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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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He had affairs while buying my IVF
Q. My ex and I planned a pregnancy. I was having fertility issues and so we decided to proceed with an IVF. It was his idea and he has even funded the entire procedure. I am about to get pregnant and I found out that he has had numerous affairs ...
A. 7 November 2017: I'm sorry, OP. I think this is just such a mess. I can understand why you don't want to give up your embryos, but you will be giving your child a nasty father, instead of using a different donor or adopting and cutting your ex out completely, which ... (read in full...)
I don't like the way my parents treat me and I'm thinking of running to my boyfriend in Canada
Q. I've been in a relationship with a guy online for about 5 years now. I trust him alot and we do love each others. My problem is my parents. I've hated living with them. Everything has abnormal strict rules and im sick of it. I feel im living on a ...
A. 6 November 2017: OP, we want to support you and would like you to come back to explain more.
What abuse have you suffered? We get many on here who feel that strict rules are abuse, but they aren't. It's very reasonable to have strict rules to live by when staying ... (read in full...)
He had affairs while buying my IVF
Q. My ex and I planned a pregnancy. I was having fertility issues and so we decided to proceed with an IVF. It was his idea and he has even funded the entire procedure. I am about to get pregnant and I found out that he has had numerous affairs ...
A. 4 November 2017: OP, are you pregnant? If not, use anonymous donor sperm, NOT HIS! If that doesn't work, adopt/foster. Blood connections aren't actually that important, as sad as it can be for those who want to experience pregnancy to miss out on it.
Never... (read in full...)
Can our love be revived?
Q. I'm a beautiful women and I (have) a sexless marriage. Supposedly my husband isn't cheating. What else can this be. There is no connection anymore. I want him to show me he wants me. We love each other, but our marriage doesn't feel strong. N...
A. 4 November 2017: I'm not saying you shouldn't see yourself as beautiful, but it's fairly unrelated to your post and isn't important overall.
As for your husband, he's just not a good one - regardless of your sex life. He doesn't help around the house, is nasty to... (read in full...)
I feel excluded by boyfriend's decision to visit alone...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six years--on and off--but consistently now for the past three years. I suspect that he’s a bit emotionally unavailable because of his compartmentalization tendencies and the fact that he’s told me he’s ...
A. 4 November 2017: I get the feeling there's an inevitable end to this, but good luck, OP.... (read in full...)
I don't like the way my parents treat me and I'm thinking of running to my boyfriend in Canada
Q. I've been in a relationship with a guy online for about 5 years now. I trust him alot and we do love each others. My problem is my parents. I've hated living with them. Everything has abnormal strict rules and im sick of it. I feel im living on a ...
A. 4 November 2017: Like everyone else has said, moving to Canada is not a wise, responsible, mature thing to do.
What abuse have you suffered?
If you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like one. Moving out is a good start, but not moving to Canada... (read in full...)
Friend sponges off everyone. How do I deal with her?
Q. Hi, I have a friend who's used to living off other people. She's funny, smart and she still takes money from her parents (she's 39 years old!), "borrows" money and promises to pay back at some point. Goes out for drinks, meals and almost never...
A. 3 November 2017: She's like this because everyone enables her. Why grow up when people will pay your way for you?
Say no. Stick to it.... (read in full...)
Scared to admit I've reached maturity befor my older sister
Q. Hi I'm 14 and I started my period at 13 a few days after my birthday. I don't know how to tell my mum and I'm quite scared as for telling her so late. I'm scared for the questions she might ask me like how did o l keep this (secret). It was hard...
A. 3 November 2017: OP, you just have to tell her. We can't control when we start our periods and it isn't a race.
Let her help you find good products, keep hygienic, etc.
It's also worth learning about safe sex, now that you have your period, even if you don'... (read in full...)
He cheated. Should I?
Q. I’m married 20 yrs to my 1st love. We have 3 kids (14, 10 and 6). I found out 5 yrs ago my husband was cheating on me for a few years. I confronted him with evidence found in his emails and texts, pics of escorts and hotel records. He confessed ...
A. 3 November 2017: OP, you need a divorce - it's that simple.
You thought your husband changed before, after doing it for YEARS. Then you found him doing it again. Are you waiting for a third time?
