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Why did he choose a woman similar to me?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2008)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

hi all,i got a problem that needs solving,i have a best friend who is a guy,he is also the best friend of my guy,thing is we were friends before my guy and i got together. i will call my best friend R. R and i are so close that i tell him everything and so would my guy...yet we both never heard anything we both have said to him,so he is a gr8 friend,plus we all hang out together.R has a girlfriend of 7 yrs and I'm in my relationship for 13 yrs,we all get along fine even though she is totally convinced that R and i slept together at some point in time,but truth is, i know all his dirty secrets and sometimes since growing up,i will help R write love letters and cover for him,he has slept around and is well considered by all the ladies young and old,but I'm the only woman around the area that haven't slept with him and our friendship goes beyond 16 years.we are so close that when i go by him(he lives with his sis and bro..his sis is my good friend also)i would lie on the bed next to him,tell him my problems and sometimes we both even cry...but nothing ever happen,and I'll leave knowing that he's there for me.We always play with each other no matter where we go,and yet sometimes we would argue(playacting of course)non stop,yes i can see why his girlfriend is jealous of me,but yet that's just how we both are.

my guy knows that R and i are close..but if he thinks otherwise i don't know cuz my guy has never shown or even hinted other wise.Well here's my problem..most times we flirt with each other, that those who don't know us would believe that we are an item,see i have heard that a man and a woman can never be best friends with out being sexual in the end...well of recent my guy is away and R frequently comes over to visit and we act in our usual way,thing is this time,for the first time I'm taking the flirts serious and when we hug or touch each other i am feeling different,even had impure thoughts and i told his sis but she just laughs.Anyway i find myself wanting him now and he too has shown interest,he even said if only my guy wasn't his friend,the things he would do to me,and honestly i want that too,but i know if it ever happens,we just might spoil our friendship not to mention hurting everyone involved,I'm avoiding him now but how long will i be able to resist,R is someone i known deeply there is no secrets between us,besides we both have a family,both have kids(even the nurses at the hospital thought that was my baby daddy,lol)till we had to convince them otherwise,besides he too also had his baby on the ward next to me,lol,so it was weird,they thought he had 2 babies,2 different women at the same time,tell me someone...what to do about these recent feelings?DAVER... maybe you are right,but also wrong.i love my guy all,there is nothing i wont do for him,but is it not possible to have feelings for another man at the same time? you are wrong to judge me in that way,i know these feelings are wrong but it took 16+ years to develop,reminding you that R and I could have been together long time ago if we wanted.another point,i find myself to be respectable,for i have been faithful all my life,and if i were as bad as you perceive me to be,then maybe R and i might already slept together unknowingly to anyone,but i haven't,and again for the record,R has been sleeping around on his gf even of recent,and she knows it but chose not to see it,so the relationship is still not perfect as it seems,and at many times if it was not for my intervening,she just might not be there anyway,cuz when anything goes wrong he talks only to me,one more thing...R gf and i are both born 2 days apart carries the same sign,have the same ways and mentality,recent the topic did came up,jokingly of course when i ask him,how come he chose a woman similar to me,he smiled,i said go be with her,take her out,how come you always take me out,his reply cuz she is old,you are not...can i get some advice plz?

View related questions: best friend, flirt, has a girlfriend, jealous

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A female reader, luvy duvy United States +, writes (30 November 2008):

luvy duvy agony auntWOW!! You are in a huge mess, but I want to help clean it up. Ok, I have tons of guy friends and yes...before we were friends either we liked each other or he just liked me.(i'm not trying to act as if i'm all that, but it's true) So, I wouldn't be surprised that you two are starting to have a connection...it's probably been there all along, but you both chose to ignore it because you didn't want to mess up your friendship.

Keep things as just friends and nothing more. It would ruin two beautiful families and tons of friendships...and even if you and R were to get together...who says he wouldn't cheat on you like he does with his girl?!

You'll be fine just...DON'T GO DOWN THAT ROAD WITH HIM!!

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