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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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How can I talk to him about these issues? He expects my sons to contribute via chores but does nor expect his teen daughter to do anything
Q. I'm Engaged!!!!!!!!. I should be excited right? I'm more worried than anything. We have dated a little over a year and are planning to get married May 2017. We both have children from a previous marriage. He has two daughters (21 and !7), I have ...
A. 29 July 2016: Your children will have a fairly crappy childhood while you stay with this man. I really feel for them - please kick him out before he moves his daughter in!... (read in full...)
We fight, we flirt, we hug and kiss, does she want to date, or for me to leave her alone?
Q. So i work with someone thats been showing inconsistency in her behaviour, just wanted to know whats wrong or going on. So the story goes, we both annoy each other, ignore each other, hate each other, backstab each other. She deleted my phone number, ...
A. 10 July 2016: You're both acting like you're in primary school - just stop. Stop flirting and let her get moody. It's not that difficult, OP; you're making it worse for yourself.... (read in full...)
I am involved with a married man and I'm worried he will take up with this other woman who works for him!
Q. No judgment please. I have been having an affair with my married Martial Arts instructor for 2 years now. We still have the most amazing sex and electric chemistry and the relationship is mostly sexual although we both care about each other. I...
A. 7 July 2016: "They STAY because of obligation, comfort, security, predictability, fear of taking chances, fear of the unknown" - yeah. Nobody said he loves his wife, just that he doesn't love, value or respect the OP enough to make her his only. If he really ... (read in full...)
We fight, we flirt, we hug and kiss, does she want to date, or for me to leave her alone?
Q. So i work with someone thats been showing inconsistency in her behaviour, just wanted to know whats wrong or going on. So the story goes, we both annoy each other, ignore each other, hate each other, backstab each other. She deleted my phone number, ...
A. 7 July 2016: OP, you have to either ask her out or stop flirting because it became awkward to work with her when you both started this playground relationship. This is why you don't do this stuff with co-workers; it always ends messy.
She likes you enough t... (read in full...)
I am involved with a married man and I'm worried he will take up with this other woman who works for him!
Q. No judgment please. I have been having an affair with my married Martial Arts instructor for 2 years now. We still have the most amazing sex and electric chemistry and the relationship is mostly sexual although we both care about each other. I...
A. 7 July 2016: A long term relationship is between people who are exclusive - you are not. Commitment is between people who are exclusive - you are not. He broke up with you 6 times, but hasn't left his wife - that's not commitment. He says you deser... (read in full...)
Now separated and some of the men I meet are a disappointment. Why are they so blunt about asking for sex when they don't know me?
Q. I was married for 20 years and now dating again as I separated from my husband. Nothing tragic, just grew apart though still friends and civil with each other. One daughter, away in college who is really cool with the situation . Men I meet: ...
A. 6 July 2016: Please report *any* taxi driver who does that; it's unprofessional and makes you feel unsafe. They're not suitable to drive vulnerable (like drunk/young) people around if they'll happily proposition you because they could easily take advantage! ... (read in full...)
I am involved with a married man and I'm worried he will take up with this other woman who works for him!
Q. No judgment please. I have been having an affair with my married Martial Arts instructor for 2 years now. We still have the most amazing sex and electric chemistry and the relationship is mostly sexual although we both care about each other. I...
A. 6 July 2016: Nobody is saying the OP isn't special or not attractive; they are saying she is not special enough to him for loyalty (he can never truly give loyalty until he leaves his wife) and she shouldn't make such a big deal out of others' "unattractiveness" ... (read in full...)
How do I stop my cell phone addiction?
Q. this isn't a relationship question, but maybe someone can help me. as silly as it sounds...i am addicted to my cell phone. it's been an on-again, off-again (mostly on-again) issue for the past six years; since i was in college. i've hesitated t...
A. 6 July 2016: The more you rush it, the more likely it is to fail. Take it slow. If you can, turn it off at work. Turn it on st lunch. Then turn it off when you start work again and back on when you're about to leave (for safety reasons). If that's too much, turn ... (read in full...)
