Like what
she writes?
... Add *ndie's Thoughts to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ndie's Thoughts a private message | | *ndie's Thoughts's Ratings | |
| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
|
I feel excluded by boyfriend's decision to visit alone...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six years--on and off--but consistently now for the past three years. I suspect that he’s a bit emotionally unavailable because of his compartmentalization tendencies and the fact that he’s told me he’s ...
A. 4 November 2017: I get the feeling there's an inevitable end to this, but good luck, OP.... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 19 October 2017: *what he's done IS heinous.... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 19 October 2017: OP, do you understand why nearly all of us believe that total forgiveness isn't appropriate here? As it wasn't one time or a mistake; it was dozens of images/videos of Class A child abuse and more of other classed crimes. We understand that ... (read in full...)
The man I am dating doesn't believe in kissing and affection
Q. I am seeing a guy who when I asked says he doesn’t do kissing and affection. I was widowed 9 years ago and this is the first since. I really like this guy but not sure about not kissing although the sex is great. I told him I kind of fell ...
A. 11 October 2017: OP, you need to ask him what he wants from this. By the sounds of it, he just wants sex and companionship, not a full relationship.
If he doesn't want kissing and affection, you're not compatible. You need to ask him.... (read in full...)
I'm pressured to get married how can I cope?
Q. Is it too late to have kids in your 40"s . I am 31 and single and not dating - I have chased men for the last decade and have only LAnded on abusive men. I don't know why family puts pressure on me to get married and do things by the book but they ...
A. 9 October 2017: OP, you need to focus on yourself first. It's clear from your post that you're not yet ready to be a wife or mother. You need to be stable within yourself, as a single woman, then allow things to progress.
If you put deadlines on yourself... (read in full...)
I have been helplessley in love with someone for too long, what do I do?
Q. I am in love with someone. I have known him for years now. When I fell in love with im, it was slow, and so pure. He was my first love. I love him with all of my heart. Around the time I fell for him he had a girlfriend. And that hurt my heart, b...
A. 9 October 2017: Being "in love" is mutual, so what you're describing is a strong crush/infatuation.
Why can't you date him? Is he still not single?
What do you mean by rocky past?
I'm sorry, OP; there's no quick fix. To get over someone, you generally n... (read in full...)
Boyfriend & I are not seeing eye to eye on the future. Do I hang in there or say goodbye and good luck?
Q. My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years. We love each other, but have always fought in our relationship. I put it down to the fact that we don't see eye to eye with a lot of things. He is a city boy...his work + home are there. ...
A. 9 October 2017: To be honest, OP, he *knows* what he wants. He wants to stay in the city to earn more, then move to the coast later. If his salary is higher in the city, it may be worth staying there for a few years to build a good financial foundation for starting ... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 8 October 2017: OP, I'm sorry you have to choose between your husband and your children. Ordinarily, I'd wonder if the children were being unreasonable, but it's clear in this case that they aren't and are trying to protect their families. Perhaps if you'd found ... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 7 October 2017: I'm sorry, Anon, but you wouldn't feel the same way if it was your children abused in those videos/pictures.
He has an illness, yes, but it's incurable and he chose to act on it. That's the problem here - THAT is what's unforgivable. Paedophi... (read in full...)
Engaged to be married and have a crush on another woman
Q. So to start off I have been with my fiancé for 11 years since we were both 18. In that time we have both been through a lot, however I have never in the last 11 years had a crush on another woman. She has always been the only women who i had any ...
A. 7 October 2017: The overall point we are each making, OP, is that you need to see a counsellor, either on your own or as a couple, because you haven't really moved on from her cheating. You still love her and have maybe partially forgiven her, but you haven't moved ... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 7 October 2017: OP, wake up. Impotence is a HUGE problem with many rapists. It's about power, not erections. There are many ways to violate someone and most don't need a penis.
Secondly, he WATCHED other people ABUSE children. He doesn't have to touch one; he ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is blaming herself for an early miscarriage.
