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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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I don't know whether I should take her back or not!
Q. My girlfriend is in the us at college and I'm in the uk working, we are both British and 18 and have been together for a year. She met a friend at college very soon at August time (let's call him Jim) and he was just a friend, she told me this...
A. 3 December 2016: I'd just like to add that I'm in an LDR and I would never cheat on my boyfriend, no matter how much I miss him. She is unable to do an international LDR, which is okay and understandable, but it means that you need to break up. She may be very ... (read in full...)
Like him but he has a girlfriend
Q. I've been talking to this guy for a while now. It's been going really well and then he asks me on a date. However, we didn't be go on it because I found out he has a girlfriend. I've said I can't do this and we shouldn't talk. The problem is,...
A. 3 December 2016: No, he shouldn't be doing that, but he is, which means he's happy to cheat on his girlfriend.... would you really want to be his next one?
If you continue talking to him, you'll be either his mistress (emotional cheating counts too) or you'll b... (read in full...)
Think I love mother and daughter
Q. I'm in a relationship with a woman 18 years older than me. Lately we have been growing apart, the age difference and different interests are the main reasons. Her daughter, is 4 years younger then me. I'm 35. Her daughter and I have a great ...
A. 3 December 2016: Why did you date your friend's mother in the first place? Seems like bad idea.
You can't date the daughter now - it's too messy and kind of disrespectful.
Break up with the mother and maybe consider the friend in a year or so, if you're still ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's libido is so low
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 14 months. Sex has never been frequent or very passionate on his side... he doesn't even like to kiss either. However, recently he doesn't want sex at all and it's weeks and weeks before he gives it me again, but ...
A. 3 December 2016: You're mismatched. Of course he feels pressure to have sex - you want it and will give off vibes for it, but he doesn't want it. My boyfriend's the same, but I'm willing to not make love as often as I crave it, as he's still affectionate.
I thi... (read in full...)
I don't know whether I should take her back or not!
Q. My girlfriend is in the us at college and I'm in the uk working, we are both British and 18 and have been together for a year. She met a friend at college very soon at August time (let's call him Jim) and he was just a friend, she told me this...
A. 2 December 2016: "you need to make mistakes to learn" is true - except when it comes to cheating; you do *not* need to cheat to learn not to.
I don't think it's wise you take her back; LDRs are hard enough without one of you cheating, but it's almost impossib... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are mismatched! Is he being selfish?
Q. Hiya I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now but the last couple of months he doesn't seem to want sex anymore when I ask him if anything is wrong if hes stressed etc he says he's fine he's just lazy and hasnt got a very high sex drive whereas I ...
A. 2 December 2016: Anon, *nobody* should force themselves to have sex when their bodies don't want to. That is *not* love. Many things can be compromised on and sex *can* be one of them, but not when the person does not feel able to. Do you want sex so bad you want ... (read in full...)
Does he just want into my trousers?
Q. Hello there, Iv been talking to a boy I love for a few months now and we've been out together but he lives away from me, it's all being going great and he told me he loved me and it was going so well. He's now said that I don't make him Happy and he ...
A. 2 December 2016: This isn't love, Hun. Proper love doesn't happen in such a short time, with no commitment. He's playing around with you and that's not nice. You've wised up to his actions and it's good of you to question them. He is messing you around. Cut him ... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are mismatched! Is he being selfish?
Q. Hiya I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now but the last couple of months he doesn't seem to want sex anymore when I ask him if anything is wrong if hes stressed etc he says he's fine he's just lazy and hasnt got a very high sex drive whereas I ...
A. 2 December 2016: How is it selfish to not want sex? By that logic, it's also selfish of you to want it when he doesn't. Is he masturbating a lot instead of sex? Look, if he doesn't want as much sex as you, he shouldn't force himself. That said, you deser... (read in full...)
Wanting to confess to someone, that I want to date them
Q. I like someone who is three years older than me, were are good freinds and he moves to University next June/May. I don't want my confession to ruin our freindship, I really like him and think I could have something special with him, but I don't know ...
A. 2 December 2016: He's about to be an adult, which sadly means he's too old for you and would get in a lot of trouble if he dated you.
Stick to guys your own age or only a year older. If you feel they're too immature, you know why you like this guy, but he is too o... (read in full...)
