Like what
she writes?
... Add *ndie's Thoughts to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ndie's Thoughts a private message | | *ndie's Thoughts's Ratings | |
| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
|
What do I do and say? His depression is hard to deal with
Q. I need help. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 months and a bit more , and I love him so much but he has depression . I help him as much as I can and I’m here for him all the time but he always complains to me how he feels and I understand that he’s ...
A. 1 December 2017: OP, you're too young to handle this. I know you want to help, but he needs to see a therapist.
I battle with depression, among other things, and I know how draining it is. Your life will likely suffer unless you break up with him and encourag... (read in full...)
How do I become a more submissive girlfriend?
Q. My personality has always been very jokester and very sarcastic (think of every character on Roseanne type of sarcastic) and I? know when to be serious and turn it off, but in my everyday life it is just who I? am. But I’ve been dating this guy for ...
A. 30 November 2017: I'm glad you've made a decision about him - arguments shouldn't be happening so soon. That said, learning a bit of tact wouldn't hurt :)... (read in full...)
How do I become a more submissive girlfriend?
Q. My personality has always been very jokester and very sarcastic (think of every character on Roseanne type of sarcastic) and I? know when to be serious and turn it off, but in my everyday life it is just who I? am. But I’ve been dating this guy for ...
A. 30 November 2017: If he wants to be submissive, run away.
If he just wants you to be less sarcastic and more aware of how it comes across, that's a basic life skill.... (read in full...)
When is it time to tell my FWB goodbye
Q. I've been talking to this boy for around 3 months every day and have always said it will be a causal thing. I guess it's as close a thing you can get to friends with benefits. We get on well and there are genuinely no deep feelings from either side. ...
A. 29 November 2017: Once you're ready to start dating, you should stop having sex with others. Going on dates with others (before being exclusive) is fine, but generally not sleeping with them too.
Stop seeing the FwB and tell him you're looking for more now. The... (read in full...)
Desperate to get my life on track
Q. I have had a very traumatic 2017. Traumatic by my standards and believe me, I am not a drama queen ! I was married in an abusive marriage in Asia, left that, went abroad to study and now live in the UK for the last 12 years. I was married agai...
A. 29 November 2017: I think your priority should be your health and employment, not dating. There's no point dating if you have nothing else keeping you going.
Find a new job. Find a new hobby. Perhaps see a therapist or charity for people who need support. Then, on... (read in full...)
Fallen for my priest. Help!
Q. Oh my god I never see the day but I actually have a crush on my priest - for heaven's sake, the bloody priest. Is my love life that bad that I fantasise about him. My question is have you ever had a bad crush on someone your not suppose like...
A. 29 November 2017: Change your thoughts when you fantasise and start dating single men.... (read in full...)
Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair?
Q. Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair? I know many would use harsh and negative remarks on such question. I did no Contact and he reached out and I caved in. I am thinking of telling his wife so that I can move on for good forever...
A. 29 November 2017: OP, they aren't unnecessary comments because you're still being selfish. Your pain is nothing compared to the pain you helped cause his wife. Telling her won't help you move on; you have to CHOOSE to move on. Why on earth didn't you block hi... (read in full...)
I have these gut feelings she's cheating so how do I figure out what I do?
Q. I'm a female in a relationship with another female. I have trust issues due to previous infidelities in past relationships. I know that it's unfair for me to question her when she's done nothing wrong, but, honest to god, I can't help it. I feel ...
A. 29 November 2017: OP, there's no maybe about it - you do need therapy. If you don't get it, you'll either drive yourself crazy and/or sabotage your relationships.... (read in full...)
Can we get back to normal after swinging?
Q. Do you think there’s any hope of a relationship going back to normal after swinging? My husband and I have tried it - yes we had a lot of fun - but the lifestyle isn’t for me. When I tell him I want to stop we fight because he doesn’t want to stop. ...
A. 28 November 2017: OP, this mess was made by BOTH of you, not just you. Don't let him off without blame.
You tried something, had a good time, but realised it's not something you want to continue. EVERYONE does that.
When you have something like this, it's not s... (read in full...)
Can we get back to normal after swinging?
Q. Do you think there’s any hope of a relationship going back to normal after swinging? My husband and I have tried it - yes we had a lot of fun - but the lifestyle isn’t for me. When I tell him I want to stop we fight because he doesn’t want to stop. ...
A. 28 November 2017: "Why settle me down, marry me, have two children with me only to throw me for this loop now?" Why agree to swing if it could ruin your monogamous marriage and family? Unfortunately, I get the feeling that this marriage had an inevitable end a... (read in full...)