Q. Dear Cupid, The other day my girlfriend had a few drinks and on the way home started going on about how she thinks she's pregnant. She hadn't done a test and was purely going off her breasts being tender and feeling "weird" plus she rambles when she...
A. 7 October 2017: First of all, I think you need to use condoms from now on, to avoid another accidental pregnancy.
Secondly, you feel how you feel and she feels how she feels. Both are totally okay. Your reaction is normal because you weren't expecting it, were... (read in full...)
I think a year is a long time to wait for him ...
Q. So, ive been seeing this guy for a few months now he's a couple years older than me (being 25), when we first started speaking in july and from that point i thought it was going to be more of a friendly kind of relationship as he didn't seem my type ...
A. 6 October 2017: He used your naivety to get you into bed. Meeting up twice before having sex isn't getting to know someone first. He mentioned his sex drive and you, sadly, fell for it. You won't be his girlfriend, even after travelling. You'll be his hook up u... (read in full...)
Engaged to be married and have a crush on another woman
Q. So to start off I have been with my fiancé for 11 years since we were both 18. In that time we have both been through a lot, however I have never in the last 11 years had a crush on another woman. She has always been the only women who i had any ...
A. 6 October 2017: Look, OP, your dentist is just that - a professional not interested in her patients, but she has to make them feel comfortable, as many don't like dentist appointments. Let that go as a harmless crush that will most definitely fade.
As for the ... (read in full...)
Is my married boss hoping I will ask her out. ?
Q. Hi this only happens at work lm a guy and really like 2 women 1 is married and find it hard to ask her out for a coffee and chat l feel she's still interested but she wants me to approach her and ask her out l don't think it will happen also cause ...
A. 6 October 2017: OP, the fact you want to ask out a married woman says a lot about you - none of it good. Let it go; she's not available.
If you "can't" restrain yourself, ask the SINGLE woman out for coffee (if she's around your age!), but it's advisable not to f... (read in full...)
This married man is only interested when his family are out of town
Q. Hello here, the thing is I met this married guy around august 2015,though he didn't tell me he was married until almost a month and then I was already in love with him I don't know why but I remember all I could say to him was know problem and don't ...
A. 5 October 2017: The only way to get over an affair is to cut all contact and not allow him back into your life. Seek counselling if you need to, but don't allow him to see you or talk to you. The main thing you need to realise is that his is NOT love. You are no... (read in full...)
Do you bleed the second time you have sex?
Q. Hi,I lost my virginty 3 months ago I had bleeding I bleed for four days and I had craming along with it I didn't know if it was my period or that and he didn't go all they way in either. I didn't had sex after that because it hurted alot I wa...
A. 5 October 2017: Please do. Let us know when you've seen a gynaecologist.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he wouldn't call me names again, but is this method still not acceptable?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year, and in some cases it has been hard for me, having come from a emotional abusive relationship before hand, my insecurities are all over the place, and occasionally find it very hard to trust. But ...
A. 5 October 2017: He is a product of his verbally aggressive environment, but that doesn't excuse his behaviour, as he's now years into adulthood. He shouldn't be swearing at you and you shouldn't be putting up with it.
Honestly, OP, I think you're wasting your tim... (read in full...)
Should I attend my Son's wedding?
Q. I am a dad who doesn't get along well with his only son. He is getting married in a couple days and have chosen a non cleric, non blood related family member to officiate the ceremony, a man I totally despise and have never gotten along with. I like ...
A. 5 October 2017: "I feel offended by my son challenging actions which show his contempt and sulky animosity towards me" - you are behaving the same way, OP. This day isn't about you; it's about him and his fiancée. Don't be so petty as to make such a bold stat... (read in full...)
I think guys just want me for sex
Q. It feels like guys only want me for sex. Every guy to ever show interest in me has somehow indicated that he wants something mainly if not entirely physical. It's made me really conscious and insecure because when a guy asks for my number or flirts ...
A. 4 October 2017: It's a culture thing, not a personal one. You just have to set your own boundaries to avoid being caught up in it.
- Go on public dates, never in private (until you're ready for intimacy)
- Wait at least a few months of being official
- Ta... (read in full...)
