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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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I've developed feelings for her, should I tell her? She's 20 years younger than I am.
Q. This is a bit of a strange situation, but bear with me. I am a big Meat Loaf fan, and together with other FB Mad about Meat Loaf group members, we set up a fund to get one of the members, who has ME, down to London from Hull to see the Bat Out of H...
A. 21 August 2017: I think that's wise. She was still a minor when you talked for two years and that's what got you here. It's best to stick within 10 years of you, if you want a family and such. Some make bigger gaps work, but it's not appropriate when the younger ... (read in full...)
He says the sex is better with me but he still keeps his girlfriend. Do I wait around or end things?
Q. Back in January I met this guy on Tinder. We started off talking every single day just clicking really well and having great conversations. After we met one or two times we had a conversation and he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and ...
A. 21 August 2017: If someone is not single, don't go near them romantically or sexually. It's common sense and always wise.
So, I can understand how you ended up in this situation, but you need to quit it. Cut contact with him. Your his sex toy, not his friend o... (read in full...)
A guy I have a crush on wants to do things I've never done
Q. Hi, Im 15 years old, and there is this guy who I like and he likes me back. He says that he wants to finger me and do stuff with me, and I want to as well but I am shit scared. There are so many things that Im worried about, and questions I want a...
A. 18 August 2017: He isn't even dating you. He just wants someone to experience sex with, not someone he loves. Please don't do anything with him. Honey, you're scared because you know you're not ready yet. It's a *good* thing to not be ready yet. You shou... (read in full...)
This relationship is draining me
Q. I've been dating "N" (29)for the past two years. Of course, everything was great at first. We moved in together and though he has many great qualities, I feel myself falling quickly out of love. I am stressed, depressed and there's a lot going on...
A. 18 August 2017: Why are you not on birth control of any sort? That's not a reason for you to have sex when you don't want to, but it's important that you take care of your own body and reproductive health, not relying on a condom that could break or be tampered ... (read in full...)
I've developed feelings for her, should I tell her? She's 20 years younger than I am.
Q. This is a bit of a strange situation, but bear with me. I am a big Meat Loaf fan, and together with other FB Mad about Meat Loaf group members, we set up a fund to get one of the members, who has ME, down to London from Hull to see the Bat Out of H...
A. 16 August 2017: OP, why do you feel going after someone so young is appropriate? She is 18 years old. Only just an adult. You've been conversing since she was a minor. I'd be wary of a grown man being interested in my teenage daughter - I hope my daughter would ... (read in full...)
I cant break up with her because she threatens self harm.
Q. Hi, So I've been dating my girlfriend for about 3 years total now with some time in between here and there. I've been on the fence about breaking up with her for the entirety of this summer but I haven't been able to act on it because she is s...
A. 14 August 2017: If she is unstable, which it sounds as though she is, you need to call a suicide hotline, so they can stop her harming herself.
She's manipulating you and it's not fair. Do not stay with her, but tell someone you're worried about her suicidal... (read in full...)
I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?
Q. I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...
A. 13 August 2017: OP, stop obsessing about why. It won't help you because you're ignoring the why: it's EFFORT to find another desperate woman willing to be a side piece and have no morals, while you'll stay for free.
You may be a good person, but you haven't ... (read in full...)
I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?
Q. I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...
A. 11 August 2017: Anon, if you love someone and can be with them, if you just get a divorce, it *is* about not loving her enough. He is selfish - he wants to keep his marriage, but continue being unfaithful. If it wasn't the OP, it would be someone else. A person ... (read in full...)
I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?
Q. I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...
A. 11 August 2017: OP, stop indulging yourself. It is hard, but it's your own doing. Stop helping this unfaithful man cheat on his wife.
You deserve better, but at the same time, you don't because you're a willing participant in this betrayal.
LEAVE HIM! St... (read in full...)
Should I feel flattered by this older man?