All I've met is harsh judgement. But I need advice and some support on what to do in my situation. Help, please?
Q. OK first of all please don't judge me on this but I got with my boyfriend while he was still married, he is now separated from his wife and with me. I guess he had fell out of love by the time he met me. There is 20 years difference between ...
A. 5 July 2016: I hope the therapist will help you see that you're being abused and that your poor child is being dragged through it too.
If you won't leave for you, leave for your child's sake. If this was them, would you want them to stay?... (read in full...)
Due to a chronic pain issue I cannot go ahead with this pregnancy. But is my reaction to this termination normal?
Q. I've just found out I'm pregnant. I am in a happy relationship. We are both at university and have no money. I have 3 kids, he has 2 from our first marriages. This baby was not planned. I am 5 weeks. Due to circumstances including a chronic pain...
A. 5 July 2016: Sent to early....
Also, this reaction is completely normal; the mothering instinct doesn't vanish because it's for the best.
Also, you really need to use two forms of contraception to avoid this in the future.... (read in full...)
Due to a chronic pain issue I cannot go ahead with this pregnancy. But is my reaction to this termination normal?
Q. I've just found out I'm pregnant. I am in a happy relationship. We are both at university and have no money. I have 3 kids, he has 2 from our first marriages. This baby was not planned. I am 5 weeks. Due to circumstances including a chronic pain...
A. 5 July 2016: Therapy. Now.
I have a chronic pain issue and pregnancies are still possible to go through - *however*, if your doctor has advised against it, I'd follow their advice, if it sounds accurate. Get a second opinion, if it will ease your heart a ... (read in full...)
I am involved with a married man and I'm worried he will take up with this other woman who works for him!
Q. No judgment please. I have been having an affair with my married Martial Arts instructor for 2 years now. We still have the most amazing sex and electric chemistry and the relationship is mostly sexual although we both care about each other. I...
A. 5 July 2016: You can't ask not to be judged, when you're doing something like this - just like you can't ask not to go to prison for doing something criminal for 2 years. You have to accept it because it comes with the territory. He can't trust you becaus... (read in full...)
Should I continue as a friend and hope he'll change his mind? Or let him go?
Q. I am in love with a friend of mine and he has told me once before he doesnt really see me as what I see him. He doesnt want to date; at first it hurt but I got over it after a while. The feeling is back and I cant shake it off as I used to wors...
A. 5 July 2016: That doesn't mean you stay, hopelessly infatuated; it means you leave, move on from him and make new friends :)... (read in full...)
She thinks it looks cool. Anything I can say, or do, to change her mind about smoking again??
Q. I apologize in advance for anything I'm not making sense on. I've had this issue before and now its cropped up again but this time it's even worse. Just over 4 months ago me and my girlfriend finally came to an agreement that she wouldn't smoke c...
A. 5 July 2016: You can't "let" her smoke; she's not a child and she's not yours to control.
It's a deal breaker, so leave. She loves the attention and won't stop.... (read in full...)
Everything I do seems to annoy him!
Q. Hi I've been together with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years now everything was great up until recently everything I do lately seems to annoy him it's like I can't do anything right like for instance this morning he wanted to borrow some money I told ...
A. 5 July 2016: "everything I do lately seems to annoy him", yet you say "he has a answer for its really starting to annoy me".
I suggest communicating.
That said, how is he lazy? Does he have a job? Any ambitions? If not, do you want to be with a guy like ... (read in full...)
Do I leave my new job after only one week, and how should I go about it?
Q. Hey guys :-) so I hope no one minds but I have a career question here, I've been stressed about it all week and as the DC community are so lovely I thought I would ask here. Anyway I'm 23 and have been working in a public sector office job for j...
A. 5 July 2016: I'd love to say get your old job back, but you'll either get fired or have 2 marks against you.
I feel for you, but you only have two options: stick it out of quit altogether and lose the old job too. If you quit, though, your reference won't be... (read in full...)
