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Dear Cupid > Forums > Cupid's Lounge > Who fancies a 'naughty' game of 'Continue my Story'.... ?

Who fancies a 'naughty' game of 'Continue my Story'.... ?

BigSis, posted over a year ago

...and see where it leads.

I'll start.

I was travelling on a very long distance journey by car, after 3 hours of motorway, I could feel myself slowly dropping off. My eyes were getting heavy and I seriously needed to stop off somewhere for the night.

I spotted a sign in the distance, and as I approached it, to my amazement, I realised it read 'Motel'. *Perfect*, I thought to myself. So I turned into the side road and followed the arrows, they took me down a few dark country lanes.

There it was, in the middle of nowhere. The flickering illuminated sign lit up this very old but very inviting quaint looking cottage.

I pulled in - up close to the side of the Motel and walked up to the front door........

Posted on 15 November 2008 @ 11:47 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

I knocked the door feeling a little anxious.

I couldn't quite understand why these feelings were there, I put them out of my mind as the door opened. Standing in front of me was a sweet lady very welcoming "come in my dear" She said "You look cold" So I went in, As I looked around it was very cluttered and there were belongings lying around, A few cases and some had been opened and others just piled up, There were clothes all around I couldnt make out if they were going somewhere or had just come back.

This being the reception I thought it strange. The lady was very well dressed and very well spoken, Then a male voice came from no where, And

startled me

Posted on 15 November 2008 @ 14:38 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Her middle-aged son came out from the doorway behind her. He was extremely muscular under his white button-down oxford shirt, and I noticed the sleeves were rolled up, as if he had been hard at work. He was wearing an old pair of dungarees that were well worn, and they were caked with mud at the knees and cuffs. "Oh, We weren't expecting to receive guests at this time of night. Do you need a room?" he asked, glancing quickly towards his mother.

I took a step back, hesitating, for something struck me as odd, and my sixth-sense was kicking in. The hair on my arms stood up and I felt a breeze move them. The door had opened behind me...

Posted on 15 November 2008 @ 18:36 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

...I turned quickly and saw him, he made my knees go weak, he was the most handsomest guy I'd ever laid eyes on. His hair was thick and wavy, almost black, and had a few strands loose curls over his forehead. His eyes were almost aquamarine in colour, oh he was just gorgeous.

The son had repeated again, "Do you need a room, Ma'am?" I had to swallow to clear my throat as my reply was incoherent. I stuttered as I replied the second time, "Um err...ye yes please, if it isn't too much trouble."

"Of course it's no trouble at all, is it mother?" The handsome guy replied, as I looked round at him again. He smiled and his eyes were sparkling, and his teeth were so beautifully white. Come, come with me dear, let me get you something hot to drink and Jonathan here with take your bag up to your room.

The mother then gestured at the other son and said, "That's Daniel and this is Jonathan, my sons. I'm Margaret by the way, but you can call me Kathy."

Posted on 16 November 2008 @ 3:52 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Daniel looked me up and down. "That's the car blocking the drive, then?" His manners were far from impeccable, but he smiled, and one corner of his mouth turned into a smirk. "Well then, let's get you sorted..." He put his hand out. I stood there dumfounded... "Your keys, Madam!" They were still in my hand, and I reached out and gave then to him automatically. "I'm assuming that your valise is in the boot. Which room did the give you, the Usual?" He winked at me and gave me that quirky little grin again, turned on his heels, and strode out to start his tasks. I turned to see that both Kathy and Jonathan were looking me up and down with the same odd grin...

"You're a city girl, then?" said Jonathan. "We don't get many of you down in these parts."

"Jonathan will take you up to your room. The room is at the top of the house, it's actually our best suite. Usually, people rent it for their honeymoon, but it's all we have available, as the rest we're just vacated today and haven't been serviced yet..." Kathy said. I hadn't even signed the register, and yet a key on a velvet corded tassel was pressed gently into my palm. "We can take care of the formalities in the morning, Love. You look tired. Follow Jonathan, right up those stairs, to your left."

He had already started out towards the staircase, so I followed, almost in a trance...

Posted on 16 November 2008 @ 17:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Though I was in a trance, as I was making my way up the stairs, I couldn't help but notice his perfectly sculpted behind that was outlined in his dark trousers. We quietly trudged our way to the top of the house and Johnathan unlocked my room for me. "I hope all will be to your liking Miss. Breakfast is served at eight in the dining room." He said as he turned to me, giving me the most adorable smile I have ever seen.

A thought crossed my mind and I stopped myself from saying that I wished he would be served for breakfast. Through my tired eyes I could see a glint of what I could only at that moment describe as desire and my knees went weak.

"Looks like city girls don't make much conversation when their tired." he said laughingly.

"No I've just had a long drive today, I might be better conversation in the morning, after my routine dose of caffeine."

"Well then, I'll see you at breakfast Miss. Hope you have pleasant dreams tonight." He said as he made his way out of my room. I closed the door behind him and his sculpted, good enough to grab, behind, came to my mind.