Q. I just started seeing a man who is 23 years older than me and I need tips and advice and insights into how a man that age is used to dating in comparison to how I'm used to dating. The truth is our dating experiences are definitely going to differ ...
A. 11 August 2017: I'm sure you do have chemistry, but he was looking for a young woman, or he wouldn't have entertained the idea. Same goes for you. You barely know him, so don't rule out that the age gap may be an issue - you're at different stages of life and that ... (read in full...)
My husband refuses to acknowledge my children from a previous relationship
Q. Am 39 years married to my husband for six years. I had two children before marriage. On of them her dad is alive but is not interested in financially supporting her or co parenting. The other his dad passed on. I hve two more kids with my husband ...
A. 11 August 2017: It's rather late to be questioning this. Of course he should care about his step-children, especially if they are under 18 years old. However, you shouldn't have married someone who doesn't accept your children *PRIOR* to marriage.
You've married ... (read in full...)
Need to pee blocks my climax
Q. I am having a personal issue with my husband and I feel like I'm loosing my mind. Every time things get "frisky" I want to finish, I feel like I need to, but I always get an overwhelming urge to pee; even though i use the bathroom right before we ...
A. 11 August 2017: Use a towel and ask him if you can see if that's part of the orgasm. Many women feel like they need to pee when the orgasm reaches it's maximum - whether they're about to "squirt" or not. Most women can't, so it tends to signify the height of ... (read in full...)
Married co-worker I'm having an affair with is now ignoring me
Q. Im a married woman who has been having a fling if you call it that with a married co-worker. Now that weve slept together hes been ignoring my texts yet still speaks to me in work like nothing has happened.( a week ago) Im so confused by this. Im ...
A. 11 August 2017: You're both married. Give up now. Confess to your husband - either try to save the marriage or get divorced.
Why doesn't it bother you that you and he are cheaters? Genuinely betraying your spouses. Do they not deserve better?
OP, you need ... (read in full...)
I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?
Q. I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...
A. 9 August 2017: It's much easier to keep a mistress than replace her. You have to be desperate to stay a mistress and they're not all that easy to find. That's why he keeps you around.
This is more than sex for you, but not enough for him to leave his wife. If... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont give me a BJ!
Q. My girl and i are in long distance relationship since the starting and we love and trust each other deeply. We do occasionally meet and have wonderful sex . Currently we are even planning to get married and get our parents involved . Now m...
A. 5 August 2017: Some people just don't like giving oral and they don't have to. You hopefully wouldn't guilt or nudge someone into anal, so don't do it with oral either. If receiving oral is that important, marrying her won't solve it; it'll make it worse.
She's... (read in full...)
Can you hurt yourself using a dildo with no lube?
Q. Can you hurt yourself by using a dildo without Lube and going way too hard at yourself? I believe I may have rip something in my vagina from using a rubber dildo without the lube, I was going pretty hard for a couple days like that, once a day until ...
A. 3 August 2017: Pregnant how? Also, yes, you can very easily hurt yourself if you don't use lube with anything you insert. Please don't do it again without lube.
I think you need more sex education, OP. Please do some research on safe sex before doing anything... (read in full...)
So confused and worried for the future
Q. I am so confused about what I should do. My last long term relationship of who I believed I would spend my future and have a family with, we ended as he had gender issues, and wanted to live a life as portraying as female on a regular basis. ...
A. 2 August 2017: Stop. Just stop. Settling is not the answer. Having a baby (unknown sperm donor) alone is much better than doing an experiment with a guy you know isn't right for you.
Look into sperm banks, not relationships. A relationship will come in time, bu... (read in full...)
I want to tell my boyfriend that I'm unhappy with him watching porn but I don't know what to say
Q. I recently discovered my boyfriend of 4 years watches porn and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I know and understand most guys watch it but I have no confidence and self esteem as it is, I always think I'm not good enough for him and have ...
A. 2 August 2017: You're not going to like the advice you get. You need therapy for this because it's your problem, not his.