My dad left our family for his mistress. Why is he being aggressive?
Q. He had an affair his tenant and now has left us for her and her family. Whenever he calls now he's really aggressive and angry for no reason at all, why? He hasn't contacted me or my brother for 13 weeks now. When he comes to our house he starts ...
A. 5 July 2016: I think counselling may do you some good, OP, as you're a bit hung up on if it will last. You understandably feel betrayed, and you need to start healing.... (read in full...)
All I've met is harsh judgement. But I need advice and some support on what to do in my situation. Help, please?
Q. OK first of all please don't judge me on this but I got with my boyfriend while he was still married, he is now separated from his wife and with me. I guess he had fell out of love by the time he met me. There is 20 years difference between ...
A. 5 July 2016: I'm not judging you when I say this, but his severe jealousy (and now isolation, which is abusive) is foreseeable in lots of affair cases because you can't trust a woman/man who tried or succeeded in "stealing" another person's partner and you can't ... (read in full...)
Should I mention I found out he's leaving?
Q. I have built a rapport with my co worker and I fell for my co worker but we work in different departments.We have little to no work related interactions.He's always friendly and was giving off subtle signs of interest. However, 1 month ago I decided ...
A. 5 July 2016: From reading your posts, you're kind of a little hung up on him, so I think the separation will be very helpful for you moving on.
I also agree with Honeypie that there's not much point saying anything, but keep it plain and don't invest yourself... (read in full...)
I'm duty bound to my long term partner afflicted with illness. How should I handle the attraction between me and my younger boss?
Q. I'm 42,young looking and successful professional. I've been with my partner for ten years. We've been through a lot. Nine years ago, he got sick. Weve been dealing with his illness and when things were starting to look normal, it strikes again, d...
A. 5 July 2016: Just because you don't see it, OP, doesn't mean he doesn't do it - it means he's careful and subtle enough to not draw attention. Can you imagine flirting with loads of women at work and they found out they weren't *the* special one and we're just ... (read in full...)
She thinks it looks cool. Anything I can say, or do, to change her mind about smoking again??
Q. I apologize in advance for anything I'm not making sense on. I've had this issue before and now its cropped up again but this time it's even worse. Just over 4 months ago me and my girlfriend finally came to an agreement that she wouldn't smoke c...
A. 5 July 2016: I couldn't be with a smoker. That's a deal breaker of mine, so I'm lucky my boyfriend gave up before we met. However, just a few words in your post sums it up for me: "she thinks it looks cool". That's immature thinking for a 23/24 year old. Mission ... (read in full...)
Should I continue as a friend and hope he'll change his mind? Or let him go?
Q. I am in love with a friend of mine and he has told me once before he doesnt really see me as what I see him. He doesnt want to date; at first it hurt but I got over it after a while. The feeling is back and I cant shake it off as I used to wors...
A. 5 July 2016: "I am in love with a friend of mine" - I don't want to sound dismissive, but I personally think it's infatuation or a crush because (again, in my opinion) "in love" is mutual, as my definition is a love between 2 people (or more, if you're poly) and ... (read in full...)
Is it because I'm a teen that I'm thinking about my friend like this? It's stressful
Q. This is my first time asking anything here, I am a 13 year old girl, going into 8th grade. I feel really awkward because I've been having kind of dirty thoughts about one of my closest friends who I've known for 3 years now, but I never felt ...
A. 5 July 2016: Easier said than done, but turn them off. By that, I mean change your train of thought, every time it happens. Think of something else. With practice, the thoughts will fade.
There's nothing wrong with it because it's just hormones, but it would... (read in full...)
How to create a life of my own after hiding behind ex for 6 years?
Q. I regretfully revolved my life around his for 6 years. It was emotionally abusive, am trying to work on my self esteem after it was battered for years. I am starting to realize in many ways this is a good thing that I was dumped. It did blindsid...