Do you bleed the second time you have sex?
Q. Hi,I lost my virginty 3 months ago I had bleeding I bleed for four days and I had craming along with it I didn't know if it was my period or that and he didn't go all they way in either. I didn't had sex after that because it hurted alot I wa...
A. 4 October 2017: We had a poster recently who wrote their question exactly like this, with the exact same problem and timeline. It's unlikely that you are not that poster. If you are, you are welcome to ask us things, but our advice will not change.
So, whether ... (read in full...)
How do I handle his awful younger sister who assumes she's one of my bridesmaids?!?
Q. Hello everyone, I am not sure how to ask this question. My boyfriend and I are getting married (yay!!) but have one small problem. I hate, and I mean *hate* his younger sister. She has been an absolute mess to deal with our entire relationshi...
A. 4 October 2017: Let your boyfriend know that you're going to be firm with her, so he's not blindsided. Then plan what you're going to say and say it in-person, in public, but just the two of you.
Do NOT insult her. Do NOT belittle her. Be mature about it. Say ... (read in full...)
How do I politely ask that they donate my fee to charity?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles, I have a somewhat boring question, but never the less I need some advice. How do I politely ask that the money I earned (which is not a lot) be given to a charity? I don't want to sound weird or arrogant... A friend o...
A. 4 October 2017: It may be worth donating it yourself, to avoid complicating things. Why are you more interested in them doing it than you?
To make sure the money gets donated, do it yourself. It's your business what you do with your earnings, but most companie... (read in full...)
I think it's degrading to give oral if it's not reciprocated and he thinks I owe it to him because I gave it to other lovers!
Q. An Oral Sex Dilemma My boyfriend and I have been discussing about oral sex for a few weeks now. We have very different opinions and want the opinion of outside individuals. I think that it is degrading to give oral when if it is not reciproca...
A. 4 October 2017: I don't think either of you are "right". It doesn't make much sense that "degrading" is really what you mean - it seems more like your uncomfortable if it's not reciprocated. However, it's wrong of him to try to guilt you into it or have his penis ... (read in full...)
I constantly feel jealous about his exes!
Q. Any advice on how to get past jealousy. My boyfriend has clearly had other girlfriends as we have been together only a few months. Yesterday he said about going to Italy and when I asked who with and he said his ex girlfriend from 8 years ago I feel ...
A. 4 October 2017: OP, stop. You're acting like a jealous teenager. You are toxic for your relationship.
Facebook is Facebook. A like is nothing more than polite and general niceness. I'd get what you mean if she was half naked in the picture or he'd commente... (read in full...)
Help me fix this situation with my sister
Q. I have a serious issue with my younger sister. I recently left a violent and abusive relationship and rented a flat I really wanted after three months of hell going through turmoil and alcohol. Anyway, as the flat has 2 bedrooms, I asked my siste...
A. 3 October 2017: Whilst your sister pays half the rent, she should be allowed to have her boyfriend and their friends over. However, as he's a drug addict, I don't think it's wise to have your sister as your flatmate whilst she's with him. I think you need to give... (read in full...)
Any tips for choosing Mr Right?
Q. I've never had a relationship longer then two years and those were pretty rocky for a good portion. I've been known to pick the wrong guys and so I'm trying to do things different lately. Marriage is a big goal in life for me and I would like t...
A. 3 October 2017: OP, marriage shouldn't be a "big goal" - it should be a natural progression and a mutual desire within a relationship. Yes, you should only date people who want marriage, but if marriage is a "big goal", you'll focus too much on that and miss ou... (read in full...)
I constantly feel jealous about his exes!
Q. Any advice on how to get past jealousy. My boyfriend has clearly had other girlfriends as we have been together only a few months. Yesterday he said about going to Italy and when I asked who with and he said his ex girlfriend from 8 years ago I feel ...
A. 3 October 2017: OP, your daughter may be 18, but you still have a huge influence on her and she will see your jealousy issues.
Please seek professional help before you pass those insecurities on to her and sabotage any otherwise healthy relationships you deve... (read in full...)
