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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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My married boyfriend is interacting less with me and he seems depressed. Do you think he wants to cut ties with me?
Q. My boyfriend is married and we've been dating for quite sometime. His wife got to know about me and tried to get me to confess, which I avoided somehow. He says that he would divorce her as they don't have any sort of bonding (they don't have any ...
A. 11 February 2017: Not every cheater cheats again, but cheating once shows they *can* cheat and don't have an issue with it, unless they left their partner when they realised they were falling for someone else.
When you cheat, you *choose* to continue it and not ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend is interacting less with me and he seems depressed. Do you think he wants to cut ties with me?
Q. My boyfriend is married and we've been dating for quite sometime. His wife got to know about me and tried to get me to confess, which I avoided somehow. He says that he would divorce her as they don't have any sort of bonding (they don't have any ...
A. 10 February 2017: We do understand the sensitivity of the situation, OP, but his wife deserves more sympathy than you do.
You *can* be without each other, but you have to cut contact with him and stick to it.
If you wait a year, it'll be another year wasted wait... (read in full...)
How can I encourage him to consider discussing with me, and choosing a baby boy's name with me, where we both agree together on the name?
Q. My husband and I don't live together because we don't have jobs. I live with my mother and she is supporting me financially for the moment. She will also be getting a house for my bf and us to live in as well. I see my bf once a month, we live a...
A. 8 February 2017: Honestly, this is the least of your worries. Please focus on getting jobs and come up with baby names closer to or after the birth.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's sexual past troubles me, What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been together for 8 months and we both are in love and have talked about a future. we both talked about pasts as well and got on the subject of sex. i was disgusted when she told me on how many people she slept with and...
A. 8 February 2017: Telling each other how many previous sexual partners you've be had is fine, but details are never needed. I'm puzzled why she would share more, unless you asked. One or both of you are very naive to think details would positively affect the ... (read in full...)
We have a 2 year old together. Recently he said no way does he want more children. How do I tell him that I'm pregnant?
Q. Hiya I've just found out I'm pregnant I haven't told my partner because just last week we were talking about kids and he said no way does he want anyone especially this time we have a 2 year old son I'm so scared of how he's going to react I would ...
A. 8 February 2017: If he didn't want another, he should have removed all possibility by using condoms too or getting a vasectomy.
Sit him down, maybe with a family member looking after your child in another room (in case your partner gets aggressive and you need sup... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend is interacting less with me and he seems depressed. Do you think he wants to cut ties with me?
Q. My boyfriend is married and we've been dating for quite sometime. His wife got to know about me and tried to get me to confess, which I avoided somehow. He says that he would divorce her as they don't have any sort of bonding (they don't have any ...
A. 7 February 2017: If you feel guilty, stop. He's not your boyfriend. He's his wife's husband. You are his mistress and need to stop.
You're not loved by him or he'd leave. A person in an affair does not deserve to be happy until they are no longer betrayin... (read in full...)
My GCSE soon. Feel I am running out of time to ask her out. but I'm hesitant and shy about it. what can I do?
Q. After asking multiple questions on this site I can now confirm that a girl I know well has a crush on me (she keeps staring) and I like her back. It's almost like a magnet; almost as if we are fated to be with each other. Whenever she stares at me...
A. 7 February 2017: Honestly, you need to focus on these big exams, instead of dating - so does she. Hang out with her, but I don't think either of you should date yet. Relationships are hard work - teenage ones more so - and exams are stressful. You don't want to risk ... (read in full...)
Is it likely that we will get in trouble for being together?
Q. My boyfriend is 17 and I am 15, we go to the same highschool and we were not looking for love when we found it. In my state I know that the age of consent is 16, but he will turn 18 before I turn 16. We are both concerned that we will get in t...
A. 7 February 2017: Sexually, yes. Don't do anything sexual while you're underage. Other than that, things should be okay.... (read in full...)
I discovered that my 16 year old has had sex. Should I punish her by cancelling her "sweet sixteen" birthday celebrations?
Q. i recently found out by going through my 15 year old daughters phone that she has recently lost her virginity to an 18 year old guy whom is now dating another girl in the same area as us. When i first confronted her she denied it but eventual...
A. 7 February 2017: I don't think you should tell your husband, as she then won't feel able to talk to you about anything.
Instead of punishing her, ask her if they used protection and talk about how she feels. Have her get tested for STDs and pregnancy. Explain ... (read in full...)
We have a 2 year old together. Recently he said no way does he want more children. How do I tell him that I'm pregnant?