I knew I would be having pleasant dreams as I looked around the room.

There was a knock on my door and I quickly turned, wondering if it was Johnathan but instead it was Daniel bringing up my valise.

He smiled when he looked at me...

Posted on 16 November 2008 @ 20:6 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Those crystal blue eyes! He dropped one bag on the ground. "Three bags? For one woman? Are you planning on a Long trip, then?" He walked through the cavernous room, turning on lights as he went.

It was breathtaking. The ceilings were high, and there was a sunken ceiling in the middle, with a landscape in it. There were sconces on the walls that barely lit the rooms parameters, and a huge, gaping fireplace opposite the bed. The bed itself was covered with the most sumptuous fabrics, laces and satins, piled with a billowing coverlet and pillows too numerous to count. There was a delicate lace curtain falling down the head of the bed from a crown on the wall, and the whole effect was that it looked like a gorgeous, melting confection that you could dive into and never want to leave. I felt my cheeks flush, as I had been staring at the bed for much longer than I should have... Once again, he spoke. "This is just the bedroom, there's a claw-footed tub in there, along with another sitting area and another fireplace. Would you like me to like your fire?"...

I answered...

Posted on 16 November 2008 @ 21:11 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

fook it...

That's LIGHT your fire...

HAHAHAHA! Oh, Bugger.

X^P

Posted on 16 November 2008 @ 21:22 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

And THEN I answered...

Posted on 17 November 2008 @ 16:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

No but I wouldn't mind if you cooked me some chicken alfredo and gave me a foot massage.

Posted on 17 November 2008 @ 17:26 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

"The alfredo could be arranged Miss, but I'm not so sure about the foot massage. We treat our clients well, but not that well." He said and a smooth, silky laugh escaped from his mouth.

"Oh sorry, I'm just so tired I wasn't thinking straight. There is hot water right?"

"Sure there is. So about the fire?"

I looked at him, puzzled for a moment as I was wondering how much time God had spent creating these two men, these brothers. "Fire?" I asked and I must've sounded very confused because he started laughing at me.

"Yeah," he said gesturing toward the fireplace,"Would you like me to light your fire?"

Oh hell yeah, I thought to myself, light my fire baby. "Uhm sure it is kind of cold. Thank you."

I turned to go to the bathroom, when he suddenly grabbed my arm...

Posted on 17 November 2008 @ 18:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I was startled.I felt a shiver run up my arm.

The guy I was drooling over had touched me.I should have felt warm all over.His touch was so cold.It felt as if I was touching a dead body.I stared in to his eyes.It seemed suddenly cold too.The smile on his lips was not quite reaching his eyes.

He told me"Miss!Please do not use the tap at the far end of the bathroom"

The air in the room was getting colder by the second.I told him,"you can light that fire now.Thank you."

My curiosity had reached an all time high.What was there in that tap?....

Posted on 17 November 2008 @ 22:32 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

He quickly knelt down and went to work constructing a fire. Once the kindling was lit, he replaced the fireplace screen and turned to me. "That should keep you warm all night. Mother has breakfast at 7 in the morning, let us know if there is anything else you need." He left me to ponder his curious request. I shrugged it off and went about the business of unpacking.

The floor was cold on my bare feet, but the warmth of the fire was starting to make the room more welcoming. After hanging my things in the armoire, I took my toiletries into the bathroom. The room was almost a big as the bedroom, with a fireplace and an overstuffed armchair near it. I took a few logs and built a small fire there as well. "Why not?", I thought to myself. "All this luxury and no one to share it with...". There was a giant claw foot tub in the bay window at the other side of the room. A warm bath might help me sleep tonight, and my shoulders were tight from driving for so long. I went to draw the curtains and looked out the window. The moon was almost full, and I could make out the shapes of two men with their heads together. They seemed to be talking, wait, no, arguing about something, because all of a sudden, they take turns shoving each others shoulders and pushing each other. Then, one of the two turned his hands up and shrugged. The other man picked up a shovel and walked away in the opposite direction. "Jonathan must have been working in the garden, but I wonder what they were fighting about?" I thought, as I drew my bath. I stepped in... "Aahhh, Bliss!". I tied my hair up in a knot and lay back, absorbed in my thoughts and mesmerized by the fire...

Posted on 18 November 2008 @ 16:2 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

and Suddenly I heard a woman scream outside the bathroom window....

(Birdy it took me 60 whole minutes to come up with that single line.Whew!)

Posted on 18 November 2008 @ 17:3 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

... "You Bastard!!!" I heard her yell. What was going on? I pulled the drapes apart just enough to peek through. "I caught you red-handed." ...

Posted on 18 November 2008 @ 17:47 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

The shrieking voice continued."Didn't I tell you never to dig a grave with out me?".I froze in my hot bath...

Posted on 18 November 2008 @ 17:51 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

room...

Posted on 18 November 2008 @ 17:51 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Seriously, we are going to need some editing if this is ever going to be published. PMPL!