I have these gut feelings she's cheating so how do I figure out what I do?
Q. I'm a female in a relationship with another female. I have trust issues due to previous infidelities in past relationships. I know that it's unfair for me to question her when she's done nothing wrong, but, honest to god, I can't help it. I feel ...
A. 27 November 2017: This is paranoia that you really need to seek therapy for immediately. Maybe she is cheating, but you've given us no proof or even suspicious behaviour.
You will push her away and sabotage any future relationship, possibly even pushing them to ... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid about why he doesn't make eye contact during sex?
Q. Eye contact during sex? My husband usually turns his head away from me or closes his eyes. I dont remember having a problem with it years ago... but recently he holds me close with my head buried in his neck and almost forcibly stops me from bei...
A. 27 November 2017: It's absolutely normal to wonder why this would happen. You need to ask him, OP. "Hey Jim, I'd like to ask you something, just out of curiosity. Why do you avoid looking at me when we make love?" If he denies it, try not to get frustrated, but ... (read in full...)
I was a virgin, didn't bleed and now my husband says I wasn't a virgin
Q. It was totally my first intercourse, but i did'nt bleed....i only felt a very little pain...even my hubby said that i'm not virgin as my vagina is loose. He said my vagina is not like virgins have.... But It was my first time. Why it happens to...
A. 27 November 2017: You are young and naive, OP. I'm sorry, but you must listen to us.
You can NEVER convince people who are not open to it. Your husband is not listening to you. He doesn't believe you.
If showing him evidence from doctors doesn't convince him, th... (read in full...)
I've been hooking up with my ex and now he wants proper sex but I'm hesitant because I want my first time to be with a boyfriend
Q. I am a 16 year old girl. I dated this guy for a year and a half, but we broke up in January when I found out he had been sexting other girls. Over the summer, he changed a lot, and he decided he wanted to get back together with me. I told him I'd ...
A. 27 November 2017: Of course you kind of want sex - it's hormones. However, it's incredibly unwise for young people to hook up with others, as they are rarely mentally developed enough to handle the consequences. Yes, you may *feel* mature, but that doesn't mean you... (read in full...)
Should I talk to him? I just want to be friends and cuddle from time to time
Q. Hello, I don't know how to start this. I'm a 19 years old girl and I've never had a boyfriend before. I met a guy at school, we barely talked though. once there was a camping event, and we ended up cuddling one night. We didn't talk about it a...
A. 27 November 2017: I totally get wanting to have a cuddle buddy, but it'll be hard to find one because most people your age want more than just cuddles - that's why you're unlikely to just stumble across one. Put "find a cuddle buddy" into a search engine.
cuddl... (read in full...)
Am I selfish for not wanting a relationship? My parents are desperate for a grandchild but I'm not so sure I'm ready
Q. I'm just curious as to what others think about this situation or if anyone else has had a similar problem. I'm 23 and I've never dated nor been in a relationship (and therefore obviously a virgin), but that is mainly by choice as I have no desire...
A. 27 November 2017: I'm so sorry about your brother. Please don't date or have babies for your parents' sake, though - it's incredibly unwise and will make you unhappy.
I understand why they feel the way they do, but it's *your* life and you're still very young. M... (read in full...)
I was a virgin, didn't bleed and now my husband says I wasn't a virgin
Q. It was totally my first intercourse, but i did'nt bleed....i only felt a very little pain...even my hubby said that i'm not virgin as my vagina is loose. He said my vagina is not like virgins have.... But It was my first time. Why it happens to...
A. 27 November 2017: I'm sorry, OP, but you're in danger, if you refuse to tell anyone. Him not believing you is controlling and could become abusive. If your mother warned you about him, you should have listened and should do so now. Talk to her or a doctor.... (read in full...)
I was a virgin, didn't bleed and now my husband says I wasn't a virgin
Q. It was totally my first intercourse, but i did'nt bleed....i only felt a very little pain...even my hubby said that i'm not virgin as my vagina is loose. He said my vagina is not like virgins have.... But It was my first time. Why it happens to...
A. 26 November 2017: You need to talk to your family. I know you said you can't, but this man is not a good man if he won't listen to facts that no virgin is the same. He is being silly and it's not your fault. He is *choosing* not to educate himself.... (read in full...)
I don' t seem to fit the gay scene
Q. I feel abit stuck in a rut, I work part time while setting up a business and accepted I’m gay I liked a guy who I thought would like me, cause we have a few things in common and spoke a lot now and again. I was hoping it’d be a fairytale we’d e...