Q. Hiya I've just found out I'm pregnant I haven't told my partner because just last week we were talking about kids and he said no way does he want anyone especially this time we have a 2 year old son I'm so scared of how he's going to react I would ...
A. 7 February 2017: Just say it. If he didn't want more children, he should have worn a condom every time. If neither of you knew whether or not the other wanted more children, neither of you should have risked pregnancy.
He can't force you to have an abortion... (read in full...)
Is there slightly more creative way of surprising her with these books, other than handing her the present and saying Happy Birthday?
Q. Not really a relationship question but any help is appreciated. Recently A Series of Unfortunate Events has made it's way onto Netflix and I have a female friend who absolutely loved it. She and I both share a particular liking for th...
A. 7 February 2017: I think it's a lovely present, but it's an expensive one and that's why I asked, as it's not normally wise to buy friends expensive gifts. It is thoughtful, though.... (read in full...)
Does this married man fancy me?
Q. Does this matried man just like me or do you think he wants more? Reasons I think he does: Caught him staring at me and he smiled and shook his head a little. Saw him looking out of the corner of my eye and when I turned my head he averted his ...
A. 7 February 2017: It doesn't mean matter whether he does or not. Ignore him and keep things very distant. You're also married, which increases the need for being borderline aloof with this guy.... (read in full...)
Is it still bad if someone cheats but has no feelings for that person?
Q. What are some of the downsides to a man cheating on his GF with someone he doesn't have any emotional attachment to? If he doesn't care for the girl he's having sex with, like her as a person, or anything, then shouldn't it be okay to cheat ph...
A. 6 February 2017: You won't hear anyone justify it because affairs are wrong, whichever way you look at it. Emotional cheating may feel worse, but physical cheating is also betrayal. Neither are excusable, as the cheater or the mistress/man-stress.... (read in full...)
Slept with my best friend, My boyfriend is hurt, help?
Q. My best friend Michael and I always hang out on his bed and play video games, watch movies, listen to music, do work, or just talk. Last night we were just watching tv and taking about past senerios and we hit some that are sensitive to me and I ...
A. 6 February 2017: I've had male friends and mature guys can handle it without developing feelings. However, it doesn't work if there's any sexual attraction. You've crossed that line and you can't keep both around.
Do not lie any more. Give your boyfriend a week t... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's behaviour is so upsetting
Q. My boyfriend is depressed lately, due to his abusive relationship with his father (who is visiting for a few months). My boyfriend is really really depressed lately. He said he wants to get some space. I agreed, but have been going through hell...
A. 6 February 2017: This is a break up, not a break. You need to tell him that. Breaks aren't indefinite and you don't demote it to friendship - that's what happens when you break up.
You need to tell him it's a break up, so you can move on. He's either ready fo... (read in full...)
Advice please on raising girls
Q. Hi all, i just wanted to share my thoughts with you.. have you noticed people around us lately - the social media? People are all posing nude and doing sexy poses etc. Girls want to pose half naked. The butt (sorry) has become the women's most ...
A. 6 February 2017: Just teach them the way you hope they'll stay. Don't shame/insult anyone for the way they want to dress/pose, but teach your children the values you hold and hope they will grow up to be.... (read in full...)
Any ideas how I can at least get him to talk about us having another child together?
Q. Hi My partner and I have a 2 year old daughter together I would love another as I have never wanted my child to be a only child We live together and are in a happy relationship we just recently got married we have been together 5 years. Just ...
A. 5 February 2017: Unfortunately, this is a deal breaker. No child should be brought into a family where one doesn't want another baby. If you'll be unhappy without another child, you can't stay with him because he shouldn't have to have another and you shouldn't have ... (read in full...)
Should I bring this up for discussion? It feels like he does not trust me anymore.
Q. My husband and I separated nearly a year ago due to my infidelity. We recently reconciled and moved back in together. I missed him so much and have grown up a lot over the separation. Although I couldn't be happier that we are getting a second c...
A. 5 February 2017: You don't sound like you've actually brought it all into the open and talked about it. It seems like you've just moved back on together and trying to pretend nothing has changed. Ultimately, I don't think people should attempt to get past cheatin... (read in full...)
How do I handle this attention?
Q. There is somebody at school who keeps staring at me. It's become a daily thing now, and even my frieends have noticed it happening. Furthermore, I have realised that whenever somebody mentions my name to her she often blushes. This has been ...
A. 5 February 2017: I'd go talk to her. Find out if she wants to talk and is too nervous or ask her to stop staring, if she reacts in a mean way. Do it alone, but in view of others, in case she's a bully.... (read in full...)
