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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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How do I make my cousin love me back?
Q. Hey guys and girls im 14 year old and im 9th grade i love my girl cousin and she lives in another country so only 3 times i saw her 2006 2011 2016 so this year i loved her so much and we had really really good times but she went to her country back ...
A. 11 January 2017: OP, you do not love her. You don't respect her either, or you'd just let go and move on. Accept that you shouldn't be with her and make the active decision to move on.... (read in full...)
How do I make my cousin love me back?
Q. Hey guys and girls im 14 year old and im 9th grade i love my girl cousin and she lives in another country so only 3 times i saw her 2006 2011 2016 so this year i loved her so much and we had really really good times but she went to her country back ...
A. 28 October 2016: That's several months away - stop talking to her until you're over her, then just talk to her as you would talk to a brother.... (read in full...)
How do I make my cousin love me back?
Q. Hey guys and girls im 14 year old and im 9th grade i love my girl cousin and she lives in another country so only 3 times i saw her 2006 2011 2016 so this year i loved her so much and we had really really good times but she went to her country back ...
A. 26 October 2016: That's okay. Now you can get over her.... (read in full...)
I'm only important to him at night
Q. iam having a boyfriend and I love him ,but he only takes me important during the night for example he can spend the day not calling me or even not sending texts ,he only does during the night,he hides me from his elder family members,does this man ...
A. 24 October 2016: No, you're his flirting secret. It's best to let go and break up.... (read in full...)
I want to date him but I'm almost 18 and he's 9 years older
Q. Hi I'm a 17 year old female (18 in November) from the UK. I have a male "friend" who I want to date but he's 9 years and five months older than me, he knows I like him and feels the same way. He feels guilty about his feelings for me and is ...
A. 24 October 2016: It's not wise because it's a huge gap at your ages. If you were 32 and he was 41, it wouldn't be such an issue, but even 25 and 34 would be quite a big gap in life stages.
Accept this as a crush and let go. You're at two very different points i... (read in full...)
We are room mates that want to date but her ex is our room mate too!
Q. Hello, just looking for some advice at to what to do as I'm currently in an awkward situation... I'm a university student in my final year and currently living with a girl who I really like. We feel the same and have spoken about it before, the only ...
A. 24 October 2016: Sounds like a bad idea - you can see what happens when you're dating a roommate and break up because it happened to them.
I'd advise at least waiting until you're not living together.... (read in full...)
Dating but can't hang out. We text and he gives me butterflies. Why is this happening?
Q. I have been dating this guy who ive know most of my life for about 3 months and were both 15.. The relationship is going good but we never can hang out because im busy and my parents wouldnt allow me. weve met a couple of times while at a mutuals ...
A. 23 October 2016: You're not really dating, more like flirting - people who are actually dating go on dates, even if they're group dates. This isn't being in love - it's like a mutual crush, which is perfectly good at your age :)
Just relax and be realisti... (read in full...)
What would be your summation of what makes a guy so sexy? Is that impossible to define? Or could you say it is just a feeling you get inside?
Q. Is there such a thing as a guy who you've just met or seen, who doesn't look like some kind of a model, and who makes you feel, "This guy is SEX! (gaaah, droool)...? What would be your description of what makes him so sexy, or is it impossible to...
A. 23 October 2016: I'm not a sexual person and I don't find stereotypically "perfect" models attractive, so I wasn't sure I'd ever want intimacy, let alone find anyone sexy. That changed when I got to know my boyfriend. I do find him very handsome, but the sexiness ... (read in full...)
I cant seem to make my partner understand that sex is good for me and I'm worried he's stressing out over it!
Q. So ill make this as quick as possible (sorry if it's a bit crude) I have a really good relationship with my partner of 8 years one thing when we have sex he finishes after about 3-5 minutes unless he's had a drink. For me it's not a problem there'...
A. 23 October 2016: That's the thing; *he* is ruining it for himself and you can't change that because he's insecure about it. You can tell him until you're blue in the face, but he won't believe you because people who watch porn often think the penetration is what ... (read in full...)
My guy friend held my hand what does it mean?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and and one of my guy friends were on a group trip last night and he started to hold my hand. What does this mean? What do I say? What do I do?...
A. 23 October 2016: No details, so it could mean almost anything. You'd have to ask him. Does he flirt or show any other signs he likes you?... (read in full...)
My friend found my girlfriend on a dating site
Q. I have been in an 18 month relationship with an extremely insecure girl who has been controlling, needy, and jealous of my past. I have often been aggressively accused of things that just dont exist. In spite of this difficulty, I have rode the ...
