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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love
Q. I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...
A. 6 March 2018: There are pros and cons to everything, but there are very few genuine situations when it's best not to own up to having an affair. Your husband deserves to know what you've done, so he can choose whether or not to stay with you.... (read in full...)
I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love
Q. I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...
A. 3 March 2018: OP, does he deserve this? No.
Do you deserve to pretend you've done nothing wrong? No.
Should you own up? Absolutely.
Do not choose a therapist who will tell you to keep it a secret, or there's little point going.... (read in full...)
I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love
Q. I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...
A. 1 March 2018: OP, see a therapist. You are not weak, just selfish. You need someone, in real life, who can lean on you to take responsibility for your affair and not allow you to keep excusing it.
Your husband deserves to know he's been cheated on, especial... (read in full...)
I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love
Q. I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...
A. 27 February 2018: Just for one minute, OP, put him first. God forbid something happens to him - do you really want it on your conscience that, instead of being with someone who loved him and was faithful to him, YOU forced him to stay with a cheater because you were ... (read in full...)
I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love
Q. I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...
A. 25 February 2018: OP, hope isn't good enough. Let your husband GO. You CAN make the right decision. You're CHOOSING not to. You're RUINING your husband's life and WASTING it, when he should be with someone who LOVES him and won't cheat.
You are old enough. You are ... (read in full...)
I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love
Q. I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...
A. 22 February 2018: What's for the best is not being so selfish and cruel. You're not concerned with your husband's feelings. Act your age and be a DECENT PERSON. Cheating is NOT okay. You CAN let him go. You CHOOSE not to because you just don't care about or truly ... (read in full...)
I'm being bullied. How do I stand up to these girls?
Q. I had an argument with this girl, let's call her Nelly. It was about 2 months ago now. When we were arguing I told her to "peice out" in other words go away. Now every time I walk past her in school, her and her friend always shout at me "peice out ...
A. 22 June 2017: You need to try to be mature about this. Fighting is never an option and you should try not to swear.
They are just being annoying and it won't be fun if it doesn't bother you. Ignore them. Don't look, speak or swear when they're being silly. I... (read in full...)
A guy is visiting me from Europe, Should I be responsible for his accomodation and hotel bills?
Q. It's my first time online dating and I met a likable European guy. He is 28 and I don't expect him to have much money. I really like him and I was to visit him first but because of my work I can't at the moment. He decided to visit first. I live in ...
A. 22 June 2017: If he doesn't have the money, he shouldn't come. You can't and shouldn't pay for it, neither should he stay with you.... (read in full...)
We don't want kids or pregnancy but husband is against abortion. Help!
Q. My husband and I never wanted children. I dislike children and the thought of being pregnant. He is fine with them but prefers not to have any of his own. We have always used condoms. I have never used any other kind of birth control. I do no...
A. 22 June 2017: Your body, your choice.
I think you should still talk to your doctor about birth control before ruling it out. However if you want a permanent option, go for it. Your husband isn't being selfish, but he isn't being realistic either. Keeping ... (read in full...)
Is getting back with him a vain hope?
Q. Hi everyone, I have a question regarding an ex that I am still in love with. We broke up in March. He said he "wasn't in the right mindset to have a girlfriend, I have to sort some stuff out" and "this doesn't mean we can't get back together." ...
A. 22 June 2017: He doesn't seem to want a second chance. I think moving on and letting go is your best option.... (read in full...)
How can I get hime to be more romantic?
Q. I'm dating a guy for almost a year and he isn't the romantic type. He's said he's not a mushy type about 6 months in so I pulled back a lot and decided to move on. After two weeks apart he texted me and called wanted to try again. Still the same no ...
A. 22 June 2017: He is opening up by telling you he misses you, your kisses, your jokes, etc.
That said, just cut it off. Block him. You can't make someone be something they're not.... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my husband so I might be able to be with his friend?
Q. Hello! I'm 25 and I've been married for 3 years, and I have been relatively happy until now, when I suddenly realized (or suddeny admitted to myself) that I am not in love with my husband any more, and I don't think I have been for almost our whole ...
