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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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My married lover wants me to move to his country with our son
Q. Dear readers, I am in a really complex situation. 8 years ago, I met a man - we were both married at the time. I didn't have any children, because my then husband did not want any, despite my wanting a child desperately. The other person (OP) has ...
A. 27 August 2017: Please don't be selfish and uproot your son. Of course you can live in the same country as him - just never speak to him. You are a grown woman and have the ability to avoid this cheater.
He's always wanted both worlds and you're only just rea... (read in full...)
I still haven't met his teenage daughter after a year of dating and I'm tired of feeling like a mistress
Q. Hi everyone! I've been dating my BF for over a year now and he has a 14 told daughter. last year, two months into our relationship, he suddenly disappears for 2 months without even a text or a call. Although I had just started to date him, I w...
A. 30 January 2017: I'm glad it seems to be improving, but you must meet her at least 3 times before you move in with him and she's expected to live with you part-time, as she needs to be comfortable around you.... (read in full...)
I'm worried that his mother will say something mean in Spanish about me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. So far he's has met my family but for the most part they like him. But I haven't met his mom yet (I met his younger brother and sister). She doesn't speak english well and I'm really anxious about ...
A. 7 January 2017: If you want a future with this guy, you and any children you may have will have to learn Spanish (at least enough to have half-decent conversations). Start now, by learning a few phrases: "Hello, how are you?" (and possible answers: "fine"/... (read in full...)
I'm a girl who has liked this girl for 3 years! Should I tell her?
Q. There is this beautiful girl who goes to my school and I'm in love with everything about her from her looks to her knowledge. She has blond hair and blue eyes and she has one hell of a body.(brace yourselves this is gonna be a long heart-breaking ...
A. 7 January 2017: Okay, you're not going to like this, but I think you need to be brought into reality: you're infatuated with her, not in love. Also, you won't die with regrets about her because you'll hardly remember her when you're old. Anyway, your feelings fo... (read in full...)
I can't get over this girl that rejected me 3 months ago!
Q. I can't get over this girl that rejected me 3 months ago because, I smoke pot, drink, go to parties and deal a little bit of weed and molly to make a little bit of some extra cash when i'm not at school. I tried to hide that I was feeling sad from ...
A. 6 January 2017: I also think counselling would help you; you're being self-destructive and you have a tough deck of cards, but you can't blame it on being rejected, you drank and took drugs before she turned you down.... (read in full...)
I can't get over this girl that rejected me 3 months ago!
Q. I can't get over this girl that rejected me 3 months ago because, I smoke pot, drink, go to parties and deal a little bit of weed and molly to make a little bit of some extra cash when i'm not at school. I tried to hide that I was feeling sad from ...
A. 6 January 2017: You need to stop being lazy and criminal. Don't sell or take drugs, it's stupid and harmful.
Do your schoolwork and create a positive future for yourself, or you'll never be happy or good enough for a decent girl.
You can do so much better if y... (read in full...)
Will my virginity lose him?
Q. Hello, I have only known my boyfriend for a week and we seem to have a connection. The only problem is I don't want to have sex with him as I have never had sex before. I feel as though I'm not ready for it. I feel as though he does. He said to ...
A. 6 January 2017: You don't love someone after a week - break up! It's too much too soon and he just wants sex. It's very clear that he's pushing you and using "love" to trick you into sex.
Please leave him; real love takes months to build and someone who respects... (read in full...)
I've fallen for my friend's ex! What should I do?
Q. I have fallen in love with my friend's ex. What should I do? I have been crushing on him for just over a year now and can't stop thinking about him, they broke up about 2 and a half years ago and she is in a relationship with this new guy who she ...
A. 6 January 2017: It's a bit dodgy to have such an infatuation with a guy you've only met once. You don't really know him and he's your friends ex, so I'd advise moving on.
Also, you're quite young to be dating, yet he was dating your friend 2½ years ago? It would... (read in full...)
Help, please? I don't want to hurt my friends, but we all like the same guy. What should I do?