As for the married man, what's the point? You'd be as bad as you... (read in full...)
A coworker eats smelly food right next to me!
Q. Hi everyone, this might sound like a trivial problem but it’s really bothering me. I recently started a new job and the man that sits next to me is a bodybuilder and as such eats an entire tub of cottage cheese at his desk every day at 9am. I think ...
A. 3 November 2017: You may have missed my first comment because your follow up came before my response was approved, but some scented candles still smell without ever being lit (like Yankee Candles in jars with lids!), or a small incense pot, perfume or car freshener ... (read in full...)
I have a great life but no hobbies or interests that I'm truly passionate about. How do I find my purpose?
Q. So this isnt a relationship questions this is just about me and my purpose... So a little about me i’m 29 been with my partner 5 years live together, can see a futute together which consists of marriage and children, all is good. I am really clos...
A. 2 November 2017: Volunteer. A lot of people's passions aren't self-serving, like the ones you mentioned. Photography, guitar playing, fitness, learning a language, etc. are all about you. None of them help others.
Volunteer at an animal rescue, care home, homeless... (read in full...)
Advice on paying for sex?
Q. Little background: I am a geeky, fat male virgin who's never been on a date or ever kissed a girl. I don't ask girls out anymore because they always say no. I don't have much of an option in experiencing intimacy so I thought about paying for sex or ...
A. 2 November 2017: You may or may not regret it, but most do. It also gives you a reputation that the majority of potential partners will find a turn off. Join a gym or exercise for your health and confidence, not necessarily to focus on weight loss and fitting the ... (read in full...)
How do I tell guys I'm autisttic?
Q. i will jump straight in. I am autistic which is great, use to as a child find it a curse but as an adult truly get to see the beauty of the world. what i mean by this is i could be walking in the forest and i could stop and hug a tree or even lic...
A. 2 November 2017: Perhaps mention it after a couple of dates/hang outs?
Like Phil said, just be careful of those who will take advantage of you.... (read in full...)
A coworker eats smelly food right next to me!
Q. Hi everyone, this might sound like a trivial problem but it’s really bothering me. I recently started a new job and the man that sits next to me is a bodybuilder and as such eats an entire tub of cottage cheese at his desk every day at 9am. I think ...
A. 2 November 2017: See if you're allowed scented objects (incense, non-lit candles, car air freshener - not spray, etc.) at your desk to try to mask the smell.... (read in full...)
My ex wants me permanently in the background and have a baby mother too!
Q. Im good frinds with my ex. We are very close. We broke up 5 yrs ago, but during those 5 yrs we have been sleeping with each other. We talked about getting back together and trying for a baby.... But I told him im not ready.He was ok with this...
A. 1 November 2017: OP, I'm glad you know you're not ready yet. Having a baby with someone who is already an ex or not committed to you is a bad idea, unless it's an official donor situation.
Babies need stability, not to be the product of a man just wanting ... (read in full...)
Why would he say "I love you" if he has no intention of changing his life for you?
Q. If a married man you've been involved in a long term relationship with tells you he loves you, could he really mean it, even if he will never leave his wife to be with you? It's a terrible predicament to be in when you realize you now love this ma...
A. 29 October 2017: OP, I'm sorry, but you need to stop this immediately. Thinking about him and his reasons won't help. We all know this was more for you, but you were trying to *steal* him. The pain is your karma. Act fast and cut him off permanently. If you don't, ... (read in full...)
I have nowhere else to live my mother and stepfather have offered me to live with them but my stepfather is a nudist and walks around naked most of the time!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 44 year old single woman (and a virgin) and have nowhere to live because of various events in the past 2 years. However I am welcome to live with my mother and step dad, who are generous and considerate generally speaking. ...
A. 29 October 2017: Really? Choose the house. Nudism can be awkward, but it's better than nothing. Just learn to look away or only at his face. I think you'd get used to it and barely notice once you'd been there a few months. Take them up on their offer, then work on ... (read in full...)
Why would he say "I love you" if he has no intention of changing his life for you?
Q. If a married man you've been involved in a long term relationship with tells you he loves you, could he really mean it, even if he will never leave his wife to be with you? It's a terrible predicament to be in when you realize you now love this ma...