A. 5 July 2016: OP it gets lonely and miserable, but you've just got to keep going because it will eventually get better. Getting a job will help, if you don't already have one, or maybe even getting a new one if you aren't keen on your current one and your cow... (read in full...)
I love women. But I seem to react differently. do get an erection when a woman sees me naked. Does this mean I might be gay?
Q. There is something weird about me. As far back as I can remember, I have always been sexually different from normal men. I do not think I am gay. I am not attracted to other men at all. I am attracted to women, but in a different manner from ...
A. 4 July 2016: I don't think you're gay; many people get more turned on by touch than sight. However, I can also understand not feeling your partner is attracted to you and that's upsetting. You get aroused by your partner enjoying seeing you naked, but if they ... (read in full...)
What kind of man is he? And what kind of relationship can I expect with him?
Q. Hello I have been chatting with a man I met on a business website we have been chating for 20 days, from the first few days when he added me on Facebook he said that he liked me but he felt he was too old for me which is 20 year difference, but I ...
A. 4 July 2016: On an update you gave us yesterday, you said "he said even if he wants to get laid he wants a woman like me, or who looks like me, he thinks about me 3 times a day , every love note I send him arouses him" - that's what he wants from you, OP. He's ... (read in full...)
How long do I give him to decide?
Q. Hi , I decided to bite the bullet and ask my friend out , there is some chemistry between us and he has told me he does like me in that way . he said he would think about it . How long would you give someone to think ? i dont expect him to get back ...
A. 4 July 2016: 3 or 4 days. Then he can decide if he wants to change the friendship or not.... (read in full...)
How do I get him to stop jumping for anything his wife wants and see that his wife is trying to control him?
Q. I am married and have been dating a married man for 3 yrs.Neither of us are having sex with our spouses. He says he doesn't love her but if she wants to do something and we have plans he just doesn't call me to let me know. He waits until after ...
A. 4 July 2016: OP, I think reading this post would help you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-married-man-was-upset-i-broke-up.html The OP on that post has been strung along for 10 years. Yes; *TEN YEARS* of her precious life was wasted on this lying cheat... (read in full...)
I'm just confused? Is he either low key in love with me or obsessed or just crazy? What to do?
Q. I don't want to make this too long. Basically, I dated this dude, it was long distance. Blah blah. Let's call him “C” . C” and I dated from like, November 2014 till March 2015. We were basically the perfect couple and I couldn't go a minute, let...
A. 4 July 2016: He's not in love; he's playing with you. If anyone is leaning towards obsessed, it's probably you, OP - just because you're refusing to move on, even though you know he's a lying cheater. He was with R before you, so you were the other girl. T... (read in full...)
How to create a life of my own after hiding behind ex for 6 years?
Q. I regretfully revolved my life around his for 6 years. It was emotionally abusive, am trying to work on my self esteem after it was battered for years. I am starting to realize in many ways this is a good thing that I was dumped. It did blindsid...
A. 4 July 2016: Glad to see you've decided it's best for you to move on - that's a good start.
Have you already started counselling? You didn't mention it before, that I'm aware of?
Anyway, counselling will be your best chance to heal. The rest will come i... (read in full...)
I'm duty bound to my long term partner afflicted with illness. How should I handle the attraction between me and my younger boss?
Q. I'm 42,young looking and successful professional. I've been with my partner for ten years. We've been through a lot. Nine years ago, he got sick. Weve been dealing with his illness and when things were starting to look normal, it strikes again, d...
A. 4 July 2016: OP, forget this other guy - it's not important. What is important is that you don't waste any more time worrying about anything unnecessary. What *is* necessary for you to deeply consider and decide as soon as possible is whether you are happy to ... (read in full...)
Could this man I've been chatting to for 2 weeks be telling the truth? Or is he lying to me about his dream? Why tell me?
