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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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I always end up forgiving people who offend me
Q. Hello :). I have a question. I wonder, no matter how much I get angry to those people who offend me, I always end up on forgiving them. I remember this one situation when one of my friends had a fight and to my extreme shock I was involved and I wa...
A. 20 December 2016: In my opinion everyone (except people who harm others) deserve a second chance. After that, it depends on how often they need another chance. If they constantly need more chances, it's worth considering cutting them off.... (read in full...)
Why does he do this to me?
Q. I've been on and off with a guy I've liked for 2 years. But we haven't had sex. I have tried everything with this guy because I really am unsure of his intentions as he has told me he likes me but nothing's changed. He doesn't meet me when he is ...
A. 19 December 2016: You haven't tried willpower and discipline.
You don't *want* a FWB, so don't offer one.
He won't block you because he *loves* watching you beg for his attention, knowing you won't keep him blocked.
You're clinging on with all you have, but h... (read in full...)
Do I make contact with his other child's mother?
Q. Hi there I getting in contact because I don't knowwho else to ask.I am with a guy for less then a year we have a child a little boy whose a month old well anyway he got a daughter who is 5 yes old who he doesn't see because he said the mother Wouldn...
A. 19 December 2016: I think that the problem here is that you barely know him and now you're attached for life. He could definitely do the same to you and you now have a child who may never be allowed to meet their sibling.
Ask your boyfriend what happened and why ... (read in full...)
We disagree about matter of religion! Any advice?
Q. Hi everyone! I thought it might be a good idea to hear some impartial opinions on an issue I have been dealing with in my relationship. So my boyfriend and I are both Christian, though I only decided to be baptized when i was 14 while he ...
A. 19 December 2016: I don't like people forcing their religion on their children, either; I think all children should have a choice.
You don't have a future with this guy because he needs someone who believes and does the same as him. Likewise for you.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not stop going on about an instagram post!
Q. I've completely lost the plot with my boyfriend but I'm not sure if I overreacted. I'm trying really hard to think of things from his point of view but it's difficult. My friend's daughter commented on one of my photos on Instagram that h...
A. 19 December 2016: *You really should leave him; if nothing else, he's incredibly immature and rude.... (read in full...)
For the sake of my daughter, should I stay with a man who has just told me that "he wishes I was dead" ? l
Q. i dropped my fiance off at a work christmas party so he could drink if he wanted to and so he wouldnt have to worry about the snowstorm. he was going to call an uber at 11 so itd be there for sure by 12. that was the plan. i go home, fall asleep t...
A. 18 December 2016: By the way, I don't think you should stay, as what he did was abusive, but therapy is needed if you do decide to stay. For your safety, I wouldn't advise sticking around, though.... (read in full...)
Four dates and now we're about to be away from each other for 20 days. How should I handle this extended break from her?
Q. I've been on four dates with a girl I met on tinder over the last two weeks who is starting to really grow on me and I feel butterfly's in my stomach whenever we hang out together. I feel like we've taken things slow and that's super OK with me....
A. 18 December 2016: Just ask if she's like to have a phone conversation every few days to talk catch up. 20 days isn't too long, when you've be only just met.... (read in full...)
Have I completely disrespected my boyfriend, when I had no intention of doing that?
Q. I went out on an unexpected night out with a work friend on Friday. We thought we'd just get a bite to eat and a few drinks after work but we ended up having one too many and never got home until 2:30am. We had dinner and went to a few bars. ...
A. 18 December 2016: I really don't want you to take this badly, but you need to "grow up". You disrespected your *friend* more than your boyfriend. Telling her to go away was rude and she could have considered leaving you there!
Don't get drunk if you can't handle y... (read in full...)
I want respect. I packed up and left him after he disregarded our agreement - but how can I demonstrate or convince that I'm not trying to be controlling?
Q. Before I got with my boyfriend I knew he took drugs; weed and cocaine. I really don't like it so when we first started dating I asked how we would work in a relationship, how would we ever live together as I don't want it around me. He assured ...