Your insecurities wil sabotage your relationships, not his occasional porn use (unless he's addicted).
It's a fact of life that there ... (read in full...)
Implant removed, unprotected sex equals pregnancy?
Q. Hi I removed my implant on 15 June then had unprotected sex 3rd July. I had my first period on 16 July for about a week and now I feel like I'm getting my period again. My breast are so painful and I feel bloated. Is t possible I could be pregnant? ...
A. 2 August 2017: Stop having unprotected sex; it's reckless and irresponsible.
See a doctor and get your birth control sorted, whilst also taking a pregnancy test.... (read in full...)
Not sure if boyfriend is attracted to me sexually or that I am his physical type.
Q. Been with boyfriend for over a year. We are both in our late 20's. We only have sex once or once every 2 weeks. There are a lot of times where i want it more than him. He gives me excuses he is tired, he is bloated from food etc. But then sa...
A. 2 August 2017: Some people just have lower libidos. It's not wrong to not want it raised. I don't think it's about attraction in this case; he just seems to prefer romantic stuff to sex. It's up to you whether or not you're happy with how it is, as long as he's ... (read in full...)
His friend is trying to get my b/f to break up with me and date someone else. He thinks I'm unreasonable because I ask him not to talk to her
Q. Going to cut a long story short... Me and my partner broke up because he thought he liked someone else so I ended things. Me leaving made him realise he wanted me and after some time I decided to give him a chance to redeem himself. However...
A. 1 August 2017: He shouldn't be allowing her to tell him to date someone else. However, if he hasn't cheated on you with her, you have no right to tell him who he can and can't talk to.
How do you know what they talk about?
I think you have the beginning of... (read in full...)
I have a fear that if we have sex it will be the end of our relationship
Q. I have just started seeing this guy and things are going well. We have met a few times now and the dates have been going out for dinner, a walk along the beach and the last one was he made me dinner at his. Physically, things have happened but...
A. 1 August 2017: The only way to know it's not the only thing he's after is if you wait a few months before doing sexual things. Making out is okay, but beyond that is what many people are after, even if they pretend they aren't or aren't forthcoming about it.
... (read in full...)
How do I break my news to the family?
Q. My bf and I have known each other since high school, he have been dating for 10 months. We have talked about marriage a lot and have started looking at houses together. Three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. I was using bc but recently switched ...
A. 1 August 2017: You're young and somewhat irresponsible - changing BC methods means no sex until it's fully kicked in. You were also inconsiderate to marry without giving them time to get adjusted to the idea and you're now upset with them for not being over the ... (read in full...)
I wonder should I tell him how I feel?
Q. So there's this guy. He was the president of a club I'm in, but this past may he graduated and he's going off to college in 2 weeks. We became really close. He would give me rides places and we would go on runs together. We went out to a formal ...
A. 1 August 2017: It will hurt, OP, but he shouldn't have led you on. It wasn't fair of him to spend so much 1-on-1 time with a young teenager who was bound to develop a crush on him.
The problem is that he's too old, OP. Telling him won't help. You need to let t... (read in full...)
How do I handle being away from my boyfriend during his two week family vacation?
Q. My boyfriend recently left two days ago for a two week family vacation to Hawaii, a seven hour time difference behind my time. He is waking up around the late afternoon/dinnertime for me and it is just terrible. We have been dating for over two ...
A. 31 July 2017: For what it's worth, we both also have anxiety too. You just have to learn not to be so unhealthily attached. If you break up, you need to be stronger than you're allowing yourself to be now. Please speak to your therapist about it.... (read in full...)
How do I handle being away from my boyfriend during his two week family vacation?
Q. My boyfriend recently left two days ago for a two week family vacation to Hawaii, a seven hour time difference behind my time. He is waking up around the late afternoon/dinnertime for me and it is just terrible. We have been dating for over two ...
A. 31 July 2017: I'm away from my boyfriend for weeks at a time. We see each other for a couple of days per month because he's at university. Two weeks is genuinely nothing when it's a one-off.
