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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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He wants us to get married but to keep it secret!
Q. Ok here is my story. My boyfriend of 7 months is asking me to marry him secretly in summer and not telling anyone because he wants to give his 14 years old child enough time to feel more comfortable. we want to buy a house as I don't want to move ...
A. 31 March 2017: Waiting longer to marry isn't wasting your time together because you can still see each other and visit places. He's rushing it and it's worrying.
Please do put it off until you've been together for at least 18 months; you're still in the honeymoo... (read in full...)
Her parents insist we don't talk for 5 years! They disapprove of our relationship!
Q. I had been in in relationship with my girlfriend for 7 months. She's 18 and I'm 17.We just so in love with each other. We chatted all day, we share our everyday life ,topics and stories. We greet each other good morning and first thing in the ...
A. 31 March 2017: Do you know for a fact that her parents decided this?
It's possible she'll go away to uni and unblock you. If she doesn't, just understand that it's not meant to be. Honestly, I'm not sure it's a bad thing that she'd choose her parents over you... (read in full...)
Engaged, had an affair, new person cheated, yearrrrrs ago... now married w/ pregnant wife and I can't deal with it
Q. Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well. It's been a while since I last posted, but I am having some major issues right now. Here it goes, I guess... Back in 2008 I was in a pretty verbally/physically abusive relationship (about 7 years in at th...
A. 30 March 2017: Please seek therapy. You couldn't be cheated on by the online guy because he was never yours. You need to block him, not try to contact him. You also need to leave your current relationship because it's toxic - even if he's by not abusive any more, ... (read in full...)
Her parents insist we don't talk for 5 years! They disapprove of our relationship!
Q. I had been in in relationship with my girlfriend for 7 months. She's 18 and I'm 17.We just so in love with each other. We chatted all day, we share our everyday life ,topics and stories. We greet each other good morning and first thing in the ...
A. 30 March 2017: You're not still in a relationship if you have no contact. That's a break up.
I'm so sorry this has happened and I know it hurts, but you'll both move on and grow into your own individual people. You may both get new partners because that's w... (read in full...)
Should I tell her that on our break I paid for sex?
Q. Hi, my and my gf of 5 years have sort of had a bit of distance come between us, on my end mainly. She was always so insecure and sort of clingy and although I loved her it chipped away at me and I felt I needed space. We took space and things were ...
A. 30 March 2017: You can't soften "I paid for sex". Just be honest and accept the consequences.
You also can't expect a relationship to fix itself just because you got back together. *If* she decides to stay with you after you tell her, you have to get couples'... (read in full...)
He wants us to get married but to keep it secret!
Q. Ok here is my story. My boyfriend of 7 months is asking me to marry him secretly in summer and not telling anyone because he wants to give his 14 years old child enough time to feel more comfortable. we want to buy a house as I don't want to move ...
A. 30 March 2017: He wants to hide his marriage from his teenager? That's terrible parenting and not at all considerate of her feelings, despite him trying to convince you it's for her to get comfortable slowly. Then what? She learns he lied and never trusts him ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend doesn't make any real effort to lose weight despite wanting to
Q. I've been in relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. I liked her for her personality and character but her weight had always bothered me right from the start. She was actually slim just under 2 year back(she looked amazing) but gai...
A. 29 March 2017: She's the right weight - *you* are underweight. You need to gain it, she doesn't need to lose it. Please break up with her before you encourage her to be unhealthily underweight.
See a doctor to figure out why you have a warped view of weight; ... (read in full...)
I love her, I like her personality, and we've dated for 4 years in a LDR, but I have mixed feelings. Can I come to terms with the fact that she is hairy?
Q. I have been with this girl for almost 4 years by now, and according to how everything has proceeded (education/financial etc) it's time for making the advance for marriage, as has always been our plan. We have not had sex (saving for marriage...
A. 28 March 2017: Hirsutism is likely to be the cause - it's rarely an easy fix. Humans can be shallow, but we can choose not to be because humans also have "flaws", like more body hair, spots, scars, etc.