*peeing my pants laughing*

Bugs, you are a riot!

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 0:35 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

(Bugs looks guilty and tries to be serious...)

I moved away from the bathroom window if in case the people arguing down caught sight of me.

My mind was whirling with the impact of what I had just heard.I climbed into the claw foot bath tub.

The fire in the bath room had died out.I finished my bath fast.My hair was standing on its end.I looked into the mirror and found that my face was pale.

I smoothed moisturizer all over my body.I slipped into a satin confection that my ex-husband had gifted me for our wedding anniversary.It hugged my curves and made me feel good.I thought about my ex-husband who would be making his sister-in-law feel warm somewhere in the world.I didn't feel any anger.I felt sorry for the orgasm absent sex she was going to have.

I looked at the bed.I thought of Jonathan and Daniel.Two very handsome looking men.I thought of Kathy.I wondered if she is really their mother.

I climbed in the bed and I could feel the satin soft bed sinking under my weight.I dreamed of clothes strewn all around,shovels and graves.I was too tired and restless to sleep.In the end exhaustion took over and my eyelids drooped shut.

I woke up when I felt something feathery and wet lick my lips.....

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 3:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Then I heard a voice. It said "Fancy a duck?" It was my boyfriend the silly

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 9:0 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Suddenly reality seeped in.boyfriend?? I don't have any.

I gave myself a shake.It was a stupid dream born of high sexual frustration.I am 45 and I don't have a boy friend.I gave a knock on the head to the self pity that seeped in every morning for the past 2 years.

I had decided on a vacation to spice up my life.I hadn't dreamt that it would surpass the spiciness of the Indian curries served in some of the restaurants near home.

I heard a loud crash downstairs...

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 12:45 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAH, posted over a year ago

I wasn't dreaming after all, it was real (I really was 45 without a B/F). When I went downstairs for breakfast, it was Strangely eerie. The two brothers that had seemed so good looking the night before, were not so hot in the daylight. I looked out of the window, and I realised that the house was surrounded by thick woods. Thank goodness I locked the door to the room last night, although I didnt sleep very well, because of all the digging.

I could hear the faint sound of music playing. I looked out of the window and could see one of the brothers in a wooden rocking chair, and then realised he was playing a banjo. He appeared to be having a competition with a small boy (maybe another brother)

A voice startled me from behind..............

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 13:20 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Daniel the younger brother was standing there with a spatula in his hands.

"Miss, Breakfast is ready.Would you have coffee,tea or me?" he cackled.Jonathan who was playing the banjo stopped and said "I apologize for him Miss.He was really pampered by my mom."

Daniel threw the spatula at the wall behind Jonathan.It broke into a thousand pieces.The silence in the room could have been cut by a knife.

I went into the dining area.Daniel was standing there with a guilty expression.He said "Sorry Miss.I didn't mean to lose my temper that way".His blue eyes were filled with remorse.I found that I loved his eyes more than the aquamarine ones of Jonathan.

"How old are you by the way?" he asked softly.Before I could stop myself I blurted "45".

He said "you don't look a day over 20" and walked away.I watched him and could feel someone standing very close behind me.

I whirled around...

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 13:43 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Johnathan was standing right behind. "What the hell?" I shrieked. "Do you always try snd give customers a heart attack?"

"Sorry, was just wondering if you slept well. Was everything to your liking?"

"Yes, yes thank you it was." I said as I went to go sit down.

My stomache growled. Boy was I hungry. I looked at Johnathan and Daniel then suddenly...

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 15:7 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAH, posted over a year ago

His mother was standing there with a large knife in her hands, there was red stuff dripping from the knife, I screamed and fainted.

When I woke up, she was cutting a bacon sandwich, "To much ketchup" she said! as I tried to pull myself to-gether. The brothers had come running in, to see what all the screams were for, only to discover me lying on the floor covered in sauce, all over my best nighty.

What's going on they asked?...

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 15:13 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAH, posted over a year ago

Oops! to late.

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 15:14 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

"I guess she's a bit nervous. All of the excitement in the kitchen seemed too much for a city gal." Jonathan scooped me up like a bag of potatoes off the floor, covered in sauce...

He carried me back up the stairs towards my room. "You can clean yourself up and I'll bring your breakfast up to you when you are ready." I was still unsteady on my feet when he put me down, so Jon held me up while steering me towards the bathtub. I sat on the edge while he turned the taps on. My head was spinning again. What the hell went on in that kitchen? What happened to the duck? And what the hell WAS in that tap? This house was really screwing with my head...

I stood up from the edge of the bath and Jon reached over, lowered his hands to the hem of my nightgown and pulled it up over my head. He grabbed my arm by the wrist and cupped my elbow, and helped me climb into the tub. I felt ridiculous, like a small child, and yet I felt safe, naked in his presence. "You've been so very kind, I am so sorry for all the fuss." He stood be the edge of the bath. He didn't seem to be going anywhere. "You have sauce all in your hair." He knelt down by the bath where I was leaning my head. "Give me that." He took the shampoo bottle and poured some into his calloused palm. "Come on, you've had a scare and a bump on your head, the least that we can do is clean you up a bit..." His massive hands were surprisingly gentle, and he tucked one under the base of my neck while he worked the shampoo through my hair. It felt like heaven...

