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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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Best friend or girlfriend?
Q. So I've known my best friend since sixth grade,she moved to our hometown during the summer before sixth grade and every since then we've been inseparable. We've been there for each other during everything birth of her first born the birth of ...
A. 28 October 2016: Just deal with it if/when it comes. When you feel it, sit yourself down and talk yourself out of it. "I have no proof". "Im insecure". "It makes sense they won't always be able to reply instantly".... (read in full...)
Best friend or girlfriend?
Q. So I've known my best friend since sixth grade,she moved to our hometown during the summer before sixth grade and every since then we've been inseparable. We've been there for each other during everything birth of her first born the birth of ...
A. 27 July 2016: You're making it harder for yourself. You're going to put her off completely, if you continue.
Ultimately, having sex changed the friendship forever, so you either see it through or end up with an awkward friendship, if she wants one at all, any... (read in full...)
How do you look after and help the depressed love of your life?
Q. My partner of two and a half years is severely depressed and struggling with day to day things. Our relationship is on its last legs, we're holding on to memories through this difficult stage. He is irritable and angry all the time and takes it...
A. 26 July 2016: OP, I'm in the exact same boat. My boyfriend struggles with depression because of an abusive childhood and sexual abuse as a teenager. He is low on a daily basis and I can't pick him up. We are coasting, not thriving in our relationship and, like ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my son's safety while at his father's family homes
Q. Im a 26 year old single mother of a 8 month old beautiful baby boy. I have never been married. The father of my child and i have recently broken up which offically ended the relationship. I have a few concerns about coustaty. Mt sons father is c...
A. 26 July 2016: Custody is complicated, but you need to talk to a lawyer about all of this, so that they can help you protect your child.... (read in full...)
I feel guilty that I got involved with him when all he wanted was to sleep with me
Q. Hi, I met a guy over a dating site and it was my first ever date , I always wanted a serious relationship and he said he wished for the same...he was really good to me and it was love at first sight for me, I was really serious about him,,as days ...
A. 26 July 2016: If you believe in love at first sight, you will be used. It's never love at first sight because you only see what's on the outside, which isn't love; it's attraction.
Make your boundaries and stick to them - if a guy is just going to use you, let... (read in full...)
I'm new to the US...What should I expect if I want to date am American guy?
Q. Hi all. I'm new and just moved to the US 3 months ago. I am single and want to start dating here. I am not familiar with the culture so I don't want to look odd. Can someone help me and give me some tips that what should I expect if I want to date ...
A. 26 July 2016: Set up boundaries and stick to them. For example, if you don't want to have sex until at least 4 months of dating, talk about exclusivity at month 1 or 2, after a few dates, and don't go to their place or them to yours until you want to have sex. ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to steal him from his girl friend?
Q. I fancy my brother's close friend. He's two years older than me but I've known him for years. We've always had a thing many people have said he has a thing for me. He sadly has a gf with a girl I know but I am single now and he's been quite flirty ...
A. 26 July 2016: He wants to cheat, which means he doesn't respect you or his girlfriend and he doesn't want anything serious with you either. Also, don't consider helping anyone cheat or you're almost as bad as they are.
Let the crush fade, don't fuel it with "wh... (read in full...)
Healthy eating is a bone of contention
Q. Hi please advise. My boyfriend is trying to have a healthier lifestyle because he is about 20 pounds overweight so he's trying to eat right, etc. I myself (in my opinion) should probably be around 125 but I' almost 140, so I'm at the upper end of ...
A. 25 July 2016: I'm in his situation and yours put together. I emotionally ate and developed an eating disorder because of it, now I'm 5 - 6 stones overweight and that was my childhood/adolescence, so I don't know any different. I tried to change my diet so many ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has many female friends and I am jealous!
Q. I am extremely jealous when it comes to my boyfriend that it scares me! We don't live together but, I end up stalking him on social media. Seeing if he is liking other girls pictures on Instagram etc. He's French so, I end up translating every ...
A. 25 July 2016: It's not good of him to tease you, but that's where his fault stops. Reporting his pictures is wasting your time and the person's time who has to check them. Yes, it's normal for guys to have female friends. No, your jealousy is not normal... (read in full...)
I'm new to the US...What should I expect if I want to date am American guy?