A. 18 December 2016: You're with a hard drug user. Don't be with one, if you don't want it around you. Allowing something like that just keeps the habit going, even if it's out of sight, it's still around you. If you don't like drugs, don't date someone who likes them ... (read in full...)
For the sake of my daughter, should I stay with a man who has just told me that "he wishes I was dead" ? l
Q. i dropped my fiance off at a work christmas party so he could drink if he wanted to and so he wouldnt have to worry about the snowstorm. he was going to call an uber at 11 so itd be there for sure by 12. that was the plan. i go home, fall asleep t...
A. 18 December 2016: This is tricky. Locking out a drunk fiancée is harsh - that said, he should have had a key because anyone could break in and you shouldn't have had to stay up all night. He should also have called you to let you know what was happening.
If yo... (read in full...)
What shall I put on my ex- husband's headstone?
Q. My ex- husband passed away two years ago, he was a doctor and I am going to order his headstone. I am not sure what to put on because we were divorced. I am re-married again. We remained good friends. He did not really have any family just two cous...
A. 18 December 2016: I remember you're doing this with the money gift his family gave you, so I think it would be nice to keep it short and sweet:
John Smith
19__ - 2014
A good friend and loved family member
He is missed... (read in full...)
Is he lazy or am I expecting too much?
Q. My bf and I are in a long distance relationship, we met online about 5 months ago. I visited him twice and he is coming down to see me very soon. Before I met up w/him, we texted and vid chatted. When we are physically together, the fe...
A. 18 December 2016: I've been in a successful LDR for nearly 2 years and we meet up roughly every 3 weeks (for a couple of days). My boyfriend is a busy guy with uni, essays, a job, etc. It's a lot of effort for him to text frequently, sometimes - especially if th... (read in full...)
Are FWB supposed to be this attached?
Q. We didn't have sex. We cuddled and made out. No hj or bj, no touching of my bottom private either. He was being extremely sweet (interlock fingers, kissing forehead, cheeks, palm, etc) but I dump that as an act of fwb. I didn't text him the fol...
A. 18 December 2016: Most FWBs avoid doing those things because it usually creates an emotional attachment, so no, he probably wouldn't be doing it unless he really likes you.
You need to talk about your feelings with each other and call off the FWBs arrangem... (read in full...)
I always end up forgiving people who offend me
Q. Hello :). I have a question. I wonder, no matter how much I get angry to those people who offend me, I always end up on forgiving them. I remember this one situation when one of my friends had a fight and to my extreme shock I was involved and I wa...
A. 18 December 2016: I was severely bullied throughout my entire school life, but I knew what true sadness and loneliness felt like, so I always helped others, even if they were bullying me and went straight back to being nasty when they felt better. That's when you get ... (read in full...)
I really hate my name
Q. My birth name is Sarah, and it makes me sick. This is a trivial problem compared to some of the things people are dealing with, but I REALLY hate the name. I'm not a kid going through a phase. Ever since I can remember, I have always resented ...
A. 18 December 2016: I don't think it's strange to want a different name, but I do think you need to consider therapy to figure out why you can "never forgive" your parents for choosing a common name and why you feel you could be "replaced by another Sarah" if you were ... (read in full...)
I need help to find an outfit for my date!
Q. Help! I have a date on Saturday and I have no idea what to wear. He's taking me to a Christmas concert at a church, it's our second date. And I am totally at a loss. The concert has some really good artists performing, known nation wide. And...
A. 18 December 2016: I'm happy for you - I hope it keeps going strong! Are you able to visit his city for future dates sometimes? :)... (read in full...)
There is this older woman I'd like to have sex with ...
Q. I'm 24. There's a woman I work with who's in her late 40's, divorced, still pretty attractive, and friendly with me. I've never been with a woman that much older than me before. I'd be interested to experience sex with her. Her oldest son is almost ...
A. 17 December 2016: Firstly, and most importantly, women are not sexual objects, so I think you need to rewire your attitude a little.
Secondly, many women go for younger men when hooking up.... *HOWEVER* most older women aren't looking for hook ups, especial... (read in full...)
