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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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Boyfriend has a very flirty female friend but I want to be the only one that he shares inside jokes with and treats like a buddy... Like he does with her
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He is 23 and I am 24 and we are just finishing up our undergraduate degrees, and we do not live together. I moved to a new city about 3 years ago, and he just moved here about a year ago. Of course w...
A. 27 August 2016: Would you feel the same way if she was male? If not, I think you should try not to feel threatened.
Don't get me wrong, I know it can be uncomfortable to feel like there's another (non-family) woman they're close to, but some people are just fli... (read in full...)
My boyfriend always says other girls are hotter!
Q. i've been with my boyfriend for 4 months and i love him so much and i truly believe her loves me just as much in return but he will always say how other girls are hot, and if i say someone is hotter than me he doesn't deny it he normally just says ...
A. 25 August 2016: It's an age thing; he's not bothering to think about how it will affect you. When he's older, if it doesn't stop, it'll be a jerk think. Both time, it's immaturity.
You're young, so try to avoid falling into the "who's hotter?" trap; you're k... (read in full...)
Do I lie to avoid hurting his feelings? I did have a crush on him, but I've fallen for another
Q. i have had a crush on someone for over a year now and i know he likes me to but just as he asks me out i realize i have fallen for someone else i told him to give me time to think about it but i dont want to hurt his feelings by telling him i do...
A. 24 August 2016: I'm all for trying dating someone, but you already prefer the new crush over the old one, so I don't think it's fair to date your second choice.
Just thank him, but decline.... (read in full...)
My lover is sad about leaving. It's due to a job change. How can I give him support?
Q. My lover's leaving to a diff state for a new job. We will still be friends but when we said bye he said he doesnt want me to miss him ..then he said he will miss me a lot and that weve gotten so close but hes leaving. We held each other for long...
A. 24 August 2016: You've only been lovers for two months (and aren't in a relationship), so it's about 10 months too soon to be considering moving to be with him, in my opinion.
That said, is there no way for you to try a long distance relationship? That's if you b... (read in full...)
My GF is hinting she wants to have an actual kiss but idk how to, and I'm to nervous! What do I do!?
Q. First off I know I'm young, I'm almost 15 and my gf will be 16 next week. She's two grades higher but only a year older her family wouldn't support it so it's a secret relationship. We've been friends for almost 5 years and she's also my neighbor...
A. 24 August 2016: You need to tell you parents; they're more likely to learn to trust you when you're being open and honest, not when they find out you've been hiding it from them.
As for her, she has to tell her mum. Legally, there's a lot in place to stop him... (read in full...)
Intimacy question, boyfriend doesn't want to be intimate with me
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months who is 33. He is the one who asked me to be his girlfriend. Things are great , he is sweet and nice. However, whenever it comes to intimacy. He wants me to stay over at his place and we just cuddle. He a...
A. 24 August 2016: Asexual means lack of sexual attraction, so it could be linked to that, but some aces still enjoy sex - so he would have be be asexual (or hetero/bisexual/pansexual) and sex-indifferent (uninterested) or sex-averse (totally repulsed).
The best bet... (read in full...)
My GF is hinting she wants to have an actual kiss but idk how to, and I'm to nervous! What do I do!?
Q. First off I know I'm young, I'm almost 15 and my gf will be 16 next week. She's two grades higher but only a year older her family wouldn't support it so it's a secret relationship. We've been friends for almost 5 years and she's also my neighbor...
A. 24 August 2016: I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to start with things you don't want to hear: secret relationships are not okay. If she'd get in trouble with her parents, you shouldn't be together because it puts her at risk. When she's no longer dependent... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable wanting to take things slow after our breakup?
Q. Hello to everyone... So I'm looking for some advice... My girlfriend and I had been together for six....almost 7 years. Anyway... We broke up and things got a bit messy. There were a lot of horrible things said.... She was hurting... I wa...
A. 24 August 2016: Sometimes the right decision is the hard one and I think you've just made it. That said, I think that (whilst you don't owe her anything), it would be nice of you to just send her one message before cutting all contact, just to let her know that ... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable wanting to take things slow after our breakup?