He decided to take up on my offer on not using condoms. Why was he so willing to do this?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a while and whenever we have sex, we always use protection. But there was this one time that we didn't because we both didn't want to. After that time we used a condom every time. We were talking about our sex li...
A. 5 February 2017: Sex may feel better without a condom, but it doesn't necessarily feel terrible for everyone using them and it's not just the woman who should be responsible for protection. Talk to him because you will definitely become pregnant, at some point, w... (read in full...)
Help me sort out this tangle before it gets worse
Q. I'm in quite a difficult situation. My ex boyfriend was living on the streets recently. The battery on his phone had run out one night. He met this guy who was also living on the streets, and he borrowed the guy's mobile phone to speak to me. Me and ...
A. 5 February 2017: Stop going for unstable guys. What future can you have with a homeless man who probably can't stay on his meds?
They need help, but they're in no position to date anyone.
Go for guys who are stable in their life. You're old enough to want t... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's excuse didn't cut it with me
Q. So my boyfriend of 9 months didn't come to my sister's wedding yesterday. I was annoyed to start when he said he couldn't come a month before the wedding but when I heard his excuse I was more annoyed. I don't get on well with my family and ...
A. 5 February 2017: If your family thinks your boyfriend is imaginary, that's on them. You wanting him there mostly to prove them wrong make sure him a spectacle for you to wave him around as evidence. Most people wouldn't want to go to it.
His birthday dinner m... (read in full...)
18 year old senior at school. How could I attempt to seduce this teacher at my school?
Q. I am a 18 year old female in high school as a senior. I had this teacher for the first semester and over time just seemed to really like him for a lot of reasons mostly because of how intelligent he is. I am not a very sexual person and could...
A. 5 February 2017: You don't. It's an infatuation that could get you both in trouble - he could lose his job.
Your hormones are all over the place, but that's why you have to be mature and ignore it.... (read in full...)
He decided to take up on my offer on not using condoms. Why was he so willing to do this?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a while and whenever we have sex, we always use protection. But there was this one time that we didn't because we both didn't want to. After that time we used a condom every time. We were talking about our sex li...
A. 5 February 2017: You're not my store enough to become a mother, so why are you risking it?
Get on the pill, at the very least, and don't have sex until it's kicked in. You're not just gambling with your two lives - you could make one, two or three more in one go, ... (read in full...)
Is there slightly more creative way of surprising her with these books, other than handing her the present and saying Happy Birthday?
Q. Not really a relationship question but any help is appreciated. Recently A Series of Unfortunate Events has made it's way onto Netflix and I have a female friend who absolutely loved it. She and I both share a particular liking for th...
A. 4 February 2017: The others have given good suggestions. I have an inkling there may be an issue, though. What do you want with her? Do you really just see her as a friend and go out of your way like this for all of your other friends? Or do you hope she may see you ... (read in full...)
How to get them back together?
Q. Hello. I have 2 friends who were previously in a relationship but broke off due to a misunderstanding between each other. The guy complained that the girl was not giving him enough attention. She had not told me while they were in a relationshi...
A. 3 February 2017: "Making a cute couple" isn't important. They don't fit well and it's up to them to deal with that. It's nice that you care, but you'll make it worse and potentially lose both friends.
Stay neutral and don't meddle.... (read in full...)
Ladies what would you suggest? She's caught my eye. But I'm not sure what my next move should be.
Q. This will seem funny for a 34 year old man to be seeking advice on. Basically, I go to the same shop a few times a week. There is a lady works there who has really caught my eye, whenever she is there when I go in, I get butterflies and feel...
A. 3 February 2017: It's good that you talked to her first, so it wasn't creepy or too unexpected. Good luck - 27 and 34 isn't too bad because you can still be at similar life stages.... (read in full...)
She had sex with somebody else when we were apart, I can't get over it!
Q. My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. I had serious commitment issues and after being together for just under a year and a half I pushed her away and subsequently she withdrew. While we were apart I have never been in more emotional ...
A. 3 February 2017: She doesn't regret it because you made her feel crap and he made her feel better (temporarily). Sure, it's a bit cold to talk about it like that, but you had pushed her away because of commitment issues and that made her crave someone else.
Sit d... (read in full...)
I've tried talking about our problems but he doesn't listen ... what can I do?
Q. Hiya me and my boyfriend are both 30 we've been together for 4 years we have a 1 yr old daughter together the problem is ever since we got together we don't do anything together I've talked to him about it and we planned a date night once a month ...