Q. Hi all. I'm new and just moved to the US 3 months ago. I am single and want to start dating here. I am not familiar with the culture so I don't want to look odd. Can someone help me and give me some tips that what should I expect if I want to date ...
A. 25 July 2016: I'd advise not dating so soon; you could be an easy target for people who want to use you. Make friends first and spend time within the culture. Watch American tv shows, read newspapers, go on dating sites (just to see what's out there, not ... (read in full...)
If I can't control my moods I'll lose him
Q. I don't even know where to start, I lost my mum at the beginning of the year and ever since then I feel my life spiralling out of control. Especially my relationship, I have the best boyfriend in the world and I'm not 100 per cent sure why he's st...
A. 25 July 2016: You do need professional help, OP; I know it doesn't seem to be working, but focus on healing from your loss, not being a better girlfriend.
Therapy doesn't work immediately very often; it can take months or years. If you don't feel your therapis... (read in full...)
Should I text to ask where his head is at as I'm confused or just leave him to it?
Q. Hi aunts. Am after a perspective as to weather I this situation is a waste of time and a dead loss. Been with a man for 18 months. LDR. We have a lot of problems but we have tried to talk them through and find a way forward. Most recently we were...
A. 24 July 2016: I'm in an LDR, so I'm all for them, but only healthy ones. This isn't healthy.
How often do you see each other?
How often do you video chat?
How far is the distance?
How many times have you visited each other?
This looks like a brea... (read in full...)
Did he really want to date me? Or is it the cable that he wanted to watch? How do I hint that I want to go out with him?
Q. Help .... I'm dating a guy who only wants to sit on my sofa and watch tv... How do I hint to him that I want to go out ??? We have been dating a month I have known him for years he is a friend of a cousin , in one month we have only gone out 3 ...
A. 24 July 2016: I suggest calmly asking what he wants from this relationship and if he likes the way it is or would like to go out more. Then figure out if you're compatible or if you just don't have the money or space to date as much as you want.... (read in full...)
Did he really want to date me? Or is it the cable that he wanted to watch? How do I hint that I want to go out with him?
Q. Help .... I'm dating a guy who only wants to sit on my sofa and watch tv... How do I hint to him that I want to go out ??? We have been dating a month I have known him for years he is a friend of a cousin , in one month we have only gone out 3 ...
A. 24 July 2016: Why are you staying with your parents? I ask because, unless it's to care for them, it shows a lack of money and/or independence, which equate to not a lot of money to spend (or that should be spent) on dates and no own space to do date nights at ... (read in full...)
I was swept off my feet, then devalued and then discarded with no emotions
Q. Was I targeted by a sociopath? I met a 45 yr old guy online. It turned out we had many mutual fb friends. One of my exs was actually a friend of his. On our 2 nd date he'd told me he told him he'd met me. By our 3rd date he'd said he wanted more tha...
A. 24 July 2016: If you don't want to be rushed, I wouldn't advise being intimate so quickly. Being intimate is likely to lead to things being rushed, particularly feelings.
I think he may have liked the idea of you, maybe even fallen for it, but he's preferen... (read in full...)
Cheating. How do I respond to this? I really loved this girl, and was going to propose to her
Q. Well me and my gf are both 26 years old and have been with each other for the past 4 years. Met her in my last year of College and have been with her since. We started living together about 3 months of getting together and everything was lovely, ...
A. 24 July 2016: Stop the friend getting involved.
Don't get proof she's cheating, just ask her as an "concerned boyfriend" if she sees anyone during the day because she "must be lonely". If she says she doesn't see anyone, she's lying. Tell her what you know and... (read in full...)
Has his interest in me lessened? Or has he just become used to dating me?
Q. Hi everyone, Just need some dating advice please. (Backstory) I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months.. Everything was going well, he texted me daily and we go on a date usually every Friday night. So after 2 months we had sex and everything w...
A. 24 July 2016: I think you need to ask him.
2 months isn't that long, though it's right to wait until you're both ready, so it's possible there's not much excitement left in it for him.
However, you'd expect him to want that intimacy quite a lot, now that it... (read in full...)