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 16:24 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

Suddenly a thought came to me why was I downstairs in the dinning room with my nightdress on? Apart from the fact I was covered in tomato sauce, Well at least I did not put that beautiful chanel dress on the ex had brought me before he fucked off with ginger I though, Still lying on the floor with the lady of the house hovering over me waving the bacon knife.

My mind wandered back to those beautiful eyes that now to were staring down at me with a hand held out offering me a lift up. "Mmm Im sorry I said I must go and change and could I please just have coffee" And I made my way as fast as I could back to my room.

After changing and taking two of the valium the doctor had prescribed I decided to go back down, All I wanted was that man, I mean that coffee, What was I thinking two years and ginger will do that to anyone I thought. The mess had been cleared and a steaming hot pot of coffee was waiting for me, I sat at the table and lazily looked out of the window my mind busy with the mornings strange happenings.

I was soon jolted out of my thoughts by the sound of a young boy screaming

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 16:37 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

oh bugger!!!!!!

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 16:37 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

PMPL.I was clutching my tummy lauhing.

Birdy that duck was a dream.This thread is so much fun.you guys decide which one to take...

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 17:19 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

"Who the hell put ketchup on my bacon sandwich?" he screamed. I wondered that myself...mayo yes but ketchup? Very strange indeed.

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:11 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I was shocked on hearing such words from a child.My shock must have been mirrored in my face.

Jonathan noticed it and said,"He doesn't have a mom.so I spoilt him.My mistake entirely."

I told him gently,"I am so sorry for your loss".

He said "Oh no!Its fine.you learn to live with somethings in your life."

I laid a hand on his arm ,"if I don't sound intruding may I please know what happened?"

He looked at me with those aquamarine eyes and said "I killed her!"....

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:29 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

OMG! HAHAHAHA!!!

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:30 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

He shrugged his broad shoulders and said very quietly, "She put ketchup on my bacon sandwich, I had to do it you understand?" "Completely" I softly replied.

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:40 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Sorry, I wasn't responding to your answer, Bugs, just laughing!!!

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:45 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I need to get out of here, I thought to myself, while smiling sweetly at him. "See you a bit later then?" He asked sweetly.

"Sure, I'll be right down." and checked out as well.. Killed her over ketchup on a bacon sandwich? What the hell?

....

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:46 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Wintry I am sorry not able to type.tears flowing from my eyes....ROFL(Rolling on the floor from laughing).Oh Birdy,Eyes,Big Sis,Pepper,Wintry,Tellulah what a bunch of nutters are we!

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:52 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

"So, Do you have a Yellow Pages? I'm thinking of finding another Motel. 'The Bate's Motel'... SAY! That looks like a safer place to stay than here. Could you make a reservation for me while I go and pack, Jon?"

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:54 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

"And bring the duck..."

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:55 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Heeeheeee lmfao.. Oh my word.. We are a bunch of nutters... "bring the duck?" lol birdy.. My stomache is aching i'm laughing so loud

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 18:58 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

As I packed my nightgown with the ketchup stain I mused,"This would be so bad if the nutters around here used mayo on their bacon sandwiches". I heaved a big sigh which of course caused my large round voluptuous breasts up and down.

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 19:2 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

.... then Jon realised what happened to the lettuce in his BLT - those huge round voluptuous breasts had knocked it on the floor and the ....

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 19:39 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

duck was munching away at fallen lettuce. Jon quite literally saw red..blood red. He grabbed the kitchen knife and

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 20:0 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

and ran here and there with the knife in his hand .I was confused.Why wasn't he killing the duck?

"She is a gift from my dead wife" he explained.

I knew then that I was in grave danger...

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 20:53 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

because not only did I have a stain on my nightgown that would never come out, and a had a lunatic running around with a kitchen knife, I also realized I had no chance for a delicious duck la orange dinner. So I ordered Chinese. The doorbell rang moments later but when I opened the door....

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 21:2 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

It was a Charity Organization, "Save the Ducks", stopping by with a commendation for Bugs. "We lose so many ducks by random threads and story lines, and we just wanted to thank you. Could you do something about World Peace?". They handed me a paper, shouted "WOO HOO, WOO HOO" and left...

Posted on 19 November 2008 @ 21:22 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Huh??

Ducks? Ketchup? Lettuce? WTF!?!

Oh you guys have had me pissing myself out loud, so much so...that I've just had a coughing fit and my head is pounding now! I'm not sure if we should go back a couple of chapters and continue, it was getting really good.

======================================

"I have to go and lie down, I'm not feeling very well....

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 0:25 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

After I knocked JONATHAN OUT!!!!!!With the duck I panicked, I couldn't leave that poor child here.

