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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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Help, he dismisses my feelings of rejection and that he's being disloyal!
Q. I've been with my partner for 3 years now I'm 23 he's 28. We have a 19 month old daughter and lived together almost the whole relationship. Hes never gave me one single compliment but I've got over it thinking he's just not that type of person. But ...
A. 18 February 2017: You need to leave him.
Men (and women) who move in too quickly, make babies out of marriage and don't have a job or care for their child are irresponsible wastes of space. They want someone to sponge off of and, unfortunately, you didn't realise ... (read in full...)
Why is my friend touching me this way?
Q. I have a friend whom I know from 2 months and we became close in a very short while... From few weeks he is touching my sides, hips and breast. What does this mean? ...
A. 18 February 2017: Tell him to stop. Friends should not touch you sexually. If he doesn't stop, don't talk to him any more. He's touching you inappropriately and he may get worse, forcing you to do something you don't want to do.
Don't let people touch you like tha... (read in full...)
I don't feel the 'spark' anymore. Is this reason to break up?
Q. I am quite young and have been going with a guy for 4 and a half months now. Sometimes i feel really attracted to him and can't wait to spend time with him, but recently i just don't feel that "spark" anymore. However this is definitely not a re...
A. 17 February 2017: I think that, at your age, it's a very good reason to break up. Most teen relationships don't last because it's normal to get bored of things quite quickly.
Everything should be age-appropriate and I think this sounds like a fair decision... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps texting a female co-worker and it's getting inappropriate. Am I overreacting?
Q. So my boyfriend has a female co-worker. He told me a couple weeks ago that it was pretty obvious to him and a few co-workers that a supervisor was trying to get with this female coworker, let's call her "B". My boyfriend told me that he told B "I ...
A. 17 February 2017: Why can't he be friends with a female co-worker? Having a problem with it is probably why he's hesitant to be upfront because he thinks you'll read too much into it. Men can have friendships with women without anything inappropriate ha... (read in full...)
I'm crushing on an older female doctor. How do I ask her out?
Q. I have a huge crush on a medical professional. I want to be as vague as I can be so bare with me. TL;DR I have a crush on my female doctor who's twice my age. How do I ask her out? Should I even do it? She's easily double my age... she's su...
A. 17 February 2017: What do you want from a woman twice your age? You'd have very little in common and aren't at the same stages in life. A relationship would be almost impossible to maintain successfully.
There are certain people you don't ask out: your professo... (read in full...)
Is it a red flag if a woman has been 3 or 4 times and says all the marriages were abusive?
Q. well asking a question, if a woman, a man started dating, tells you they been married three or four times, is that a big red flag, my own opinion is that they all couldn't be bad,one or two maybe,an if they say all three men were abusive ...
A. 17 February 2017: Multiple abusive relationships is common because it's what they fall into.
Multiple abusive marriages is different because it's committing to someone before seeing their true nature or knowing they're abusive and ignoring/accepting/hoping to chang... (read in full...)
I'm still a virgin with no dating experience at age 26, and I'm starting to feel like something must be wrong with me. Advice?
Q. I am 26 and am a virgin, have never had a boyfriend, nor have a I really ever dated. I have always just assumed that things would happen in their own time, and I have had two brief and non official experiences with boys (one for a few months at uni ...
A. 17 February 2017: Most people can't realise a lost cause without having experience and part of that experience is going through what you have.
Dating before you're ready, just for the sake of "experience" is unnecessary. Getting your own independence set up is mu... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to give his friend a hand job!
Q. my husband has been trying to talk me into giving his best friend a mercy hand job , Because his wife has some kind of a medical problem ? His friend has been so sad ever since his wife has cut him off . I am seriously considering doing it for him ...
A. 17 February 2017: You can do it if you want, but teaching someone to kiss is massively different to giving someone hand jobs and potentially sex for a few months.