A. 28 October 2017: He said "I love you" because you are naive and fell for it. I'm sorry this hurts, but you are old enough to know better. HE IS MARRIED. You have hurt his wife and any children he may have. YOU knew he was married and decided to stay. You're not ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got another woman pregnant on a break and I am not feeling good about it
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend on and off close to 3.5 years. Nothing has been perfect, but one thing is we really do love each other. We've both been faithful, never any worries there. And when we did take a break before (a few times) we both ...
A. 27 October 2017: This was a toxic relationship before Baby entered the picture. He needs to focus on being a good dad now, not throwing his innocent baby into the unhealthy mix that would be yet another run at your relationship, with the added complications ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend took small amounts of money from my purse! What should I do?
Q. I was dating a guy for 3 months, who I love, and knew was broke/unemployed. 2 weeks ago, $15.00 was missing from my wallet. I thought I miscounted, so the next time he came over I took a pic of my wallet, so I knew for sure. $20.00 went miss...
A. 27 October 2017: OP, I'm sorry you've been hurt and had your trust broken, but you are old enough not to believe it's love within 3 months. It's clear you barely knew him and he is a thief.
Let him go, cut contact, don't expect an apology and move on. In future, ... (read in full...)
I would like to try sex with him - secretly
Q. My question is I met this guy, a friend of a friend, am a virgin, I would like to have sex with him. Should I ask my friend to ask him, or should I ask him? I would only like fwb. I have fantasy's. am not gay. I wouldn't want this to get out....
A. 27 October 2017: You have gay fantasies. You are gay or bisexual. It really is that simple, OP.
Also, people are not your sex toys to experiment with. Find a male escort and pay for the experience. It's confidential (usually) and tell them you want to be graduall... (read in full...)
I want marriage and emmigration with him. How do I approach this?
Q. I have been dating this man that I love for a year now. I do not get (on) very well with my family, nor am I adapting too well with in my country and culture. My boyfriend is English and he is working here until summer 2018 then leaving. I wan...
A. 27 October 2017: A year is not long at all, especially when uprooting your life because you will become dependent on him for a while (until you can get a job and such, which isn't easy as someone living here, let alone if you have no job references in England), and ... (read in full...)
Is this the wrong time to have a baby?
Q. Hello,n I'm currently living with my parents as I've just graduated and it's quite crowded, I've also just found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend lives 100 miles away but has said if I choose to keep it he will move down and get a part time job al...
A. 26 October 2017: I think whatever you choose will be difficult, but you have to think about what's best for your future and that of the baby's, if you don't have an abortion before it becomes one.
You have just graduated, so still need to build up a career, ... (read in full...)
Is my crush inappropriate?
Q. Hey all! I have a big, fat, unavoidable crush on a good friend of mine and I am not sure I should, nor am I sure whether I should talk with her about it. My friend is about 9 years older than I am, and I hesitate to bring anything up because she i...
A. 26 October 2017: You must start to move on, OP. Distance yourself enough to keep the friendship, but to allow your feelings to fade. You cannot keep living lusting after her. When you think of her in a romantic/sexual way, change your train of thought. Seriously; ... (read in full...)
Just a kiss but what should I do now?
Q. Hi, So I've recently been partying a lot more, fairly common for someone my age. Anyway, last night, I got very very drunk and ended up kissing a boy. Now this may seem like a really silly question but my issue is that I can't stop thinking...
A. 26 October 2017: Partying is normal at your age, but don't get drunk - it makes you vulnerable and negatively affects your health. Trust me; it's not worth it.
As for the guy, you've been caught up in the moment. There were no feelings, no interest, just alcohol.... (read in full...)
Guys, do you miss the other woman if the affair ends suddenly?
Q. Guys, do you miss your mistress when your affair ended suddenly. I just ended my affair with a married man. Without stating the reason why. I know it’s wrong to be in love with him. So please spare me all the nasty comments. I feel kinda ...
A. 26 October 2017: Some do, but it's usually the sex they miss, not the woman.
You got yourself into a situation where this was always the outcome - end it or live with the scraps forever. You did well by leaving, but you need to stop thinking about him now. He ... (read in full...)