Q. Hello iam chatting with a man of 57 years old, he actually lives in the same city, and we are planning to meet in a few days. We chat everyday, and exchange photos. Its been 2 weeks since we started chatting online. One day he told me that he dream...
A. 3 July 2016: It means he is rushing things. He's a stranger and he's talking about having sex with you. It wouldn't be making love because you don't love each other. It seems like he's hoping you're naive enough to let him have his way with you.
Someo... (read in full...)
When I see my cousin all logical and rational thinking stops. What can I do?
Q. I am madly in love with my cousin. I just can't get her out of my head after a naughty night 3 weeks ago. We didn't actually had sex, but we were exploring each others body and kissed passionately . it was her first time. I thought it was j...
A. 3 July 2016: I don't agree with marrying or having any inappropriate relationships with family, so I think you should stop and steer clear of anything you would do with your mother.
However, if you both want to make something of it and your families and law ... (read in full...)
I do like the guy, and we've talked since we had sex, on our first date. How do I handle myself when we meet next time?
Q. I went out last weekend to the bar district. I had broken up with my boyfriend of 6 months about three weeks prior and just wanted to go out and have a good time. I met a really hot and fun guy. The two of us went back to his place and, obvi...
A. 3 July 2016: Don't go anywhere private unless you just want it to be about sex. Unless he's said date, "seeing each other again" could easily mean sex only. If you want a relationship, I'd strongly advise waiting at least 6+ dates (unless that doesn't at least... (read in full...)
How can I suggest pencilling in a night or two in advance in her schedule, without it sounding too heavy?
Q. Right, I've been dating a girl for a few weeks now, we really get on, have a lot of similar interests, and share the same sense of humour, I really like the girl to be honest. The thing is, she seems to be good at planning work, gigs, etc in her...
A. 3 July 2016: I can only echo what was suggested in your other one: just say it to her the way you feel. It would be nice for you to plan dates too, so ask her for dates she's free, as well as asking her to give you at least 3+ days notice. If she doesn't, stop ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to stop jumping for anything his wife wants and see that his wife is trying to control him?
Q. I am married and have been dating a married man for 3 yrs.Neither of us are having sex with our spouses. He says he doesn't love her but if she wants to do something and we have plans he just doesn't call me to let me know. He waits until after ...
A. 3 July 2016: *my dad came back from holiday to find her with another guy.
Also, OP, why should he leave his wife if you won't leave your husband? Not only that, but how could you ever trust each other to not cheat on the other one? Sure, you could say it's lov... (read in full...)
How do I get him to stop jumping for anything his wife wants and see that his wife is trying to control him?
Q. I am married and have been dating a married man for 3 yrs.Neither of us are having sex with our spouses. He says he doesn't love her but if she wants to do something and we have plans he just doesn't call me to let me know. He waits until after ...
A. 3 July 2016: She still has control because he lets her and because she's his wife - you're not the priority, just like he's not yours or you'd divorce your husband. What are you getting out of being married and having an affair? You have no idea if he's hav... (read in full...)
We fight, we flirt, we hug and kiss, does she want to date, or for me to leave her alone?
Q. So i work with someone thats been showing inconsistency in her behaviour, just wanted to know whats wrong or going on. So the story goes, we both annoy each other, ignore each other, hate each other, backstab each other. She deleted my phone number, ...
A. 3 July 2016: It's very inappropriate and unprofessional, so I think you should either ask her out or ignore the playground behaviour. Give it a go :)... (read in full...)
My boyfriend dumped me after 6 years out of nowhere. Did he plan this???
Q. Both 23. It has been 2 weeks and everytime I hear nothing from him I am slowly hardening my heart to ever speaking to him ever again. He has been in college these past years, and has not been that happy but I stuck by him, when he got a job a few we...
A. 3 July 2016: I'm very sorry you're still struggling with this, OP; I've read your other two posts on this guy and I think counselling may benefit you to help you heal.
You were together on and off for a long time, so you can't expect to have moved on yet, but... (read in full...)