A. 22 October 2016: Honestly, there are two red flags here: on a dating site pretending to be single and becoming violent. Both are very good reasons to break up with her. You don't need an honest answer because she's not going to give you one and you already know what ... (read in full...)
Why is my dad so hard on me?
Q. Hello :) Recently I moved to another country to take up a different course for university. And well my parents left 2 weeks after my course started and well the first week my dad called me everyday and as time went by I had a lot of work and I wa...
A. 22 October 2016: You sound like the OP who was tired of her dad calling every day and wanted a boyfriend. If that was you, a boyfriend would be more distraction than your dad.
This is a time to be independent, but this is new for your family. You could nearly a... (read in full...)
Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion?
Q. Hi, I am a Jewish white male. Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion? And girls - if you are a different race or religion, would you date a Jewish, or white man? Thanks....
A. 22 October 2016: It's not wrong; it's common. People are attracted to different things, though you should focus on finding someone compatible, rather than their skin colour.
Different religions can make it tricky because beliefs are different and that can become a... (read in full...)
How do you turn foreplay into sex?
Q. My bf and I are going to have sex and wanna make sure it goes smoothly .what all happens in foreplay? How long does it last how do you turn foreplay into sex??...
A. 21 October 2016: I know you may not need this, but please always use condoms, get STD checks together and get on birth control, waiting until the doctor says it will have kicked in (can take a couple of months).
As for foreplay, you don't need to go straight... (read in full...)
Gift interpretation help
Q. I need help interpreting a birthday gift I received from my new boyfriend. We met online about 2 months ago, live 4-5 hours apart, hit it off right away and have met in person 3 times, talking on phone twice/week for a long talk, with him saying he ...
A. 21 October 2016: I can only echo the other great aunts - it seems like he has a unique taste in gifts and doesn't really know you yet, so doesn't know what else to get you.
I think it's too early to be giving gifts, to be honest - hence why they're so random a... (read in full...)
How do I get to know my crush?
Q. I have a crush on a parking patrol officer who works at a plaza behind my school. He gave me a ticket about a month ago and since then I've been wanting to find a way to talk to him. I went up to his car yesterday to ask him a question about getting ...
A. 21 October 2016: Don't keep getting parking fines - he'll see you as irresponsible and deliberately annoying.
Just go up to him again and ask if he's single. There are certain times when striking up a conversation with someone isn't really possible... (read in full...)
I don’t feel romantic love for him any longer but he doesn’t seem to listen to the potential for a great friendship. What do I do?
Q. A month or so ago I wrote about having a great connection with a man who was 57 and older than me. I thank all the aunts and uncles again for all the wonderful advice. I sat back and thought everything through and I got to know him better. ...
A. 20 October 2016: Honestly, I think you're too incompatible for a relationship. For starters, becoming a father at 60 isn't great and it wouldn't be wise to have children sooner than 3 years with him (after marriage, for security). He's also very clingy and not ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's clothes are, 'Not acceptable to me'.
Q. Me and my gf are recently fighting over this issue that is her "Clothes". Sometimes she wears disgusting dresses which are revealing and I really don't like it. When I tell her not to wear such dresses she doesn't listen and gets agitated. The dres...
A. 20 October 2016: I do understand that this is a culture thing for you, but she doesn't feel the same and she shouldn't be afraid to lose you because of her choice in clothes.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's clothes are, 'Not acceptable to me'.
Q. Me and my gf are recently fighting over this issue that is her "Clothes". Sometimes she wears disgusting dresses which are revealing and I really don't like it. When I tell her not to wear such dresses she doesn't listen and gets agitated. The dres...
A. 20 October 2016: Their *her* choices, not mistakes that *you* have any business controlling.
Leave her. You don't like it, but her body isn't yours to clothe.... (read in full...)
Why would my wife threaten to leave me over my porn use?
Q. My wife says she will leave me if I keep watching porn. What is wrong with her? I have no idea why she thinks watching porn is bad. This is something I like to do and do it privately. I never told her I was into porn and many of you can guess wh...
A. 20 October 2016: Most porn is degrading so, aside from it triggering insecurities, it also shows that the person watching porn doesn't care or doesn't notice - neither of which is positive. Hiding something as controversial as porn isn't okay because it can b... (read in full...)
Why are more men dependent on women's support these days? Women is the child bearer, care giver, career holder, and now the financial supporter to men? What roles do men play then?
Q. First and foremost, no offence to the men in this room. I'm posting this question because I am really curious to know the answer. Why are more men dependent on women's support now a days than men taking care of their women? I've often read posts...