How can I best manage my (someyimes) desire to cross dress? I
Q. I'll start off by telling you I'm a crossdresser (I think). My life seems to be in a loop where I go through phases of wanting to dress up 24/7 and then phases when I don't even think about clothes or being feminine. I feel really comfortable ...
A. 24 July 2016: I'd call it bisexual because they're still both you.
I think you should speak to a gender therapist to work out if you're genderfluid (someone who feels make some days and female others - some also feel in between at times) and to see what opt... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't like traditional sex. Is that a red flag?
Q. Maybe this is a problem a lot of guys would wish to have, but my girlfriend of one year doesn't like traditional sex. She loves to give me oral and when we do have sex she always steers it towards anal sex. I say this jokingly, but feel like I a...
A. 23 July 2016: While I doubt it in this situation, your girlfriend could be a transgender male. Highly unlikely, but I figured I'd mention it as a (tiny) possibility.
Another option is vaginal sex does nothing for her. How much do you orally stimulate her? Onl... (read in full...)
How should I tell my boyfriend about this kiss with a girl while I was drunk?? I feel so guilty
Q. Hi, I am seeing someone for the past year(my boyfriend)but yesterday I stupidly got drunk and kissed a girl nothing more than a kiss and she was cool about it said it's not a big deal and it was obvious that we are both straight cuz I felt nothing ...
A. 23 July 2016: Let's just say it's almost never worth it to lie in a relationship - definitely not in this case. Sorry, OP, but I think you should take the risk and the responsibility.... (read in full...)
How should I tell my boyfriend about this kiss with a girl while I was drunk?? I feel so guilty
Q. Hi, I am seeing someone for the past year(my boyfriend)but yesterday I stupidly got drunk and kissed a girl nothing more than a kiss and she was cool about it said it's not a big deal and it was obvious that we are both straight cuz I felt nothing ...
A. 23 July 2016: Just be honest with him, but be aware that he may not feel comfortable with you still being friends with her. You should still tell him, but accept that you may have to choose between them.... (read in full...)
Is this girl suitable as a LTR girl for me?
Q. We've known each other for two years and we've been starting something (seeing eachothers and sleeping together) for four months. I like her really. I liked her as a person also before, when we were just friends, and she has always captured my ...
A. 23 July 2016: You have double standards, OP. You're currently sleeping with her, why not try to make it a relationship? Otherwise, you're implying she's good enough to have sex with, but not to date because of what other's think - you're in the same boat because ... (read in full...)
Almost twice my age, will he freak out if I tell him I find him attractive?
Q. How would men in their late 40s feel if a girl in her mid 20s had feelings and a few x-rated thoughts about them? Would they be repulsed or find it a joke, or be interested in her? Yes I do like a man a bit older and I'm so scared to hell him inca...
A. 23 July 2016: Being a UK size 14 does not mean you're less attractive, so don't "even though I'm a size 14" when talking about being attractive. No size means automatically unnattractive, therefore being a size 14 isn't a downside. Also, saying "I keep myself ... (read in full...)
He's the brother I wished I had!
Q. Here is my story, For the past two years, I went on a mission trip with my church for a week. I got to know and see the good in people but there is someone special that I met. Last year, we started to get to know one another but this year, we hit i...
A. 22 July 2016: "You're alright, you know that? You're like the brother I never had, haha" - make it light, not long. Don't throw in the word "love" and don't elongate it.... (read in full...)
Does he really not realize he was wrong to take off without coming over my house ? Does he believe his own lies?
Q. I have been dating a guy for a month and 1/2 who told me right from the start he is bipolar. At least once a week he will do something such as make plans with me and then just go off with somebody else and not even call me to let me know. He wil...
A. 21 July 2016: Okay, I think that your destiny is made by yourself. To some extent, I do think there's a "the one" (or maybe more than one "the one") for each person, but I also know all of those "the ones" are compatible with their "the one", but you and this guy ... (read in full...)
Does he really not realize he was wrong to take off without coming over my house ? Does he believe his own lies?
Q. I have been dating a guy for a month and 1/2 who told me right from the start he is bipolar. At least once a week he will do something such as make plans with me and then just go off with somebody else and not even call me to let me know. He wil...