A. 21 June 2017: You should divorce your husband, but not to be with his friend.... (read in full...)
I even left my daughter at home for 4 days for the sake of my affair and now he's disappeared. I feel so lonely!
Q. I met this guy in Vegas over two months ago. He approached me and my friends at a club. I told him from the beginning I was married and he respected that . The night went on and everyone was having a great time. He would dance next to me because he ...
A. 21 June 2017: OP, you saw pictures, but you did *not* know him. You had an adolescent fling.
Your husband is controlling/abusive, but that doesn't excuse cheating. You need to leave him and get counselling for yourself. Do not stay with him.... (read in full...)
I even left my daughter at home for 4 days for the sake of my affair and now he's disappeared. I feel so lonely!
Q. I met this guy in Vegas over two months ago. He approached me and my friends at a club. I told him from the beginning I was married and he respected that . The night went on and everyone was having a great time. He would dance next to me because he ...
A. 21 June 2017: He hardly heard about your marriage and respected it, but neither did you because you both had the affair!
Did you leave your daughter alone or was her dad there? How did you explain the trip to your husband?
OP, you were just a fling for him ... (read in full...)
I think my wife had experience before we married but I'm afraid to ask her
Q. I was a virgin until I got married. I did not know to use condoms. My wife taught me to use condoms correctly and after using dispose them also. Some where in my mind I am having a doubt whether she had experience before marrying me. I don't have ...
A. 20 June 2017: She may just have read up on it to avoid pregnancy so early on - I would have, even if I was in a country where sex education wasn't taught enough.... (read in full...)
When I say I love you, he says thank you. Should we be in a relationship?
Q. I just want to know a thinkg ....my bf is a kind not intrstd in marriage he just says we will be in relationship for how long we can be.and if I say love he just says thank you...wat does it mean...I INA confused statsle now..should I finish this ...
A. 20 June 2017: It has no future. If you've been together less than 6 months (with anyone), I think it's wise to wait before saying "I love you" or you may be falling too quickly for guys.... (read in full...)
Why am I so jealous ?
Q. I would like to know as I am trying to attempt the dating game at 31 to stop being so possivive-a little background - I have honestly been with three men and two in a relationship - one was long term and he was very manipulating and control- the ...
A. 19 June 2017: Please see a therapist to root out the problem and improve it before you sabotage yourself.... (read in full...)
I can't have sex too often because its so painful but my partner feels unattractive because of this
Q. I am 28 and have been with my partner for nearly nine years now. I get cystitis almost every time we have sex. I have had extensive tests to find out why without conclusion. It has been happening for six years. We have also tried everything to ...
A. 19 June 2017: You really need to see another doctor to find out.... (read in full...)
I'm tempted to punish him by cheating on him
Q. Hey all!! I'm in need of some good solid advice and know this website would be my best bet for non sugar coated advice. I know I'm not the only person going thru this type of stuff, so please help me thru it. I've been dating the same guy for...
A. 18 June 2017: You got engaged about 8 months too soon, at the least.
You found out he was cheating, but you're still with him.
You know he's no good, so why stay? Getting "revenge" just makes you as "cheap and nasty" as he is. You don't gain anything; just l... (read in full...)
Is it normal for husbands and boyfriend to follow lingerie models on social media?
Q. Is it normal for guys to follow all these girls on instagram and like their half naked pictures on instagram every time they post them? I'm a grown woman and single but I can tell u when I'm in a relationship I don't have eyes for other men and in ...
A. 18 June 2017: I'm with Honeypie. It's not cheating and it's no different than softporn, really, but I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone who did.... (read in full...)
Why did he give up his trip with the boys?
Q. My boyfriend turned down a golf trip with the guys next weekend. It's out of town and they go every year. He said it's because he knows I worry and he doesn't want to upset me. In the past I have given him grief. Many of the guys go to strip club...
A. 18 June 2017: He did it because you've always given him grief about it. He wanted to skip the nagging this time by not going.
If you trust him, encourage him to go and control your paranoia (don't say anything to him about doubting his loyalty). If you don't tr... (read in full...)
How do I improve my body shape?