Be busy. Focus on other things. Don't cling. Learn to stay independ... (read in full...)
Is a man without a big wallet a deal breaker for you?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have recently met a great man. We've been dating for a few months but we have met each other's parents because we are serious about each other. Recently though, my worries have been our financial status. He is a hard working chef a...
A. 28 July 2017: I think you've jumped ship because you don't like him enough. Lots of people can only meet once a week, until they get more serious.
He doesn't earn enough for you, then he doesn't have enough time for you because he's working hard to earn the... (read in full...)
Aunt found our messages. Am I in trouble?
Q. So i am in love with my first cousin. Me and him have been together for 3 months. His mom and my mom are sisters and no one knows that we love each other. Yesterday his mom read messages that we wrote and she basically knows that we have a thing. I ...
A. 27 July 2017: She should tell them; you can't be left alone with him if you won't respect the boundaries that you're supposed to have with family members. This is a crush, not romantic love. It's normal to have a crush on a cousin (or similar), but it's not goo... (read in full...)
Is what we are doing right?
Q. Hello everyone actually I'm quite curious to tell about my relation as I'm dating a guy and it's been just 1 mth that we have been in a relation and he always likes licking my boobs and he always like to put his hand n rub in my private part i a...
A. 27 July 2017: Chances are, you're just sex buddies, not dating. Most people who are dating will wait a bit longer before intimacy, at least when they are as young as you. How old is he?
I think you should set boundaries or you'll get used, heartbroken and a ba... (read in full...)
My married lover has been conflicted lately. What is next?
Q. Hi. I'm not looking to be judged. I am just looking for some good, sound advice as this situation is not one you can discuss openly. And as happy as it can be, it can also be difficult and very painful. I am not sure how to address this. I hope you ...
A. 27 July 2017: OP, imagine yourself 10 years from now. Are you still going to be having sex with this man, while he still hasn't left his wife? If not, leave now. It's much less effort to keep one mistress on the hook, than it is to replace her with another des... (read in full...)
My married lover has been conflicted lately. What is next?
Q. Hi. I'm not looking to be judged. I am just looking for some good, sound advice as this situation is not one you can discuss openly. And as happy as it can be, it can also be difficult and very painful. I am not sure how to address this. I hope you ...
A. 26 July 2017: OP, you can't be trusted because you've been with a married man for a few years now. You are single, but he is not and you've known that for a long time and stayed anyway.
Stop thinking about why and move on with your life. Stop sitting in the p... (read in full...)
Any suggestions on how to get someone that's been your best friend to see you as more?
Q. I'm 15 and I like a guy that's 17 and turning 18 in a few months. I am slightly concerned about the age difference. If we don't *do anything*, there wouldn't be anything from keeping us together, right? I've liked him for years now haha! Any ...
A. 26 July 2017: The way you see his brother is how he should see you, if he's a decent guy.
You're going to have to let this one go, OP. You can move on from this, don't worry :)
As for the 11 year old, just distance yourself. It's normal for him to have a cr... (read in full...)
Worried about revealing my true sexuality
Q. I have been cross dressing for many years and it was more of a recreational bit of fun until a couple of years ago. I stopped doing it for ages but when my long term relationship broke down due to my girlfriend being unfaithful I couldn't resist ...
A. 26 July 2017: You need to see a therapist - preferably a gender therapist.
Your behaviour will only enable your feelings in unhealthy ways. You need to make sense of them and you can't seem to do that by yourself.
There is nothing wrong with being gay or tra... (read in full...)
My married lover has been conflicted lately. What is next?
Q. Hi. I'm not looking to be judged. I am just looking for some good, sound advice as this situation is not one you can discuss openly. And as happy as it can be, it can also be difficult and very painful. I am not sure how to address this. I hope you ...
A. 26 July 2017: "I wish he would leave her for me but I know it would never work out if he did. I will never be able to trust him." You're choosing to stay because it's familiar, but you know you couldn't be with him even if he was single because you know he's a ... (read in full...)