Men and women grow almost the same amount of hair. As you s... (read in full...)
I've lost all confidence in how to have a relationship
Q. Hi guys, I'm beginning to think I may be doing something wrong on my part in relation to females. I'm currently 25 years old, ive never had a girlfriend, never been on a date and the only sexual relationships I've had with girls have either ...
A. 26 March 2017: Take time out from sex. Try a new hobby that gets you out to places that are conducive to meeting women who don't just want a hook up (not clubs/bars).
Join a dating website and look for relationship material women. Relax about it; you've never lo... (read in full...)
Does it sound like my boyfriend wants to get me pregnant?
Q. So I think my boyfriend wants me to get pregnant , without actually saying it . This is more of a question for the guys since they may know more about how they think. First of all we haven't been dating for long but he's already talked about get...
A. 25 March 2017: He is not mature enough to be a father if he can't even be responsible enough to use contraception. You must *not* get pregnant by him. You are very young yourself and it's highly unlikely you're financially stable enough to raise a baby between y... (read in full...)
Just had a baby, but now I am scared about returning home, due to his abusive actions while I was pregnant. What can I do?
Q. Dear aunties and uncles. I am a first time mom to a month old baby and my husband and I have had a fair share of ups and downs but we love each other a lot and wouldn't dream of spending my life with anyone else. Last year, while in my first trim...
A. 23 March 2017: You can't forgive an abuser who hasn't received help. He will still hurt you and maybe even your baby. Stay with your family until he gets anger management help or you'll need to divorce him. You and your baby are not safe living with him.... (read in full...)
Should I report my friend's family situation to the police?
Q. Hello, My best friend has some family problems. She is 16 and she has a 11 year old brother. She lives with her mum,dad,and brother in the same city as I do. Her father is not a nice person at all. He is not working, so her mum has to work all day ...
A. 23 March 2017: Suicide is a lot worse than this situation. Calling the police to save someone is necessary, but calling the police to this situation is not. He isn't being abusive, just a crappy father who is a bully. Without having proof of abuse, police can't do ... (read in full...)
Family conditioning has defined sex as inappropriate and dangerous. How can I stop feeling afraid pf physical sex?
Q. Ever since I was young, sex was explained to me as something that was inappropriate, dangerous, and could generally be used against me. Both of my parents were always adamant that men couldn't be trusted, and that I needed to be cautious and awar...
A. 22 March 2017: Your parents went overboard, but all teens should be encouraged to avoid sex until they're adults. Sadly, many rush it anyway and end up in trouble mentally and/or physically.
Please seek therapy. You need to work through your issues before h... (read in full...)
Is it really worth it to file for child support? I got pregnant 3 months into dating him, then he disappeared
Q. The baby's father isn't in the picture. I have tried to reach out to him during this pregnancy, but nothing. I kind of am considering to file for child support, since I'm living with my mom and don't make as much at the moment. The only thi...
A. 22 March 2017: What if *he* doesn't want a stranger being around his son? As you are as much of a stranger to him as he is to you. It's too late to worry about him being a negative influence.
You need to be mature about this - even considering not getting ... (read in full...)
Am I a sex addict? 101
Q. I just turned 31. I think about sex atleast every 30 minutes. I mentally undress every woman i See or imagine them having sex although im actually not interested in women sexually. My partner count is about 73 men and 2 women. To me a man has to ...
A. 22 March 2017: You need therapy. You don't have to go without sex if you don't want to, as long as you're safe about it and keep yourself under control.
Please seek professionally therapy - there's no way we can know if you have an addiction or not, but a bad te... (read in full...)
Am I a repressed sex addict?
Q. Dear cupid, I am 30 year old woman and I have bein single for most of my life, happily single I should say. I had my first kiss at 15, lost my virginity at 18. These were two kinda isolated events more like a box to tick, virginity gone what's n...
A. 22 March 2017: It's clear you don't like one night stands, so I don't think you should keep doing them. It's very unlikely you're a sex addict because you don't seem to crave it like one would.
Go dating, if that's what you want to focus on. Perhaps therapy ... (read in full...)