So I put as many of my clothes on as I could grabbed my duck and bag and walked as calmly as I could downstairs.

"oh there you are" A voice startled me it was the old lady "I was wondering dear if you had seen Jonathan?" "Em no sorry, I've got to go out I've manage to find his late wife's duck though" Passing the duck to the woman she seemed a little perplexed. "Wife dear did you say wife" "Em yes" I said "I must rush I'm late" "BUT HE IS GAY" "Oh lovely I heard myself saying as I got to the door.

I opened the door and there was a man standing there with a lettuce in his hand "Would you be a dear and give this to ms Austin, She ran out dear and I must go, "Thank you" And he was gone, I was left holding a lettuce! I ran to my car dropping the bloody lettuce, I fumbled round for my keys " Are these what you are looking for dear"

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 8:22 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

said the duck

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 8:29 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAH, posted over a year ago

"Oh my god, you can talk" I said."Of course I can" said the duck. Can you tell me what the hell is going on here, I only stopped because I was tired and a little delirious last night. I have not been able to sleep and I could hear digging all night. "Ah!" said the duck, "That would be the mother of the house, she likes to bury people at night, you know travellers that dont like sauce". " But I do" I said, "especially orange sauce". Suddenly the duck dissapeared, perhaps he had never had a bacon sandwich with orange sauce?

Suddenly the brothers appeared again! I wish they would put a shirt on, I keep coming over all unnecessary. "Which one of you is gay"? I asked. They both looked at each other rather strangely, ehh! they said "We dont know what you mean". Your Mother said that one of you was gay. Jonathan, smoothed down his skirt, and they both shrugged there shoulders. "Ahh said a voice (from behind), that would be me". I looked hard but couldnt see who it was, then the brothers moved aside. It was the child!, but wait a minute!! he had a beard. No! it couldnt be could it? " your a dwarf" I said....

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 9:34 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAH, posted over a year ago

I really should work, during the day...nah!

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 9:35 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

The dwarf said "I am Rumplestiltskin from the fairy tales".....

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 10:9 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

And I found a little rabbit called bugs to play, Play! rabbit! oh my head was completely smashed and not in a good way!!!!!The valium had not done its job very well.

But was I dreaming? I pinched myself ow! fuck no I'm awake..You look slightly fatter today said the dwarf "pardon" bewildered I said I must get into town which is the quickest way out of here? "OUT OF HERE?" Oh my I thought that was the wrong thing to say to a dwarf in a rather nice pair of Jimmy Choo cream sling backs.

"Into town I have a rather urgent appointment"

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 10:30 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAH, posted over a year ago

For a moment, I thought about knocking over the dwarf and pinching the shoes. But then I looked at the size of his feet and realised that they were probably a size 3 and I was a 5 (uk size of course).

"Whats the appointment for, I thought you only came across us because you were lost" said the dwarf. I tried to think quickly on my feet err! " It's at the shop at the end of the street". "What street, we are in the middle of no-where". "Really!! Oh! I really am lost". "No shit!" said the dwarf as he eyed me up.

I must say I felt very un-easy, and I noticed that his trousers seemed to be getting tighter. I tried to lighten the mood " you really shouldnt wear those trousers with high heeled sling backs, they dont really go you know"....

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 11:31 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

"Oh do you think sweety, Well I did think of that but Jonathan told me they looked cute" DIDN'T YOU JOHNNY??? JOHNNY? JOHNNY? "What," "I told you the shoes didn't go" Then ""JOHNNY"" said "You look great"...

Oh my goodness Im in never fucking never land, I thought trying to rack my brain how on earth I was going to get out of here, Then a car pulled up with four of the most drop dead guys in it. Oooooh I could here my thoughts and my thought were telling me this is wrong but so right at the same time.

"Hello" Said one of the men, A more mature man with deep almost black eyes, "Emmm hello" I answered back almost in a whisper and with a tremor in my voice, "And were did a pretty little thing like you come from" I explained as best as I could with a stammer, That I had come from the road as I was tired and needed to get into town as soon as possible...I started walking past them to my car and I grabbed my keys from the duck and quite angry by now and extremely scared got into my car, But it appeared I wasn't going far

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 13:19 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

...without my shoes on. So I hurried back to the dwarf and asked if I could borrow his sling-backs, and as he took them off he became even shorter! So I said to him, "While you're down there...I ...I mean I'll return them to you as soon as I ....

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 15:28 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

can..

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 16:6 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAH, posted over a year ago

Yer right! As if I was going to give a pair of Jimmy Choo's back. That's the last he will see of them.

I ran, almost in slow motion to my car, where I found the key was missing, so I couldnt start it. Also the duck had made a nest on the front seat, and I felt rather reluctant to disturb him (once he started talking he wouldnt stop)...I hid in a bush not far from the car, wondering what action I should take.....

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 16:11 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAH, posted over a year ago

I hope they make this into a film, it would be bloody hilarious.