OP, this idea is highly unnecessary, inappropriate and you are not a prostitute to be pimped out. You... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend worries about me too much
Q. Hello! Me and my bf, who is a year older than me, have been going out for one month now - not really a long time but still - and from the way things look, we both really like and care for each other. During the early days of our relationship, his...
A. 16 February 2017: You're prioritising this relationship and that's not okay. You shouldn't sneak your phone into class; that's a boyfriend/girlfriend free zone to learn. You also shouldn't text him past 10pm your time, so you're not staring at a screen before t... (read in full...)
A straight friend wants to have sex with me. Should I?
Q. Hi.i have a friend who i would like to have sex with.he is straight i am gay. What should i do?ahead thanks....
A. 16 February 2017: The title is misleading and incorrect, so you are just interested in him.
First of all, he's straight, so you leave him alone.
Secondly, if you want to keep him as a friend, cut the sexual feelings off.... (read in full...)
My previous teaacher was awesome. I do not like my new teacher, so how can I stay positive in this situation?
Q. My friends and I have had so many awesome teachers in the last few years, but there is one who stands out in particular. I always learnt best in her classes; she had a tendency to find so many ways to visualize the topic and make even the most ...
A. 15 February 2017: Just give him a chance. Chill and focus on the lesson :)... (read in full...)
I like older guys. He was respectful to me. But then his decision to ejaculate on my face bothered me. Were his actions out of line?
Q. I'm attracted to older men and that's what I normally date. I met this guy recently. He's 34. After exchanging texts for a while, we went out. It went really well. We had great conversation. There was chemistry between us. It was great all around. I ...
A. 15 February 2017: Why was he not wearing a condom? You could have an STD now. Please get checked for that and pregnancy. Don't be irresponsible next time.
As for the face thing, I think it's rude of anyone to do that without asking first. That said, you shouldn'... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to give his friend a hand job!
Q. my husband has been trying to talk me into giving his best friend a mercy hand job , Because his wife has some kind of a medical problem ? His friend has been so sad ever since his wife has cut him off . I am seriously considering doing it for him ...
A. 15 February 2017: Physical therapy?! Ha! Don't fall for it. Also, now you know what "physical therapy" means to him, so don't trust him if he ever says he needs it!
Say no and you need to leave if he continues; he could force you and hurt you.
Please don't ... (read in full...)
I am a transgender man, dating a woman but I prefer sex with men.
Q. I am a transgender man and I have been dating a very respectful, understanding woman for a few months now. We have reached the stage where she wants to define our relationship and move forward together, though I feel conflicted on how to progress or ...
A. 15 February 2017: For what it's worth, asexual means "lack of sexual attraction", not lack of libido or desire for sex - some asexuals do still want/have sex.... (read in full...)
I am a transgender man, dating a woman but I prefer sex with men.
Q. I am a transgender man and I have been dating a very respectful, understanding woman for a few months now. We have reached the stage where she wants to define our relationship and move forward together, though I feel conflicted on how to progress or ...
A. 15 February 2017: First off, this woman is incompatible with you, so let her go. Secondly, look into open relationships. Perhaps you could find a woman who you could love and vice versa, who would also be happy for you to have sex with men and her with whoever. ... (read in full...)
Bummed out and annoyed at her lack of understanding!
Q. Hello! It was valentines day yesterday as most of you know! My Gf and I have been together for two years now and things have been well. Like most couples, we've had our ups and downs but we still love each other very much. I am curren...
A. 15 February 2017: I think she's being a bit unfair. You were busy and couldn't talk to her more, that's all. Only "make it up to her" by trying to contact her a little more, but don't grovel. Apologise once more, short and basic "I'm sorry I was unable to contact you ... (read in full...)
My LDR is not motivated to meet in real life.
Q. I've been dating my LDR boyfriend for over 2 years and we haven' met yet. He never wants to pinpoint a meeting date and acts unconfortable when I try to. He says he wants to improve himself first so when we meet he makes the best impression on me. ...
A. 14 February 2017: It's unanimous that whether he's stringing you along deliberately or not, people in your age bracket would not wait two years to meet up and still not have any solid plans to do it in the next couple of months.... (read in full...)