Q. Hi, I'm 13 and I'm in a bit of a love triangle... Well.. Love square. My two best friends like the same boy, and they have for ages now. And guess what? Now I'm in the picture, I like him too. And the thing is, he likes me. I feel bad for my...
A. 5 January 2017: It will ruin your friendship because that's what happens when teenagers get in relationships. It's too much for most to handle, let alone all of you having crushes on the same boy.
Save dating for when you're a little older and don't have friends ... (read in full...)
Why are they discouraging me?
Q. I'm 14 and taking an interest in guys, maybe even girls, and people are discouraging me. They say I should worry about my education instead and that I'm being too mature already? I don't get it. I do focus on my education. I have good grades. All ...
A. 5 January 2017: People get carried away with teen relationships, feeling puppy love and claiming it's mature love, having sex too soon, etc. I think that's why you're getting negative reactions. I think having the feelings is okay, but I think dates should be group ... (read in full...)
He proposed but there is no date set!
Q. I have been living with my boyfriend for the last 3.5 yrs. 2 yrs ago he proposed. Even thought it wasnt the most romantic proposal, it felt like the world to me. It was my own fairytale. He was my first love, high school sweetheart that guy that u ...
A. 5 January 2017: Firstly, if this all fails (which it seems to be, sadly), you will get over it, if you let yourself.
Secondly, you shouldn't be having big fights. Yes, little arguments about random things, but not big arguments that can cause you to give back the... (read in full...)
He promised to change if we got married ....
Q. I am currently married 5 moths this January, we where engaged for a year and dated a year and 1/2 prior to that. Well now I want a divorce! My husband is the man I married and he swore that after we got ,arrived things would change, but still 5 ...
A. 5 January 2017: You need to be running for a couples' therapist. Once you get married, you can't just walk away. You knew what he was like and naively thought a ring and a name change would stop it - not very believable at all!
If counselling doesn't help aft... (read in full...)
My married lover wants me to move to his country with our son
Q. Dear readers, I am in a really complex situation. 8 years ago, I met a man - we were both married at the time. I didn't have any children, because my then husband did not want any, despite my wanting a child desperately. The other person (OP) has ...
A. 5 January 2017: I agree that your life with your son is in Singapore and India is less supportive of single mothers. This is where you are safer and where you should stay - that man (don't call him your love/boyfriend/etc. any more) made his choice to stay with his ... (read in full...)
Why did he tell me about his ex wife?
Q. I like a guy I work with and have been getting closer to him. We've known each other for a few years now but before I was very shy. We have a bit of an age difference so that made me a bit more hesitant as I wasn't sure if he would be interested. ...
A. 4 January 2017: How big is the age gap? Sometimes it's barely important and other times it makes a difference. You can ask him, or just ask where this is going, as you could just be going out as colleagues and he's still a gentleman.... (read in full...)
My married lover wants me to move to his country with our son
Q. Dear readers, I am in a really complex situation. 8 years ago, I met a man - we were both married at the time. I didn't have any children, because my then husband did not want any, despite my wanting a child desperately. The other person (OP) has ...
A. 4 January 2017: I'm sorry, OP, but he's lying to you. You went through a divorce because you wanted to be with him, if he wanted to be with you, he'd get a divorce too. He wants you hanging around for his pleasure, not for a relationship. He will not divorce his ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got distracted while texting me
Q. Please tell me if I should be pissed here. My bf and I were having a conversation by text and right in the middle of it, he disappears. Stops texting. So I texted him "u went away?" Then about 5-10 minutes later he replied "sorry I got distracted...
A. 4 January 2017: OP, you can shout in CAPS all you like, but he was still busy. Was he supposed to ignore John and text you in the middle of his conversation with him?
In future, if your conversation is important enough that you'll get irrationally peeved by a lap... (read in full...)
I'm dating one boy but think about another.
Q. Hi I'm a sophomore girl in high school. I'm dating a junior boy, well call J, but I like a freshman, we'll call F. Any way J and I have been together for 2 months and he doesn't even hold my hand, I'm not sure I like him anymore, but he says he's ...
A. 4 January 2017: Let go of J, for starters.
You're young and your feelings will change easily. Wait a few months before asking F out.