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 16:13 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

As I sat there, wondering what to do next, I saw a glint on the pair of Jimmy Choo's I was wearing. It was an engraving on the diamond holster. "To my beloved Darling Isabelle, you're love means so much to me, but my mom's sauce means more. With love.. D"

What in Gods name was going on here? Grave digging late at night, murdering guests who don't like sauce, a gay mini-me, a guy who murders his wife and an engraved shoe?

I needed to get out of here and fast. I went back to my car and threw the duck in the backseat. Reaching in to my cubby-hole I took out a pair of pliers and hotwired my car.

If the cops stop me now I'm in deep shit.

I drove down to the gate at the end of the drive, only to see Johnathan standing there with a shovel. I braked, trying not to hit him when suddenly he smashed my windscreen and hit me over the head with the shovel.

When I woke up...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 16:48 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Bobby Ewing was in the my shower!!!!

WTF is going on here? I thought to myself.

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 16:53 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

- 'the'

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 16:54 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

phone on the nightstand began to ring. I picked up only to slam it down after a moment. It was the 14 yr old who was constantly asking me if her teacher was attracted to her. "Damn, she follows me everytwhere..she and that kid who worries his penis is too small." I mumbled to myself. Heaving a great sigh which in turn caused my high-riding, melon-shaped breasts to move up and down. I locked Bobby in the bathroom and walked over to the window. I gasped at what I saw...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 17:52 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

JUST THEN... the mirror disolved and the Buzzer went in my apartment!!! There was no duck, no tap, no Jon, no Kathy, no Mini-me, no shovel and no sauce!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It had all been a crazy dream. The doorman in my downtown apartment was buzzing. The car was here to pick me up for my flight to Dallas. Silly me, that's why I had this crazy dream that ended with Bobby Ewing!! I looked around my bedroom on the 22nd floor of my modern high rise and shook the sense back into my head. Luckily for me, I had packed the night before, and with my super short new "Posh" haircut, I could be showered and downstairs in 15 minutes. I smiled to myself, but only if Bobby wasn't in the shower!!! Thank God that nightmare was over! What was Dreaming about? Dallas was waiting, and I had a photo shoot to get to...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 18:3 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

(what a pity we can't 'rate' these!)

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 18:35 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

Now were did I put those jimmy choo's????

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 18:38 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

OOooh, there they are, under the bed. The perfect finishing touch to my outfit, which right now is my birthday suit! I run my hands through my short brown hair and stand in front of the mirror. They don't pay the big bucks for nothing! I'm 5'9", 130 pounds and a nice pair of 36 B's, not too big for modeling, not too small for fun! Hips still razor sharp and legs like a colt. I'm admiring myself in the mirror when there's a knock on the door...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 19:31 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

As I walked over to the door, a thought came to mind...

Mini-me gave me the Jimmy Choo's! I checked the diamond holster, sure enough, there was the engraving.What the hell??? I was in the freaking TWILIGHT ZONE!!!

I opened the door, only to find, a guy, dressed as a leprechaun staring at me. "Miss? This is for you, from a Mr. D and a Mr. J.. Please don't make me sing." he begged. I took the package and opened it. Inside was...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 20:27 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

a bacon sandwich with mayo instead of ketchup..."Finally!" I thought to myself. But before I could take a bite...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 20:32 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

of the sandwich...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 20:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I noticed a movement at the window...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 21:37 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

...a bowel movement...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 21:39 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

...and suddenly my head starts spinning, what is happening...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 22:2 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

... and then I realise, a sudden loss of bodily fluids caused a rapid drop in blood pressure....

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 22:20 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I am going to faint, with the sandwich in my hand, before I can take a bite...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 23:4 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

The duck bites me instead. "What the duck?" I scream! I was hoping for cheese and quackers, but only after the bacon sandwich...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 23:43 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 23:44 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

E'DAM! I thought...

Posted on 20 November 2008 @ 23:45 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

And Who in the hell let me answer the door naked in heels? That slipped RIGHT by our censors.

I have GOT to get an exterminator for the duck problem. Maybe they can take care of the leprechauns at the same time. My car, which is STILL waiting downstairs, is buzzing the apartment again. Pretty soon I'm going to miss my flight, and I was planning on joining the mile high club...

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 0:12 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thank Goodness!I am an exhibitionist.or else I will never be be able to forgive myself for answering the door in just heels.

I put on a skin tight jeans and a top got from wal-mart.Ever since my ex-husband had left me for his sister-in-law,I am in a difficult situation.After buying 10000 pairs of Jimmy choo shoes I can now only afford wal-mart.

But the shoes I am wearing now are different.They are engraved.Hey wait...where did the engraving go?My head started spinning again.

No..No..The jimmy choo shoes from Rumplestiltskin had got mixed up with the 10000 other pairs.There they are,with the engraving.

Seducing the pilot is a definite No No,I said to myself.I do not want to die by joining the mile high club.I realized that my seduction fantasies had made me so late...I grabbed the duck and rushed to the airport....

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 0:45 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

...the traffic, I am stuck in the traffic and that with a duck...