Q. Hello to everyone... So I'm looking for some advice... My girlfriend and I had been together for six....almost 7 years. Anyway... We broke up and things got a bit messy. There were a lot of horrible things said.... She was hurting... I wa...
A. 23 August 2016: You're not. Though I don't know if I reconciliation is good for either of you; missing each other will always be the case for several months because you're familiar, not necessarily because you're meant to be together.... (read in full...)
I sent flowers to a girl at work and I didn't realise I had done so. Can the friendship be saved?
Q. I'm looking for some help and advice. I'm friends with a co worker at work who is a female, we agreed to just talk at the workplace instead of facebook as she says gets overwhelmed by receiving messages. I did something I'm not proud of and sent her ...
A. 23 August 2016: I'm pretty sure (though, not 100%) the OP has posted before about crossing boundaries with this co-worker, leading to being banned from her Facebook, Llifton.
OP, you need to give her lots of space. You can't not go into work just because it's awk... (read in full...)
Will I ever find love? I've tried everything and nothing works!
Q. I have been chasing guys for the last five years and I've come to a point in my life that I feel like I can't even go on a date anymore- I've tried online and that didn't work- I've tried going out a lot - that didn't work to meet men with my just ...
A. 23 August 2016: OP, you're lonely and lost, right now. You feel your life is empty because you stopped partying all the time, worrying about materialistic things and cutting off dodgy friends.... Now is not the right time for you to be in a relationship. You ... (read in full...)
Am I making this about myself?
Q. Can someone please tell me if I am over reacting and making this about myself? My husband's adult children are always in hard times because they don't have jobs or quit their jobs and one of them just keeps having babies that she can't afford. We ...
A. 22 August 2016: Your husband is not treating you like an equal; he's treating you like a bank manager ("can we help her?"), then holding you hostage ("I don't want to hear anything from you but a yes....") - how dare he. It's very reasonable for you to want to k... (read in full...)
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
Q. I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
A. 22 August 2016: Nicely written, Bud :)
That's what friends are for, to help you see when you're slightly blinded to it. I've never watched the film, but I'm glad it gave you a new perspective on how the situation could only hurt you and we usually say to people t... (read in full...)
Is she playing me? Should I send her my love letter to her?
Q. Hi everybody I am a senior in high school and on the third day of school I walked into class and this girl said hi to me and didn't know me and I said hi back. When I walked to the other side of the classroom she asked me to come and sit by her and ...
A. 22 August 2016: Pfft, N91; I adore love letters ;) that said, OP, I only love them because they're from my boyfriend, who I know loves me and vice versa, not a random guy I just met. It's not a love letter; it's a crush letter, which is always a bad idea because... (read in full...)
Was my Bf being insensitive for not texting me all day? Or am I expecting too much ?
Q. I need some objective advice. I am too close to the situation and too emotional I think. My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 3 years. Yesterday, he had family over for the day and did not contact me at all. I texted him at th...
A. 21 August 2016: I hate to say it, OP, but this sounds childish. "A kissy face before bed"? "I really don't feel like texting him ever again".... Because of this? Surely this isn't it?
I know you missed him, but that day was for his family, not for you. If they ... (read in full...)
I feel awkward about my crush. She's 16 and she's the niece of my mother's boyfriend. What should I do?
Q. Hi hopefully someone can offer me advice on an issue that is playing on my mind, I'm a 27 years old and male. So down to the problem, I am starting to become infatuated with my mum's boyfriend's niece. I never really noticed her before but she ...
A. 21 August 2016: You do what ever adult has to do when someone is unavailable or, in this case, inappropriate - you let go and remind yourself of why it's not okay. Think of her as a child and your feelings will fade.... (read in full...)
Can people rise out of a depressing life to achieve good things? Or am I destined to achieve nothing?
Q. I'm going nowhere in life. I contrast the way things are now with the dreams I had as a young girl and I feel like a pathetic drip. I thought I was going to do amazing things in the world and leave a legacy but all I've done is fail at life and...