My LDR is not motivated to meet in real life.
Q. I've been dating my LDR boyfriend for over 2 years and we haven' met yet. He never wants to pinpoint a meeting date and acts unconfortable when I try to. He says he wants to improve himself first so when we meet he makes the best impression on me. ...
A. 14 February 2017: The only good reason to wait 2 years is if you're teenagers, not in your late 20s.
Let him go; he's had two years to "improve" himself enough to meet you and isn't desperate enough to just get over his pride.
I'm all for LDRs, but this isn't l... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's grandmother died, should I go to the funeral?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years grandma recently passed away. He's asking me to go to a funeral with him to comefort him. I told him I would feel out of place and not comefortable because I never really knew his grandma or other relatives besides his ...
A. 14 February 2017: You've been together two years, which means you should definitely go to his family's funeral. There's no good excuse not to, unless you end up with an emergency.... (read in full...)
At seven months pregnant I want to feel loved and secure.
Q. This question pertains to self esteem and insecurity. My bf and I are expecting. In the past, we've had issues concerning social media and the pictures I chose to post. I argue that my pictures were hardly provocative, but he was uncomfortable with ...
A. 13 February 2017: Couples counselling. Now. You have a baby on the way and you both need to be mature about this, dropping all social media concerns.... (read in full...)
Is there any future for this marriage? Since he cheated I have turned to cheating too.
Q. My problem is I am not sexually attracted to my husband ,at all. The only way for me to be at ease is if I get really drunk to have sex with him .But he don't like that . I can't have sex sober with him.Since he cheated on me I lost all lost I had ...
A. 13 February 2017: Your marriage was over when you both cheated. Make it official with a divorce and find someone who won't cheat on you.... (read in full...)
My 16 year old sister is sexually active, without birth control. Should I just come out and tell my Dad what my sister told me ?
Q. My dad is a single dad , he does a great job raising my sister and I but he's a little clueless in the age girl department. He believes everything my sister tells him. I've seen her come home drunk and convince my dad that she had food poisoni...
A. 13 February 2017: ChiGirl's right. Tell her that birth control can control periods, so she can tell your dad that. Her boyfriend should also be using condoms.
Don't tell him unless she refuses to get on birth control, then tell her she or you have to tell him beca... (read in full...)
Relationship going no where. Am I just too accommodating, and maybe I should just not be like this?
Q. Hi. Been in a relationship for a few months now, he comes here ever other weekend as we are about an hour and half away from each other. I have kids and it's all pretty cool with them too. We also try other bits of time, face time a lot and text...
A. 13 February 2017: Maybe you're not well matched - that said, it's still a new one. Try dating each other properly, rather than settling into it so soon.... (read in full...)
She made me wait until marriage for sex, but we are now married and still no sex!
Q. I know these questions get asked plenty of times - and I know there is no cut and dry answer, but here is my story. I'm 34 years old and my wife of 5 years is 24. She wanted to wait until marriage to have sex which was more than fine for me seei...
A. 13 February 2017: You were 29 and she was 19 when you got married.... how long were you with her before that? It's a little worrying. Perhaps she was not ready for marriage or a sexual relationship and didn't know how to tell you, so she keeps postponing it.
I thi... (read in full...)
Our arguments often lead to physical altercations!
Q. ive been in this relationship for about five months now and things are definitely not the way i thought they would be. I care deeply about this man but the communication is limited. We get into arguments which some end in physical altercations. Both ...
A. 13 February 2017: You need to leave him now. You don't deserve abuse and it's not love. Let him go before you get badly hurt.
On a side note, you can't "let" or "not let" someone do something. You can ask them not to, but you're not their parent and can't decide f... (read in full...)
How can I get my crush to notice me?
Q. There's a guy I'm interested in but I just can't seem to get him to notice me. I try to talking to him, flirting, touching, writing him some steamy notes, but he just won't respond. I asked him to our school Valentine's day dance and he turned me ...