A. 20 July 2016: By looking at houses, you don't mean to move in together, do you?
Why are you so attached after such a terribly short time? It's not a good idea and it's not particularly healthy because you're ignoring obvious signs that this isn't meant to work ... (read in full...)
How do I get a family that hires me as a nanny to accept I need to bring along my mother who has Alzheimer's?
Q. Hi , Thanks for always being helpful to me. I have very complicated situation .First ,my profession is nanny . I work as nanny in family environment . I recently lost my job. I was working as nanny . I been with family more then three years. The...
A. 20 July 2016: Please take her to a doctor; don't self-diagnose. She needs help and there may be a simpler reason behind it or a good way to help her. Don't let her struggle more than she needs to by not getting her seen by a doctor; it's obvious you care a lot ... (read in full...)
My partner lives in the old days!
Q. both me and my partner both work my partner thinks he lives in the old days thinks its down to the woman to do all the chores and dinner and gardening i feel this is very unfair he wants to get married and im undecided with way our relationship is ...
A. 20 July 2016: Does he bring it up a lot?
How much does it affect you?
How much does it bother you?
Your post is too vague to give you any helpful advice, other than "leave if it constantly bothers you".... (read in full...)
How do I get a family that hires me as a nanny to accept I need to bring along my mother who has Alzheimer's?
Q. Hi , Thanks for always being helpful to me. I have very complicated situation .First ,my profession is nanny . I work as nanny in family environment . I recently lost my job. I was working as nanny . I been with family more then three years. The...
A. 20 July 2016: You can *not* lie to a family who are relying on you to protect their children - the fact you are considering it would make me refuse to hire you. I know you don't mean it, but it would be incredibly irresponsible and that's why I wouldn't trust you ... (read in full...)
We were forced to break up, and I don't know how to treat her when we see each other at school!
Q. Hey guys okay so I have an important question. My ex girlfriend and Iwwere forced to break up she had her phone taken away and this happened almost 2 months ago and we were pretty upset and we both said we won't give up on eachother at the time of ...
A. 20 July 2016: I'm assuming her parents weren't okay with a legal adult dating their minor daughter?
If she's not allowed to be your girlfriend, just be civil, but if she's not allowed to talk to you, then don't talk to her.
As for the dreams, leave th... (read in full...)
He likes rough sex, I don't! Am I being unreasonable or is he?
Q. I recently started a relationship with a guy I met 4 months ago. We went out a few times in the last 4 months before deciding we wanted to give a relationship a go. We recently started having sex and it turns out that he is really into rough sex and ...
A. 20 July 2016: Break up; you're sexually incompatible. He's not being unreasonable for liking those things, but he's being very unreasonable for trying to force you to change your mind. There's a big difference between vanilla choking, where it's not dangerous and ... (read in full...)
I feel he doesn't love me enough to get engaged, what do I do?
Q. Hiya everyone I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now we have a 19 month old daughter together we have talked about getting engaged as we were discussing this yesterday my boyfriend said he doesn't want to get engaged but we will if I want to am ...
A. 20 July 2016: Not everyone sees marriage in their future; that doesn't mean he doesn't see a future with you, just that marriage isn't a step that he wants to take. Although, having a child means marriage would be added security, so I advise it, unless he's not ... (read in full...)
I'm hurt he doesn't want to get engaged! How do I sort this out?
Q. hi i recently seen a post about someones boyfriend will only get engaged cos she wants to i am in the same situation ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years now we have no children we went out for a meal last week with family and they asked us if we ...
A. 20 July 2016: Not everyone sees marriage in their future; that doesn't mean he doesn't see a future with you, just that marriage isn't a step that he wants to take.
You have to figure out if him doing it because he knows it's what you want is something you're o... (read in full...)
Does he really not realize he was wrong to take off without coming over my house ? Does he believe his own lies?
Q. I have been dating a guy for a month and 1/2 who told me right from the start he is bipolar. At least once a week he will do something such as make plans with me and then just go off with somebody else and not even call me to let me know. He wil...
A. 20 July 2016: I don't think he's ready for a relationship. He needs his meds, but ditching you shouldn't be a weekly thing.
However, you need to realise that you going to his place was also inappropriate and unnecessary. If he didn't come back, you just lea... (read in full...)
I had a crush on my Teacher while at School. Should I tell him about that crush when we meet for a catchup?.