I constantly feel jealous about his exes!
Q. Any advice on how to get past jealousy. My boyfriend has clearly had other girlfriends as we have been together only a few months. Yesterday he said about going to Italy and when I asked who with and he said his ex girlfriend from 8 years ago I feel ...
A. 2 October 2017: OP, you are the problem here. YOU are actually ASKING him about his exes. Just stop. Literally don't speak when you want to ask about one.
Get therapy, OP. You are self-sabotaging and are already driving him crazy.
Your behaviour will t... (read in full...)
I constantly feel jealous about his exes!
Q. Any advice on how to get past jealousy. My boyfriend has clearly had other girlfriends as we have been together only a few months. Yesterday he said about going to Italy and when I asked who with and he said his ex girlfriend from 8 years ago I feel ...
A. 2 October 2017: I take back my response; I thought he was GOING to Italy with an ex!
OP, there really is absolutely NOTHING to be jealous about. He told you about Italy because he enjoyed it - YOU asked who he went with. Don't ask questions if you're not prepared... (read in full...)
I constantly feel jealous about his exes!
Q. Any advice on how to get past jealousy. My boyfriend has clearly had other girlfriends as we have been together only a few months. Yesterday he said about going to Italy and when I asked who with and he said his ex girlfriend from 8 years ago I feel ...
A. 2 October 2017: I think therapy could help you come to terms with it, but only if he's platonic with this ex and not in a FWB-type relationship. It's odd, but if they really have only been friends for the last 8 years, I can understand them going on a holiday as ... (read in full...)
How do I go about being just her cousin again?
Q. I am just 20 and I hate to be called inexperienced because I have been in two solid relationships before. I grew up in the city of Abuja. so early this year I went to my hometown with my dad where I met my first cousin once removed. after a while we ...
A. 2 October 2017: This is why relationships with family members isn't wise - if it doesn't work out (it rarely does), things become very complicated and affect your families too.
Stop all contact until you're over her - then (and ONLY then) you can act like cou... (read in full...)
Will men care if I live at home?
Q. Will men care if I don't have my own place? I am 31 years old and I have been hit with a financial hardship in life at the moment. For the first time in my life I am trying to not care what people think and focus on solving my financial situation ...
A. 2 October 2017: It's increasingly common because house prices are going up massively - at least in the UK, perhaps not so much in the US. Lots of couples have to live with their parents before they can afford their own place.
If you're really worried about it... (read in full...)
Why can a woman reject sex but if her boyfriend does it, it's the worst thing ever?
Q. Why does a female get so offended when you reject her from any pleasure? I been in relationship nearly 4 / 5 years. She doesn’t have same sex drive as me, she felt up for it once in our week long holiday, but because I’m so used to not having it she ...
A. 2 October 2017: OP, if this is you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-am-i-stuck-with-the-girl-that.html , re-read the answers.
If it isn't you, read them anyway; the same applies.
You're sexually incompatible, have poor communication and neither of you h... (read in full...)
My boyfriend flirts with his employees and it's annoying me!
Q. I've been exclusive with this guy for the last few weeks, its going OK but I get really jealous when he flirts with his employees (he runs a v popular Indian restaurant and has a lot of really pretty Indian girls working there). He moans at me...
A. 2 October 2017: Just a side note, what does your friend being gay have anything to do with what happened? It was unnecessary to mention his sexuality :)
Anyway, this guy is incredibly rude about his female employees and it's not okay. It shows you can't trust hi... (read in full...)
I'm heartbroken but he said he wouldn't get back together with me because I was acting crazy!
Q. Okay so I'm looking for a little perspective... I was dating this guy (both in our early to mid 20s) for 6 months. During this time it got very intense. In the beginning he was incredible... suggested we go on holiday together after 1 month, a...
A. 1 October 2017: You sort it out by realising it wasn't a healthy relationship, nor was it meant to be.
See a therapist to work on your insecurities, but also understand that he did make things worse by acting suspiciously. If you don't get therapy, though, ... (read in full...)