Out of curiosity, when "dating" someone, what do you actually mean? Like, what do you do that makes it dating?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got distracted while texting me
Q. Please tell me if I should be pissed here. My bf and I were having a conversation by text and right in the middle of it, he disappears. Stops texting. So I texted him "u went away?" Then about 5-10 minutes later he replied "sorry I got distracted...
A. 3 January 2017: Don't be silly, OP! You shouldn't feel slighted that he got distracted for a tiny amount of time. Was he at work?
Look, don't get so high maintenance over a text conversation - you'll chase him off. Don't be petty and deliberately take a while to... (read in full...)
How can I help him last longer for me?
Q. Met this guy about 2 months ago, and he is like so shy. I’m his first ever g/f . As result that he is the proverbial 1 min guy. I try and comfort him but he knows that he is leaving me frustrated. I tell him its ok but it’s like when you tell a guy ...
A. 2 January 2017: He definitely shouldn't be having sex with someone your age and it's not making love, OP. You're being used for sex and you haven't realised. How much contraception are you using?... (read in full...)
How can I help him last longer for me?
Q. Met this guy about 2 months ago, and he is like so shy. I’m his first ever g/f . As result that he is the proverbial 1 min guy. I try and comfort him but he knows that he is leaving me frustrated. I tell him its ok but it’s like when you tell a guy ...
A. 2 January 2017: Also, you're clearly not as experienced as you think you are; having sex makes people hot and sweaty. Him ejaculating shouldn't be leaving you frustrated because few people can orgasm from penetration, so he could focus on you after he ejaculates - ... (read in full...)
How can I help him last longer for me?
Q. Met this guy about 2 months ago, and he is like so shy. I’m his first ever g/f . As result that he is the proverbial 1 min guy. I try and comfort him but he knows that he is leaving me frustrated. I tell him its ok but it’s like when you tell a guy ...
A. 2 January 2017: Honestly, you shouldn't be having sex so soon. You'll get a reputation, if you're not careful. Not only that, but say contraception/protection fails.... You think a 16-17 year old boy will be able to help raise a teenage girl's baby?
OP, you're g... (read in full...)
Why cant my wife say sorry?
Q. I have been noticing for a few years now that my wife never can bring herself up to say sorry! I am much more of a perfectionist than her. She has messed up a lot of things in the past - like check writing (once she added $1195 and 25 to en...
A. 2 January 2017: OP, you're bordering on abusive here - not deliberately, but your wife will fall out of love with you and your son will grow up to resent you. Your family will be walking on eggshells for as long as you continue this controlling behaviour.
How d... (read in full...)
Can this become my best option? I want to cut my entire family off from my life completely
Q. I want to cut my entire family off from my life completely. I come from a very large polygamous family but we're so divided that every part of the whole is like on its own niche. I don't talk to my step neither do they talk to me. I only keep co...
A. 2 January 2017: I think cutting them out completely may be unwise, but distancing yourself to only seeing/talking to them a couple of times a year would be good for you.
You can cut them out completely, but I think you should try minimising it to only seeing/t... (read in full...)
Why cant my wife say sorry?
Q. I have been noticing for a few years now that my wife never can bring herself up to say sorry! I am much more of a perfectionist than her. She has messed up a lot of things in the past - like check writing (once she added $1195 and 25 to en...
A. 2 January 2017: Apologising is manners, but nitpicking isn't fair. You need to be upfront (but gentle) with people about sharing things, but you also need to realise that most things don't go to plan and mistakes are normal. You shouldn't be criticising so much. I ... (read in full...)
How can I respond to my BF over these very ugly sneakers he gave me for Christmas?
Q. My boyfriend got me these ugly knee high sneakers for Christmas. I acted grateful and thanked him. They really didn't fit me (thank goodness). So I took them back to the store and just planned to get something else. He's been driving me c...
A. 2 January 2017: Most adults don't wear knee-high sneakers; it tends to be a teen thing, except in basketball or similar.... I think you need to say "I appreciate the thought, but they weren't my style and they were expensive for something I'd never wear". Be calm, ... (read in full...)