A. 21 August 2016: Change things. New job. New hobby. New habits. New life. You have ambitions, you just need the drive to go for them.... (read in full...)
When I was much younger I wrote love letters to a teacher. Yes, inappropriate, at the time. Why didn't the teacher report me at that time?
Q. I use to write love letters to my teacher, I did not know the boundaries of teacher students I obviously knew you can't have a relationship with a teacher but I had no idea you could get into trouble for writing love letters. Until a different ...
A. 21 August 2016: It's sweet (though very inappropriate), so he probably just saw it as a childish crush and would have reported it if you did anything else. He may have only read one or two, then just taken the ones he assumed were letters, not read them and binned ... (read in full...)
I've tried medication and therapy and yet still I feel alone and miserable. How can I overcome these feelings?
Q. I used to be a go-er. A girl on the move I used to go out and party or be around fake friends 4 out of 7 days a week. I used to be a people pleaser and chase men relentlessly to fill the loneliness. I most recently I got so tired of getting ...
A. 20 August 2016: I'm sorry that you're finding this so hard, OP, but I've read all of your posts on this and you're just not giving it enough time or filling your life with better things, like volunteering. Keep going to therapy, keep on whatever your doctor has ... (read in full...)
Guys never hit on me and I think it's because I have a big nose. Should I get a nose job?
Q. I never/barely get hit on by men. I see other women get hit on men frequently, but men do not frequently hit on me. Only homeless men or guys I don't find attractive will call me beautiful out of nowhere. Once in a blue moon, I will catch a guy ...
A. 20 August 2016: "guys I don't find attractive will call me beautiful out of nowhere" says it all. There are good guys who compliment you, but you aren't interested in them, so you don't value it. It works both ways, OP. What has not being chubby got to do with y... (read in full...)
How do I remain positive when I'm about to break?
Q. I'm 21 got married 3 months ago and im 10 weeks pregnant. Which is meant to be one of the happiest times in my life turns out to be one of the most hardest times I've ever had to face so far. Life began to spiral downwards really since the death of...
A. 20 August 2016: I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. As for getting out of this, you need to both have jobs, not just the business - if it isn't paying the bills, it isn't working and you need a Plan B. This baby is coming, so you have 7ish months to set yo... (read in full...)
Am I despicable for wanting to change my name? How to handle my family's potential response?
Q. I have a dilema. I feel like I have to choose between hurting my family and being miserable for the rest of my life. That's what it comes down to. I feel like I was born with the wrong name. There are people who are born the wrong gender, an...
A. 18 August 2016: Just go ahead and change it.... However, you should not feel a name is holding you back and making you invisible because everyone will remember a John Smith who did something memorable, but not a Seraphina Rosalinda who did not. Your name should... (read in full...)
My Bf's cousin died recently, in a car accident. Now he's acting all weird. What did I do wrong?
Q. I have been dating my bf for the past 3 1/2 months and I love him so much and he loves me. but recently he lost his cousin in a car accident. He was acting fine all day yesterday and then my friend called me. He is gay and he lives across the coun...
A. 18 August 2016: Why on earth would your friend tell him not to hurt you when he's just lost his cousin?! Why would you let him?
He's grieving the loss, so give him space - you're new in his life, his cousin was family. He's even ignoring other family members,... (read in full...)
How can I control my feelings about my Bf masturbating, alone, when I'm not there?
Q. Somebody please tell me what is wrong with me. I cannot cope with my bf masturbating when I'm not here. I am paranoid about it. We only have sexual encounters once a week as it is. Aside from everything else when I know he's done it I get so upse...
A. 18 August 2016: Why do you feel second best to it if you're not even there?
Having sex once a week is probably fairly average, so maybe try to initiate it once more every other week and see how it goes.... (read in full...)
Wife's vagina passes air during and after sex. Could this mean she is sleeping with someone else?
Q. My wife fart before I insert my penis that was for the first time after that it continues while having sex or afteer sex is she having an affair? when I tried to insert my penis her vagina fart after that it continues while after having sex or after...