Q. I'm 15, and I am 10 stone, (145 pounds) and 5 foot 7 inches. I my noobs were a 34c, but lately they've gone smaller and now I'm like a B cup. I haven't lost any weight and my blobs have gone smaller. It's making my self esteem low and it's making ...
A. 18 June 2017: Stuffing a sock in your bra.
OP, having big boobs is actually a curse. Exercise hurts, bras don't support very well, some guys stare in a creepy way, you can get back problems, etc.
Embrace what you have - you're young and great the way yo... (read in full...)
I changed my mind about having children, he wants children would this be the end of our relationship?
Q. Hi everyone, this one is a difficult one for me. I recently got engaged to a man I love and think the world off, the time we been together we have had minor disagreements, but other than that the relationship has progressed smoothly. Lately I have ...
A. 18 June 2017: No need for the sarcasm, OP. You asked for advice and this is what we are giving you, whether it flatters your plan or gives you a different perspective.
The only question you have to ask yourself is "do I desperately want a baby?" If you "kin... (read in full...)
Girl friends 'very low sex drive' and says she never feels horny
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 and a half years now give or take and we had allot of sex in the beginning now in te last 6 months it has slowly been declining it's down to about once or twice a month now. I know she is not cheating on me ...
A. 18 June 2017: Why can't you give her pleasure sometimes without her having to get you off too?
The pressure of someone else's sex drive could lower hers because she's not necessarily feeling the passion from you, just the horniness.
Do you go on dates? Do ... (read in full...)
I like him but didn't want to date a guy who has kids
Q. Hey guys, just in need of a little advice! I recently started dating a guy I somewhat work with. I work at a car dealership and I'm in new cars and he is in used.. I say kind of because I'll probably run into him once a week durin our Friday meeti...
A. 17 June 2017: Don't date him.
You have to really be prepared for it, if you do. If he's a good dad, his baby will come first - you'll never be the priority. If he puts you first, he's not a great dad and you probably shouldn't stay with him long-term.... (read in full...)
Creepy old men are attracted to me.
Q. My question is why am I so appealing to creepy older men? I am 17 and will be 18 next month. People often think I'm older than I actually am, based on the way I think, dress and just from my face and body. Most are shocked when I tell them I'm only ...
A. 17 June 2017: Unfortunately, most women experience this. It's the catcalling-type culture that many men grow up with and women get stuck experiencing.
I think self-defence classes are a good idea because it can help you feel stronger and safe. Also, pepper s... (read in full...)
I've been cheated on in the past so I have trouble with trusting someone
Q. I started seeing a guy who was a bit older then me (11 years) last year after we met through online dating. He was great, really funny, kind, good looking, good in bed, seriously he ticked all the boxes. Then I found out he was still texting the ...
A. 17 June 2017: Why haven't you blocked your ex? Also, people who have cheated before are likely to cheat again, so you took that risk with your ex, even though you didn't deserve it.
I think you need therapy to help - or at least a self-help book on trust is... (read in full...)
Married to an abusive man, 5 kids and I think I'm falling in love with another man
Q. Ok so I'm married going on 4 years this month. We've been together for 5+ years. I was abused in a previous marriage emotionally and now am putting up with physical and emotional abuse from my current husband... he's a disabled vet and things ...
A. 17 June 2017: Stop having contact with the guy you're infatuated with. Go to another store or just stop going to his checkout/area.
Get couples' therapy or a divorce. Abuse is never okay, but it doesn't excuse cheating either.... (read in full...)
What goes through a man's head when he sees his wife having sex with another man?
Q. To make it short my husband and I are into guys joining us for sex . But husband has always joined for sex until recently when at a party when a black guy paid attention to me more than normal. So at husbands request I invited him home for a ...
A. 17 June 2017: Ask. Bear in mind the following:
What gets you off on having sex with other men?
What gets you off having your husband watch?
Would you allow him to have sex with a woman with and without you joining in?
This is a question only he ca... (read in full...)
I changed my mind about having children, he wants children would this be the end of our relationship?
Q. Hi everyone, this one is a difficult one for me. I recently got engaged to a man I love and think the world off, the time we been together we have had minor disagreements, but other than that the relationship has progressed smoothly. Lately I have ...