Should my BF come to a wedding on his birthday? What would be appropriate to do in this situation?
Q. I've been in a relationship for 3 months now and all is going well. We've met each other's friends and spend lots of time together. He's very considerate and caring. I am very happy! However, I'm a chronic worrier and tend to worry wore somet...
A. 2 January 2017: I think it's fair warning, but you can explain to your family that it's his birthday and you haven't been together long, which means it's a bit much to *expect* him there.
He seems like he'd be up for it, but things could change between you (or ... (read in full...)
Why tell me about this other girl when he knows how I feel? We live in different countries
Q. My online friend recently changed his bio from in a relationship to single after 3 weeks . I asked him about it and he said that they didn't have social media so that was why. But earlier that week he told me that he wasn't going to tell me their ...
A. 2 January 2017: He could be lying about either or telling the truth about either. The problem here is that it's dragging you down and you're not moving on. Please let go of him, OP :/... (read in full...)
Will he freak when he finds I'm a virgin?
Q. Guys... what do you think if you get with someone who's a virgin? Ive met this guy and things are going well but he keeps turning things sexual. And well I've never done anything and still a virgin. I'm afraid when I tell him. He will freak out? ...
A. 1 January 2017: I don't think you should tell him unless you want to have sex with him. He's clearly only after that with you and I think it's best to tell him you don't want to talk about sex with him.
If you like him, ask him on a date, but he seems to only be ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend kissed another guy while drunk as a 'joke'. Are my thoughts on this incident justifyable or am I being too uptight about this?
Q. Hello all, Yesterday my bf of 6 years told me he'd kissed a guy he knew, while drunk, full on the mouth during a concert a few months back. It happened in a joking context, he added. Because of this context, he does not see a problem with it....
A. 1 January 2017: Gender doesn't matter. If he'd think kissing a girl (or you kissing a guy) would be cheating, this is too.
You have every right to be upset about it. I'm not sure I'd break up with my boyfriend over it, but only if he knew it was wrong and didn... (read in full...)
Why tell me about this other girl when he knows how I feel? We live in different countries
Q. My online friend recently changed his bio from in a relationship to single after 3 weeks . I asked him about it and he said that they didn't have social media so that was why. But earlier that week he told me that he wasn't going to tell me their ...
A. 1 January 2017: OP, stay off of your internet for a while and seek therapy. You need to cut contact with him because he's playing mind games and you're kind of obsessed with him.... (read in full...)
My jobless, lazy boyfriend is using me for money. He thinks what's mine is also his
Q. Okay so my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, he has been living with me and my family for about 8 months, for the past 6 months he has been unemployed and living off of me completely. Recently I was fortunate enough to come into a ...
A. 1 January 2017: You know you're not getting anywhere with him, so why stay? This isn't going to change while you let him leech off of you and you'll break up if you cut him off financially. Kick him out and break up. Find a guy who has ambition and works towards ... (read in full...)
Waiting for a proposal for 3 years and then the ring was not to my taste. Am I worrying about things that matter in this situation?
Q. Iv been waiting over 3 and a half years for a proposal for a wedding After much nagging about marriage I got a proposal with a 219 pound argos ring when he earns over 20 000 per annum which shows no saving as he bought even this on a per monthly ...
A. 1 January 2017: You should love the ring you get, either because you love that your partner chose it or you choose one together, not getting your dad involved. Rings don't have to be expensive - it's materialistic and, if you lose it, that's that. I don't wa... (read in full...)
Am I freaking out for no reason? He hasn't texted in 3 days!
Q. Hello, I'm a 22 year old single mother. I haven't dated much and it's been 2 years since my last serious relationship. I recently met a guy at the mall a few weeks ago. Well we have been texting the past couple weeks and then this past Wednesday w...
A. 31 December 2016: Mothers can have fun, but I really don't think a 19 year old is they right way to have that fun. Either way, no guy who's just for fun should be around your daughter.... (read in full...)
I hate being alone and will do almost anything so that I am not
Q. A few weeks ago I posted a question about being reallyyyyyyy sad all the time I am an honours student in university, I have a great life at home, I am well off financially, and I have everything I need (not to toot my own horn but I have a ver...