A. 26 November 2017: Do you know what a gay person looks like? Human. Do you know what a straight person looks like? Human.
Don't try to fit into a stereotype. Just be yourself, be realistic and be patient.... (read in full...)
I was a virgin, didn't bleed and now my husband says I wasn't a virgin
Q. It was totally my first intercourse, but i did'nt bleed....i only felt a very little pain...even my hubby said that i'm not virgin as my vagina is loose. He said my vagina is not like virgins have.... But It was my first time. Why it happens to...
A. 26 November 2017: I would advise you to confide in your mother too. Unfortunately, in places where there is little to no sex education, there are a lot of rumours and can even ruin people's lives because of misinformation. Some people, as I'm sure you know, get ho... (read in full...)
Should I tell my son that his girlfriend is cheating on him?
Q. My sons girlfriend is cheating on him??? Both she and my son are 25 and have been together for just over 9 years. I received an e-mail from someone who has sent me evidence that she has been cheating on him for the past 5 years with his BFF. I ...
A. 26 November 2017: Honestly? If you still have the evidence, speak to her again and say "I need you to tell him in the next few days, or I will have to." If he still doesn't know within a week, you need to gently tell him and have the evidence on hand to show him.
... (read in full...)
Help me deal with this pee fetish?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I have a problem I've never confessed to anyone and I certainly can't blurt it out to my pastor at the altar. I can't tell him in private either bc when people of the church sin, he brings it to everyone's attention so we ca...
A. 25 November 2017: Confessions are supposed to be kept private - your pastor isn't a very good one. They also bullied a victim into dropping charges. This is a perversion of religion.
Also, if you suspect someone in porn is underage, DO NOT WATCH IT. Minors *can't* ... (read in full...)
I have been having an affair with a woman for 7 years and I am content. Is this strange?
Q. I have been the male equivalent of a mistress for the past 7 years. Is it strange that I don't mind? I havent dated or even tried to date because I am just fine with having her a few times a month. I am 42 years old and never been married, but I ...
A. 25 November 2017: Anon reader, monogamy isn't the issue here. Polyamory is okay, but cheating is not. It's human decency not to cheat on someone or be a part of that with someone who is.
It's one thing to be selfish and another to be cruel, which is what an affai... (read in full...)
Head over heels in love with my teacher!
Q. Hello everyone, I'm a bachelor student. I am sorry for my grammar mistakes. First of all, I want to say that during my school and HS years I've never had this feeling before. Last year, I met one of the best persons and teachers in the world. She is ...
A. 25 November 2017: OP, she isn't a mother to you. You need to get this into perspective. The longer you thing of this as love and not as platonic infatuation, you will not move on.
This is not love. She is not "like a mother" to you. She is a teacher and *you* al... (read in full...)
I'm in a horribly abusive relationship and I need a way out for me and my daughter
Q. Hi basically just looking for some advise plz, I really don't know what to do or how to. Basically I haven't been happy with my partner we have been arguing lately quiet a lot we have a small child but the arguments ain't in front of her as he ...
A. 24 November 2017: I'm sorry, OP. You need to put yourself and your daughter first, though.
If it's your house, call the police. Have your family back you up. They are not likely to take your child away, if he's so abusive.
Sometimes you need to have proof of th... (read in full...)
Head over heels in love with my teacher!
Q. Hello everyone, I'm a bachelor student. I am sorry for my grammar mistakes. First of all, I want to say that during my school and HS years I've never had this feeling before. Last year, I met one of the best persons and teachers in the world. She is ...
A. 24 November 2017: Be glad you've had such a great teacher who has inspired you, but you need to learn boundaries.
Lots of us idolise one or two of our teachers in some way or another, but it's not healthy to allow it to go too far - which you would be if you tell... (read in full...)
I'm 19 he's 16 and I'm worried about what people would think if we dated
Q. ok, I'm 19 and I became friends with a boy whos 16 years old and I notice that i started to get feelings for him a little bit so i tried to put it to the back of my mind and ignore it, but recently he admitted that he has feelings for me which is ...
A. 24 November 2017: I get that he's the age of consent, but he's still legally a minor and 3 years is quite a bit at your ages. I don't think it's a good idea to tell him your feelings, let alone act on them, but it's up to you.... (read in full...)
I love her, but can't say it out loud!
Q. i knew this girl for 3 months now and we are getting along so well, i love everything about her and i feel like home when i'm with her. we match to each other and have the same frequency. i'm a great listener and i love to listen to her speak. ...