I need help to find an outfit for my date!
Q. Help! I have a date on Saturday and I have no idea what to wear. He's taking me to a Christmas concert at a church, it's our second date. And I am totally at a loss. The concert has some really good artists performing, known nation wide. And...
A. 16 December 2016: Your outfit sounds really nice - good luck!... (read in full...)
I feel put off by the way he lost his virginity!
Q. I just found out my boyfriend lost his virginity to a prostitute, it wasnt on a lads holiday or anything he did it to lose his virginity. Is it wrong that i feel put off by this? ...
A. 16 December 2016: Pressure from society is different to pressure from individuals. Society pushes the thin ideals, but most individuals don't, even when asked. Those who do should be ignored as shallow people. This is the same. Individuals who say they want ... (read in full...)
I feel put off by the way he lost his virginity!
Q. I just found out my boyfriend lost his virginity to a prostitute, it wasnt on a lads holiday or anything he did it to lose his virginity. Is it wrong that i feel put off by this? ...
A. 15 December 2016: Male anon, associating yourself with shallow girls will always give you the "we want an experienced bad boy" response.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wont have sex because he is anxious about unwanted pregnancies
Q. Hey there! So Ive been with my boyfriend for a year(to keep people anonymous we can call him bob) and I wasn't a virgin when I met him, but he was when we started dating. We've had sex more than a few times but he admitted to me some months ago...
A. 15 December 2016: I think you both may have rushed things and he's not actually ready for sex. Try asking about sticking to oral and hands only, to see if he'd feel more comfortable with that.
Thing is, you are still young and it is refreshing to see someone ... (read in full...)
How can I know if I'll be open to a boyfriend being sexually polygamous?
Q. I don't have a BF right now, and I have actually never had a boyfriend before. However, I realized that there are many men out there that cheat, not because they don't love their GF enough, (or so I think), but because they just love to have variety ...
A. 14 December 2016: Yes, many *people* (not just men!) cheat, but MOST don't. Don't allow a partner to have others if you don't *want* that. Don't settle for someone who wants sex with others, if you want a monogamous relationship.
Look for someone who only wants yo... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend had an abortion then said I wasnt there for her when she needed me. She now won't talk to me
Q. She had a miscarriage .She was bleeding for 20 days,both of us are not ready for a baby.Its a long distance relationship..so she went to the doctor alone..There was big tissue in her uterus..Doctor gave her some abortion pills..after severe pain for ...
A. 14 December 2016: They weren't mixed, OP. All of them were about needing you to support her.
I'm in an LDR, so I know how helpless you can feel over the phone, when they're sad, but you have to hear them out and let them talk to you.
Let her go and you stay sin... (read in full...)
My parents are threatening to cause me problems if I don't break up with my younger boyfriend
Q. I am a 23 year old single mother. I have just gotten out of a really bad reltionship with my child's father so the last thing I wanted to do was have any kind of relationship. I know that this sounds corney, but I litteraly fell into it. The pr...
A. 13 December 2016: 6 years is nothing at 27 and 33, but it's worlds apart at 17 and 23. He is a boy and you are a woman. You should not see him as dating material and should allow yourself to get so carried away. Yes, your parents are strict, but they're treating... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend had an abortion then said I wasnt there for her when she needed me. She now won't talk to me
Q. She had a miscarriage .She was bleeding for 20 days,both of us are not ready for a baby.Its a long distance relationship..so she went to the doctor alone..There was big tissue in her uterus..Doctor gave her some abortion pills..after severe pain for ...
A. 13 December 2016: *You* are the one not listening. Her breaking up with you feels crappy, but SHE JUST LOST HER BABY! If you're feeling crappy about a break up, imagine what she's feeling that HER BABY JUST DIED!
This isn't about you. Please don't have sex until yo... (read in full...)
I feel put off by the way he lost his virginity!
Q. I just found out my boyfriend lost his virginity to a prostitute, it wasnt on a lads holiday or anything he did it to lose his virginity. Is it wrong that i feel put off by this? ...