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 0:49 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Thank God I slept with the CEO of the company whose building we are stuck beside. I'll bet he has his Copter on the roof top helipad and he wouldn't mind a quick blow, Erm, ride, Erm, FLIGHT to the airport. I may be able to make that plane still! I hop out of the limo with my Louis Vuitton roll-on in tow. Screw the duck, i have bigger fish to fry. As a matter of fact, as I recall, he was more than the normal 5.5 inches...

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 1:47 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

And Thank GOD I am wearing the right outfit...

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/condomdress.htm

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 1:53 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I changed from my outfit of Walmart jeans and tops to the condom dress inside my car.Jeez....Why are guys gaping at me?Have people never seen a condom before....

By the way I recommend it for the comfort.You don't have to "pause" in between you know.Just keep the dress on and "roll on" the one nearest to you.The CEO loves it...I am expecting a positive reaction from him on seeing me and the condoms of course...

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 2:56 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Damn - I really hate running through the lobby in these platform stiletto patent leather boots! Why, Oh WHY must being a fashion maven be so inconvenient? I run straight past the receptionist, who is waving her arms and yelling, towards a green lighted elevator. It opens, and there is Sven, Mr.CEO Himself!!! Looking as buff and handsome as I remember. "Helloooo! Luvvie! How are You, Sven? It's been AGES! I'm so Glad that you are able to fly me today!!!"...

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 3:18 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Sven became pale on seeing me.His entire face became white,turned gray and then changed into a shade of motley green.It stayed that way.He thundered."Stephanie!(Its high time our heroine had a name!),don't you know I am allergic to condoms and suffer from condom-o-phobia?".........

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 4:22 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

AND SUCH A COMMON AFFLICTION FOR MALES!!!! IT SHOULD BE STUDIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROFLMAO!!!!!!

Oh Bugs, HUGS!!! You are a riot!

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 4:27 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

My hand stomached the sandwich I almost ate...

the mug of warm coffee and the melting cheese with the browning mayo.

The aroma of the latex that was wrapped around me bacame a swirl of colour that shimmied like a peacock showing off his plumage as the helicopter blades spun round and round above our heads, it was all too clear that it was too much for Sven to take in....

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 5:12 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

I leaned back against the lift walls and squeaked like a bad shopping trolly (or Winkle Wagons in NL, I'm serious... And they're pronounced Vinkle Vagons!!! PMPL!). "Take me me here and now - SERIOUSLY - Just grab one of these!" I bleated... (they were lambskin condoms...) ....

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 5:26 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Cashmere?

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 5:31 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

YAH, AND I'M NOT KIDDING!!! Softer than the softest silk, his hands undid the hook and eye on the back of my dress. I grabbed his biceps and urged him to wait until we were airborne. We wouldn't have an audience, as he was the pilot (don't you just love a Renaissance man - even in the 21st century...).

"God, Sven, have you been working out? Your Pec's seem really firm!"...

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 6:15 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Suddenly the helicopter started swaying wildly in the air."Stephanie!" he yelled "Open your eyes!Those are not my pecs!They are the controls of the air blades".....

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 6:38 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

I new I was safe!!!!!DUREX! I told them the safest and of course ribbed I could come and he could as pleased.

That duck must have pinched my sandwich! STEPHANIE! Oh yea baby, Mmmm sorry what! what's going on? It was sven my hero standing above me!!!!ABOVE ME! "Sweety! Sweety! you past out on the chopper

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 9:2 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

.... I came back to my senses and climbed off his chopper . . . .

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 10:28 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

DUREX manufacturers: please note we have fulfilled our business contract by Pepper mentioning your name in the story.Ribbed Rocks! How about sending a free carton to each one of us??

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 11:45 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I told sven "Darling! I am not going to Dallas..."

He took his cell phone,made a few conversations and said,"I have arranged the photo shoot to be right here."

"Do I sound like a Mills & Boon hero now?" he asked me adoringly.

I couldn't break his heart by telling him that his wig had flown away with the wind from the chopper blades.

I kissed him instead....

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 12:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

paying attention to te body language and other signals. Thinking "can I trust my senses", maybe this is just a joke, a tease; will I look a fool if I take this seriuosly? But, and it is a big but, I will hate to miss the chance in case this is real and serious, I would like to ...

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 14:5 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

Kiss your little bald head....

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 15:27 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

Hunny bugs we should have shares in the bloody condom company anyway as we are always always as good aunts telling our young posters to wear them!!!!!Not all day though its not a fashion item! unlike a butt plug now that's different! sorry on with the story.....:)

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 15:29 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Oh Uncle phil, You crack me up.

We finally reached the airfield. and I told him "Hun, Thanks for the ride!" The Gulfstream was waiting and the pilot was standing by. I ran as fast as I could in my Jimmy Choo's and boarded. Imagine my surprise when I found out that I wasn't the only passenger! I hope he is a "Safety" man...

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 16:43 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Birdy! you just broke our contract with the condom company.LoL.Sven lost his kiss on his bald head as well.What do we do?