A. 18 August 2016: I understand resources may not be very available where you live, but you found this site and I think using your internet to educate yourself on sex and safe sex would be useful. Not porn, but health articles.
When something (your penis) goes int... (read in full...)
She says my gift of flowers was inappropriate. What does she mean by this?
Q. I am a lesbian and I recently gave flowers to a girl. I haven't seen her since March and is now August so it's been a few months since I saw her last. When I gave her the flowers she said that I've been acting inappropriate and that the flowers ...
A. 18 August 2016: Why did you give her flowers? Were they out of the blue? By the sounds of it, she had no clue you were interested in her and they were inappropriate because flowers are usually something you give after dates, not randomly.... (read in full...)
Met him on a dating app, he's perfect but I'm too self-conscious to meet him!
Q. Long story so I'll try to shorten it as much as possible. So I matched with this guy on tinder 10 months ago. We messaged for 18 hours non stop, slept for 3 then started again. It was an incredible instant connection. If I could describe my perf...
A. 18 August 2016: When I was on a dating site, I didn't post full body pictures (I never take any), but I did put in my bio that "if you're looking for someone slim, I'm not your girl" because I wanted people who wanted me for me, not under the default assumption ... (read in full...)
I can't think of any solutions to get him to move out. Help?
Q. Hi. My boyfriend moved in with me 8 months ago as he was retrenched. Fortunately he now has a new job but the spell of unemployment hit him hard financially and he is still struggling to make ends meet. He also has a child with ex girlfriend. Our ...
A. 17 August 2016: Give him 2 weeks; finding a place isn't easy. When the two weeks are up, if he hasn't even looked, change the locks when he's out and put his crap in boxes/bags outside.
If he's been genuinely searching and just needs to wait a week or whatever... (read in full...)
How do I make my gay fantasy real?
Q. I am single guy, wondering what it would be like to have sex with this guy i know. How do i go about asking him. i think he is gay but really don't know for sure. i fantasize about sex with him all the time, Oh by the way i never have had sex with...
A. 16 August 2016: Just sex? Chances are that even if he's gay he won't be up for that. By all means, go ahead and ask, if you think it's wise. If suggest going on a ONS site and finding a (safe) gay man, though.... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend always want to cum on my face?
Q. When me and my boyfriend have anal sex, he always wants to cum on my face after. I don't mind once in a while but not every time. I have blown him many times and swallowed many times. Can anyone tell me why he wants this all the time ? ...
A. 15 August 2016: I think it's too unhygienic for it to be respectful, even if he's not intending to be disrespectful. It's risky to do it without a thorough clean first, as your rear end won't be 100% clean, so his ejaculation won't be either.
Do you *like* h... (read in full...)
I have lied to my parents for two years and it's really getting to me. At the crossroads. So what should I?
Q. I really need some help right now, so hopefully someone can turn me in the right direction. First I should start out by saying that I just turned 20 but since I live with my parents I have to follow their rules. Okay, so I have always been a go...
A. 15 August 2016: I'm all for LDRs, but you should have met him by now, as you're both adults.
Do you video chat a lot? How old are you both? How many feelings have you discussed with him?
You can't keep lying to your parents and they can't force you to sto... (read in full...)
My LDR girlfriend has admitted to being attracted to someone else!
Q. hello! i am in a long distance relationship for last one year,we have spent such a beautiful time in last one year.We share everything, recently my girlfriend told me that she is attracted towards one of his co worker;she explains that th...
A. 13 August 2016: She can't change how she feels. She misses him. You don't feel comfortable with that.
How much do you talk? Do you video chat?... (read in full...)
I’m so tired of her treating me like her girlfriend when it’s convenient to her and her feelings and like I’m not her girlfriend when it’s inconvenient!
Q. I need some advice. I feel like I'm her girlfriend when she feels like it and it's convenient to her and her feelings, and I'm not her girlfriend when it's inconvenient. And I'm so tired of it. I've been seeing the same girl for almost a year. W...