A. 3 February 2017: I think this is an issue that should have been dealt with prior to having a baby with him, as babies consume time and energy, along with money - plus you're stuck for life with a man you've made no legal commitment to and you're struggling to be ... (read in full...)
Three times she has said she will change, I am sick of it!
Q. Hello, I'm in the midst of a troubled relationship. I've been with my partner a year and a half on and off. I moved 2 hours away to live with her and now things are rough as we fight a lot, I'm in the middle of nowhere away from my friends and fami...
A. 3 February 2017: This relationship sounds toxic and I don't think you should stay, but the only way she may change and your relationship may improve is if you *both* go to therapy, her alone and you both together (couples' counselling).... (read in full...)
I don't want my sick and twisted mother around when I have children.
Q. Myself and my sister have started talking after 10 years no contact. I'm 29 now and she is 34. We're both very happy in our lives and we have been getting on great. When I was 16 my mum had left me homeless and moved to a different country. I've ...
A. 3 February 2017: Your question is quite muddled. Is it your sister or mother you want to invite?
If it's your sister, just ask her to keep it between the two of you, but that you'd like her to attend.
If you're considering inviting your mother, don't. Steer cle... (read in full...)
His mother threatened to kick him out if he didn't break up with me.
Q. Recently, I broke up with my ex. This was because his mother had threatened to kick him out if he didn't. We're both under eighteen and it was going really well, but then that happened and now, although we still want to talk to each other like we ...
A. 3 February 2017: Your mental health is more important than any boy, so please talk to your doctor about it and ask for therapy. Believe me, mental health issues can last a lifetime and most romances don't, so seeking help for that needs to be a priority. Taking care ... (read in full...)
He wont have any more sex with me because he is a Christian!
Q. Hi there, I'm a normal girl, 26, and I'm in a relationship with a transguy, 29 (not yet done any surgery to transform) who happened to be a Christian since he was born (with girl name of course). I'm not religious at all. We've already been tog...
A. 2 February 2017: Also, you shouldn't be fighting a lot - that doesn't happen in healthy relationships.... (read in full...)
He wont have any more sex with me because he is a Christian!
Q. Hi there, I'm a normal girl, 26, and I'm in a relationship with a transguy, 29 (not yet done any surgery to transform) who happened to be a Christian since he was born (with girl name of course). I'm not religious at all. We've already been tog...
A. 2 February 2017: Not all, but most transgender people experience dysphoria (extreme self-loathing) and that can put them off sex completely. Some force themselves or feel okay with it sometimes, but others just can't do it any more. It sounds like your boyfriend is ... (read in full...)
How be a warmer person to my Dad and ask for his forgiveness?
Q. I am staying at my mother and father's house this week and it has brought up a lot of reflection upon how I used badly I used to treat my parents as a teenager. I especially feel guilty about treating my father poorly. As a teenager I resen...
A. 1 February 2017: My boyfriend's parents were abusive and mine are unintentially emotionally abusive. He's forgiven his as they are now in their 60s (mine are in their 50s) and more docile, like your father. I found it hard to understand why, but I've met his dad and ... (read in full...)
I'm a sex addict and now my boyfriend is angry and withholding sex from me
Q. Hi all. Im stuck in a situation that is difficult for me to talk about due to embarrassment. Im a sex addict and have been dating the same man for going on 5 years now. At first, our sex life was incredible. I thanked god for sending me a man that ...
A. 1 February 2017: You need a new boyfriend, OP. Staying with this one won't change anything.
What I would say also (not specifically to you, OP) is that not everyone can orgasm often, even if their partner is attentive and unselfish. However, you (OP) need a guy wh... (read in full...)
Dad told me if I dated this guy he would kick me out
Q. I am 19 years old. Im a college student. There's a guy I like who is 24, I get along with great because we share the same interests. He likes me back. Though I can't date him for two reasons: 1 were related by marriage (no blood) 2 my dad said if...
A. 31 January 2017: Your dad is going overboard, but I do think it's a bad idea to date a relative, even if not by blood, as a break up can tear a family apart.
Just demote your relationship to family and don't flirt or talk about things you wouldn't talk to your dad... (read in full...)
I'm losing my best friend and don't know what to do.
Q. I'm friends with a female who ive known for six months, I knew her from work as we worked together and seem to get on, she was one of those temporary people. anyway she told me she was off to nicaragua on a water project to promote clean water an...
A. 31 January 2017: I remember a guy who did the same as you, thinking he was close friends with a colleague and writing a little "joking" dig on her Facebook and pushing her away. That's what happens.
You weren't best friends, you were co-workers that chat at work.... (read in full...)
I feel guilty and pathetic because I know there are people worse off than me!