Whose last name do I give to my baby?
Q. My mom thinks I should give the baby the fathers last name but I don't think I should because I'm not married to him and he isn't in the picture. Won't that be an issue at school for my son and wherever I take him, if we have different last nam...
A. 22 March 2017: Personally, I think he deserves no name connection if he isn't going to step up as the father.
When you say he isn't in the picture, why is that? Does he know? Has he refused to step up? If he doesn't know, you should tell him (unless he's abu... (read in full...)
Is being too fast rude?
Q. Would you consider it rude if a guy gets off within two minutes if it's the first couple of times you've done anything together? I started dating a guy a couple months ago and we started taking out to the next level recently. So far we've done it ...
A. 21 March 2017: Um.... I think it's irrational to expect someone to "last longer" - the body does what it does when it does it. As long as they still pay attention to the other person's pleasure, even when they're finished.
I wouldn't be impressed by lasting ... (read in full...)
Why does inexperience turn women off more than the other way around?
Q. Why does inexperience turn women off more than the other way around? Why is it that if a guy never had a girlfriend before, he is a turn off to the majority of girls that have had their fair share of boyfriends or just been in a relationship before, ...
A. 21 March 2017: It varies with each person. I'd want someone who didn't have many relationships and had the same values as me, when it comes to intimacy. However, some want very experienced sexual partners. Most don't actively *want* someone who's been around a ... (read in full...)
Should I report my friend's family situation to the police?
Q. Hello, My best friend has some family problems. She is 16 and she has a 11 year old brother. She lives with her mum,dad,and brother in the same city as I do. Her father is not a nice person at all. He is not working, so her mum has to work all day ...
A. 21 March 2017: It's too much. It's not your place and could do more harm than good. The only time this is a good idea is if you see signs of physical abuse or neglect. As they still have their mum, they are not being neglected. As there is no abuse, just crappy ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with missing her in a LDR?
Q. So my girlfriend and I have been together for 5 months and we're madly in love with each other, we plan on getting married next year actually.She's 17 and i'm 18. She lives in Stockton and I live in Sacramento. I haven't seen her for a month because ...
A. 20 March 2017: We don't fully mature until about 25 years old, which is why marrying before that isn't a good idea. The best thing to do is to reduce the distance by going to the same college (if that's what you were both going to do before meeting), then move in ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with missing her in a LDR?
Q. So my girlfriend and I have been together for 5 months and we're madly in love with each other, we plan on getting married next year actually.She's 17 and i'm 18. She lives in Stockton and I live in Sacramento. I haven't seen her for a month because ...
A. 20 March 2017: Marrying so young and so soon is unwise. Moving in together would be a better plan. Being in an LDR is hard, but you should be in a closed distance relationship for at least a year before marrying.
Focus on work, studying and hobbies. Distract... (read in full...)
Roomies are all going in different directions so how do we divide the stuff we bought together?
Q. It's coming to the end of our lease and I [26,M] just found out I need some major dental work that's going to cost me a TON of money. So to save up again I'm moving back in with my ex-girlfriend, Lana,[22,F] I won't have to pay anything so I should...
A. 19 March 2017: Now that I think about it, what have you told your ex for her to decide to let you live there rent free?... (read in full...)
How can I get dates if I am not attractive enough for guys to ask me out or approach me in person?
Q. I just witnessed a girl right in front of me getting cold approached and hit on by guy while I am never hit on and/or approached by men. I am not intimidating because I notice guys cold approach women without sending signals to guys. In fact, ...
A. 19 March 2017: Why does a guy have to ask you out? Besides, people who meet in bars usually only want hook ups - not dating material. Join a hobby or two. Most successful partners meet in places where they can have a proper conversation before deciding to date... (read in full...)
Should I make a move on my crush?
Q. does anyone have any experience with those kinds of guys who are really clever, not very masculine and all their friends are girls but they're still straight, and the signs that they like you, because I'm really into a guy like that and I feel like ...
A. 19 March 2017: YCBS is right - can you handle all of the female friends? If not, move on because he shouldn't have to give them up to have a girlfriend.