She's good at planning other things but all our dates have been spur of the moment. How do I ask for plans in advance without sounding heavy?
Q. Right, I've been dating a girl for a few weeks now, we really get on, have a lot of similar interests, and share the same sense of humour, I really like the girl to be honest. The thing is, she seems to be good at planning work, gigs, etc in her...
A. 3 July 2016: Honeypie says it all. Just say it :)... (read in full...)
I'm duty bound to my long term partner afflicted with illness. How should I handle the attraction between me and my younger boss?
Q. I'm 42,young looking and successful professional. I've been with my partner for ten years. We've been through a lot. Nine years ago, he got sick. Weve been dealing with his illness and when things were starting to look normal, it strikes again, d...
A. 3 July 2016: Don't cheat - either leave your partner or stay loyal.
You've gone through a lot, so I don't blame you for feeling like you need more sexual contact, but I actually think a child might be what you need. If you still see your future with your par... (read in full...)
How can I talk to him about these issues? He expects my sons to contribute via chores but does nor expect his teen daughter to do anything
Q. I'm Engaged!!!!!!!!. I should be excited right? I'm more worried than anything. We have dated a little over a year and are planning to get married May 2017. We both have children from a previous marriage. He has two daughters (21 and !7), I have ...
A. 3 July 2016: Sorry, OP, but I'm quite disappointed that a mother moved a stranger into her house with her children before she really knew him and before they really knew him.
You are clearly a good mother and don't need this man, as well as being wise enough t... (read in full...)
Does the evidence suggest that he's gay or transgender?
Q. I wrote the post "We had our first kiss and it wasnt magic as expected! Now what?" few days ago. After the advice i got from my lovely aunties here i was on my way to end things with him but before that i asked my trusted friend what she thinks ...
A. 2 July 2016: Transgender men *are* men, WiseOwlE. They don't always have evidence in their crotch of it.... (read in full...)
My dad left our family for his mistress. Why is he being aggressive?
Q. He had an affair his tenant and now has left us for her and her family. Whenever he calls now he's really aggressive and angry for no reason at all, why? He hasn't contacted me or my brother for 13 weeks now. When he comes to our house he starts ...
A. 2 July 2016: I'd calmly suggest counselling to him, so that he can figure out his decisions and start fixing them.... (read in full...)
I'm a 29 year old guy. Virgin, never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl. I am thinking of giving up on finding someone, and just trying to have sex. What are my options?
Q. I guess the title says a lot of it. I'm a guy in my late 20's, no girlfriend, haven't had one before. Not really any friends, and it's been awhile since I had any of those either. I have a job, but I'm not really able to connect with anyone. I try ...
A. 2 July 2016: The ways of getting ONS are usually pretty scummy because that's what most hookups are.
You're equating sex to companionship. Sex won't make you feel less lonely.
Sex really isn't the be-all-end-all and it's very likely you give off a "one-... (read in full...)
Does the evidence suggest that he's gay or transgender?
Q. I wrote the post "We had our first kiss and it wasnt magic as expected! Now what?" few days ago. After the advice i got from my lovely aunties here i was on my way to end things with him but before that i asked my trusted friend what she thinks ...
A. 2 July 2016: Not gay or transgender. I also would not call him a "p***y" because I find that degrading and unfair - most areas are dangerous, some more than others and there could very well be gang activity near you still.
He's not for you, that's obvious,... (read in full...)
How can I talk to him about these issues? He expects my sons to contribute via chores but does nor expect his teen daughter to do anything
Q. I'm Engaged!!!!!!!!. I should be excited right? I'm more worried than anything. We have dated a little over a year and are planning to get married May 2017. We both have children from a previous marriage. He has two daughters (21 and !7), I have ...
A. 2 July 2016: I'll give you this situation from the sibling PoV: my brother is only 3 years younger than me and I was the one constantly made to learn life skills and do chores. I'm glad I learnt how to do laundry/cook, but I resent that my brother has never been ... (read in full...)
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