Who do I go for? Dude A or B?
Q. Who do I really love? I'm 17 years of age and I'm in my final year in secondary school. I am in a love triangle(two boys). I love dude A a lot but he is a player and I've know him since primary school, he was my sitting mate in primary school. ...
A. 2 December 2016: You need to be single. Neither is love. A is manipulating you and B deserves someoneone who only wants to be with him.
OP, love is something you feel for one person (unless you're poly, but you don't seem to be). If you can't choose between ... (read in full...)
How do I finally get over her?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts I am a 26 year old man. I got married at 19 a large part of that was because we got pregnant. She was my first girlfriend. We were together 1 day short of 7 years, married a bit more than 5 of those. About 18 months ago she left...
A. 2 December 2016: You don't say anything about your child.... How have the two of you been handling that, since the split? Being civil is the best plan, until you're both over each other and can be more pleasant (but not necessarily friends). I'm sorry she found ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't he ask I be included?
Q. My boyfriend and I live together. He has been invited to a wedding of a friend that I don't know. He has not been given a plus one but still wants to go. I feel that as we are a proper couple an invite should have been extended to me. If it is a ...
A. 2 December 2016: I think "social coward" is too far because you've never met them so, even if he's told them about you, you're still a stranger to them and a wedding isn't the best place to meet strangers for the first time.
You say you live together, but not how ... (read in full...)
My mom ruined my last two birthdays and I'm dreading that she'll do the same this year
Q. Hello dearcupids, I am 25 yr single lady. Currently unemployed. My mother spoiled my birthday for last two years. I don't know why she did this, she even didn't wished me on my birthday. I cried always due to Her continuous mean behaviour. When ...
A. 2 December 2016: I'd really suggest looking for a job to help you avoid your mum and earn the money to move out, if you haven't already.
I'm sorry she has said such insensitive things to you on your birthdays. I agree with spending the day out, even if it's alo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hasn't told his parents about our child
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 yrs I hadn't met his parents till recently and I found he hasn't told them about our child whose almost 3yrs old...how am I suppose to deal or take that??...
A. 2 December 2016: Wait. He's made another child with you and you didn't even know he had three others?!
Please break up with him before you have another one. He's an irresponsible sperm donor who clearly hides his children from his future baby mamas.
In futu... (read in full...)
Shouldn't he ask I be included?
Q. My boyfriend and I live together. He has been invited to a wedding of a friend that I don't know. He has not been given a plus one but still wants to go. I feel that as we are a proper couple an invite should have been extended to me. If it is a ...
A. 2 December 2016: I'd invite my cousins and their boyfriends/girlfriends to my wedding.... *if* we were close and I'd met them. If I hadn't met them, I'm sorry, but weddings are expensive and I want people I know and care about there, not paying for strangers too. ... (read in full...)
Should I confront him about this Facebook friend?
Q. hiya everyone i was going through my friends list on facebook this afternoon just deleting contacts i dont speak to i noticed my boyfriend has added a woman who is very attractive and the type he told me he goes for i have looked on her profile and ...
A. 2 December 2016: OP, be honest with yourself: you can't see his friends by going through yours. You snooped on his list or she came up as a suggested friend and clicked when you realised he was your mutual contact.
Why don't you trust him? Lots of people set thei... (read in full...)
Do I believe him?
Q. Okay so I'm going to start with the fact that I'm 18 weeks pregnant by my ex. However I still haven't told him and I know that's it's a little messed up but when I texted him about two months ago asking him if we could meet up and talk he texted ...
A. 1 December 2016: Please be responsible: don't think about guys right now; you're not single, you're about to be a mother - if you're going to keep it, stop focusing on guys.
Tell the ex. He deserves to know.
Tell your family, if you haven't already.
Get ... (read in full...)
He thinks I led him on because I cant explain how I feel about him
Q. On the verge of breaking up, my boyfriend and I had a talk about whether we should be together or not. We don't have a lot in common so we really don't have much to talk about, as in deep passionate conversations that is.. Now I am terribly bad at ...