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 17:14 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

I though we were going to Dallas for a photo shoot? DUREX!!! The gift that keeps on giving...

Anyways, Imagine my surprise when the other passenger was Barack Obama!!! I was thinking of a change myself...

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 17:37 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

... and there in the luggage compartment was Sarah Palin, so I asked her if she enjoyed riding in Gulfstreams or if she preferred choppers . . . .

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 19:11 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

To my suprise there was tiesto dj ing on board this was tooooooooooooo much was I in heaven Sarah Palin well I just couldnt keep my eyes off her and the president had the duck! HOW! N WERE DOES THE DUCK no the president I wondered allowed! (is my spelling ok as ive not got my spell check LOL!!!!!)Ive had a few martini's rasberry ones :) I was looking straight at tiesto dreaming naughty thoughts he was looking at sarah probably thinking the same, Then a dwarf asked me "would you like a drink madam?"

Posted on 21 November 2008 @ 22:39 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

A drink...yes...yes...I am dying of the thirst; indeed I need a drink fast...grape juice will not help...

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 0:1 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

The dwarf gave me a martini.I looked at Sarah Palin.she was so gorgeous.Me a model of the "upper deck flopper stopper" paled in comparison to her.I turned to her and asked,"How much did the make over cost?"

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 4:33 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I turned to Mr.Obama and gushed,"I hope the duck gets out of your office Sir!"

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 4:38 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

... and Mr Obama replied "I hope Mrs Palin gets the duck out of my office" as he opened the door ....

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 9:30 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Alright, so I admit maybe bringing Obama in wasn't a good idea, but he IS hot....

X^P

"OH, Holy Crap, This isn't Airforce One!" said Barack. He and Ms. Plain get up, taking the duck with them, and leave. DO YOU HERE ME? THEY ARE TAKING THE DUCK WITH THEM!!!!!!!!

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 14:12 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

HEAR? Crap. X^O Doh. Bugger.

*washes own mouth out with soap*

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 14:55 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

mate ur qwackers!!!I cant do this im laughing toooooooo much XXXXXXXX :)

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 16:35 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

. . . . fortunately for the duck, he had wings and could fly like a bird! . . . . and Mrs Palin had grabbed the only parachute on board as she jumped off Mr Obama's chopper . . .

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 17:18 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Mr.Obama looked at me and said,"Do you have any last wish?".I said,"Don't worry Mr.Obama.Mrs.Palin should have been the one who made the last wish.she mistook my backpack for a parachute and jumped.we still have the parachute.I will hug the duck.you hug me and we will land safely"

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 17:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Birdy,The duck is safe.I hope I get the leg piece with vegetable gravy in the end.:-)

Posted on 22 November 2008 @ 18:0 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Bugs,

Aren't bunnies supposed to be vegan? WTF? KILLER RABBITS! This is like "Lord of the Flies" and "Watership Down's the General". OOooohh, Bugs, Ywo Awre Fwightening Meeeee.

Posted on 23 November 2008 @ 0:11 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Due to inflation meat is cheaper than veggies.So I changed my diet.At 5"4 I can never frighten anyone even if I tried.QT(Quiet Titter)

Posted on 23 November 2008 @ 3:59 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

A 5"4 wabbit would scare the fook outta me!!!!!(:0)

Posted on 23 November 2008 @ 14:7 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Aha Now I understand why I would have scared Birdy.So sorry My dear Birdynumnums no duck a la oranges.Now can anyone please continue the story?

Posted on 23 November 2008 @ 23:57 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

okay, I can't sleep.Bugs, from what I remember, with the story...

Mrs Palin was going to jump with your backpack.

...so as she was about to jump the duck came to her rescue, getting her attention by nibbling her...

Posted on 24 November 2008 @ 0:49 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Mamma That was really funny.Er...

The duck said,"Mrs.Palin....Losing is a part of life.No need for any drastic measures"

Posted on 24 November 2008 @ 14:9 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

"QUACK, Qua, Quack, qua...." followed shortly by and with back up music... *Bom Chicka Bow Wow, Bom Chika Bow Wow*...

"OOOOooohhhh, Duckies, you are the best, What was I thinking when I married my fisherman?" panted Sarah!

Mallard Porn. This thread has run it's course.

Posted on 29 November 2008 @ 3:54 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Birdy you are a gem.I wasn't able to being myself to do it.

THIS THREAD IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED AS WE AUNTS ARE NORMAL WITH NO INTEREST IN BESTIALITY.

Posted on 29 November 2008 @ 4:1 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Oh Yaar!That should have read as bring myself to do it.:-)

THIS THREAD IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED FOR THE SECOND TIME AND WE AUNTS STILL HAVE NO INTEREST IN BESTIALITY.

Posted on 29 November 2008 @ 4:2 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

SITE OFFICIALLY UNFAIR TO MALLARDS.

DUCKING UNFAIR!!!!

Posted on 29 November 2008 @ 4:39 (London time) - permalink
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