A. 20 October 2016: The guys you know sound more like boys, than men. That leaves the situations you explain down to the fact that the women in your life are choosing immature/dependent men, over men who are independent. It's enabling the dependency. T... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I'm a virgin?
Q. How do I tell him I'm a virgin?... It sounds stupid but we have been talking for a while. And our conversations via texts get heated a lot and we "sext" pretty much. I don't recall him ever asking me about previous partners so I think he ...
A. 19 October 2016: Don't stay at his unless you want to hook up - that's all it'll be. No commitment, not a lot of trust and it wouldn't be a wise plan.
What do you want from this?
As for telling him, if you're even considering going to his, you just tell him. I... (read in full...)
My whole world has revolved around finding a man and now at 32, I am desperate, hopeless and ashamed at how I've failed. Is there any hope for me?
Q. My whole world revolves around a man and finding a man can someone help me see there is more to life than this- ever since I was 16 I have idealized that finding a man would somehow magically make all my problems go away. This thinking (childlike) ...
A. 19 October 2016: OP, I think your problem is that you're not listening to the advice we've been giving you several times. You're welcome to keep posting, but it won't help you, if you don't try our advice and persevere with it.
You need to focus on having a life o... (read in full...)
I'm very close to my aunt, but recent incidents with my dog have caused upset and seem to have affected our relationship!
Q. This is a family related problem, but I hope you can give me good advice or support. I have been close to my aunt, I almost grew up in her house and she has been at my side for many years. I have been supporting of her too, when I could. I had to ...
A. 19 October 2016: She's stressed, by the sounds of it. Just lay low and give her time to get over it.... (read in full...)
The girl I'm seeing has a girlfriend?
Q. Okay where do I begin... I recently met this girl about 1 month ago she is very kind, beautiful and has feelings for me, she says she eventually wants to be more than friends and that she likes me. I looked her up on fb, being a former cop and ...
A. 19 October 2016: Either move on or ask her what the deal is. It's possible they're just "Facebook engaged" and are the type of friends that kiss each other. I wouldn't be comfortable with that, though, so I'd politely let her down.
Up to you, but asking may be a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend always invites his friend to tag along
Q. hiya ive been with my boyfriend now for 4 years we have a 2 year old daughter. the problem is whenever we are supposed to spend any time together he always invites his mate along. we were supposed to be spending bonfire night together just me him a...
A. 18 October 2016: He hasn't grown up yet. He doesn't seem to be family-oriented, which is disappointing, as you already have a child together.
This won't change any time soon because he doesn't see anything wrong with it. He's acting a bit like a single, non-pare... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 18 October 2016: I think kissing on the lips is something for couples, so I wouldn't kiss my children on the lips either. I've found someone who is the same and I'd feel very uncomfortable if anyone kissed them on the lips, even platonically. However, I wou... (read in full...)
How can I end an affair with a married woman who is having an affair with another?
Q. What steps can I take to end a affair with a married woman that is having another affair. Yes, call me stupid. I deserve it. She is a long term friend and we have known each other for years. We are very comfortable with each other. The other af...
A. 17 October 2016: OP, you have no respect for your wife and you need to let her go. It's not fair to cheat on her and drag her along. You're *choosing* to be in this mess, she isn't.
Leave the married woman too; she's got two of you on the go, so she doesn't ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to tidy up down there?
Q. Im worried i have too much hair down there that when my boyfriend sees it hes going to be put off. Im quite young but im getting to that stage in my relationship, i dont care for your judgement about my age, where my boyfriend is touching me. But ...
A. 17 October 2016: I also want to stress that body hair is *not* gross. We're conditioned to think it is, but your body isn't gross, OP.... (read in full...)
STIs. what is the best way to raise a discussion with my BF about a recent result given to me by my Doctor ?
Q. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for 3/4 months. We are currently long distance but it is working fine. A month before we started dating I got an STI test and it came back negative, I also didn't have sex in between that test and ...
A. 17 October 2016: Find out from your doctor how to prevent it spreading and what treatment there is, so you can tell your boyfriend when you tell him you have an STD. Not enough people understand them, so it may make it less daunting if you give him the correct ... (read in full...)
How do I make my cousin love me back?
Q. Hey guys and girls im 14 year old and im 9th grade i love my girl cousin and she lives in another country so only 3 times i saw her 2006 2011 2016 so this year i loved her so much and we had really really good times but she went to her country back ...
A. 17 October 2016: That's not a bad thing because you can get over your crush. Leave it be.... (read in full...)
Is lingerie an appropriate birthday gift for my girlfriend?