Make a move, but don't be too pushy. Give him a simple, no pressure date option and it's up to him if he ta... (read in full...)
Roomies are all going in different directions so how do we divide the stuff we bought together?
Q. It's coming to the end of our lease and I [26,M] just found out I need some major dental work that's going to cost me a TON of money. So to save up again I'm moving back in with my ex-girlfriend, Lana,[22,F] I won't have to pay anything so I should...
A. 19 March 2017: Not being funny, but you're using her. Sure, she'd hold the money over you, but you're using her to live rent-free. Swings and roundabouts, OP.
You might as well sell it all and split it or buy each other out - i.e the guy that wants the TV pays ... (read in full...)
Second cousin is pregnant and I'm the father. How do we break this news to the family?
Q. My second cousin, Brooke, and I have always been very close. We never officially dated but on rare occasions, we did become physical. When we were both 14 years old, she was my first kiss. Most of the time we are not physical. We just spend time ...
A. 18 March 2017: Just come out with it. It's one thing to have sex with your cousin, but another to do it without contraception. Priorities need to be sorted out now - you're both young and naive.... (read in full...)
Do I tell him I may be pregnant?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months and have been having casual sex,he has ways been very clear that he never want to have children last time we had sex he came in me, now I'm 10 days late for my period and I think I'm pregnant, I'm not ...
A. 18 March 2017: By the way, you never tell someone you "may" be pregnant - you get it confirmed first.... (read in full...)
Do I tell him I may be pregnant?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months and have been having casual sex,he has ways been very clear that he never want to have children last time we had sex he came in me, now I'm 10 days late for my period and I think I'm pregnant, I'm not ...
A. 18 March 2017: If one or both of you don't want a baby, contraception should have been used and he never should have had sex without a condom.
Tell him and go through with the termination, if you want, but no more unprotected sex.... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get married without a proposal?
Q. Hi, I have a question and would appreciate your help. I'm 40 and my boyfriend of 2 months is 44. We both have a kid from our previous marriage. He is a professor and I'm a nurse. I know it's too soon but things are going so well and fast! He is ...
A. 17 March 2017: Kids are involved, which is why I think under a year is too soon for marriage. 9 or 10 months is still not a year :P
He shouldn't have met your kids yet, that should happen after 6 months. Please take it slowly. If it's meant to be, there's ... (read in full...)
It was his first time. But straight after we finished he called his best friend to tell him we'd had sex. Made me feel like an object. What should I do?
Q. Hello, I'm a 16 year old girl. When I was 14 I had a relationship with a boy which lasted about 1,5 year. At the time my parents were breaking up and everything was falling apart. I got sexual abused and that boy destroyed me and I felt like de...
A. 17 March 2017: I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Please seek therapy to help you understand more about the emotional effects of having sex, as sleeping with this boy so soon was very unwise, as you now know. Sex is very personal and giving it out so... (read in full...)
I love her but I am nervous about the pressure to marry her so soon after the start of our LDR relationship. How should I respond to this pressure?
Q. Dear all i've been with my girlfriend since June last year and we've not had any problems. I've had 3 girlfriends before her but nothing has even come close to this. I know that she is the right one for me. She is probably the only person...
A. 17 March 2017: It's way too fast. If she can get a job through your family, marriage shouldn't be used to close the distance. You barely know each other (coming from someone in an LDR for two years), so it really would be way too fast to marry after only a year ... (read in full...)
She doesn't want to ruin our friendship but I don't want to lose her to another guy!
Q. So I have been friends with this girl for 7 months and the friendship has been amazing but the one thing is I want her, but she "doesn't want to ruin the friendship", but we have been in a relationship 3 months ago but we just took some time apart, ...
A. 16 March 2017: A relationship isn't going to happen, so you need to step back from the friendship. Be nice, but you can't be friends with her because you want more.... (read in full...)