Q. Sorry if this sounds whiny, but I think I need some advice from some non judgemental people. Basically, to say my life hasn't turned out how I imagined it is an understatement. I've done nothing with it literally. I don't know why, but when I was ...
A. 31 January 2017: I'm sorry you feel this way. The good news is most of us do, at some point, and there is a way out. First of all, please don't have any more babies. I'm sure you adore your children, but it's really sad and disappointing that someone so young... (read in full...)
Affair with my best friend but I have a partner of 18 years and a one year old that we had after years of trying. What do I do now?
Q. I've been with my partner for 18 years I do love him and we have a one year old which we tried for years to have. But for the last 3 year I have been having an affair with my best friend who's showed me so much love , a lot more love than I seem to ...
A. 31 January 2017: Anon, punishing them like that makes you just as bad. You can't cry about being cheated on if you'd do it back, even if it's a twisted form of "revenge".... (read in full...)
Ladies what would you suggest? She's caught my eye. But I'm not sure what my next move should be.
Q. This will seem funny for a 34 year old man to be seeking advice on. Basically, I go to the same shop a few times a week. There is a lady works there who has really caught my eye, whenever she is there when I go in, I get butterflies and feel...
A. 30 January 2017: How old is she? We've seen a couple of posts by men your age about women working as a cashier or waitress who they have a crush on without ever really speaking to them.
You like the way she looks and that's it. A Valentine's card would seem cre... (read in full...)
Affair with my best friend but I have a partner of 18 years and a one year old that we had after years of trying. What do I do now?
Q. I've been with my partner for 18 years I do love him and we have a one year old which we tried for years to have. But for the last 3 year I have been having an affair with my best friend who's showed me so much love , a lot more love than I seem to ...
A. 30 January 2017: You have to tell him or leave. You can't stay and not tell him. I'm sorry he cheated on you before, but this is how you've made your bed, now you need to lie in it, OP.
Come clean or leave. Being cheated on was horrible, but not an excuse for reve... (read in full...)
I want a prettier girlfriend who cares about being fit and healthy. What do I need to do?
Q. I want a prettier girlfriend. I've been with mine for a few years now and it seems wrong to leave. I love her but the lack of effort (exercise counts) is making me less attracted to her. Bringing it up makes me the bad guy. What should I do?...
A. 30 January 2017: First of all, your cases as an attorney should not be won by your looks. If they are, you need to work on your brain. Secondly, "I don't think this girl would. She can't even get fit in her 20's" is such a cold way to talk about your girlfriend.... (read in full...)
I'm a sex addict and now my boyfriend is angry and withholding sex from me
Q. Hi all. Im stuck in a situation that is difficult for me to talk about due to embarrassment. Im a sex addict and have been dating the same man for going on 5 years now. At first, our sex life was incredible. I thanked god for sending me a man that ...
A. 30 January 2017: You're not compatible, I'm afraid. I know you love him, OP, but he's not helping you try to fix things, which means he doesn't care about doing so. He's fine with how it is and doesn't want to help with the issues you have by going to therapy ... (read in full...)
Affair with my best friend but I have a partner of 18 years and a one year old that we had after years of trying. What do I do now?
Q. I've been with my partner for 18 years I do love him and we have a one year old which we tried for years to have. But for the last 3 year I have been having an affair with my best friend who's showed me so much love , a lot more love than I seem to ...
A. 28 January 2017: YCBS has a brilliant point that those in affairs often forget:
Part of the reason many people get so emotionally attached to their lover is because the affair makes it passionate in ways that a long-term relationship can't be. Once it becomes ... (read in full...)
Affair with my best friend but I have a partner of 18 years and a one year old that we had after years of trying. What do I do now?
Q. I've been with my partner for 18 years I do love him and we have a one year old which we tried for years to have. But for the last 3 year I have been having an affair with my best friend who's showed me so much love , a lot more love than I seem to ...
A. 28 January 2017: You've already broken up your family by cheating. What example are you setting your child?
You can't keep doing this, OP. Get counselling and decide, but do not restart the affair.... (read in full...)
I'm a sex addict and now my boyfriend is angry and withholding sex from me
Q. Hi all. Im stuck in a situation that is difficult for me to talk about due to embarrassment. Im a sex addict and have been dating the same man for going on 5 years now. At first, our sex life was incredible. I thanked god for sending me a man that ...
A. 28 January 2017: You need therapy for sex addiction and you need couples counselling because the way he's handling it is not fair - but he also shouldn't have sex with you if he's not in the mood to.... (read in full...)
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