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Why do I always have to make the moves?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Hi All,

Recently I have told a 28 yr-old guy about how I feel about him, basically I like him. He told me it was very flattering and that he admired my courage of telling him. He told me not to worry since I have done my very best and it is his responsibility to give me an answer/response. He ended up giving me a kiss on my cheeks and a hug (I seriously have no idea why he kissed me, all I know he is not sleazy person)

After a few days or so, I then asked him out on Valentine’s Day in a very casual manner, he told me he has not decided on whether to have a relationship with me and therefore will not go out with me on Valentine’s day as this may imply that he has decided to start a relationship with me. He stated if any girls asked him out on a valentine’s day he would have given her the same answer i.e. saying “no”. He then explained that the problem is not because of me. This is because he is not mentally prepared for a relationship. (Why would guys be mentally unprepared for a relationship?) He stated that he does not expect me to stay at home on Valentine’s Day.

After that, we see each other around once every fortnight. He remains friendly and initiates to offer help whenever I am in need e.g. giving me driving lessons and even found me an old car to teach me to drive. But he does not take the initiative to call me or even email me. He doesn’t even explain why. All I know is he’s still single and is not seeing other females. All I know he is busy; he works 60-70 hours a week. (But I don’t think this is a reason or an excuse). I am always the one who takes the initiative. A few friends who know him told me he is a serious person when it comes to relationship and has remained single for more than a year

However, I am a bit confused of his reaction. I am actually quite stuck. Can anyone advice me whether he is interested in me? Why is he not taking the initiative to call me? He has not given me an answer/response yet. Is it that hard for a guy to decide whether to go out with a gal? And I have no clue what to do. Thank you very much for any advice and for the lengthy reading.

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A female reader, Aunt Audrey United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2006):

Aunt Audrey agony auntI wouldn't put any pressure on this guy to make his mind up,maybe he is taking a while to decide because he feels that if he starts a serious relationship with you and it all goes wrong he will probably lose a good friend.

In saying that I wouldn't wait around for him for too long either.

You took the initiative and made the first move, so he knows how you feel, leave it at that. If he decides he would like more than friendship and you're still single then great, if not, you still have a good friend, and no harm done.

Good luck.x

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A female reader, shania United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2006):

shania agony auntIn my opinion,this fella doesn't consider you as a girlfriend in a romantic way,only as a good friend.When you told him how you felt about him....what he did was let you down gently by saying he was flattered but wasn't ready for a relationship.What it is really is you see him once every fortnight....he helps you with your driving lessons and even found you a car to drive in and you are reading into it as something more,but it isnt....he is just being a good friend.I think you should look further afield if you want a boyfriend who can offer you a proper relationship and keep your friend as just that.

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