A. 31 December 2016: Therapy would be a really good idea because it can help you figure out why and how to feel comfortable alone.... (read in full...)
I still haven't met his teenage daughter after a year of dating and I'm tired of feeling like a mistress
Q. Hi everyone! I've been dating my BF for over a year now and he has a 14 told daughter. last year, two months into our relationship, he suddenly disappears for 2 months without even a text or a call. Although I had just started to date him, I w...
A. 31 December 2016: Personally, I wouldn't stay. I don't think he needs to get strict with his daughter, but I think he's probably not communicated with her very well, so she feels betrayed and confused. What kind of arrangement does he have with her mother?
I thi... (read in full...)
Does a bruise on my boyfriend's stomach mean he is cheating?
Q. My boyfriend came home with a noticeable bruise to the right of his belly button last night and this concerns me. We have had rough sex many times but not recently. I asked him where he got it and he said he has no idea and just noticed it himself ...
A. 31 December 2016: My mum gets bruises all the time and has no idea they're even there, sometimes. She woke up with a black eye and everyone thought my dad had hit her, but the doctor said it was just blood vessels that had burst for no apparent reason.
This ... (read in full...)
Thank you DC!
Q. Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
A. 29 December 2016: Glad to know you :P... (read in full...)
Mom told me I can't see my boyfriend. Should I take a taxi and go there?
Q. I want to go to my boyfriends house, but my mom told me I can't tomorrow! I looked at taxi services in my area and was wondering should I call a taxi and go to his house without my mom knowing and then come back home before she gets home?? ...
A. 29 December 2016: What decision did you make, OP?... (read in full...)
Mom told me I can't see my boyfriend. Should I take a taxi and go there?
Q. I want to go to my boyfriends house, but my mom told me I can't tomorrow! I looked at taxi services in my area and was wondering should I call a taxi and go to his house without my mom knowing and then come back home before she gets home?? ...
A. 28 December 2016: She only said you can't see him tomorrow, so be responsible and don't go. A lot of people your age aren't allowed boyfriends/girlfriends, so don't become untrustworthy and prove to her that you're not mature enough for a relationship.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a man to look at and flirt with women other than his significant other?
Q. Is it wrong for a man to look at and flirt with women other than his significant other? Why or why not?...
A. 28 December 2016: It's okay *if* you've discussed it with your partner and they are okay with it. If they don't feel comfortable with it, don't do it or find someone else who is comfortable with it.... (read in full...)
Am I freaking out for no reason? He hasn't texted in 3 days!
Q. Hello, I'm a 22 year old single mother. I haven't dated much and it's been 2 years since my last serious relationship. I recently met a guy at the mall a few weeks ago. Well we have been texting the past couple weeks and then this past Wednesday w...
A. 28 December 2016: Firstly, a lot of people your age still live at home because it's expensive to move out. Anyway, to the actual issue: in the nicest possible way, you need to think like a mother, not a teenager. He's a bit young to become a role model to your da... (read in full...)
I like men but sometimes I want to see what it would be like to have a relationship with a woman also.
Q. I like men alot but I want to see what it would be like to date a woman since I once had a fantasy of my fourth grade teacher years ago in my mind. She had ginger hai I also would look for red haired women in the Internet and would kiss their ...
A. 28 December 2016: I think you need to figure out if it's something you want in real life or just in your fantasy world. I think it's best to try casually dating a woman before coming out to anyone (except maybe a close family member/friend).... (read in full...)
If you are a parent or a carer of special needs child can you help advise me on any of my questions ? I am not asking for experts, just parents in a similar situation
Q. My severly disabled son has to go into residential care soon . We don't want this but he is very aggressive and they need to take him in to stabilise him because he is on too many medications and they think he will be better going to school and ...
A. 27 December 2016: I'm glad you'll be getting the help you need. Having lots of questions is understandable. These cover all your bases, in my opinion, so I'd print them out (like Aunty BimBim said) and give them to the relevant people, so they can help you get the ... (read in full...)
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