A. 12 February 2017: Firs time of all, steamy notes should be saved for being in a relationship or FWBs (when you're older). You don't send someone steamy notes when they aren't even interested in you.
Also, you're kind of harassing him. I know you have a crush on... (read in full...)
Our arguments often lead to physical altercations!
Q. ive been in this relationship for about five months now and things are definitely not the way i thought they would be. I care deeply about this man but the communication is limited. We get into arguments which some end in physical altercations. Both ...
A. 12 February 2017: You're pushing his buttons and baiting him, but that doesn't make it right for him to hurt you or pin you down. Neither of you can be in any relationships until you don't get physical during arguments. He shouldn't be physical, but you're being... (read in full...)
Any resources on how to deal with an accept childlessness and the relentless onset of menopause?
Q. My sister is expecting her first child. Any resources on how to deal with an accept childlessness and the relentless onset of menopause? I had no fertility problems - just never met a guy who wanted to commit and I never had the guts to get preg...
A. 12 February 2017: For what it's worth, getting pregnant "accidentally" (on purpose or being reckless) is irresponsible, so it's good you didn't do that. You perhaps could have gone to a sperm bank or similar/cheaper, but being a single parent isn't easy or right for ... (read in full...)
Friend uploaded video of me saying things when drunk. She won't take it down but I'm worried
Q. My friend uploaded a video of us playing drinking games when we were at hers. In it, I am slightly tipsy (as we all are) and I can be heard saying rather inappropriate things which I feel could implicate my future. I've told her I'm worried abo...
A. 12 February 2017: First of all, report it to the social media site.
Secondly, demote her to untrustworthy.
Lastly, don't get tipsy or drunk if you can't handle the potential consequences. This isn't your fault, but could have been easily avoided.... (read in full...)
Any resources on how to deal with an accept childlessness and the relentless onset of menopause?
Q. My sister is expecting her first child. Any resources on how to deal with an accept childlessness and the relentless onset of menopause? I had no fertility problems - just never met a guy who wanted to commit and I never had the guts to get preg...
A. 12 February 2017: I know you said you've checked, but few people are genuinely not suitable. Other than that, consider working/volunteering with children.
It may be difficult now, but you'll get to be the cool aunt and babysit, then hand them back when they hav... (read in full...)
His parents caught us in the shower together!
Q. I've been dating my bf for 10 months, his parents really seem to like me. Yesterday his parents came horn earlier then we excepted and caught us in the shower together. I feel so embarrassed. My bf said that they were disappointed that we let ...
A. 11 February 2017: I think just let it go, unless they bring it up. Do be more respectful, though, and if you are intimate, use condoms every single time *and* birth control every day.... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I should start dating again right after a break up!
Q. I have posted before about my long distance relationship. I believe it has come to an end as the guy told me he wasn't ready, wanted to be single and told me not to wait for him. For the last week I have been completely devastated and tried ...
A. 11 February 2017: I think it's a bad idea because there's no way you've moved on yet, but it's up to you.... (read in full...)
I like her but she is a prositute, how can I get her to leave that work?
Q. Please help me. I have been in hiding wishing there was someone to love me with true heart. I am searching a true and honest woman to be my good friend and possibly marry her if God decide we should be together. I am tired of boy and girl friend ...
A. 11 February 2017: First of all, you go to a brothel to have sex, not to find a wife.
Secondly, she can't leave that job without finding another one first. Not only that, but you can't expect a woman to leave her job over a guy she barely knows.
Find a woman ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend is interacting less with me and he seems depressed. Do you think he wants to cut ties with me?
Q. My boyfriend is married and we've been dating for quite sometime. His wife got to know about me and tried to get me to confess, which I avoided somehow. He says that he would divorce her as they don't have any sort of bonding (they don't have any ...
A. 11 February 2017: Not every cheater cheats again, but cheating once shows they *can* cheat and don't have an issue with it, unless they left their partner when they realised they were falling for someone else.
When you cheat, you *choose* to continue it and not ... (read in full...)