A. 1 December 2016: "I simply responded with qualities that I adored about him and the sweet things that he does that's so heart filling but it didn't seem like a good enough answer" - it should have been good enough; it's a decent explanation. That said, if you don... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hasn't told his parents about our child
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 yrs I hadn't met his parents till recently and I found he hasn't told them about our child whose almost 3yrs old...how am I suppose to deal or take that??...
A. 1 December 2016: I'd leave him over that, but that's just me. Maybe I'd ask him why he hadn't told them, but I don't think anything would make it okay in my eyes. Why did you have a child with a man before meeting his family? This isn't a judgement, but y... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my controlling dad?
Q. Dear Cupid, I feel like my dad is very controlling and it's uncomfortable for me being that I'm a 19 year old woman. He is someone who doesn't like people and has something negative to say about everything. He works from home so he is ALWAYS home ...
A. 30 November 2016: Honestly, this is totally normal. The only difference is that many dads would allow their 19 year old to date. Ask your mum if you can put a slide lock on your door. Don't stay out late or get drunk. Ask to spend family time together. Behave... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my husband's cousin
Q. My husband and I have been married for 6 months, but have been together for 9 years. Throughout our relationship my husband's cousin, we'll call him Tyler, has always been close with us. We have all always been great friends until he moved out of ...
A. 30 November 2016: You're not falling in love - being in love is mutual, you're crushing on someone who is off-limits. Admitting your feelings *would* be betraying your husband. The chances Tyler feels anything for you are very slim. The more you think about ... (read in full...)
Is my online boyfriend hiding something?
Q. i got this online boyfriend we never seen each other yet been in a relationship nearly 2months we always video call, phone call and chat. we exchange password before in instagram. 1st he trusted me his instagram and i get jealous to the girl he ...
A. 29 November 2016: You're moving too fast. You shouldn't give your password to a new partner (and he shouldn't give his to you) because you could break up within weeks, which is what's bound to happen here because there's no trust.
It's fine that you haven't ... (read in full...)
I'm 16, girlfriend is 14 ... I am thinking of breaking up because we cant find anywhere private!
Q. Am a 16 year old teenager in High School. Am currently a junior dating my 14 year old freshman girlfriend. We've been together 2 months and its been working out. Me and her have kissed before a couple of times, but never making out. The reason being ...
A. 29 November 2016: "Reason am losing feelings for her is I really care about her and not being able to kiss her passionately is driving me crazy" - that's not how feelings work, OP. If you liked her enough, you'd realise she's kinda too young for making out, it's also ... (read in full...)
I am insecure about how my body looks, its affecting my sex life!
Q. Hello, and thanks for reading. I am very apprehensive and insecure when I have sex with my boyfriend. I wish I had the confidence to initiate but everytime I build myself up to initiate, I clam up. I find myself to be beautiful and I love my body ...
A. 29 November 2016: Look through the pictures on here: http://www.labialibrary.org.au
You're very lucky you feel so happy with the rest of your body, so don't underestimate the power of that. Check out the link and see that they all look different and to 99% of strai... (read in full...)
We are both still married. Should I get involved with my married friend?
Q. Hello everyone, Over the past few years, I have run into a lot of issues with my husband and have discovered that the large bulk of our problems stem from some physical and mental health issues which cannot really go away. This has taken a toll...
A. 28 November 2016: "I would doubt he clicks like that with anyone he has ever met" - that's an awfully arrogant assumption to make, OP. You don't know how he feels or his past relationships.
So, at least you don't want to be a piece on the side, but that means he... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes me feel so bad about myself
Q. I don't know what to do, ive been with my boyfriend for about a year now and we've lived together for about 5 months, he's mostly a really nice guy, but he doesn't show me any emotional support whatsoever, i have told him i need him to emotionally ...
A. 28 November 2016: Please move out. He doesn't care about you and this is a toxic environment for you.
When in a relationship, we need to wait longer to move in together, especially when we're young adults, as we need to make sure (to the best of our abilitie... (read in full...)
My husband is divorcing me we have a severly disabled son
Q. Me and my husband have been married for 12 years. We have a severly disabled son, he is autistic, with learning difficulties and he cannot speak. he is very aggressive at the moment. Friday he pulled me onto the floor by my hair and head butted me. ...