Is my crush inappropriate?
Q. Hey all! I have a big, fat, unavoidable crush on a good friend of mine and I am not sure I should, nor am I sure whether I should talk with her about it. My friend is about 9 years older than I am, and I hesitate to bring anything up because she i...
A. 24 October 2017: To be honest, you probably shouldn't even be friends, right now, as she was your teacher and you've had a crush on her since you were a minor - had she known, she would hopefully have declined any contact with you outside school or after you aged ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was kissed by a gay guy and now he wonders if he is bi?
Q. My boyfriend of 10 months just told me he was kissed by a gay guy at a party I wasn't able to attend, and also told me he thinks he might be bi now. I'm just wondering if other people consider this cheating. I'm pretty uncomfortable with the whole ...
A. 24 October 2017: Wait, before we condemn him as a cheater, it depends on the situation.
If the guy kissed him, without any flirting/encouragement, and your boyfriend pulled away, it's not cheating because he didn't cause it or keep it going.
However, if h... (read in full...)
I'd like to help them save their marriage!
Q. Oh boy. I have two friends that have been married for ten years. The husband has been having an affair off and on for three years with a chick he refused to ever completely sever ties with. The wife has taken off with other guys during their splits ...
A. 24 October 2017: It's not your marriage. It's nice that you want to help, but they are TOXIC for each other. Stay out of it; their marriage has run its course.
Distance yourself from them; you're feeding on their drama, like YouWish said. Back off and focus on... (read in full...)
Two guys... So whom should I go for?
Q. I have an issue where I'm interested in two guys and I don't know what to do about it. The first guy we met on a night out (he's 21 and I am 18) and there was this instant thing between us, an attraction, but also we got along really well. We've be...
A. 22 October 2017: Whenever you are interested in someone, take it slow.
Guy #1 isn't, so cut contact with him.
Guy #2 is, so give it a shot, but continue to take it slow. I'd advise against sexual contact beyond kissing until you've been official for a c... (read in full...)
Haunted by the past and now I'm expecting
Q. Hey, my name is Nancy, I'm 22 years old. I don’t know how to make this story short, but here we go Man, I've been feeling really depressed since early this year, my mental stability was ruined the day I accidentally found my husband's sex tape wit...
A. 22 October 2017: A pregnancy with no support, no parents and no money? How will you raise this baby? I'm sorry, but I think either an abortion or adoption is best, as you aren't in a good place to raise a baby. HE ASSAULTED HER! Filming without her consent is I... (read in full...)
Is this a ploy to make me jealous?
Q. This guy and I decided to be friend with benefits before uni' but when we got to uni, it was quite different. The guy is in his late 20s and we go to each other's place to sleep over but we simply end up cuddling and kissing. We got into an argu...
A. 22 October 2017: OP, he is more or less a decade older than you and has absolutely no intention of committing to you. These are childish games.
If you are jealous, it's not a FWB you want. If he's off with another girl, it's not you he wants.
I think sticking a... (read in full...)
Given his past, do you think that this man would be a good parent to my daughter?
Q. I recently left an abusive marriage, and have been seeing a man from work for almost a year. He moved in with my kids and I over the summer. He has always been very sweet and caring to all of us, but the relationship isn't perfect, though I love ...
A. 22 October 2017: I'm very concerned that you've only been with him for less than a year and already had him move in. You are a mother - this is not safe for your children. You must not expose your children to men you haven't been with for long. You've only rece... (read in full...)
Does my FWB have feelings for me?
Q. I've been friends with benefits with a guy for over 3 years. We hook up nearly every week. I telephoned him today to speak to him, he was busy building a draw and I didn't realise I was on loud speaker, during the call we were talking and he was ...
A. 22 October 2017: I'm sorry to say you've wasted 3 years on a hook up.
If you give a guy sex without commitment, it's most likely going to stay that way. It's rare that they see you as dateable once they see that someone can have sex with you for "free" (no stri... (read in full...)
He is not being supportive and I am literally broken because of what is happening!
Q. Hi, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 months and a few days ago I found out I was pregnant. We both currently live 100 miles apart and only get to see each other once a week. We decided an abortion was the best option for us as it wou...
