "...a phone call between romantic parties A and B (set out in ... (read in full...)
I talked to my GF rudely, now she doesn't want anything to do with me!
Q. Hi there, to be very much straight forward, i had a girlfriend, then one day I talked with her very rudely and after some hard talk all we got is break up. Then after a month i tried to contact her but she didn't answer my call and didn't respo...
A. 17 July 2006: I think you're wasting your time. If she says she isn't interested, you're only going to frustrate yourself if you keep trying and keep getting rejected.
I suggest the best course for you is to carry on without her. You may not like it, but thos... (read in full...)
My girlfriend just broke up with me and is going on about being bestfriends
Q. Hi, My g/f broke up with me after 4 months. She didn't have a valid reason for it. Yet, she wants to be my best friend. What does that mean/show? ...
A. 17 July 2006: It might also be because she doesn't want to feel guilty, and by saying you should be "friends", she gets to feel like she hasn't hurt your feelings as much as breaking off all contact.
The ball's in your court on this one. If you don't feel you... (read in full...)
Sexual experiences wanted...or rather info on them!
Q. Im concidering having sex. Is there any girls out there who can give me as much information on the pill as possible from experience?...
A. 17 July 2006: I hated it. I tried on two different occasions to use it. Different dosages, different brands.
The side effects were dizziness and nausea, 24/7! For me, it was hideous.
There are quite a few options for you, so be sure you consider all the... (read in full...)
Everything his ex did to him, he is now doing to me!
Q. I prevoiusly posted a question of help about my bf being moody about his ex! This has gotten worse. I tried to talk to him about the problem and it made him worse with me. He has completely backed off from me, doesnt call when he says he's going ...
A. 17 July 2006: Short answer? Yes.
I think you know this in your heart already, so if you're just looking for confirmation of your decision, you have it from me.
From this outside standpoint, he appears not to be over his ex in a MASSIVE way. He has basically... (read in full...)
I have a hugh crush on a 14 year old celebrity!
Q. What do you do when you have a huge crush on a celebrity, and you can't stop thinking about them? I'm 13 and he's almost 14....
A. 17 July 2006: You remind yourself that fantasy is OK, but fantasies aren't real.
If this guy is a celebrity of any sort of standing, he'll have hundreds, perhaps thousands, of adoring fans. Each one of those fans will be thinking along the same lines as your ... (read in full...)
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