Q. we've been dating for 6 months. we're really close and intimate. Were both 23. We had sex for the first time a few nights ago. She having a birthday party coming up im thinking about giving lingerie for her birthday. I'm wanting something on the c...
A. 16 October 2016: I think it's too soon for lingerie - and, as Honeypie said, it's more a present for the partner, not the receiver, unless the receiver *asked* for it.
Lingerie is *very* personal.
Stick to something she'll like and is for her only. Maybe ask ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to have feelings for a second cousin?
Q. Okay, so I'm at the age of 19 and I have found myself falling for my family member named Rachel. She is not far behind me in age, in fact, less than a year younger. We both attend the same church, a Pentecostal church and she happens to be my second ...
A. 16 October 2016: Honestly, I don't think it's wise to pursue this infatuation. "In love" is mutual, which is why you need to be realistic and understand that it's a crush. You're close to her and admire the lady she is, which would be better used to find you an ... (read in full...)
How can I make the best of myself to be more attractive?
Q. I am wondering if there is anything that an average looking girl could do to grab a guy's attention? Is there a way she could dress? A specific perfume? Any behaviour? Something she could say? Have you ever developed an attraction for a...
A. 16 October 2016: Relationships based on personality, as cliché as it sounds, are deeper than those reliant on looks. Focus on being yourself and feeling good as you are. Confidence in yourself will help. If you like a certain make-up look or hairstyle, do that, but ... (read in full...)
Being strung by my best friend... who has a girlfriend
Q. Hello DearCupid :) I'm struggling with being strung by my best friend. He has a very attractive girlfriend. They have been together for almost 10 years now and I have always respected him for it. He was never an option for me until we screwe...
A. 16 October 2016: It tends to be easier for men to keep an emotional distance, but some men don't and some women do - so it happens to both. It's good you're letting go. Don't change anything about yourself to be attractive to others, just do what you need to do t... (read in full...)
Should I go back to hanging out with my old friends!
Q. My old friends who brought the worst out in me want to hang out again - they are insecure high maintenance girls that tear each other down and celebrate at the club every weekend and drink champagne. Since turning 30 I stopped - I realized that I ...
A. 16 October 2016: I'm sorry you still feel this way, OP, but you're lonely because you haven't been taking the advice to volunteer and use your lonely time to help others. Please get therapy and start volunteering. Going back to these friends will only result in a... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to be upset with the way my boyfriend treated me?
Q. Hello, I would like to seek your opinion on the following situation and please let me know if I over reacted. My plane had just landed home from a trip to visit my boyfriend. We had a wonderful visit and he couldn't bear to see me leave. We had plan...
A. 16 October 2016: As someone in a long distance relationship, I know how vulnerable you feel when their behaviour changes, seemingly for no reason. However, you are overreacting. You could have called him. You could have sent him a picture of the taxi. You could ... (read in full...)
My friend is accusing me of being a shitty friend because I like the guy she was cheating on her boyfriend with!
Q. This is a very complex situation, so please bare with me as this story might be a little long-winded. In August, my friend Leslie started hanging out with this guy, Ian, she met through Tinder. They were talking to each other off-and-on for n...
A. 16 October 2016: In that second paragraph, you make it sound like Leslie isn't doing anything wrong. You go on her dates to be her wing-woman for her cheating? That's not being a good friend, that's enabling the pain she's causing someone else. I think the two of... (read in full...)
27 and still looking for the guy who wont pressure me for sex!
Q. Hi. I just ended a year long relationship with someone. One of the main issues was that we have different points of views on sex. He told me that it is very strange for someone my age (mid to late 20s) to be a virgin. I know that is true, but is it ...
A. 15 October 2016: In light of your reasons, I think you're best looking for guys who are waiting for marriage or years without sex. Reason being, if you are unable to trust someone you're in a relationship with for a year, it really isn't the right relationship.
... (read in full...)
I can't approach him andask if he wants me as bad as I want him...
Q. Hi agony aunts. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals from this guy and i dont know what to think or do. I'll list the things he does just to make it clearer: -always really flirtatious, compliments me etc -genuinely laughs when we talk, like not o...
A. 15 October 2016: You're infatuated and your hormones are all over the place. You don't talk about a relationship, just "wanting" each other, which is hooking up - not a good idea for losing your virginity.
He sounds like he's just a charmer who likes flirting... (read in full...)
27 and still looking for the guy who wont pressure me for sex!
Q. Hi. I just ended a year long relationship with someone. One of the main issues was that we have different points of views on sex. He told me that it is very strange for someone my age (mid to late 20s) to be a virgin. I know that is true, but is it ...