A. 22 October 2017: I'm so sorry, OP, but this is you learning the hard way. Here's what you need to take from this:
- he's not for you
- an abortion seems like the best decision because he isn't supportive and you're not ready
- condoms AND birth contro... (read in full...)
The guy I'm seeing is always getting mad at me?
Q. The guy I'm seeing is always getting mad at me? We have an odd relationship, we say we love each other all the time. He says he's not ready to date (we've been in a like-dating stage for 3 years). I have fallen in love with him. But I feel like I'm ...
A. 22 October 2017: "The guy I'm seeing is always getting mad at me" - RED FLAG "He says he's not ready to date" - RED FLAG "we've been in a like-dating stage for 3 years" - RED FLAG OP, "like-dating" is BS. He's using you as his go to girl, whilst still seeing... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 19 October 2017: *what he's done IS heinous.... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 19 October 2017: OP, do you understand why nearly all of us believe that total forgiveness isn't appropriate here? As it wasn't one time or a mistake; it was dozens of images/videos of Class A child abuse and more of other classed crimes. We understand that ... (read in full...)
Is masturbation gay?
Q. If you are not thinking of anything and just masturbating for pleasure is this homosexual?...
A. 18 October 2017: My question to you: how would it be homosexual?... (read in full...)
Family problem has just got worse
Q. Hi, I posted previously about a fall out I had with my sister due to her not being able to take responsibility for a flat she shares with me and also that I didn't want her drug addict boyfriend round. Anyway she has taken it to extremes and I ...
A. 15 October 2017: Stick to your guns. Give her the notice document and possibly get some therapy to help you deal with your family's crap.... (read in full...)
How to tell him I don't want children?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, he is 32 and I am 24. We are moving in together in a few months (into his house), but I am worried about out future- I don't want to have children. I have several reasons for the fact...
A. 13 October 2017: Unfortunately, OP, children are non-negotiable. Staying together while you don't want kids and he does would be pointless and, in the nicest possible way, stupid.
However, you don't know he wants children. ASK. If he does, you're going to have to ... (read in full...)
I haven't had any luck dating. Should I give up on love?
Q. Is love not in the cards for me? I have tried online dating and after a couple of dates I realized the men in the sites aren't exactly the type of men that I want. I admit I have taken a year and a half to work on myself after a string of two bad ...
A. 11 October 2017: Find a new hobby. Go to cooking classes, reading groups, speed dating, wine tasting, etc. The more you look for love, the less likely it is to happen.... (read in full...)
The man I am dating doesn't believe in kissing and affection
Q. I am seeing a guy who when I asked says he doesn’t do kissing and affection. I was widowed 9 years ago and this is the first since. I really like this guy but not sure about not kissing although the sex is great. I told him I kind of fell ...
A. 11 October 2017: OP, you need to ask him what he wants from this. By the sounds of it, he just wants sex and companionship, not a full relationship.
If he doesn't want kissing and affection, you're not compatible. You need to ask him.... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 8 October 2017: OP, I'm sorry you have to choose between your husband and your children. Ordinarily, I'd wonder if the children were being unreasonable, but it's clear in this case that they aren't and are trying to protect their families. Perhaps if you'd found ... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 7 October 2017: I'm sorry, Anon, but you wouldn't feel the same way if it was your children abused in those videos/pictures.
He has an illness, yes, but it's incurable and he chose to act on it. That's the problem here - THAT is what's unforgivable. Paedophi... (read in full...)
Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?
Q. One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...
A. 7 October 2017: OP, wake up. Impotence is a HUGE problem with many rapists. It's about power, not erections. There are many ways to violate someone and most don't need a penis.
Secondly, he WATCHED other people ABUSE children. He doesn't have to touch one; he ... (read in full...)
I feel excluded by boyfriend's decision to visit alone...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six years--on and off--but consistently now for the past three years. I suspect that he’s a bit emotionally unavailable because of his compartmentalization tendencies and the fact that he’s told me he’s ...
A. 1 October 2017: OP, you are in the prime of your life and he is nearing retirement age. This is what you are going to get for the rest of your relationship with him.
Take a moment to asses if this is all that you want from a relationship for the rest of your lif... (read in full...)
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