A. 24 November 2017: OP, you can't live together like this. You want more and she doesn't. This isn't love at all - you have a crush on her. You don't even know much about her yet, after only three months.
Find another housemate because this arrangement will be messy... (read in full...)
Lost my virginity and I didn't even enjoy it but now I'm wondering if I could be pregnant
Q. I just lost my virginity, tbh it was painful and i never enjoyed it at all, according to my friend its because he never did foreplay. Even though i was not satisfied, apparently he was because he came on the inside of my thighs. The cum wasn't alot ...
A. 22 November 2017: OP, see a doctor. Don't have sex unless you're using reliable contraception.... (read in full...)
I'm married but starting to get obsessed with the guy my husband and I had a threesome with
Q. Over a year ago my husband and i had a sexual threesome with a single male friend of ours after a night of drinking...this was totally my husbands idea..I was always attracted to this friend but had no intentions of taking it any furthur, even ...
A. 21 November 2017: OP, you're stalking him. You are MARRIED - act like it. This guy is not right for you and you are clearly obsessing. Let go of him and divorce your husband too.
Bear in mind that you cheated. You wondered if your husband did, but you *definit... (read in full...)
Does this guy who works with the man I'm sleeping with like me?
Q. Hello, I'm going to make this question as quick as possible haha! About 8 months ago, I got involved with my boss. He has just quit the company the day we slept together, so technically he wasn't my boss anymore that night, but you get t...
A. 21 November 2017: It's great that you're being responsible with protection - it's surprising how many don't.
However, whilst I completely understand that you don't want to know, it's important that you do - so you know how at risk you are of diseases (condoms... (read in full...)
I have been having an affair with a woman for 7 years and I am content. Is this strange?
Q. I have been the male equivalent of a mistress for the past 7 years. Is it strange that I don't mind? I havent dated or even tried to date because I am just fine with having her a few times a month. I am 42 years old and never been married, but I ...
A. 21 November 2017: Honestly, you're trying to fool yourself. You wouldn't be here trying to validate it, if you were content.
Look at yourself. Put yourself in her husband's shoes. Do you not care that you're a big part in ruining someone else's life? As soon as ... (read in full...)
How will having a baby affect someone with PTSD?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and we have spoke about our future what we both want , i work and he doesnt and that is due to him having ptsd . he has his good days and bad more good and he goes out everyday so he doesnt get low and it ...
A. 21 November 2017: Honestly, OP, he needs to be able to hold down a job (not temp ones) before being fit to parent. If he can't handle a long-term job, how will he handle parenting? It's also too soon to start a family with him, after only a year - you don't truly ... (read in full...)
How will having a baby affect someone with PTSD?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and we have spoke about our future what we both want , i work and he doesnt and that is due to him having ptsd . he has his good days and bad more good and he goes out everyday so he doesnt get low and it ...
A. 21 November 2017: As someone with PTSD, he needs to get therapy and resemble a normal life before becoming a father. Also, I know you may feel like time is "running out" for you to have a baby with him, but you've only been together for a year - that's still ver... (read in full...)
Am I reasonable to choose money over potential happiness?
Q. Dear aunts, I am in a fix as I type this. I made a first attempt at online dating about 7 months ago and the only guy I really had an interest in, we hit it off. It was rocky at first but we are amazing now and not a day goes by without us chatting ...
A. 21 November 2017: Please be careful, OP. There's something not right about him. If you want to continue with him, that's okay, but please be more realistic.
Love develops over time spent in person. Fantasies develop over time spent talking over the phone and onli... (read in full...)
Does this guy who works with the man I'm sleeping with like me?
Q. Hello, I'm going to make this question as quick as possible haha! About 8 months ago, I got involved with my boss. He has just quit the company the day we slept together, so technically he wasn't my boss anymore that night, but you get t...
A. 21 November 2017: I think that, if you want to continue this arrangement, you do need to verbalise it and assess where you are. Make sure it's exclusive or you're at risk of STDs. Also make sure you use condoms every time *and* birth control - no excuses.
If yo... (read in full...)
We still sext even though he has a girlfriend, how do I move on?
Q. For the past two years ive been sort of sexting/sending the odd nude to this guy. Recently though he's gotten into a relationship, however we have still continued sexting etc. We've never slept together its strictly 'cyber'. A few weeks ago (I ...
A. 21 November 2017: I'm glad you took them as they were meant: a reality check, not nastiness.
You can do it, OP. Be glad you've (hopefully) learnt from this at such a young age, not found yourself doing it 10+ years from now. To see who you could become, if you don'... (read in full...)
We still sext even though he has a girlfriend, how do I move on?