My ex played me, I'm pregnant and now very hurt and confused
Q. My boyfriend of about a year and 3 months broke up. It's been a long distance relationship since he's in the navy but he's only 5 hours away so we did get to see each other when we could. So this guy was the love of my life I pictured my who future ...
A. 26 July 2017: You had unprotected sex with a guy who ghosted you. He came back into your life, but people who have unprotected sex in situations like this are rarely responsible enough to be parents so soon after. A baby strains even healthy, strong relations... (read in full...)
What now? We were hanging out together a lot and I got her free lift tickets and helped her get gear!
Q. I have been hanging out with a girl for 6 months. I moved to town a year ago and was looking to meet new people.. so I come along and offer to take her skiing. Help her get gear, free tickets and we go. Skied a couple of times hang out and life is ...
A. 25 July 2017: OP, you're the typical "good guys always get turned down" man. What that means is that the saying isn't true, but it's perpetuated by the "good" guys who get turned down after they've done nice things for a woman and expect her to go out with them, ... (read in full...)
Have I missed my chance to find a man, settle down and have a family?
Q. What do you do if you want to find someone to share your life with and get married so much that your heart hurts, but you are in your thirties and feel like you missed your chance? I've had lousy luck with guys all of my life. All I want is to...
A. 24 July 2017: Options:
- move
- speed dating
- online dating (safety precautions)
- new hobby
- therapy to understand that your worth/happiness isn't tied to having a relationship
You can foster/adopt/sperm donor if you want a child wit... (read in full...)
Sex for the first time--how do I feel more brave?
Q. I'm going to have sex with my gf for the first time , I need help on how to feel more confortable about my self and how to be more brave....
A. 24 July 2017: First thing is sense - to feel confident, you need to be prepared and responsible. Have condoms (check the expiry date) and be very careful not to tear them when you open the packaging. She should be on birth control for at least a month beforehand ... (read in full...)
I'm ready to walk, am I just being used as a babysitter?
Q. hey, my partner sits on her phone all day does the odd chore round the house i mean when one of the babies does a dirty nappy she doesnt get down to cleaning it up she tells me babies pood so i end up doing it and been like that for years im a stay ...
A. 22 July 2017: You (both) having sex caused this problem and she's getting everything she wants, so I suggest you stop.
You're not babysitting your kids, you're parenting. Your word choice is poor and shows how you actually feel about your children and role a s... (read in full...)
How do I appraoch being a step-father?
Q. Hi There is this girl which we have a lot in common with...she is single mother to 4yr old girl but her dad has nothing to do with them from day she was born. What're your thoughts about being a step dad? I don't have kids of my own either, ...
A. 22 July 2017: If she's responsible, she won't let you meet her child until at least 9 months of dating. If she suggests sooner, you need to say you'd like to wait longer to be more sure of your relationship.
Take it slow, don't get your hopes up and don't lo... (read in full...)
I don't want to panic in the future about oral sex performed on me, advice please?
Q. Hi I'm an 18 y/o girl and lost my virginity earlier this year. It was great, and the foreplay was even better, except as he was kissing his way down there I was pulling him back up. I told him I wasn't comfortable with him going down on me, like I ...
A. 22 July 2017: PH balanced is BS because nobody's PH levels are the same. It's good for skin, but not for genitals - no soap is needed down there, even ones marketed as "downstairs soap". Just give it a good rinse in the shower and you're good to go. If a guy ... (read in full...)
Is a man without a big wallet a deal breaker for you?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have recently met a great man. We've been dating for a few months but we have met each other's parents because we are serious about each other. Recently though, my worries have been our financial status. He is a hard working chef a...
A. 1 July 2017: Would you rather be in a happy relationship with enough to get by or an unhappy one with money you could never spend all of?
Personally, having lots of money would be great, but love is much more important to me than looking for someone who coul... (read in full...)
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