A. 28 November 2016: I'm so very sorry you're dealing with this, but I'm afraid that putting your son in care may be the safest for you and for him - where people can keep him protected from himself and help him with daily life. I know most parents wouldn't want to at ... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea to hook up with a single mother?
Q. Recently I broke up with my girlfriend and now I'm single. I know it's too early to hang out with other women but there is this girl she's 09/10 rating hot brunette, younger, she used to be my coworker but she got pregnant, got married and now she's ...
A. 27 November 2016: Your final sentence is the best thing you've said.
You should totally forget about her. Preferences are one thing, but you just seem to have a bad attitude about it all - coming across pretty entitled too.
If you want to hook up with someone,... (read in full...)
How do I convince my girlfriend to indulge my ballbusting fetish?
Q. I've been dating a girl, that I love, for about six months. I also love ballbusting, and the problem is that she doesn't want to do it anymore. If you don't know what it is, just Google it. One session usually lasts about 30-60 minutes, dependi...
A. 27 November 2016: To each their own, but physically beating up my boyfriend would be a massive no go for me (and him), so I completely understand why most people wouldn't do it.
If you really "need" this fetish satisfied, you need to deliberately find a girlfrie... (read in full...)
My girlfriend said I was 'mushy'
Q. I have been with a new girl for a few months. Tonight we were drinking a little bit and I told her how much I enjoyed being with her. She asked me if I was getting mushy and I told her that I was and that she needed to cope with it. I did tel...
A. 27 November 2016: I think you need an open "what are we and where are we headed?" conversation asap. Put a lid on your feelings for now and find out where she's at. She may not even view you as her boyfriend, as it's pointless to be "boyfriend"-"girlfriend", if ... (read in full...)
Please help: where is the line drawn between insecurity and stepping over boundaries?
Q. Hello, I was wondering how best to approach my boyfriend (of 3.5 years) and talk to him about something in our relationship I'm not happy with. We are usually very open and encourage communicating so I don't have any worries about him getting upse...
A. 27 November 2016: I think this is bordering on addiction. I don't think porn should be on every time you have sex because you should be able to both enjoy it without that too.
I'd sit down with him some time and express that the amount he looks up those things m... (read in full...)
Being an Indian how do you send subtle indications to a White guy that you are interested in him?
Q. How to make a white guy understand you are interested in him? Asking him out surely didn't help. We Indians are so culturally different from the west I wonder what would be the right way to send some cues for the guy that I want us to be more tha...
A. 26 November 2016: Normally, I'm all for interracial relationships, but your culture may be too different for this to work long term, and it's not a good idea to start dating a white man if your family/culture won't approve, if you plan to keep your culture. How ... (read in full...)
How can I stop this destructive behavior?
Q. How can I get over the fear of being as ding up alone(not married with children) - this fear has lurked such insecurity that it had led me into the arms of men that are verbally abusive and self centered - I've had one bf since I was 19-25(self ...
A. 26 November 2016: You need to stop ignoring the advice, OP. You can't be a mother or a girlfriend until you help yourself.
Get a job (or a new one).
Volunteer at an animal rescue/care home/homeless shelter.
Join a hobby group: hiking/walking/book club... (read in full...)
2 year relationship just ended. How to move on?
Q. I remember that it hurt. Hearing the words hurt - and at the same time, it felt like something out of a movie, like it wasn't happening. After all, how could it? It had been merely a week since our second anniversary, and as an anniversary gift she ...
A. 26 November 2016: Don't try to be friends.
Should this all be true (most 19 year olds wouldn't have the money or resources to jumpstart a business in a month), here's my advice:
Focus on your business and getting out to meet new people. Don't think about dati... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to give another man oral sex.I am not happy with this!
Q. My boyfriend has been pressuring me into blowing another guy and I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea, I have told him this everytime he's asked and now he brings it up in the middle of sex or while he's dirty talking, I told him I'd ...
A. 26 November 2016: Please leave him immediately, before he forces you to do it.
No, most guys don't want to share their girlfriend/wife.
A good boyfriend will *never* pressure you into something you don't want to do.
Please get away from him!... (read in full...)
I've planned a very elaborate threesome with my bf and another girl, but could still do with some advice..