I said "I love you" but he's not at that point and now I'm hurt/confused and wondering if I should break things off
Q. About two weeks ago, I found myself (regrettably) drunk after a super fun night out with a group of friends and my boyfriend, who I have been seeing for nearly 6 moths. The BF very sweetly took care of getting me to my house, getting me into my ...
A. 16 March 2017: Just step back, don't break up. You may be smothering him a little. Please don't get drunk again, have fun without losing control.... (read in full...)
Does he not love me like I love him?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a bf that I have had a crush on ever since 2016 then we started dating 2017 of February 9th. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone else in my lifetime. Anyways he texts me constantly and I do to, but when i say i gtg love ...
A. 16 March 2017: OP, this isn't love, this is a crush. You had a crush on him for a while, but it doesn't turn into love a month after calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. At your age, it means like a lot, not love - especially for boys. Young teenagers ... (read in full...)
Why does my b/f talk to his ex but won't allow me to do the same?
Q. My boyfriend of a year is friends with an old ex who he doesn't feel attracted to anymore and I am totally fine with their friendship and glad they are friends. He has another ex who broke his heart and things got messy with her during the break ...
A. 16 March 2017: He's jealous and controlling. If you want children, would you want them to have a jealous, controlling father? Probably not, which makes your relationship a dead end.
Even if you don't want kids, why subject yourself to a man who does whatever... (read in full...)
I think having sex with another girl will get these crazy depressing thoughts out of my head!
Q. well, im in a relationship for about a year with this girl and we both love each other a lot. While she is my first gf, im not her first bf, she had one before me who she really loved as well (i know this because a knew her back then) it was a long ...
A. 16 March 2017: You're not ready for a relationship. You're creating double standards; if you sleep with someone, you'll be in the same position she is, but you think that's okay and you wrongly think that it will fix it.
You just want to sleep with someone ... (read in full...)
Why can't I quit him? Heart says yes and mind says no?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for a good month now and we were getting pretty flirty and didn't think about the future. He had to move back to his family in another state for work and he told me he couldn't do LDR, even though he likes me a lot, ...
A. 16 March 2017: It's too soon to be developing these feelings seriously; it's like puppy love. You have a crush and he probably does too, but it's not practical because he says he can't do long distance and is too far away to meet up even monthly. You need to let ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get married without a proposal?
Q. Hi, I have a question and would appreciate your help. I'm 40 and my boyfriend of 2 months is 44. We both have a kid from our previous marriage. He is a professor and I'm a nurse. I know it's too soon but things are going so well and fast! He is ...
A. 15 March 2017: Getting married without a proposal may be odd, but it's the time frame hats the problem. You don't know each other well enough to even talk about marriage yet. You should be worried that he wants something that marriage would give. I was with my ... (read in full...)
Miscarried and I'm not over it
Q. Hi all I'm a 20 year old woman and I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. We're currently saving for a house. He is in a full time job while I've been drifting from job to job (whilst looking for a full time serious job). I have been ...
A. 15 March 2017: I'm so sorry you miscarried. I think it's possible that the universe/God/whoever was showing you that you do want to be a mother, but that now is not the right time.
You now know more about yourself, but you also have more drive to get your duc... (read in full...)
She gives me false hopes and is still chatting with her ex! Advice?
Q. Hello DearCupid readers, I am 30. two and a half months ago I got in contact with a woman, who is 24 and she has a 2 year old daughter. We first talked online and then started seeing each other offline, since we're both in the same city. In...
A. 15 March 2017: It really worries me that either of you have been talking about sex, living together and pregnancy after only two months! The last two shouldn't come up until 6+ months and the last shouldn't be mentioned (let alone seriously) until 9+ months.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to indulge in an MMF threesome with his best friend
Q. My boyfriend of a year recently asked me if I would be into a MMF threesome with one of his best friends, although his words were "tag team". He revealed it was one of his fantasy's, and asked me if I would be into it. At the time I said I don't ...
A. 15 March 2017: It's normally a FFM fantasy men have (those that want a threesome), but most know it wouldn't be a good idea in practice. I think you should say no. Double penetration leaves them both in control, not you and using the term "tag team" just prove... (read in full...)
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