I feel so guilty about leaving my abusive ex
Q. Hi, I previously asked for advice regarding a relationship I was in for 3 years with a guy I lived with who was controlling and violent. It went on for a number of years and last December I cheated on him with a guy who had been keen on me for a wh...
A. 1 October 2017: I'm really sorry, OP, but you are focusing on the wrong things.
You left an abusive ex, which is great, but you jumped into a FWB arrangement with the guy you had an affair with. You shouldn't be in a relationship, right now, especially since he... (read in full...)
I feel excluded by boyfriend's decision to visit alone...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six years--on and off--but consistently now for the past three years. I suspect that he’s a bit emotionally unavailable because of his compartmentalization tendencies and the fact that he’s told me he’s ...
A. 1 October 2017: OP, you are in the prime of your life and he is nearing retirement age. This is what you are going to get for the rest of your relationship with him.
Take a moment to asses if this is all that you want from a relationship for the rest of your lif... (read in full...)
I'm considering breaking up with my girlfriend
Q. I want too break up with my girlfriend because i cant satisfy her sexually, ive asked her about it and she claims it could be better but she doesnt know what she wants when i ask her how, i want her to be happy both psychically and mentally. I know...
A. 30 September 2017: First of all, it's only been two weeks! Slow down. Go on dates. Build a relationship.
Secondly, don't give up straight away. Try different things to find out what she likes - she may not know without trying things you both want to try.
Wear co... (read in full...)
After a week of dating he wants to have sex
Q. i met this guy a year ago and he wanted me to be his girlfriend but i refused ... we were not in a relationship then but now after that one year he came back and i again refused so after four months i started having feelings for him and i talked t...
A. 30 September 2017: You don't love each other - you've only been dating a week. He's saying he loves you because he wants sex. You think you love him because you want it to be love.
If you don't want to get hurt or used for sex, dump him.
Take it slow with dating... (read in full...)
He's starting a new job and I've begun to worry about it!
Q. Hello everyone! My hubby has been unemployed for over a year. Last summer I encouraged him to apply for a good job I knew he wanted... and today we got the news that he got it and he starts on Monday!! Exciting, right? Well... I was excited at first ...
A. 30 September 2017: You don't trust him. You think you trust him, it you don't or you know he'd never cheat, regardless of who he works with. Wanting him not to have female friends or mere professional relationships with women is controlling and bordering on abu... (read in full...)
Is this too much for a first and second date or is he just trying to control her?
Q. So, a friend of mine is seeing this guy.. They started talking through Bumble. He's slightly older tha her, she's 22. They've only know each other a couple of weeks or so. He's a volunteer police officcer. So, they met at the weekend. Saturda...
A. 30 September 2017: OP, you'd rather not distance yourself because you have a crush on her, not just because she's a friend. You won't get over her unless you do.
Also, in order to have enough in common with her to be "extremely close" friends and consider her date... (read in full...)
Is this too much for a first and second date or is he just trying to control her?
Q. So, a friend of mine is seeing this guy.. They started talking through Bumble. He's slightly older tha her, she's 22. They've only know each other a couple of weeks or so. He's a volunteer police officcer. So, they met at the weekend. Saturda...
A. 30 September 2017: Not being funny, OP, but she's very young to be your friend. You are quite a bit older, so "he's slightly older" applies to you too. Anyway, whether he's a voluntary police officer or not, his controlling behaviour is worrying and I think she need... (read in full...)
I am tired of feeling unsatisfied and sexually frustrated!
Q. My boyfriend of over 1 year now will not satisfy me sexually. I feel like my needs do not matter to him! When I say I still haven't cum yet. Hes like "well what do you want me to do?" Then I tell him to finger me or something. He usually falls ...
A. 30 September 2017: I'm surprised at how many people feel an orgasm *must* be had in order to enjoy sex. However, I can understand that it can be a problem if you never orgasm. That said, if you put the added pressure on him to make you orgasm, rather than "jus... (read in full...)
| *ndie's Thoughts's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ndie's Thoughts has
added them and they have added *ndie's Thoughts!
|