A. 14 October 2016: Like I said, OP, you need to figure out why, so you can find someone who feels the same way.
You should know after a year, whether or not you want to be intimate with them. If not, they aren't the one for you.... (read in full...)
How do I make the first time a good time?
Q. Me and my girlfriend are planning on doing it and i want to make it as good for her as it would be for me. I heard that it hurts like realllly bad so i just want to know if there's anything that would help it feel better if not almost completely ...
A. 13 October 2016: My first response is the advice, but I'd like to know how old you both are and how long you've been together? If one of you is under 16, or you haven't been together for at least 6 months, please don't do it yet.... (read in full...)
How do I make the first time a good time?
Q. Me and my girlfriend are planning on doing it and i want to make it as good for her as it would be for me. I heard that it hurts like realllly bad so i just want to know if there's anything that would help it feel better if not almost completely ...
A. 13 October 2016: Go to the doctor together - if you can't do that, you're not ready for the responsibility of safe sex.
Get condoms, don't do anything without one - not even oral - and change it between penetration and oral. Have your girlfriend get put on birth... (read in full...)
27 and still looking for the guy who wont pressure me for sex!
Q. Hi. I just ended a year long relationship with someone. One of the main issues was that we have different points of views on sex. He told me that it is very strange for someone my age (mid to late 20s) to be a virgin. I know that is true, but is it ...
A. 13 October 2016: Lots of adults don't like/want/can't have sex, OP, so you'll still be able to find someone - they're just the minority compared to everyone else. Sex or no sex doesn't validate a relationship, it's just a case of finding someone with the same ... (read in full...)
Being strung by my best friend... who has a girlfriend
Q. Hello DearCupid :) I'm struggling with being strung by my best friend. He has a very attractive girlfriend. They have been together for almost 10 years now and I have always respected him for it. He was never an option for me until we screwe...
A. 12 October 2016: You just have to gradually fade contact out. Ghost him. Don't spend any time alone with him again. No more getting drunk while together.
It may hurt, but it's fairly simple to do.... (read in full...)
27 and still looking for the guy who wont pressure me for sex!
Q. Hi. I just ended a year long relationship with someone. One of the main issues was that we have different points of views on sex. He told me that it is very strange for someone my age (mid to late 20s) to be a virgin. I know that is true, but is it ...
A. 12 October 2016: I don't need necessarily think you should wait for another virgin, but I do think you should wait until you're ready and find a guy who is happy to. Unless you're waiting for marriage, if you don't feel ready within a year of being official with ... (read in full...)
How do I make my cousin love me back?
Q. Hey guys and girls im 14 year old and im 9th grade i love my girl cousin and she lives in another country so only 3 times i saw her 2006 2011 2016 so this year i loved her so much and we had really really good times but she went to her country back ...
A. 9 October 2016: We have, OP. You need to stick with it; it may take a few months.
Talk to her less.
Treat her like a boy cousin.
Don't compliment her on her looks.
Don't be alone with her.
Don't kiss/hug/lean on each other.... (read in full...)
How do I make my cousin love me back?
Q. Hey guys and girls im 14 year old and im 9th grade i love my girl cousin and she lives in another country so only 3 times i saw her 2006 2011 2016 so this year i loved her so much and we had really really good times but she went to her country back ...
A. 5 October 2016: It may be legal, but they are close family members and if there's a break up, it could pull the family apart.
You don't have to stop talking to her, just don't be alone together and treat her like you would with your boy cousin. Don't flirt, d... (read in full...)
How do I make my cousin love me back?
Q. Hey guys and girls im 14 year old and im 9th grade i love my girl cousin and she lives in another country so only 3 times i saw her 2006 2011 2016 so this year i loved her so much and we had really really good times but she went to her country back ...
A. 4 October 2016: It means you're both acting inappropriately. If you won't block her, you need to treat her like a boy cousin, not let her lay on your chest or hold hands.
It's normal to have a crush, but it's a bad idea to allow it to continue.... (read in full...)
How do I make my cousin love me back?
Q. Hey guys and girls im 14 year old and im 9th grade i love my girl cousin and she lives in another country so only 3 times i saw her 2006 2011 2016 so this year i loved her so much and we had really really good times but she went to her country back ...
A. 4 October 2016: Stop talking to her for a while. Tell her you need a break and block her. This isn't going to work out, OP. You need to find someone who isn't a relative and who lives closer to you, so you can get to know them. Your cousin isn't a real person in ... (read in full...)
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