Q. For the past two years ive been sort of sexting/sending the odd nude to this guy. Recently though he's gotten into a relationship, however we have still continued sexting etc. We've never slept together its strictly 'cyber'. A few weeks ago (I ...
A. 20 November 2017: Also, OP, take a good look at yourself. You spitefully tried to hurt an innocent person and it backfired. His girlfriend has done nothing to you - YOU are the one being cruel by sexting with her boyfriend.
You will only deserve better when you... (read in full...)
Lost my virginity to a man I don't know or like very much
Q. How do I cope? I recently lost my virginity to a guy I barely knew and i regret it so much.i don't feel innocent anymore. And the worst part of it is i lost to the wrong guy,i always assumed i would lose it to someone i loved so much and it would be ...
A. 20 November 2017: Apologise and say it was a mistake, that you aren't interested in a relationship.
Not being a virgin doesn't mean you're "bad"; it just means you made a silly decision. Learn from it and wait for a relationship next time.... (read in full...)
Am I reasonable to choose money over potential happiness?
Q. Dear aunts, I am in a fix as I type this. I made a first attempt at online dating about 7 months ago and the only guy I really had an interest in, we hit it off. It was rocky at first but we are amazing now and not a day goes by without us chatting ...
A. 20 November 2017: OP, I'm all for long distance relationships, but only realistic ones. What you have with this man isn't healthy. Trust me; I know the red flags - we all do. No man who cares about you would tell you to put him first, instead of a job - especially ... (read in full...)
How to deal with a more sexually experienced partner?
Q. I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl or been on a date. I'm not particularly handsome either and I am obese. I will be visiting an escort in a few weeks to lose my virginity. Finally I'll get to feel what intimacy is like. However I've b...
A. 19 November 2017: Also, in the nicest possible way, I think you need therapy to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Most women would rather date a virgin who wants to learn, than someone who paid for sex.
YOUR VIRGINITY IS NOT THE PROBLEM. An escort will not teach yo... (read in full...)
How to deal with a more sexually experienced partner?
Q. I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl or been on a date. I'm not particularly handsome either and I am obese. I will be visiting an escort in a few weeks to lose my virginity. Finally I'll get to feel what intimacy is like. However I've b...
A. 19 November 2017: OP, the escort won't help you. Do it if you want, but it's like a drug - the high wears off. You'll realise your virginity isn't what's holding you back. You're not suddenly going to get a girlfriend because you've had sex once, with someone who had ... (read in full...)
We still sext even though he has a girlfriend, how do I move on?
Q. For the past two years ive been sort of sexting/sending the odd nude to this guy. Recently though he's gotten into a relationship, however we have still continued sexting etc. We've never slept together its strictly 'cyber'. A few weeks ago (I ...
A. 19 November 2017: He's a cheater. You're a cyber misstress.
You block him and never speak to him again. It really is that simple. It's not emotionally easy, but it is that simple. Once you block him, WITHOUT a goodbye (or he'll try to persuade you to keep sexting)... (read in full...)
Am I reasonable to choose money over potential happiness?
Q. Dear aunts, I am in a fix as I type this. I made a first attempt at online dating about 7 months ago and the only guy I really had an interest in, we hit it off. It was rocky at first but we are amazing now and not a day goes by without us chatting ...
A. 19 November 2017: OP, you will never be happy or responsible until you can financially support yourself. Moving to another country with a man you truly barely know is not wise - you will turn into a "mail order bride" and be "bought" by this man.
Take the job your... (read in full...)
Does this guy who works with the man I'm sleeping with like me?
Q. Hello, I'm going to make this question as quick as possible haha! About 8 months ago, I got involved with my boss. He has just quit the company the day we slept together, so technically he wasn't my boss anymore that night, but you get t...
A. 17 November 2017: As an addition to my response, your ex-boss only wants sex, so he either wouldn't care that the friend took you out or he'd only "care" because he's possessive, not because he likes you.... (read in full...)
Does this guy who works with the man I'm sleeping with like me?
Q. Hello, I'm going to make this question as quick as possible haha! About 8 months ago, I got involved with my boss. He has just quit the company the day we slept together, so technically he wasn't my boss anymore that night, but you get t...
A. 17 November 2017: OP, listen, when you start *thinking* about dating, the FwBs have to stop.
Think about it, it comes out that you've been hooking up with someone literally days before or during dating someone - logical or not (because of unspoken exclusiv... (read in full...)
| *ndie's Thoughts's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ndie's Thoughts has
added them and they have added *ndie's Thoughts!
|