A. 17 June 2017: The way you're planning is like a business. Being prepared is good, but most mums go insane if they have 3 years off work with just baby and life doesn't go to plan the way your meticulous planning relies on.
Unless you both *desperately want* a ... (read in full...)
I changed my mind about having children, he wants children would this be the end of our relationship?
Q. Hi everyone, this one is a difficult one for me. I recently got engaged to a man I love and think the world off, the time we been together we have had minor disagreements, but other than that the relationship has progressed smoothly. Lately I have ...
A. 17 June 2017: Having a child isn't something you do for yourselves, OP :/
Planning ahead is great, but it really seems like you're planning for a business or event, rather than a baby.
Please go to counselling first, just to make sure you'd be having a baby... (read in full...)
Both my partner and I cheated on each other. Back together now and I'm pregnant but he keeps using my cheating past as a way to justify all his wrong-doings
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for 8 months Within the first month of our relationship I found out his ex was still in the picture messaging eachother and she told me they had had sex. When I found this out I thought I was going to leave h...
A. 16 June 2017: This is a nightmare. You've barely dated each other and have both cheated. That's not stable enough for a baby to be brought up around. Please get into couples' therapy and both of you need to learn how to be responsible because getting pregnant now ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girlfriend that I'd like her to be my first sex partner?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 months now. I’m defiantly into her. We do a lot of fun things together. I have not had sex yet. She has told me that she has. I would like her to be my first sex partner. I think she is smart, cute, beautiful, ...
A. 16 June 2017: You wait until it feels like the right time. If you're making out, put your hand on her leg and see what she does. It's odd to just blurt it out if you're not doing anything romantic.
There's no rush, OP. Make sure you have condoms, though. ... (read in full...)
I don't want my g/f to go to the same college as me. It will ruin me making new friends and having my independence
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years of my life. This september I hope to go to university to study law. My girlfriend wasn't planning to go to university until 2 days ago when she moaned at me for not wanting to be with her through university ...
A. 16 June 2017: It's her choice. You can't make her not go to the university of her choice.
If you want that much independence and don't want to be as serious as she does (I can understand; you're too young to get married and move in, in my opinion), you should b... (read in full...)
Why can't I be alone?
Q. How can I feel comfortable with myself alone? I have a problem being alone and I have tried to do things alone and I just dread the weekend because I'm alone with my thoughts- I've had this feeling since I was ten and it always gotten me in trouble ...
A. 16 June 2017: OP, you've posted several times about past friends, dodgy exes, your materialistic past and the overall unhappiness. It's okay to come here, but you need therapy in person.
You don't take our advice and you need someone in person to tell you the ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wanted to use an old tube of lubricant during sex but I got upset because he's used it with previous partners. Am I being silly?
Q. Hi Everyone, So I have a bit of an awkward question, but genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting and too embarrassed too ask friends/family. So my boyfriend of 1 year has had a tube of lubricant in his drawer for a while, I noticed it a whil...
A. 16 June 2017: As long as it's in date (yes, lubes can have expiry dates), it's fine.
Just replace it yourself - not you getting rid of it, just buy a new one for the two of you and he can keep the old one.
It's just lube. Don't get me wrong; it's not a nice ... (read in full...)
I changed my mind about having children, he wants children would this be the end of our relationship?
Q. Hi everyone, this one is a difficult one for me. I recently got engaged to a man I love and think the world off, the time we been together we have had minor disagreements, but other than that the relationship has progressed smoothly. Lately I have ...
A. 16 June 2017: "I might as well not have children and problem solved" is a childish retort. However, you are talking about having a "compromise baby", not one you both really want. That's not fair to the baby or either of you.
Your long term goals don't match. Y... (read in full...)
Worried he will drop me if I don't go further
Q. I am 14 and i have been in this relationship with this boy we have been dating for 3 months and i really like him. The thing is normally we would shift and kiss and all that but he said that he wants to top me this means to take off my shirt and ...
A. 14 June 2017: Shifting?
It's a good idea at your age to stay away from being remotely nude. It can easily get out of hand and go too far.