How can manage to be less idealistic in this situation? I accidentally idealize my LDR partner and get disappointed when my expectations don't mesh with reality
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship which is hard because in his absence, I fill in the gaps of who I think he is or what he's like from memory and my memory is always more rosy than reality. Like right now I just think he's the greatest I want to ...
A. 11 February 2017: OP, re-read my response. I gave you a coping mechanism to help you figure out what he's really like vs your fantasy.
I'm in an LDR, so I know it's impossible not to get excited about them, but I also know how important it is to see them for who ... (read in full...)
I literally melt when the man I like touches me or stares at me
Q. Hello. I'm in my mid 25s, in love with a man at work. I very much enjoy my job so wouldn't risk it unless it's really worth it. The man is still playing the field and after inviting him over for coffee and a frank discussion it's clear we want ...
A. 10 February 2017: It's normal to melt, but you know he's not for you and you need to tell him to stop. Friends don't touch each other like that and he knows you like it, so he's just keeping you on the hook.
He's playing the field and you want different things, ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend is interacting less with me and he seems depressed. Do you think he wants to cut ties with me?
Q. My boyfriend is married and we've been dating for quite sometime. His wife got to know about me and tried to get me to confess, which I avoided somehow. He says that he would divorce her as they don't have any sort of bonding (they don't have any ...
A. 10 February 2017: We do understand the sensitivity of the situation, OP, but his wife deserves more sympathy than you do.
You *can* be without each other, but you have to cut contact with him and stick to it.
If you wait a year, it'll be another year wasted wait... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and I do not want to break up with A as I love her very much, but my mother strongly objects to our relationship. What are my options?
Q. So, I will give a bit of background first off. I have known this girl, I'll call her A, for three years. In early 2016, i started feeling different about her, and I begin to have romantic feelings about A. I already knew from asking before that she...
A. 9 February 2017: You should break up. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you'll probably break up sooner or later, as teen relationships usually do.
However, if you wait until you're 18 and stay friends with her in school, you can go to university and date... (read in full...)
How can manage to be less idealistic in this situation? I accidentally idealize my LDR partner and get disappointed when my expectations don't mesh with reality
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship which is hard because in his absence, I fill in the gaps of who I think he is or what he's like from memory and my memory is always more rosy than reality. Like right now I just think he's the greatest I want to ...
A. 9 February 2017: You should write about him each day you see him in person. It doesn't have to take more than 5 minutes. Write down things he does or says and see if too many things don't match the romanticised version you've dreamt up.
In an LDR, you *have* t... (read in full...)
Is this male theory correct? Do woman wear matching black bra and panties when having sex is intended?
Q. Is there any truth to the theory that women wear black when they are planning to have sex with someone and also if you're going to have sex you wear matching bra and panties?...
A. 8 February 2017: I think this theory is actually quite funny, but naive and kind of sexist because it assumes women only wear matching lingerie for the benefit of a date.
I wear whatever is clean and the bra type that is most practical for me only comes in black... (read in full...)
How can I encourage him to consider discussing with me, and choosing a baby boy's name with me, where we both agree together on the name?
Q. My husband and I don't live together because we don't have jobs. I live with my mother and she is supporting me financially for the moment. She will also be getting a house for my bf and us to live in as well. I see my bf once a month, we live a...
A. 8 February 2017: Honestly, this is the least of your worries. Please focus on getting jobs and come up with baby names closer to or after the birth.... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend is interacting less with me and he seems depressed. Do you think he wants to cut ties with me?
Q. My boyfriend is married and we've been dating for quite sometime. His wife got to know about me and tried to get me to confess, which I avoided somehow. He says that he would divorce her as they don't have any sort of bonding (they don't have any ...
A. 7 February 2017: If you feel guilty, stop. He's not your boyfriend. He's his wife's husband. You are his mistress and need to stop.
You're not loved by him or he'd leave. A person in an affair does not deserve to be happy until they are no longer betrayin... (read in full...)
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