A. 13 December 2016: First off, don't engage in any sexual activity before you both get tested for STDs - if you have had sexual contact already, still both get tested!
Secondly, I couldn't be with anyone that thought that *paying* for sex was okay. I wouldn't... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him, he wants things I don’t!
Q. My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him. We have been together for less than a year and he is my first boyfriend. He says he is bored with what we do. He wants anal, bondage, toys, and other stuff, I don't even know... The thing is I don...
A. 13 December 2016: Most people don't want those things, so he needs to deliberately find someone who does - not bully you into it. I know you like him, but he's trying to force you into it, which is never okay and could end up becoming aggressive. Please leave him - ... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend had an abortion then said I wasnt there for her when she needed me. She now won't talk to me
Q. She had a miscarriage .She was bleeding for 20 days,both of us are not ready for a baby.Its a long distance relationship..so she went to the doctor alone..There was big tissue in her uterus..Doctor gave her some abortion pills..after severe pain for ...
A. 13 December 2016: She needed you to hear her out - you being an introvert doesn't affect that. Nobody expects to lose a baby, but if you're in a sexual relationship, you need to be prepared for the possibility and at least be mature enough to support her.... (read in full...)
I feel her weight gain is getting out of control!
Q. I am 27 my girlfriend is 24 we live together and we have a great relationship. The problem I have got is that I feel her weight gain is getting out of hand. She was by no means thin when we got together and I am not saying she should have a model ...
A. 13 December 2016: Honestly, I get where you're coming from, but this is definitely a mental health issue. She needs to be ready to face it and she doesn't sound like she's there yet. All you can do is suggest therapy and eating healthier together, while going to the ... (read in full...)
Do I walk away and let everything go even though I still love him ?
Q. I've just recently split with someone that I was with since April. We ended on good terms but he said that he doesn't want to be with me because his heads all over at the minute. I've told him that I want to be here to support him and we'll ge...
A. 12 December 2016: If you were older and had been together longer, I'd suggest trying to help him through it. However, as a younger couple who haven't been together long, I think it's best to let him find himself alone.
If you can be friends, without wanting ... (read in full...)
Is this sex?
Q. So me and my boyfriend were both in our underwear just simply rubbing and grinding. No intercourse. BUT, he slid my panty aside and stuck it in but he still had his boxers on... he maybe stuck a inch in but it was inside but not skin on skin. Im ...
A. 12 December 2016: You just had intercourse. Just because he had boxers on doesn't mean it wasn't sex - the same way that a condom on doesn't mean it's not intercourse.
Buy some condoms and get on birth control immediately.
Please read up on safe sex and educate ... (read in full...)
I'd like to offer her some money, but not sure how she'll take it
Q. a girl moved into the apartment below me in the same building as me (unit of 6 apartments). she has 2 kids aged 3 and 5, throughout the year we exchanged numbers, talked about things mostly info about the apartment or how to fix something etc. ...
A. 12 December 2016: I think Denizen's idea is nice, but it could make her creeped out because a potential stranger has sent her and her children gifts. That could be very unnerving for a single mum, especially if none of her family members did it. It would show that ... (read in full...)
I'd like to offer her some money, but not sure how she'll take it
Q. a girl moved into the apartment below me in the same building as me (unit of 6 apartments). she has 2 kids aged 3 and 5, throughout the year we exchanged numbers, talked about things mostly info about the apartment or how to fix something etc. ...
A. 12 December 2016: Don't offer her money; you're not even officially dating, so offering to give her money for anything would be inappropriate. It's nice of you to want to, but they're not your family to take care of, so it's a bad idea. If you want to do something ... (read in full...)
I want people's opinions on friendships with the opposite sex
Q. My friends and I were having a discussion the other day about opposite sex friendships and dating. I was curious about the different perspectives of opposite sex friendships. My guy friends argued that a woman with a lot of guy friends is unaware ...
A. 12 December 2016: I'd date a guy who wouldn't want to sleep with his female friends and knows the difference between friends and FWBs/dates. It's not impossible to find someone who creates and respects boundaries with their friends.