Stick your ground. If he likes you enough, he'll stay and won't bring it up for at least a few more months. If he sa... (read in full...)
We meet just once a month for sex. This isn't a healthy relationship, right? Should I let him go?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about 9 months and he works full time. I only see him once a month and when I do see him it's only for sex. I understand that he has a crazy work schedule but once a month? We've had problems before because he was ...
A. 14 June 2017: You're not dating; you're hooking up and he made that clear. Unfortunately, just because you want more doesn't mean he'll give it.
He wants to continue having sex with you; that's not dating.... (read in full...)
I'm married and have fallen for a married friend. Do I pursue this?
Q. I am 29 years old. Im maried in 2010 with 2 kids (3 and 5). I met my wife when i was 15 and have been with her ever since. I have never cheated on her or even talked to another woman inappropriately. But the other day we were hanging out with some ...
A. 13 June 2017: OP, the only fair way to handle this is a divorce. You expect people to tell you how cheating is fine and you should continue to pursue it.
No, OP - it doesn't work that way. You need to both get divorced. If she won't leave her husband, she just... (read in full...)
Why would a man decide, at the last moment, to not use a condom in this way?
Q. my partner and i was about to have sex and he went to get a condom. When he got it he was playing with the packaging for a few seconds and put the condom to the side. why? After having sex he started to play with that condom again before putti...
A. 13 June 2017: Why do you have unprotected sex?
Are you prepared to have an abortion or be a very young mother? Even if you are on birth control or have the coil, it can fail. That's why you should always use two forms of BC and contraception until you're r... (read in full...)
I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love
Q. I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...
A. 13 June 2017: You can't keep both, OP. You must cut contact with the old flame if you intend on keeping your husband. Get therapy together to work on your issues, but don't pretend they don't exist or continue seeing someone else.... (read in full...)
I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love
Q. I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...
A. 13 June 2017: It's ironic because he's old (as in someone you used to know), but he's new, that's why you're infatuated. He's not real; he's a fantasy. This isn't love.
Don't cheat on your husband and family. They deserve better.
Seek couples' counsel... (read in full...)
Why am I so stuck on social media?
Q. Hello everyone About two years ago I used to hang out with a group of girls that weren't that great - they were gossip fueled - vain - and all they cared about is showing off and getting married. For two years I fell into that hole - I started...
A. 13 June 2017: Very few people air their dirty laundry in public - when it comes to their relationships, at least. That's why everything looks like others have it better.
Get someone to change your password and not tell you it for two months. If you can't st... (read in full...)
I'm married and have fallen for a married friend. Do I pursue this?
Q. I am 29 years old. Im maried in 2010 with 2 kids (3 and 5). I met my wife when i was 15 and have been with her ever since. I have never cheated on her or even talked to another woman inappropriately. But the other day we were hanging out with some ...
A. 13 June 2017: What you both need to do is divorce your spouses. Neither of you are happy, so whether this relationship would work or not, your marriages aren't and shouldn't be kept going as a Plan B.
Only after both of you are divorced could anything be attem... (read in full...)
I'm 20, she's 16. I'd like to hear people's thoughts
Q. I am 20 years old and a girl that I like a lot is 16. We met each other and started talking after het parents gave my number to her. The really like me and we get along quite well. The only thing that is scary to me is the age difference, and I ...
A. 13 June 2017: It's not too bad, but I still don't like it - not until she's 18.
She's a child-adult.... sort of the in between. She's developing physically into an adult, but she's not mentally or emotionally there yet. In terms of girls generally maturing... (read in full...)
I start liking my male friends as more than friends and I don't want this to happen
Q. Hello I am 18 and have just finished my last year at college. For about the past year, I keep forming attractions towards my male friends. I mean yes before then I'd be sexually attracted to guys I speak to once or pass in the street but never ...
A. 13 June 2017: Do you flirt with any of them? Sit close on the sofa/floor? Act cutesy together, thinking it's harmless? Talk about sex or similar, even just in conversation? Hang out alone?
If you do any of these, it encourages your hormones to attach to them.... (read in full...)
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