A. 12 August 2016: You should end things because she throws things in your face and people who respect each other don't do that. *However*, do not expect an official relationship (i.e a girlfriend) when there isn't one (i.e no titles) - not labelling something is ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my teacher , I can't control my feelings
Q. Ok I can't handle it anymore! I am 17 and I have just finished my first year of college (this is high school for people that live in America) and there's this teacher he is super attractive he is in his mid to late 20s. Since the first day I met hi...
A. 10 August 2016: Almost everyone has a crush on a teacher at some point, but it always blows over unless someone makes an inappropriate move. You're not wrong to have a crush on him, but you *have* to make it fade because you need to focus on your education when y... (read in full...)
I'm 36, he's 72 and I am embarrassed of my fiance's age!
Q. Hi good people! I am 36 years old, my fiance, 72years old. He is visiting me in a weeks time. I have started developing cold feet because of the age difference. I am constantly worried about the impression this will have on people who know me....
A. 10 August 2016: Why do you love him? How did you meet him? What country is he from? Where will you live when you're married? How long have you known each other? Ultimately, people will know you when you're together for the rest of his life... (read in full...)
My Bf says I look too young. Is he embarassed to be seen with me? I'm 22.
Q. Hi guys, I have an issue with my boyfriend which is making me question myself. Basically, I am 22 and he is 28, I have always looked quite young but at 22 i still get mistaken for like 16 sometimes and usually people say i look young. I used to ...
A. 10 August 2016: Don't change who you are for him. Wear what *you* want or you'll waste your life not being yourself. If he can't get over it, he doesn't love you.... (read in full...)
He earns 8 times what I earn. Is it fair that I contribute 50 . 50 for all dating costs
Q. I've been dating a guy for about 6 months, he earns very good money (about 8 times what I do), should meals out/ trips away be split 50 / 50 , or should he be expected to pay more as he is the higher earner and had a lot more disposable cash than me ...
A. 9 August 2016: My boyfriend and I pay 50/50 or for our own stuff, if there's a fair difference.
What you believe you should pay is up to you - however, when dating, it probably should be 50/50, unless there's a noticeable difference in what you both are (for exa... (read in full...)
My Bf says I look too young. Is he embarassed to be seen with me? I'm 22.
Q. Hi guys, I have an issue with my boyfriend which is making me question myself. Basically, I am 22 and he is 28, I have always looked quite young but at 22 i still get mistaken for like 16 sometimes and usually people say i look young. I used to ...
A. 9 August 2016: He needs to get over it or you need to leave. You can't help how you look and it's not always going to be a downside.... (read in full...)
Should I even tell him? How can I, considering he's married?
Q. I really need to talk about this. Please don't judge me. I know I'm a idiot for getting into this mess. I have been sleeping with an older married man (49). I stopped all contact with him a few weeks ago, as I missed my period. I then went to the ...
A. 9 August 2016: OP, make sure he doesn't keep your child a secret from his wife - this isn't so she knows he cheated (though it will obviously do that), but so that your child doesn't grow up being hidden by their father; it'll make them feel like he's ashamed of ... (read in full...)
Will I ever be able to forget my first sexual experience?
Q. Hi.. so basically, i cant forget about the guy that i had my first sexual experience with, and cant forget the experience itself. I'd just turned 16 and he was a little bit older. The experience itself was kind of rushed and clumsy, which doesnt ...
A. 8 August 2016: I remember your last couple of posts about this and I think therapy would help you deal with how distressed you are over this.
He could have attacked you, but he didn't. You now know not to be alone with guys until you are ready for more and you'... (read in full...)
Dare I tell this younger woman how I feel?
Q. hi, my name is Roger. I am a 70 yr old man and I have become very friendly with a Romanian woman for over a year now, who is 31, and also married I can honestly say I have never got on so well with a woman in all my life we do many things together...
A. 8 August 2016: Roger, this is infatuation, not love. She is married and therefore unavailable.
Also, you are 70, going on 71, not 35. You may feel 35, but you need a woman around your age who is single, not a married woman who is yet to even be in the middle o... (read in full...)
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