Think about it this way: are... (read in full...)
I accidentally (kind of) catfished a guy I was interested in?
Q. I was interested in guy who worked the same company as mine..We worked in completely unrelated departments( very minimal work related contact).However, we would to run into each other ,walking in and out in the conference rooms,hall ways,staff rooms ...
A. 12 December 2016: Thing is, sadly, you *are* the person who didn't get the hint. Whether you intended for this to happen or not, you still catfished him by talking normally with the fake profile *and* you allowed it to go where it did - you could have stopped it at ... (read in full...)
How can a single mom find a boyfriend?
Q. Im pretty active, I go to school and work 24 hours a week. I have a beautiful 16 month old son. The dad and me are still ok but he lives 4 hours away. It seems like the only guys I can attract now are guys who already have kids, have been in trouble ...
A. 11 December 2016: Is it not a little hypocritical to rule out guys who have kids, when you're in the same boat?
You need to find someone who will be a good role model, not just someone who will wine and dine you. Don't push it, just let it happen on its own.... (read in full...)
Think he used my coat to masturbate
Q. I recently baby sat for a 15 year old boy while his parents went out for the night. He was mainly up in his room. I came upstairs to see if he needed anything I poked my head around his door and noticed he was on his computer looking at porn. ...
A. 11 December 2016: I've re-read your post and I cringe at the "boys will be boys" excuse for anything, but especially this - it's not okay just because he's a boy.
I'd call his parents and ask if you can sit down and talk with them privately, then tell them you don'... (read in full...)
Is it weird to give my boyfriend a personalised key ring with a photo of myself on it?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, living together for 1. We both work full time, and despite being together for a long time have very few photos of the two of us together - and the photos we do have are not necessarily good ones. Anyw...
A. 11 December 2016: Personally, I wouldn't advise having personal photos on keyrings, especially if it's just of you. He might like it, though. I think the Roman numerals idea on a keyring is nice.
I think you should take more photos together and he can put one in h... (read in full...)
He kissed me then the next day told me not to make a scene if he gets with another girl
Q. Hello, Im 16 years old and I really like a boy. He broke up with his 3 year old relationship one month ago, and he is trying to "live" his life right now.He does stupid things but not with the mean way. He doesnt care about others feelings as much ...
A. 11 December 2016: It seems like you're the OP we advised to avoid this boy.
He's not in love with anyone, or he wouldn't have kissed you. He doesn't care about you, though, as he wouldn't have led you on.
You're not in love because "in love" is mutual. This is ... (read in full...)
I accidentally (kind of) catfished a guy I was interested in?
Q. I was interested in guy who worked the same company as mine..We worked in completely unrelated departments( very minimal work related contact).However, we would to run into each other ,walking in and out in the conference rooms,hall ways,staff rooms ...
A. 11 December 2016: You deliberately catfishes him. If you just wanted to talk, you'd have used your own account.
He's taken and, even if he wasn't, he's cheated on his girlfriend with you - not a good guy to be with.
Stop being naive, OP. He blew you off in perso... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend had an abortion then said I wasnt there for her when she needed me. She now won't talk to me
Q. She had a miscarriage .She was bleeding for 20 days,both of us are not ready for a baby.Its a long distance relationship..so she went to the doctor alone..There was big tissue in her uterus..Doctor gave her some abortion pills..after severe pain for ...
A. 11 December 2016: I'm assuming your gender on the site is wrong?
She's not playing games; she's hurt and you've made it worse by not giving her the emotional support she needs. You've totally messed up and need to stop making it about you and telling her to calm ... (read in full...)
Think he used my coat to masturbate
Q. I recently baby sat for a 15 year old boy while his parents went out for the night. He was mainly up in his room. I came upstairs to see if he needed anything I poked my head around his door and noticed he was on his computer looking at porn. ...
A. 10 December 2016: I think someone needs to teach him consent and to not be creepy, but that's not something you can do. I wouldn't suggest babysitting him any more, most 15 year olds should be responsible enough to stay home alone.... (read in full...)
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