Q. I had a crush on my Teacher while at School. I recently came across his Facebook page and added him as a friend and we started chatting online. What have I been doing since I left School, (ten years ago). He is in his 50's now and still as han...
A. 20 July 2016: Let it go. Personally, I think the age gap is too big for you to be in compatible life stages and I think it's a bad idea to date former teachers. Even meeting him for a drink sounds a bit iffy to me, but to each their own.... (read in full...)
Does he really not realize he was wrong to take off without coming over my house ? Does he believe his own lies?
Q. I have been dating a guy for a month and 1/2 who told me right from the start he is bipolar. At least once a week he will do something such as make plans with me and then just go off with somebody else and not even call me to let me know. He wil...
A. 20 July 2016: Don't fall so fast for anyone, OP; you barely know the guy and haven't been dating long. Also, it wasn't your place to knock on her door - even if he was cheating, she's not a part of your relationship, so you deal with it with your date, or yo... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever wasted 10 years of their life and not lived to regret it?
Q. This could be very long but I will keep it short. Has anybody ever wasted 10 years of their life.. And lived enough not to regret it. This holds me down badly. ...
A. 19 July 2016: 10 years is only a 7th or 8th of your life, sometimes even less, so lots of people could live enough in 50+ years not to regret 10.
How have you "wasted" your life?... (read in full...)
I found out he's still married, but separated, he lied about his son and he's a borderline hoarder!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been dating a guy for 2 1/2 years. He is older than me (I am 35 and he is 53), and when we started seeing each other he said he had been single for awhile. He has a house that is in disrepair, and approaching hoarder status. ...
A. 19 July 2016: I will put it in one simple question: if you want children, would you like their father to be someone who lies about massive things? That would be one hell of a poor sperm donor choice.
Leave, OP - you know it's your best bet or your childbea... (read in full...)
Not really dating, should I wait for him?
Q. I was dating a guy seriously for 2 months, we spent the 1st month together and he had leave so we decided to do long distance. I felt a 360 change is his character and I started stressing over because he was the one who wanted this and he used to be ...
A. 19 July 2016: But he's not interested, OP. There's no real connection for him; it's a one-way thing here.
You're too attached too soon and I think you're probably a bit too dependent on him for stress-relief; you need to be able to handle life on your own, wit... (read in full...)
Is it bad to enjoy no strings attached?
Q. I've been a goody two shoes my whole life. This has been partly out of my fear about making mistakes (I'm a perfectionist) and just a big worrier. I've always hated that I come across as such a square. I've been in a few serious relationships bu...
A. 19 July 2016: You haven't done anything wrong; if both parties are consenting and know if there are any other sexual partners, as well as protection being used and honest communication, then there's no issue.... On the face of it. Firstly, always get check... (read in full...)
We bicker. He says he'll change but never does. How can I get him to communicate effectively?
Q. Hello, So I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and we have a beautiful 10 month old daughter together. She wasn't planned but she is the best thing to happen to us. So when we were about 6 months into the pregnancy we moved in toget...
A. 19 July 2016: Why are you always sick? How is it different if you fought a lot before the pregnancy and still bicker all the time now? That's not different; that's a pattern. How can you be a b*tch? What do you do? Do you go on any (inexpensive) dates... (read in full...)
Is it the end of the road for us?
Q. Is it the end of the road for us? - We don't talk like we used to do before. He barely contacts me during the weekday because of work issues. During weekends, we cannot see each other as often as we want because he has financial difficulties (I ...
A. 18 July 2016: Picnics, movies, home-cooked meals, evening stroll, game nights, etc. Is going out for semi-expensive things important to you? The things I just mentioned can fit in with any budget and be romantic.
He shouldn't really text you at work. End of. ... (read in full...)
Not really dating, should I wait for him?
Q. I was dating a guy seriously for 2 months, we spent the 1st month together and he had leave so we decided to do long distance. I felt a 360 change is his character and I started stressing over because he was the one who wanted this and he used to be ...
A. 18 July 2016: You've posted quite a bit about this guy and it's giving me the sense that you won't work out and should definitely date other people.
Long distance relationships are hard work and he's just not in it.
Also, try not to get attached so quic... (read in full...)
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