Q. Hi all. The live-in boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We are very solid, trust each other completely, with little to no jealousy whatsoever, and we have a great sex life. So after about 6 months of discussion, we've finally decided to ...
A. 25 November 2016: I think "make love to another woman" says it all. Threesomes are sex, not making love. However, your natural thought process was to call it him "making love" with someone else. Personally, I think that's where your common sense and desire to ke... (read in full...)
My dad's new partner won't let him have a relationship with me. is she insecure?
Q. He cheated with her on my mother!!! Then he left her for my mother after 4 weeks of being with her and dumping my mum. Everytime me and my dad arrange to spend time together she seems to put a stop to it. My dad has to call and text me secretly ...
A. 24 November 2016: Unsurprisingly, since he's a cheater, she probably doesn't trust him. She also probably thinks you'll try to turn him against her. If he still texts you secretly, ask when he's at home and visit him.... (read in full...)
My crush. He's 20, I'm 17. Should I wait 2-3 years for him or not?
Q. I'm a 17-year-old Asian international student. And I'm having a crush on a guy for a few months who is 20 right now. Actually he already had done some sexual stuffs with me although we're not in a relationship. Days ago I confessed to him...
A. 23 November 2016: Ordinarily, I'd say waiting is a good idea because it's a fairly big gap at your ages. However, he's using it as an excuse to continue sexual acts with you, without commitment.
Stop interacting with him for good and don't give anyone sex without ... (read in full...)
Making love vs having sex
Q. how do you know when your making love and not having sex,...
A. 23 November 2016: To me, having sex is for the pleasure you both get, but making love can only be done when you're both actually *in* love and there's the deep connection, not just the physical one.
For example, my libido is more of a "make love" drive than a "... (read in full...)
The professor and the student...are we bad for having sexy fun?
Q. I am not going to lie and say I regret this or that this is anything serious. He works at my university as a professor, and yes i am a student there. However, he is in a completely different department to me. He is 38 I am 22 and our university...
A. 22 November 2016: No, you're not bad people.
If the rules say it has to be disclosed, follow them or don't go against them.
Personally, I think this is a really bad decision, but hey - consenting adults can make their own choices/mistakes.
Good luck.
P... (read in full...)
If you haven't kissed in a long time is it sort of weird to kiss?
Q. HELP! Please. I 'm going on a second date with a guy, and I'm 22 and although I've kissed people in the past it's been a while since I've kissed someone - more than a year- ( let alone sex haha I think I'm a virgin again, no seriously, anything ...
A. 22 November 2016: Firstly, you're not a virgin again and I think sex may have been painful because you weren't aroused enough and needed more lube.
Secondly, you don't really want to use tongues or turn him on with the first few kisses. Just go with the flow and... (read in full...)
I accidentally sent his ex a friend request and she accepted. I don't want to be friends
Q. Here's my issue, I have been in a relationship for 6yrs, rocky sometimes, I found out he has been having chats with his ex, the problem now is I was on face book and came across her page I was curious to find out what she looked like but apparently ...
A. 22 November 2016: I don't know what you want from us; we're telling you to leave, he's doing dumb things and you're treating Facebook a bit like teenagers do.
I think your best bet is to break up and move on to someone who doesn't use Facebook much or at all. You... (read in full...)
I accidentally sent his ex a friend request and she accepted. I don't want to be friends
Q. Here's my issue, I have been in a relationship for 6yrs, rocky sometimes, I found out he has been having chats with his ex, the problem now is I was on face book and came across her page I was curious to find out what she looked like but apparently ...
A. 17 November 2016: Why aren't you friends with him on Facebook?
I think this is all ridiculously adolescent for a couple in their 50s. I think you need to limit your social media use and I think you need to date someone you trust, not someone you feel the need to ... (read in full...)
I accidentally sent his ex a friend request and she accepted. I don't want to be friends
Q. Here's my issue, I have been in a relationship for 6yrs, rocky sometimes, I found out he has been having chats with his ex, the problem now is I was on face book and came across her page I was curious to find out what she looked like but apparently ...
A. 12 November 2016: Tell him before she does.
I let paranoia make me look into one of my boyfriend's former friends because I was scared and we were new. I accidentally followed her and unfollowed straight away. My stomach was in knots because they get email notifica... (read in full...)
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